Chapter Ten: Morning After, Pt.1

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Vash awoke to his stomach rumbling sourly. Grimacing at the unwelcome reminder of his condition, he rolled over onto his side and froze as he came face to face with his sleeping partner.

Memories surfaced and Vash relaxed. No, Meryl wasn't about to kill him. Somehow, in spite of all the awkwardness of what had transpired last night, something important had finally been established between them, a bond he could no longer ignore. Not that he had any further intention of doing so.

Propping his head up to see Meryl better, Vash leisurely examined her. He was immediately drawn to the short black hair that framed her face: it was starting to grow out, and he couldn't decide which way he preferred it. Shorter hair seemed more like Meryl – so efficient and put together. But longer hair gave her the appearance of vulnerability. As now, when she was asleep and untroubled by the worries of the day, her face lost its usual studied composure. She looked soft, and tender, and tranquil, and –

It suddenly struck him how young she really was.

An uncomfortable thought skittered through Vash's mind. It was not something he often let himself dwell upon, how great the age difference between them. And the root cause for it.

In the first year of his existence, Vash had learned about the cycle of life; he knew that he and Knives matured abnormally fast by human standards. But it wasn't until after the Fall that he could really appreciate the developmental difference between mankind and himself. He was fully grown by the time most children were just learning to form a complete sentence. At first Vash wondered if it meant he was going to die that much quicker. If so… maybe it wasn't such a bad thing. That much sooner to being reunited with Rem. And that much less time for Knives to inflict his malice on humanity.

But then he and Knives reached a point where they seemed to stop aging entirely. So then Vash figured that perhaps his life span may have been that of an average human's after all, even if his Plant physiology kept him appearing ageless. And if that was the case – well, it wasn't such a bad deal, was it?

Indeed, during those first few decades of life, Vash had felt it was kind of a cool gift. How exciting it was, when he had finally left Knives, to wander through the growing human settlements and observe first hand those former silent charges alive and thriving before him. Not all the lessons, nor the archival footage, nor even the fond recollections of Rem could have prepared him for the dizzying variety present in humanity. More than anything, Vash wanted to experience everything as would take a young man a lifetime to achieve – which he surely had in abundance. So he let his youthful enthusiasm and insatiable curiosity carry him from place to place across the harsh wastelands, fancifully envisioning himself a romantic pursuer of an eternal spring.

Then one day, when Vash was in his thirties, he was passing by a church when its bells began to peal. He stopped to watch the crowd milling in front. The doors opened, revealing a happy bride and groom descending the steps to the enthusiastic well-wishing of their audience. Vash likewise began to clap, and he was adding his own shouted blessing on the couple when his gaze fell on the groom – a tall, blond man with laughing green eyes. Vash's cheer died in his throat and he watched, transfixed, as the young man led his bride into the waiting carriage. And at that moment it struck him that, were he human, were his life anywhere within the realm of "normal," he also would have likely been married and starting his own family. This thought left Vash so disconcerted that he immediately inveigled his way into the reception and drank himself senseless that night.

It wasn't until his forties, however, that Vash really started to notice the effect his agelessness was having on the people around him – it was not always so safe to make an appearance in a town he'd visited a decade or so earlier, if he ran into someone who recognized him. It was in New India that he'd first been called a freakish monster, Redesta where he had first been stoned out of town. He began to see how much less trusting the population was becoming since the Fall – much more likely to raise a fist than lend a helping hand. And then one day Vash was sitting before a mirror while dressing his wounds, when he realized that the only way he could physically mark his age was by counting the accumulated scars on his body. He stared at himself for a long time afterwards.

At age fifty Vash began again to be preoccupied by thoughts of his own mortality. The steady population decline brought on by the planet's harsh environment and lack of natural resources had greatly reduced the majority of the original survivors of the Fall. Of those remaining, the difficulty of scratching out a tenuous existence had dramatically shortened their life spans; they were all quickly passing away. Vash saw that in a very real sense his generation was passing on without him, and it was unnerving. He was standing in the Founder's Memorial Cemetery on the outskirts of December, reading the names on the tombstones when his eyes fell on a red paper flower left on a grave. And it came to him that Rem, even had she survived, even though she had been relatively young and so full of life, would almost certainly by now have been buried as well.

All through that night he cried anew with the ferocity of his first day on the planet.

