Maten no Hoshi

by: WishHeart

Chapter 5

Should've, Could've, Would've

"Renji, are you still here!"

Rukia Kiuchi ran into Veronica's cafe breathlessly as her eyes frantically scanned the small restaurant. It had been exactly five minutes since she had reunited with the man who had made her heart skip beats for quite some time now. Once they had spoken and shocking revelations of his true feelings were revealed, he had vanished from the scene. The bartender ran outside like a chicken with its head cut off afterwards and hurried right up the stairs to meet up her long time friend, Renji Abarai.

"Whoa, sweetheart! Is everything okay," Ayame proclaimed, a worried expression painted onto her face as her blue eyes focused on the woman at the doorway.

"Ayame-dono, have you seen Renji? I really need to speak with him!"

This scared the elderly woman, for she never saw the collected and hardly eccentric Rukia Kiuchi in such a frenzy. Something must have happened to put her into this kind of state. No, not must have, something 'did' happen, but the question was, what?

"Rukia, honey, calm down. Renji just left town a little while ago, I needed a new supply of coffee beans so he went to get me some. He should be back soon," Ayame replied, trying to soothe Rukia's spirit, "why don't you come sit down and have a cup of coffee on the house?"

"I'm sorry, I have to go back to the bar. Akiko is the only person there and I know she can get a little nervous around some of the guys," Rukia declined in a matter-of-factly way as she gave a small smile of appreciation to the much smaller woman behind the counter.

"Oh, c'mon dear. Just one quick cup of coffee. I'm sure Akiko is fine, knowing that girl, she'll be able to take care of herself. Come take a seat right here."

She allowed a smile to remain on her youthful features as she made her way to the seat Ayame was motioning her towards. Rukia had always liked Ayame. She always took care of her when she needed the help and treated Rukia like she was her daughter. She liked that. It wasn't everyday Rukia Kiuchi was cared for in a motherly way.

"Now tell me the truth about this, and don't mind my nosy nature, but that young man who stopped by here. The man with the orange hair and lovely brown eyes, was he the reason you're running in here in a huff," the cafe owner asked curiously as she shifted around the coffee so it would be poured evenly into the small cup.

What was Rukia supposed to say? And if she did say what was on her mind, how would it sound like to an old fashioned woman? Ayame not only knew and loved Rukia, but she also knew and loved Ryo as well. Maybe even more so. If Ayame found out about her past love and relationship with Ichigo Kurosaki, and how he vowed to win her over, she would never be able to show her face back here in Karakura. Because you see, this town itself, along with its citizens, lived by morals and loyalty. That was why it was so serene and beautiful here. So came the downfall. If anybody had ever found out Rukia was involved, behind Ryo's back, with Ichigo, she would get a horrid reputation. A reputation which not only would ruin her life, but also her hard earned business…but then, she could always go back to Soul Society.

'NO!' She chastised herself for beginning to think about her way out in a mess she'd be starting in case she did commit adultery. 'Think of the shame you'd bring to Nii-sama'

"Well, you can say that. You see, we all used to be friends, me, Renji, and Ichigo along with some other people you may not know so well. And we all decided to live here and pursue a living, sticking together like family. Everything was going perfectly until...Ichigo left," Rukia explained, giving her to less intense version of the story, "he didn't say good-bye to any of us, just leaving behind a note saying how much he'll miss us. He's been gone for two years until today, out of all days, he shows up again."

Ayame smiled a bit as she placed a cup of steaming coffee in front of the barmaid, "And what did this young man mean to you?"

' I loved him once, and in some way I still love him. '

"We were friends. Ichigo and I, we met one night here in Karakura, and due to some circumstances, we had to watch over one another…"

"It is not shinigami, it is Rukia Kuchiki"

"I see…I'm Ichigo Kurosaki…Let's pray this doesn't become the last meeting for both of us"

"…and one day my brother came and took me home to face some…issues. Ichigo knew I was in trouble, so…he followed me. I thought he did it to pay his debt to me, but later on when we reunited again, I found out he did it...to impress me."

Rukia stopped for a little bit, reliving the moment when he confessed his intentions when he saved her from being executed. They were in the execution grounds and Gotei 13 was beginning to fall apart because of Aizen's betrayal. When Ichigo attacked him, he had failed miserably, he fell to the ground with an advance Kidou Spell from Aizen. And she thought he was dead. She had desperately tried to help him, praying to whatever God was listening to the inhabitants of both Earth and Soul Society that he would help the uncertain orange-haired man gain his answers to come back to her. Fortunately, the God must have been listening because he became whole again. She finally knew, deep in his heart, he cared for her.

