Thanks for the reviews! I updated sooner this time, and the ideas just sort of came to me while I was writing, so as always let me know what you think. You guys are the best.

Rosalie

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Izzie walked into the room. Meredith was sitting up in her bed staring out into space. Izzie looked around uncertainly.

"Mer? Are you okay?"

She looked at her. Her expression was one of that of trying to understand. "I've been seeing him for all this time...and now he's gone."

Izzie stared at her.

"You mean-?"

"He's gone."

"Are you sure?"

Meredith thought about it.

"Yeah, I really think he is."

Izzie smiled it relief. "That's good. That's really good."

"Tell me about it," Meredith replied, and managed a smile also.Izzie went into the room and sat down next to her. They looked at each other.

"Welcome back, Mer. It took you long enough."

Rose watched as Izzie looked through some files at the nurses' station, unaware that the scrub nurse was even there. Rose didn't know what she was doing or why she was doing it, but she felt that she had to do or say something. For Meredith's sake. They couldn't pretend everything was okay when it wasn't.

Rose took a deep breath and went forward. "Um-Dr. Stevens?"

"What?" Izzie said distractedly without looking up.

"I was wondering if I could speak with you for a moment."

"I'm kinda busy," Izzie said, looking up at her. "I have patients I need to see and surgeries I have to attend."

Izzie had never liked her much, and Rose knew that was because Meredith didn't like her. You can't like the people your friends hate.

"I just wanted to say something-" Rose stopped. What was the use of this? It wasn't her business. Meredith wasn't her friend, and she had no obligation to her, especially when she was not sure if anything was really wrong.

"Never mind," Rose said. "I let you get back to your work."

Izzie watched as Rose walked away with an unsure look on her face. She never talked to Rose, and she never scrubbed in on Izzie's surgeries. But she pushed the thought to the back of her mind. She had other things to think about.

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Meredith stood outside her patient's room, thinking about what had to happen in order to save his life. She had to call back Derek after all this time she had been freed of him. She had thought he was gone for good. And then just like that, he's back. Her knight in shining whatever again, saving her from failing in surgery. She kept on looking over her shoulder, expecting to see him again. But she didn't. Maybe she was lucky, and it was just a spur of the moment thing. Maybe he wasn't really back at all. She hoped this was true. But something told her it wasn't, just because of the simple fact that nothing ever went right for her.

"That your guy?" Cristina asked, coming up to her and peering into the room. "I heard you freaked out during surgery."

"I didn't freak out," Meredith said indignantly. "It was just stressful."

"Stressful surgeries happen all the time. You should get used to it quick."

"Shut up," Meredith said sourly.

"Fine. You didn't freak out." Cristina looked at her. "Are you okay? You seem bothered."

"I'm fine, just stressed," Meredith said more angrily than she meant to. "Now if you'd let me go, I have things I need to do."

She walked away. Cristina was surprised that Meredith was like this. Sure, she wasn't the happiest person. But today there was something extra. She thought maybe it had to do with Derek. Meredith was always saying how she felt that she replaced him or whatever. She probably did one of those what would Derek do during surgery.

Cristina sighed. Derek again.

"Is he really gone?"

Meredith looked at her best friend.

"I think so. He's been here constantly. But then I started ignoring him because I thought it would help. And I think it did, I really do."

"Are you glad?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because now he's really gone."

Meredith stared at her.

"I know."

But she didn't believe her. There was still a certain longing in her eyes. There was a part of her that really would like to hold on to him forever so she wouldn't have to deal with the reality of him not being there.

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Meredith laid on her bed, exhausted from the long day. It was indeed a very long day that she thought would never end. She was sure that Derek was going to come back, but she had been proven wrong. She was starting to become more assured that things were going to be alright after all.

She closed her eyes and wondered if the night was going to be filled with dreams of Derek again. She was hoping that it wasn't, because right now would be a good time for a peaceful night sleep, and that was quite hard when memories of your dead boyfriend popped into your mind.

She lay there for a while, enjoying the silence and comfort. She was just drifting off to sleep when she was woken up by Izzie and George arriving home. She groaned and closed here eyes again, hoping to drift back off. But after a moment of frightful realization, she opened her eyes again.

Derek was there, standing across the room, waiting for her to notice him.

Her heart dropped and she nearly cried out. No, she thought. Please no, please not again...

"Hey," he smiled. "You're finally awake."

"You're not here," she said out loud, but quiet enough so the others wouldn't hear her. "You're not here and you haven't been here."

He looked almost hurt. "You don't want me here?"

She opened her mouth to reply, but shut it on second thought. Talking back would not help. She had to try the ignoring thing again.

"I'm this way because of you," he said angrily, scaring her. "I was rushing here to see you, and I ended up in a car accident. I died because you wanted me here, and didn't want to wait. I wanted to make you happy. Now look where it's gotten us."

She shook her head. This was not Derek. He would say these things to her.

But it wasn't Derek. It was her. And all the things she thought about were coming out of his mouth, things that were terrible to hear him say.

"I shouldn't be the one here. It should be you. I didn't do anything to deserve this. I was always great to you. You were terrible to me."

Stop it, she thought, tears running down her face. Stop it, stop it-

"I loved you like you never loved me. And even now you're pushing me away. Congratulations Meredith. You have. I just don't see how you can live with the guilt that it was your fault."

Stop it, stop it-

"It'll come back to you. You wont just-"

"Stop it!" Meredith screamed, and he did. He just looked at her. There were a few moments of silence, then she could hear footsteps on the stairs.

She got out of the bed and went into her bathroom. She quickly locked the door and slid down onto the floor, trying to control her tears.

"Meredith?" she heard George and Izzie call worriedly. "Are you alright?"

She didn't answer them. She could not take them, or anything else anymore. She had tried so hard to forget, to make it go away. But things were simple. As long as she was alive, it would never go away.