In the following decades as he continued on his solitary travels, Vash wondered if, maybe, one day it would finally hit him – as in his first year, all of a sudden he would slide into rapid old age and pass on. If so, then perhaps Knives would at last be stopped as well. Vash was now quickly approaching the age that would have been the limit of a normal human's life, at least prior to the Fall….

And then one day, when visiting his "family" aboard the SEEDS ship, Vash overheard a mother talking to her young children. For the first time he heard the expression "the ones who exist outside of time," and realized that they were referring to him. And finally he acknowledged that he may never die – certainly, that his life was always meant to span much farther than any human's ever could. It seemed like a horrible obscenity – all the more so, because Knives had long ago told him the same thing, and Vash had stubbornly refused to believe it.

So it was that Vash reluctantly came to the conclusion that, at least in this matter, there was practical merit in concentrating on living in the moment. And yet at the same time, it was precisely because of his agelessness that he felt stuck in neutral.

Almost a century of life and what did he have to show for it? If he were a human, he could have led a peaceful, productive life. He might have been anybody: a farmer, an engineer, maybe a teacher… yes, he would have liked that. Human, he would have had his family – large and extended, he'd have seen to that. He would have enjoyed watching his children and grandchildren and maybe even great-grandchildren caper and clamber all over him, merrily pulling at his long, gray beard as old age finally took its toll on him….

If he were a human, he would have died long before Meryl was ever born.

And Vash was suddenly very glad that he'd been able to meet her. As he hovered over her dormant form, a mental vision came to him. He was a child again, standing still on the observatory deck of the Project SEEDS ship looking out on the endless ocean of space. Pinpricks of light glimmering in distance gradually drew near, growing to become distinct fiery balls, until drawing even with the ship they blazed out in all their incandescent glory – and then whipped by, falling away so that their bright light grew ever dimmer until softly fading out into the vast darkness. Meryl was like one of them. Unbeknown to him through all those long years she had been rushing up to meet him. Now at last she had drawn even. And she would eventually pass him by.

Vash wondered if he could hold her still next to him, if only for moment.

He recalled the midwife's words – that nothing manmade was eternal – and he felt sure that it was true of himself. He was not immortal. But he was very, very long lived. And regardless of whatever longevity he had been haplessly blessed or cursed with, it was no excuse not to live at all. Now at last Vash felt prepared to handle it. He had meant what he'd said last night – even if it was arguably foolish, he really did want something more. Much more. He already had a century's worth of experience watching the wheel of life pass him by. It was time to start moving on – pushing his way back on, if he had to.

But… was Meryl truly able to accept it? A short life with an ageless Vash, together…

… as one?

Tentatively, Vash reached out his hand to Meryl's face. Very gently, he traced a finger along her cheek and brushed aside a lock of hair. He wanted to fix the moment forever in his memory.

Of Meryl's face… quickly growing green before his eyes.

Vash felt an answering rumble emanate from his stomach. He felt himself sicken as an unpleasant noise escaped from his mouth.

Meryl's eyes suddenly flew open.

"Vash, what the heck are you -?" But she abruptly stopped, her cheeks bulging out dangerously. They stared at each other in alarm.

Then, as one, they leapt up from the bed and hurled themselves into the bathroom.

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Some time later, Meryl fell back onto her side of the bed and closed her eyes. The vision of Vash hovering mere inches from her face, looking for the world as if he was about to heave all over her had brought Meryl to her senses faster than any alarm clock could have managed. Which was fortunate, really. She watched Vash stagger back and slide in heavily next to her.

"This is getting old," she grumbled.

Vash glanced over and flashed a slight smile. "Well… maybe not entirely old," he murmured softly.

Meryl felt herself coloring up. "Maybe not," she replied shyly.

They both fell quiet, though neither looked away.

"Meryl…," he began hesitantly.

"Yes, Vash?"

The expression on Vash's face reminded her forcefully of the way he had been looking at her last night – at least, right before he had ruined the moment. But she wasn't going to dwell on that, not when it seemed he was going to finish his aborted address.

"I've been thinking about… a lot of things. Especially about the time we've been together. I know it hasn't been easy for you and Milly. Always on the move. Always in danger. I don't really understand why you and Milly decided to take the assignment to follow me, or why, after everything that has happened, you're both still here with me."