"Did it to impress you? It sounds like our favorite little orange haired man has a crush on you," Ayame replied, eyes skeptical as an I-got-you-where-I-want-you smile materialized on her slightly wrinkled face, "and the way you have the thoughtful face on, it sounds like you have feelings for him too."

"Don't be silly! Ichigo and I are friends and that's that," Rukia lied smoothly, placing a strict emphasis on the word friends like it was the main idea in the sentence.

"Okay, honey, whatever you say."

Eyes studied the manager carefully as the individual with coffee in hand didn't believe she would give up so easily. Ayame was one of those very stubborn people who see things one way and go for it. Rukia knew she had her mind set on a past relationship between Ichigo and herself, which wasn't completely incorrect. But she could let her know the truth because in this confusion situation, the truth wouldn't set anybody free. It would only end up destroying the life Rukia had worked so hard to create.

"It's true. I love Ryo, and you know I do. I would never ever do anything to hurt him," Rukia answered firmly, eyes sparkling with innocence, as she began to stand up from the stool she was just so comfortably sitting on.

"I hope so, dear. I wouldn't want anybody to take away the happiness you worked so hard for. I hope to see you soon, dear."

Guilt coursed through her veins, mixing with her bloodstream to produce a sickly thickness that could make anybody lightheaded. She didn't want to lie to anybody, especially Ayame. But Rukia had to protect herself from any kind of gossip that could start spreading around like a plague. Even if that meant inclining the truth.

"Have a nice day, Ayame. And don't worry, I'm not gonna leave you alone anytime soon," Rukia responded with a genuine smile of satisfaction on her face before turning around and exiting the cafe.

Ichigo Kurosaki sat outside of town, looking up at the clear sky, and taking a slow drag of the cigarette, which hung limply from his mouth. He had never thought of smoking before he went away. But ever since he was on his own, complications arose from inside him. He became an overly cautious and haunted man. And from the outcome of his new nature, he soon began to suffer from constant, painful seizures, thanks to the amount of tension. Cigarettes, he found out, were a way of soothing the worries and covering the hole which had been deeply punctured into his heart.

'Rukia would be able to heal that hole in my heart...'

As he took his last drag and exhaled the excess smoke from his mouth quickly, Ichigo tossed the cigarette butt away and laid down on the soft contents of the green surface. The haunting thoughts kept returning to him, even though he had ceaselessly tried to kick them out of his head. It was this incessantly, nagging voice which drove him mad.

'Rukia was married.'

'She was married!'

As he lay here, enjoying the sun on his face and thinking these incipient speculations, another man was touching her, holding her, kissing her, loving her. These mental pictures were more than he could handle because in all actuality, Ichigo Kurosaki was the man who should be doing those actions at this very moment.

'She's probably not happy with him.'

It was the only cognition that prevented him from jumping into the ocean ahead and drowning himself into a painful demise. She should be with him, not with that other guy. But he had left her behind. She had showed herself to him and Ichigo had walked out without a single word. She was only trying to move on and he knew he shouldn't be upset with her or her emasculate husband. In all the years of searching and never even finding the answer he was so desperately searching for, he lost to one thing in his life that brought stability to him. He lost the one woman who was the gate to eternal happiness. The gate, to his heaven.

' I'll get her back. I need her back. '

Closing his eyes, he allowed visions of the amethyst-eyed beauty to overtake his disposition. He had never been more hopeful and happy than when he was in the presence of his lover, friend and mentor. Things have changed, that was a no-brainer, but one thing he knew would remain the same for all the lifetimes yet to come, was Rukia's dreams. Her dreams were what kept her alive, and he knew it. But ironically, never did he know that he was apart of that child's lost hope.

"What'ya doin' out here!"

As quickly as his eyes fluttered shut, they reopened in corybantic speed. Readjusting his gaze to grow used to the sunlight, Ichigo spotted the source of the sound approaching his post-slumbering form as he called back loudly, "Just out for some fresh air!"

Renji had two large bags of pure ground coffee beans over his shoulders, a stern look locked on his face, and steps obviously becoming ragged and slower. He looked absolutely exhausted, and Ichigo didn't blame him at all.

"Hey, man, let me help you out with one of those," Ichigo offered, taking one of the bags off Barrett's sagging shoulders after he had almost made contact with him, "how long have you been out Karakura?"

