Maten no Hoshi

by: WishHeart

Chapter 3

Reminiscing

Renji Abarai. Boy had he changed. He was still the same gruff man Ichigo had known before he had left, but somehow, the slight kindness that was usually engraved into his eyes had vanished, without a trace of a possible return. He turned bitter and somewhat anal, it caused the man who had been missing in action for the past two years to blame himself for the sudden change.

"Renji...how've you been, man?"

The red-haired man gave a bitter chuckle, eyes removing from Ichigo's expectant ones to the ceiling above. It was so difficult facing the man who had destroyed his and his colleague's dreams and future.

"How've I been? You've got some nerve," Renji exclaimed angrily, voice loud enough to bring the small cafe down in shambles, "don't come back up here and ask me how I'm doin' like nothin' happened, like you didn't leave us behind like some piece a garbage!"

It was obvious, for he could not expect anything more. Renji had been hurt, what it appears to be, deeply by Ichigo's disappearance. Obviously, he accused the orange-haired shinigami of abandoning the group, the family, and the sad thing was Ichigo didn't even have to ask. It was written all over the man's dark, onyx eyes.

Ayame made a small coughing sound, a discreet way of getting the two men to pay attention to her thoughtful presence. When she caught the two slightly annoyed glances that had been expected, the small woman smiled and replied in a soft voice, "I think that was my cue to leave. Please, help yourselves to anything you may desire. I'll wait outside until you two are finished settling your differences."

"Ayame-dono, wait," Renji exclaimed, crossing his muscular arms across his chest defensively, "this is your shop! If anythin' me and him should leave, and find somewhere else to tear each other up."

The warm smile remained on her glowing face as she waved her hand defiantly, "No you listen to me, Renji Abarai! Respect your elders, and this elder is telling you to stay in her shop and resolve the obvious differences between the two of you! I will not take no as an answer. Plus, everybody knows that it's pure luck to reconcile at the same spot where you began to fight!"

Ayame was a strange woman at times, bringing old-wives tales to the table whenever she had to. But over all her oddities, the citizens of Karakura still adored her for her loving and pleasant personality. Not only was her heart's core alluring, but Ayame makes the best coffee Karakura has ever tasted.

"Thanks. We'll be done soon, so ya don't have to wait outside that long," Renji answered patiently, a small lopsided grin of appreciation on his restless face.

Nodding, the blue eyed woman left the scene. And that was when all hell broke loose between the two reunited friends.

"Renji, I didn't mean for you all to think I left you behind like a piece of garbage! That's not even close to the real deal," Ichigo started, trying desperately to make the frustrated man ahead of him see his point of view. But unfortunately, Renji was too obstinate to even listen to the first portion of his opponent's rebuttal.

"Well, that's the way you made us feel ya dumbass! When ya orange ass left, none of us were ever the same again!"

Veins began to appear on the surface of Renji's skin, proving accurate accountability that he was severely angry. That specific sight before Ichigo caused him to have second thoughts of coming back to confront his mistake as thoughts of fleeing back underneath the rock of despair once again seduced him. Bringing him into his own utopia, where no one could harm him in any way.

Coward.

"I left because I didn't know where I stood! I needed to know where my destiny lied before I went on with my life. That's why I left because I needed to find my own reason of being. Alone," he tried to reason, sweeping a stray strand of limp orange hair away from his vision. Desperation was now clinging at his heart, traveling north to his vocal cords. His intention was to sound remorseful, not pathetic.

"That's a bullshit excuse and ya know it! Hell, I dunno where I stand, but do ya see me runnin' away like a little bitch! No, I stay 'cause I have a reason of stayin' around. But the way ya ran for the hills, I don't think you had a reason for stayin', which's why I can't hold it against ya...Even though Kami knows I wanna pound your face in for the pain ya caused us all...'specially Rukia," the man proclaimed with hidden vengeance, but his voice softening a bit once he mentioned his long time friend, Rukia Kuchiki.

"...Rukia."

An amused and knowing expression crossed Renji's features as he immediately replied, without any mercy, "Oh, I see now, so that's why ya came back. 'Cause of Rukia. Who cares 'bout the rest of us as long as ya get to reconcile with her!"

