I'd like to say hi to everyone and thank you for reading. I hope that I can hear from you all because it really does help a lot. Also I'd say this story is nearly finished, maybe a chapter or to after this one. This story has been hard to write so I'd appreciate if you'd let me know how it's done so far. Thank you to those who do review. You all are amazing.

And of course I can add that bohemiangirl and I started a new story that you should definitely check out. We're really anxious to see how that will go as well.

Thanks again

Rosalie

xxx

Meredith stared out the widow at the world outside the hospital walls she was currently confined in. This had gotten so out of control so quickly that she didn't know how to handle it. She was fine one moment and the next…she was back here. She didn't understand why. Why? Maybe it was the anniversary of his death. Or maybe she had just been compressing it all this time and it finally found its way out. Whatever the explanation was she still didn't like it. She wasn't ready to go through this again. Once was enough. It had been so distressing…and now it was definitely worse than before. Before she wasn't swerving cars off the road or….

Or pushing people down the stairs.

"I don't want to sit with you, I don't want anything to do with you. So just get out of my way!"

This memory came back to her suddenly. She had said this to George as he merely tried to help her and then…she actually lashed out on him.

She's in George's room.

"Oh my god," she said to herself in shock. She could not believe that things had gone that far. And they were trying to hide that from her.

She had left without even trying to see if he was all right. She walked right past him and went outside and got into her car. And she left, not quite sure where she was going, but sure that she had to get away from everyone.

She looked out the door and saw no one in sight. It was late so it wasn't as busy. She had to make sure that he was okay and try to apologize for what she did. No wonder Izzie was so afraid of her.

Meredith sneaked out of her room and quietly went down the hallway. She found herself lucky at the lack of people and began her search to find George's room. She succeeded fairly quickly through her determination. She reached the room and was suddenly afraid to see the damage she had done. She was afraid to face him as well. She didn't want any more people to look at her in fear.

She looked into the room. Both George and Izzie were asleep on the bed. She stood in the doorway watching them, unsure of what to do or think. She was still in shock at what she did. She was a doctor for god's sake. She saved people, not injured them.

Quietly she stepped in the room, wanting to run out the door more than anything. She felt so out of place. She did not belong here next to these innocent people that she caused nothing but grief for.

George stirred awake, and doing so woke Izzie up too. He looked at Meredith in surprise as she stood there rooted on the spot, frightened by her friends.

"Meredith," he said, and Izzie sat up and looked at her too. "What are you doing here?"

She looked at them with a lost expression. They looked at each other for a second.

"I'm sorry," Meredith stammered. "I never meant to do what I did. I wasn't even…." For a moment she was lost for words. Nothing could describe how she felt. "I really didn't mean to. I don't know where it came from. You have to know that I would never-"

"I know," George said quickly, before she could get more distressed. "I know that you didn't mean to. You just had a little…lapse."

"Little?" Meredith repeated. "I could have done so much worse-"

"And you didn't," Izzie cut in, "which is the point. It's okay."

"It's not okay," Meredith said, shaking her head. "This isn't me. And I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to stop it."

They just looked at her sadly, because they did not know what to do either. She looked down at her feet for a moment, trying to keep her emotions under control.

"Are you okay?" she asked, looking up at them again.

"Yeah," he assured her. "I'm fine."

She nodded again. She looked at her friends and felt like she didn't belong with them, almost like she was some contagious disease that must be kept away.

"I'm going to go back," she told them. "I just had to make sure you were okay."

"Meredith you-"

"I'm going now," she said, cutting across him clearly. He fell silent. Meredith finally was able to give in to the urge of running away. She walked out of the room without looking at them again, but once she was in the hall she picked up speed until she was running for dear life.

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The door opened. Meredith looked away from the window she was once again entranced by. The world outside seemed so far away it was if it wasn't even real anymore. Not to her. This was her world now.

It was Dr. Bailey. She looked quite serious and sad, which did not make Meredith feel very good. She knew that look. They gave it to patients all the time when they were about to land some bad news.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Bailey assured her. "I was just talking with some other doctors about what we can do for you. The psych doctors."

"And?" Meredith asked, her heart beating quickly.

Bailey looked at her sadly for a few moments, which just made the dread worse. Meredith was expecting her to say that she was a lost cause. There was no hope. None left for her anyway.

"We think that you should transfer," Bailey said, not wanting to look Meredith in the eyes but doing so anyway. "To another hospital. A…a psychiatric hospital."

Meredith stared at her. Yep, there was no hope.