"Practically all day," Renji replied, nodding his appreciation when the bag was removed from his shoulder, "I was runnin' around there all crazy, lookin' for that coffee place Ayame-dono liked. They moved last week to a new place so the more I looked the more pissed and tired I got!"

Ichigo didn't say or do anything to react to Renji's humorous complaints, which was very
un-Ichigo like. In fact, he was known for his witty retorts against the grumbling man. But right now, he was a little furious at the red-haired man for the simple explanation that he didn't even bother to tell him that Rukia was married. That would have been a useful bit of information if it had been brought to his attention a little while ago.

"What the fuck is up your ass," Renji huffed, continuing, side-by-side with the orange-haired man, to the small town of Karakura, "last time I checked I was supposed ta be pissed off my ass at you, not the other way 'round!"

"You know what's up my ass! The simple solution that you never told me Rukia was married," Ichigo exclaimed harshly, stopping his footsteps to have a small confrontation, "I went to the bar not knowing this bit of information, hoping that maybe I could start something with her, and then finding out that she has a husband. Pretty fucked up if you ask me!"

Renji ceased his movements as well, staring at Ichigo with wide eyes with a slight bit of apology hiding in them, "Listen, man I'm sorry I forgot to tell ya she was taken. But she moved on, she needed ta be happy and not dwell on your memory. She moved on and so should you."

"I don't wanna move on," a scream erupted from Ichigo's mouth bitterly, "I want her, but that asshole is standing in my way!"

Renji watched as Ichigo dropped the bag of coffee onto the ground precariously as he pulled out a cigarette from behind his ear and a silver lighter from his pocket. Growing irritated, Renji proclaimed, "When the fuck did you start smokin'!"

"Ever since I was on the road," Ichigo mumbled softly as he lit the cigarette and blew out the first puff of smoke it had to offer.

"Well, ya suddenly quit!"

Without a second thought, he grabbed the cigarette from Ichigo's mouth roughly, throwing it into the grassy plains. Renji did notice the normally thin man grew a little lankier from obviously not eating properly. The cigarettes weren't helping either.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"No friend of mine is smokin', now let's get back to Karakura before it gets dark,"Renji replied, not taking any more lip from the loud mouthed ex-leader, "and also, let's get ya a shower and some new clothes, 'cause ya stink!"

Taking that last comment to heart, Ichigo smelled his arms and noticed a small stench as well. It had been a while since he'd taken a decent shower, but it wasn't his fault. With the small amount of money he had, there would never always be a hotel. Which meant no sleep and most dramatically of all meant, no shower.

"But what about, Urahara! He smokes," Ichigo called out before hoisting the large bag over his shoulder and catching up with Renji once again.

"Please, Urahara's a goner...plus, even I'm scared of what he'll do to my ass if I try and take his ciggs away."

The hot water felt luxuriously on his body as a groan of pure relief escaped his lips. He hadn't taken a shower like this in a long time. Ichigo Kurosaki was more accustomed to the 10 second cold shower that the cheap, run-down motels he stayed at had to offer. That was another regret of running off into the night. His problem was he never thought about the consequences of his actions, spontaneous all the way. But as time went by, Ichigo noticed that being his spontaneous and under-careful self was going to get him killed one day.

Stopping the water by turning the knob over, a hand reached behind the curtain and grabbed a towel that hung on the rack. As he wiped the moisture from his body, Ichigo emerged from the tub with a towel wrapped around his waist securely. He hesitated at looking in the mirror at himself for fear of what he may see. A known fact that a change had been made during the past years was realized, but Ichigo never saw it. It wasn't needed to because he was always outdoors and the last time it was checked, the great outdoors didn't have mirrors.

Sucking in a breath, his hand wiped the vapor from the small bathroom mirror and a vision of Ichigo Kurosaki stared back at its producer. A look of surprise crossed over his features as it began to materialize itself on the reflection of the mirror. He looked practically the same, except for various, barely visible battle scars on his face and the look in his glowing brown eyes. It was a pained look, an almost appearing dark storm brewing as he noticed the hardness of them. They were so very cold, it even gave him the chills just by glancing back into them. Underneath those peculiar peepers, stood dark circles that signified his lack of sleep but gratefully, the tint to his face had not been affected. Ichigo still obtained the cool tan which ran through his body, obviously the outcome of being in the sun for so long.

Shaking his head at his reflection, he pictured Rukia and how beautiful she had looked when he laid his eyes on her again. Then, he thought of himself and how horribly disgruntled he appeared. It was a thought that made him feel like running out into the night and cursing the stars for giving him to encouragement to leave. For making him this way. But that was something that couldn't be changed. What had happened was in the past, there was nothing he could do to change it. He had the present now and he hoped that was all he needed to make amends.