Ichigo was beginning to become very irritated. His brown eyes hardened with icy vibrations while his knuckles began to turn white from balling his hand into an UN-foldable fist. That wasn't the reason why he wanted to return from the dead, for there was so many unexplainable causes why he was right here, in this small cafe within the small proportions of Karakura, reminiscing with one of the friends he had fought side by side with to defend this very place.

"That's not it, man! I wouldn't come back after two years of being away to see just one person! I came to see all of you, Rukia, you, Orihime, Ishida, Chad, my family, all of you. I came back to apologize. Not because I felt obliged or insecure. But because you all meant something to me, and people who meant something to someone should be treated with more care than I had treated you guys!"

"Well, ya too late to apologize to all of us! Shoulda been here a year ago!"

The confusion struck Ichigo faster than a kidou spell, and the expression on his face proved that theory immaculately correct. What did he mean it was too late? Was everyone that angry with him that they didn't even want to hear his apologies? Was it too late to get redemption for his stupid mistake? So many questions lurked in his head like a nightmare that if he didn't get the anxiously awaiting answers soon, Ichigo's head was surely, and literally, going to explode.

"What do you mean it's too late to apologize to everyone?"

Renji stood there, a grim look on his face as his skin paled a little under the pressure. His expression...it seemed to be so pained and wanting to forget whatever memory was running around freely. As the seconds on the grandfather clock ticked by incessantly in the too-silent room, his head lowered shamefully, apparently trying to hide something. Apparently, trying to hide the tears that were already so close to surfacing.

"Damn it! Tell me what the hell happened, I have a right to know," an anxious voice shouted angrily. He didn't mean for it to sound so forceful, knowing that whatever was being kept from him was obviously very painful. But Ichigo could no longer hold back the curiosity, which rose his blood pressure to new heights, within him.

"We were waitin' for you when ya left," Renji began abruptly, voice so low and heavy that Ichigo could barely understand him, "waitin' for ya ass to come back. We all had high hopes 'cause we knew ya just needed your time...you'd come back. But a couple months went by and we were all gettin' anxious. That wasn't a good thing. Then, it hit us, ya weren't comin' back. So with our hopes gone we all decided to leave Karakura and just get on with our lives, still wishin' someday you'd come back. After a year went by, and I was assigned once again here, I got a call from Rukia. I was happy to here from her, but I didn't like the tone in her voice. She was in hysterics, I was tryin' to calm her down while she told me the news. It was 'bout Karin. When she was off playing soccer with her friends, a hollow came. There were a bunch of dumb-ass kids running unknowingly towards the hollow, so she bein' the kinda girl she is, went to help 'em. When she was trying to warn them, Karin…she…the hollow…" Renji paused, clearly having a difficult time in telling the tale he himself refuses to believe. "Turns out, the hollow was an Adjuchas...when the shinigamis, including Rukia arrived...They said there was nothin' they could do 'cause even though there was a slight chance of survival, a girl her size woulda neva made it. She died instantly, so there was no pain. But it didn't matter, she was still dead..."

The heart which pumped the blood to keep Ichigo's body warm suddenly stopped pounding its normal rhythmic beat. It was as though without the warmth, ice formed within the bloodstream, causing the prodigal leader to shudder, goosebumps plaguing his body. She was okay when he left...happy, soccer-playing Karin. How was it possible that someone could be completely well one minute and the next thing you know it, once you turn back around, they'd be gone? It was a mind boggling question that always seemed to bewilder the young man.

"How...how can that be...she...she was fine," the famous Vizard stuttered, glazed brown eyes stared ahead at the man as he forced to keep the tears from falling.

"Nobody woulda even imagined she'd be the first to go...she was only 17, man...she had so much ahead of her!"

Secretly, he wished he would be able to look behind him and find his younger sister kicking his father's face. And then, when she looks up, brown eyes would meet presumingly, innocent black ones as an 'he-deserves-the-kick-and-you-know-it' look was suddenly engraved on her young features. It was an odd wish, actually, but the sentimental value was nothing to be ponderous of. But that was a child's lost hope, a wish which would never happen in this lifetime or the next or the next. Never would Ichigo get angry at his little sister's futile attempts to kick him too. Never would he see that bashfully embarrassed look she got when it was known that she won a soccer match against older kids. Never again, because Karin Kurosaki was gone. Never again would she breathe the lush air of the world she had fought so hard to save.

"Yo, what'ya thinkin' about?"