Meryl immediately opened her mouth to argue but was stopped by fingers pressing gently against her lips.

"But even when I didn't want you following after me, you've always been there. And the truth is that I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you. That day when I was being drug around town… it was the closest I've ever come to giving up everything. So I've been meaning to tell you… just how indebted, how grateful I am to you both. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you, Meryl, for saving me."

Her chest tightened. It was the first time Vash had referred to the incident with Legato Bluesummers without heart rending self-recrimination. The fact that he didn't blame her for any of it pierced her to her very soul. She felt she would tear up, but refused to give way. Now was not the moment. And Vash wasn't finished:

"Meryl, I can't promise that things will become any easier from here on out. In fact, I'm sure they won't. Trouble is likely to follow me no matter where I go. Knives will wake up someday and I'll have to deal with that. And there are other… issues," he added in a faltering voice. "And so… I'll completely understand if… if you don't want to…."

He stopped. Reaching forward, Vash pulled her hands up, carefully enfolding them within his own. His eyes held hers, their earnest expression filled with such emotion that Meryl again experienced a sense of déjà vu: the intensity of his gaze was swallowing her whole, and helplessly she was falling, falling, falling –

She couldn't breathe. She was a complete mess. Yet she had never felt more desirable in her entire life.

Vash nervously cleared his throat, while Meryl felt as if her heart would implode from the lack of air. And then, he spoke:

"Meryl Stryfe, will you please m–."

Suddenly, the door crashed open.

" – muh…myuh… M-MILLY!?!" Vash yelped as he accidentally tumbled backward onto the floor, clutching at his towel protectively.

In a stunned daze, Meryl quickly twisted around and was flabbergasted to see her partner standing in the doorway, looking quite abashed as she wrestled with a large bundle. She was at a loss as to why Milly would be so uncharacteristically thoughtless as to barge in on them unannounced, when to her horror, Meryl recognized Vash's boots and her own white cape struggling to escape from Milly's grasp. Among other things. She felt her jaw drop open.

"Oh, Ma'am, Mr. Vash, I'm – I'm sorry! I didn't mean to interrupt, er, anything."

Milly bowed in hasty apology, an action that sent some more items tumbling to the floor. She let out an embarrassed laugh.

"I just thought you might be needing these back… Maybe not right at this moment, but eventually…"

"… Thank you," inserted Meryl hollowly.

"They were outside scattered all over the place. People were staring."

A bit flustered at the uncomfortable silence, Milly glanced over at the open window, then quickly back towards Meryl and Vash, who had both remained paralyzed since her entrance. Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Oh dear, the bed is broken! Did you sleep well?"

They flinched. Blushing slightly, Milly brought her hand up and lightly rapped it against her head.

"Silly, silly Milly! Always stating the obvious, like my Big Big Brother would often tell me. You had to have been sleeping pretty well to manage that, right? Er… anyway, see you at breakfast!"

Milly unceremoniously dropped the bundle on the floor and made to leave. But she paused with her hand on the doorknob.

"Wait a minute… that's not everything I came in here for."

Milly appeared to be momentarily struggling with herself. Then as she turned back around, Meryl noticed that her face was no longer pink. Rather Milly looked determined as she came to stand next to the foot of the bed, looking at Vash and Meryl firmly. They both gaped at her wordlessly.

"I have something I've been meaning to say to you since yesterday. Both of you. You've been acting kind of odd and secretive, and there's been no reason for it. So I wanted to let you guys know how I feel about all this –."

Meryl trembled, a fist of cold guilt twisting in her stomach. Even Vash seemed to be tensed. Was Milly finally going to let them have it?

"I'm just so HAPPY for you guys! It's about TIME you two got together! You have no idea how MUCH I've been rooting for you both! And I'm sure I know exactly what Mr. Wolfwood would say –!"

Meryl saw her gaze dip briefly down to the bed then up again. She flashed them an exultant thumbs up.

"YOU GO, MR. VASH!!!"

Then she hurriedly exited the room.

"Hyuh… HOLD it, Milly!" Vash hollered as he stumbled up from the floor. "It's not what it looks like! I mean, not exactly –!"

He looked bewilderedly at Meryl, who responded by rolling over on to her stomach.

"Oh, what's the use anymore?" she groaned into the sheets.

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