"Ichigo, get ya spiky ass outta the bathroom! Yui would cut both our heads off! We could barely pay my electric and water bills." he heard Renji bellow from below, clearly beyond infuriated.

"Fine," Ichigo shouted back, grinning at the thought of the two shinigami being together. Who would've thought that crazy, hot-headed Renji would hook up with a drop-dead gorgeous chick? It was a bit of a shock, but he was happy for his friend all the same. Thinking about it, he hasn't seen this Yuisince Renji took him to their apartment.

Taking one last glance in the mirror before unlocking the bathroom door, opening it, and exiting. Maybe he could go for a walk through town to clear his head.

"Hey, Rukia...hiccup...did I tell ya how beautiful ya look tonight."

"Yeah, Okun, you did. You told me tonight, last night, and the night before that. I think I have enough information to paint the picture," Rukia responded coolly, with a hint of exhaustion evident in her voice, before making her way behind the bar again to dispose of a couple of empty beer bottles a small table had previously ordered.

"Rukia-san. You look tired, why don't you go take a break. Get some fresh air," Akiko, the newest addition to Rukia's bar, had offered, a corporative smile placed on her young face as she blew a strand of brown hair away from her clear auburn eyes.

"Akiko, no, it's okay. I know you get a little nervous around people who have a lot of alcohol in their blood stream, and looking at Okun, it looks like beer is being manufactured in his bloodstream," Rukia reassured as she placed a steady hand on the brunette's shoulder, "plus, it's almost closing time, I'm sure I can hang on for one more hour."

She still wasn't convinced. Rukia had done so much for her. From getting her a job to setting up a house for herself and her 2 year old son to helping her continue studying. It was indeed true she was a little skeeved by alcoholics, due to past experiences, but her boss didn't deserve to suffer because of her paranoid misconceptions. She knew she had the capability to handle things around here for 15 minutes.

"Go! I'm a big girl, Rukia, I can take care of myself! Now get out there and do what you have to do!"

Rukia glanced at her employee skeptically, but then thought against saying anything because she actually did need this break badly. To deal with the drunks that decided to crash at her bar, she needed her strength, and that was something that wasn't even close to being possessed. Akiko would be fine, and if she needed any kind of assistance, she could just scream. It wasn't as though Rukia was leaving town or anything.

"Thanks. I owe you one," Rukia gratefully proclaimed, before sashaying around the bar and was close to making her way out of the bar, "I'll be back soon."

"Hey, Rukia...hiccup...You want me to go along," Okun asked, a drunken grin on his face as he remained slumped at the bar motionless, "it's dangerous for a pretty girl...hiccup...like you to go out alone."

"Well, that depends, Okun, do you have enough soberness left in you to stand up," the bartender asked, knowing very well he didn't have enough soberness for his eyesight to produce distinct color.

"Of course...hiccup...I do!"

Throwing himself from the stool, Okunimmediately fell to the floor, not having enough coordination to hold himself up. It was a funny sight and it took all the power within the two females, who had just witnessed the act, to explode with laughter.

"I guess not. Oh, and Akiko," Rukia began, a large grin on her face as she pointed down at the bawling drunken man on the ground, "don't worry about him. Right now, he doesn't have the coordination or brain activity to win a battle against a stuffed animal."

Laughing, Akiko watched the dark haired woman grab her coat from the rack next to the doorway and exit the bar with a satisfied vibe emitting from her. As Rukia left, she looked back down atOkun and reprehended him like a small child who had just been caught stealing cookies before dinner, "Now, does it pay to get drunk? Not such a smart move on your behalf"

Rukia walked out of the bar's tunnel, a smile from just recent events. It was a chilly night in the small town of Karakura as the stars hung high in the sky with it's blindingly bright lights escaping it's tiny structure. She always felt a certain fondness for the stars, ever since that night at the well. She couldn't help but laugh softly. Everything she had ever experienced with Ichigo, she had grown to treasure deep inside her soul. All of life's events, no matter if they possess joy of pain.

"Taking a late night stroll?"

The voice startled her yet again. That was twice in one day and Rukia Kiuchi was too young to die of a heart-attack. In an irate way, she turned around and faced the man she had just been thinking about, becoming even more startled. He was no longer in the dirty ensemble he was on their first meeting. As of right now he was wearing a baggy white dress shirt which was only attached with three buttons in the middle and sleeves rolled up loosely. Along with his get-up, he wore very baggy black pants and his usual rubber shoes. He no longer had dirt on his face and his hair was now clean and styled. Since it had grown a slight bit longer over the time he had been gone, a spike was drooped against his eye in a seductive way.