Ichigo didn't even hear Renji's inquiry, he was so far gone into his own personal world that he became ignorant to the world's occurrences around him. A world of neverending guilt. It was his fault. If he didn't leave everyone behind for his own selfish desires, they would all be still here in Karakura, happy. And Karin would still be alive and kicking Toushiro's ass at soccer. The tight heart within his ribs began to bleed profusely, almost drowning all of his internal organs.

"This is my fault...all my fault..."

Renji quirked his eyebrow in a confused gesture after raising his assuring gaze from the floor back on Ichigo's disheveled form, "No, I like to blame ya for some things that happened around here, but this wasn't ya fault! This was an accident, a freak accident that happened 'cause it was meant to. Nothin' ya could've done. Nothin' none of us coulda done."

No matter how much Renji tried to reason the inevitable, the tormented conscious, which belonged to a struggling Kurosaki Ichigo, begged to differ. They had fought so hard to save this place from destruction. From evil. He had risked the lives of other people as well as himself when he went to fight Aizen at Hueco Mundo. Indeed, they had defeated him, defeated the nefarious actions against their world and Soul Society, but a nagging voice at the back of his head told him otherwise. As time went by, Ichigo came to a slow yet painful realization that maybe the wrong doing, which hurt everything, was not actually destroyed. That maybe, just maybe...the evil was him all along.

"Karin prayed from ya to come home. She prayed everyday...so did Rukia. Rukia always lit a candle for ya, sayin' that maybe ya weren't here 'cause you were lost. She said light always led people back to their loved ones...and she was right," Renji continued, trying to reach the slowly slipping man before he made a complete dive into the abyss he would never be able to get himself out of.

"Rukia...How...how is she?"

The question was asked, but Ichigo only caught bits and pieces of the answer. Even though he was very interested in knowing Rukia's well-being, his mind couldn't focus directly on a topic. The previous thoughts within were much too scattered for any more frivolous information to be welcomed in.

"Rukia...she's been doin' good. She's really successful and has her own bar..."

Brown eyes shimmied away from the traveling-through-memory-lane man ahead of him and to the large window overlooking the town square. The weather was absolutely impeccable, not a cloud in the sky to bring any kind of complication. But Ichigo could care less, since today, his view point on things had drastically changed. Somehow, the justice of coming back for his penance was suddenly regretted.

"She's been real distant lately, stronger. She wanted to go back to Seireitei, told her not to, even though Karakura holds so many memories…Pretty funny how she follows my advice when I really don't want 'er to. I always told her, bein' a constant friendly person is gonna get you killed...But, she's just not herself..."

Scanning the small area, eyes focused on a woman, about his age, leaving an appealing villa. This woman looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Her hair, the distinct color of coal, shimmered underneath the brilliance of the sun's concentrated rays. It was cut to her lower jaw as it flipped out slightly, along with choppy bangs that reached her mid forehead, giving her a mysterious look. Eyes, which were marked with such wisdom and indescribable pain, were a rich purple color while two perfectly dark, arched and defined eyebrows sat innocently above the rare orbs.

Who was this woman and why did he feel a strange attachment to her?

"That's why I'm kinda glad you showed up again, to prove to her she's not alone...that there're people out there who care about her. 'Cause honestly, she put herself in this fucked up world where she's neva felt more alone..."

Continuing to observe the mystery woman, he squinted his eyes to get a better picture of her in his vision. This was too intense for him to just turn away from, no matter if this was in all actuality killing the drying patience within him. He knew that if he did turn away at this moment, it would be regretted. If only he could see her face a little more clearer...

"All I'm tryin' to say is she needs you. Ever since ya left, her life's never been the same. I hate seein' her like that and the only reason why I'm tellin' you this is 'cause..."

Ichigo followed her to the Karakura bar with his eyes, growing closer and closer to the long awaited conclusion. The bar...It couldn't be, could it? He had to believe in the best that could happen, knowing that deep inside, fate could not be so cruel as to violently rape him of his hopes and dreams, diminishing them into the thin air that mankind breathed. He just couldn't believe what he saw, it was actually her, standing right in front of his very eyes.

'Rukia?'

"...you're her only hope."

Okay, so I've updated early, seeing as I won't have much time since Final Exams are coming up (Crosses fingers). Anyway, i hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know its not that long as my previous chapters but I hope you still enjoyed it. Thanks for your reviews and encouragements!!This really means a lot, and please keep them coming!

Disclaimer: I still don't own it...