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Izzie kept her eyes on the road, though she could not help looking at Meredith every few moments out of the corner of her eyes. She was waiting for her do to or say something. But she was merely looking out the window, lost in thought. Izzie was ashamed that she felt uncomfortable driving with her friend in the car. But it was true. Meredith seemed to have calmed down. But she was so unpredictable these days it was hard to say.
Meredith was extremely confused. Derek had been haunting her for months, she knew this. But why was he all of a sudden…fading? Or was he really? Maybe this was some sort of phase or something. But the fact that at this moment, she could only see the outline of his face, and could not even hear his voice. She tried to remember just hours ago when he said all those terrible things to her. But she…really couldn't. She knew that she saw him, and he said something…not nice…and it made her upset. But he did not sound like himself. She didn't even know what he had sounded like. How had this happened to her? Just in a matter of hours?
"Are you…okay?" Izzie asked carefully.
"What?" Meredith said, distracted, and looked at her. "Oh. Yeah."
She looked away again. Izzie sighed. This whole situation was just not right. It wasn't right at all.
Something caught Meredith's eye. She looked ahead on the road and saw someone standing there. Someone familiar. And they weren't moving.
"Stop!" Meredith screamed suddenly, making Izzie start.
"What?"
"Stop!"
Meredith grabbed the wheel and Izzie hit the breaks. The car spun on the road, Izzie was screaming and Meredith was saying "Stop!" over and over. Izzie was panicked and had no idea what to do. She actually thought that they were just going to die right there. The car went off the road but came to a stop, inches away from a tree. Both women fell silent in disbelief. Izzie finally let herself breathe and closed her eyes. Meredith looked back around to see if they had hit the man or not. But there was no one on the road or anywhere else. The night was quite silent and empty.
"Did you see him?" Meredith asked frantically. Izzie looked at her.
"See who?"
"He was standing in the road!" Meredith said incredulously. "You didn't see him there?"
"There wasn't anyone in the road," Izzie said in a calm but firm voice.
"Yes, there was!" Meredith said impatiently; how could she not standing there in the road? She was the driver, she should have seen it….
Or maybe Meredith shouldn't have. She opened her mouth to speak but found herself temporarily unable to. She looked around one more time, but saw nothing.
"Okay," Izzie said, taking a deep breath. "Let's just-go, okay?"
she did not want to move again, but she did not have much of a choice. They couldn't sit there all night. And nothing had happened. Yet.
After a few moments Izzie reluctantly pulled back onto the road, praying that they would make it to the hospital.
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Meredith sat by herself, trying not to listen in on the conversation Izzie was having with Bailey. She was explaining how she had found her and their incident on the road. The thing was, Meredith did not remember how she had gotten to…Derek's house?…in the first place, and they didn't seem to know either.
"Well I found her, didn't I?" Izzie said angrily. "I think that's all that matters."
"You shouldn't have gone off by yourself like that. I told you she was dangerous-"
"Right when you told me it was my fault that she got away!"
their voices fell silent. She did not want to be there anymore. She was thinking about escaping while they were occupied, but then Izzie came out of the room. She looked at Meredith for several moments. She looked like she was afraid of her. She turned around to walk away, and Meredith called after her desperately.
"I'm sorry, Izzie." Izzie turned around and looked at her. "I really am."
Izzie put a fake smile on her face and said, "It's okay. It's fine. I'm just going to go see George, okay?"
"Yeah," Meredith said. She knew that Izzie wanted to be away from her. Meredith didn't blame her. She wouldn't want to be around her right now either.
Bailey came out of the room and looked at her. Meredith looked right back. There was silence for several moments.
"Come with me," Bailey finally said, and started to walk away. Meredith obeyed. She knew now was the time to do what she was told.
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George looked away from his TV and saw Izzie enter the room. He was tired but he forced himself to stay awake until he heard some news. She did not look at him at first, and he caught that as a bad sign.
"Did you find her?" he asked carefully.
"Yeah," she said, and came and sat on the bed with him. "I found her. She was where Derek's trailer was. She's…." She shook her head. "She's forgetting things now. I don't even think she remembers pushing you down the stairs."
"Really?" George asked in surprize. "Well maybe that's good for her."
"I don't think so," Izzie said, shaking her head. "She's...turning worse than she was before."
"I've noticed," George said.
"She nearly killed us on the road," Izzie added. "I seriously thought we were going to die right there."
"What happened?" he asked, frowning.
"She saw someone in the road," she said. "She grabbed the wheel so I wouldn't hit them. Yet no one was there and we spun out of control. It was scary. I didn't even want to ride any further with her."
"This is why I told you not to go-"
"And this is why I went. Because she needed me. Someone. No matter what."
He looked at her for several moments. He then sighed. He knew that he wouldn't do anything different. But now his thoughts went to what if they had crashed on that road?
"Are things going to get better?" Izzie asked him. "Is she ever going to get through this?"
He could not answer the question because he was not sure. He wanted to say yes. But after all that had happened just today, he was not sure that she would ever get better. He had already thought that once and he was wrong. Why would he be right now?
"Yeah," Izzie said when he didn't answer. She didn't need him too. "And there really isn't anything we could do."
He was still silent. That was a definite truth. There really wasn't anything that they could do.
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Cristina avoided Meredith for some time, so she could prepare herself when she finally went in to speak with her. She stood outside the rom for a little while, wondering how the hell this had happened again.
Meredith was sitting on the bed, staring at the floor. Cristina had to go in there. She did not like to see Meredith this way. There had to be something she could do to fix this.
She entered the room. Meredith looked up at her. Cristina did not like the look on her face. It seemed like all her spirit had died and she was merely sitting there, waiting for the end to come.
"Hi," Cristina said awkwardly.
"I guess I'm going crazy again."
Cristina was slightly taken aback when she said that. "You're not-"
"I went to Derek's house and really don't know how I got there. I'm starting to forget things. And I nearly killed me and Izzie. Because I saw something that apparently wasn't there."
She paused. "Where is Izzie? I really feel bad for what happened. She's scared of me now."
"She's with George," Cristina said. "I don't think she's afraid of you."
"Yeah, you didn't see the look on her face when she looked at me. Where are they then?"
"In his room," Cristina said slowly.
"They went home?"
She doesn't remember that, Cristina thought to herself.
"Uh, yeah, they went home."
Meredith looked at her closely. Cristina was a pretty good liar, but at this moment it was obvious that she was lying.
"What aren't you telling me? And don't say nothing," Meredith added before Cristina could speak. "I'm crazy, not stupid."
Cristina looked at her. She could not tell her. It would be a mistake, she knew that.
"I have to go," she said instead. "I'll see if I can find them, okay? I'll let you knw."
Meredith looked at her for several moments.
"Alright. Go ahead."
Cristina felt guilty when she said this, but didn't know what else to do, so she left her friend alone. Meredith wondered why this was happening, and why everyone treated her like a child. It was her life after all. Wasn't it?
Or was it his?