"What are you doing out here, it's pretty late," Rukia interrogated, shaking the lustful thoughts she was having of her handsome childhood friend at the moment.

"I could say the same to you," Ichigo fired back patiently as he threw the remainder of the cigarette off the top of the steps he was innocently sitting on, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, "or are you just leaving you're assigned responsibilities to come look for me?"

"I'm not a child anymore, Ichigo, I'm capable of taking care of myself. And the last time I checked, I didn't base my reputation on stalker tendencies, so you're out of luck in that department. But don't worry, I'm sure there are plenty of people in Karakura who can satisfy your twisted aphrodisiac," Rukia answered wittily, turning around to continue her walk. Her break was passing by, and she had no tolerance or energy to be dealing with someone who was so hung up on himself. Not even if he was her love interest who had disappeared and suddenly returned 2 years later.

"Damn, I guess I'm forced to cross that off my list of things I wanted to happen before I died. Too bad, it was all the way up at number 3...Oh, c'mon, Rukia, wait! I was just kidding," Ichigo exclaimed before standing up and jogging down the stairs to catch up to her.

Feeling Ichigo's hands on her shoulders caused a satisfied ripple to course through her body, a shiver erupting as the consequence. It also almost made her feel guilty at allowing herself to feel this way from another man's, who wasn't her husband, touch. Almost.

"Listen, Rukia, I'm sorry okay? Don't get mad."

Sighing, the woman in Ichigo's hand grip replied almost immediately, "No, don't apologize. I'm just very moody when I don't get enough sleep."

"Couldn't be more obvious," Ichigo pointed out, causing Rukia to turn around with a 'don't-go-there' look which only made him smile more, "I always loved that look."

And he did. He loved practically everything about this girl. The way she would pouted when she didn't get her way. Her smart remarks, which proved how intelligent she really was. The way she would place her eyes on him, giving him a sound comfort from within. And the way she would hold him whenever she would wake up in a cold sweat from a hauntingly guilty nightmare she would have about Kaien Shiba, the handsome vice-captain of her division who had came into her life, changed it for the better, and left so soon.

"If you loved that look so much, than why did you run from it? When somebody loves something, they would do everything in their power to keep it from slipping away. They would hold onto it with as much time as they had. What you just said is a lie. A lie which has just reopened the wounds I've tried so hard to close over the time you've been gone," Rukia whispered, turning around, ashamed at the tears that were surfacing quickly. She was strong and she would not allow him to see her in such a momentarily weak state.

"I left because I needed to find out where I belonged. But as time went by and the longer I was away, the more I realized that I belonged right here. With you," Ichigo explained as he turned Rukia back around and kissed the tear which was slowly coursing down her cheek away. He traveled up closer and closer, until he reached her eyelids and softly placed butterfly kisses on each of them. Almost telling the tears to stop it's constant flow.

She fell weak underneath his beautiful kisses, brain unable to produce thoughts, and legs growing rubbery soft. As she continued to feel the trail of kisses, she noticed his aim towards her moist lips, soon fulfilling their mission. Rukia didn't stop it. She could've but she didn't. She would've but she didn't. She should've but she didn't. It gave her too much bliss to end it there, and that was the mistake which caused her to return the kiss, deepening the passion which was already there. But unfortunately, it didn't take long for her conscience to kick in. For the image of Ryo to enter into her head and the silent promise she made to herself of keeping her distance from Ichigo.

"I can't," she responded quickly after pushing a hungry Ichigo away from her lips, more tears forming in her eyes as previous ones moistened her cheeks in vain, "I'm sorry, Ichigo, but I'm married. This is wrong...I just can't..."

Ichigo watched as Rukia ran away from his restful arms, tears apparently still flowing down her cheeks, forming a small lake-like stream. As she was as far away from him as he could imagine, Ichigo just stood there, brown eyes focused up at the stars, whispering to them soundly, "No, Rukia, I'm sorry. Because I can't let you fall away from me...not this time."

Alrighty, here's the update. Again, Akikoand Yuiare OC's. I really didn't want to put up so much characters in the past, because it'd only create plot holes..hehe..

I would like to, once again, take this oppurtunity to thank all of the reviewers and readers! I'm really sorry if I couldn't reply to your wonderful comments, but I really appreciate them! And remember reviews are love andLove makes the world go round:)