This is the final shot. I haven't decided yet if I'm doing a sequel or not... the ending kind of leaves it open for one though. So depending on the amount of reviews, there might possibly be one.
I didn't know what else to do with this, so I suppose it's finished. I'm not quite happy with it to be honest, but as I said, I didn't know what other changes to make.
Thanks as always goes to gwynwhyver. She helped me out quite a bit with this last installment. But, I did make additional changes she hasn't seen, so any mistakes in the additions are purely my own. My apologies for any mistakes.
Thanks so much to everybody who read! I loved writing this and hoped that you all enjoyed it reading it. And an extra special thanks goes to those who reviewed. I really appreicate it!
So here it is... the final part.
As always, please review! I love seeing what my readers are thinking!
Part 3
He glanced at his clock. Three a.m. Who the hell was banging on his door at three in the morning? He grumbled as he got out of bed and began searching for his t-shirt. The knocking became impatient and Tommy was getting irritated. "I'm coming! Hang on!"
He tiredly walked over to the door, opened it, and found an anxious Sadie on the other side. His stomach dropped to the floor. He knew instantly that something wasn't right. The fact that Sadie's eyes were puffy kind of gave that away. "What is it? What's wrong?"
He stepped aside so she could come in, though he didn't have a good feeling about her visit. "Sadie?"
He heard her swallow nervously. "It's Jude. We can't find her."
He suddenly was wide-awake and he instantly tried to calm his mind so it wouldn't trudge up horrible scenarios. It wasn't working. Okay, okay. Calm down Quincy. Panicking isn't going to help anybody. Deep breaths. He tried the deep breathing thing and it kind of worked. He allowed another second or two to calm himself and proceeded to try and think of anything that might be useful.
He then remembered something Darius had told him. "I thought this was a frequent occurrence with her. She'd bail, you guys wouldn't be able to find her, and then she'd turn up—" apparently that wasn't the right thing to say judging by the look on Sadie's face, so he immediately shut up.
"How would you know? Were you here when all that happened?" He winced, knowing she had a point. He was surprised to see a guilty looking Sadie when he looked up again. "I'm sorry."
He blinked in surprise, not really expecting an apology for that. Hell, it was true, after all. "It's okay. You don't—"
"No, that was out of line." She bit her lip and looked at him with a mixture of guilt and sympathy in her eyes. "Kwest told me why you left. It's the only reason I'm even standing here right now. I'm sorry and I shouldn't have said that," she sighed. "But you're right. She would do this all the time, but never for this long. She would usually call somebody to let them know she was okay. But nobody's heard anything. We've done a sweep of all her usual spots and nothing. Nobody's even seen her." She hugged herself and rubbed her arms. "I'm worried, Tom."
"We'll find her, okay?" he tried to sound confident, but his voice came across as weak and unsure. Sadie knew her sister better than anybody and the fact that she was worried was unsettling to him. His eyes narrowed as he realized that her boyfriend was nowhere to be found. "Where's Kwest?"
"He's checking out all of her hang-outs again. Just double-checking, you know?" He nodded and silence followed. She glanced at him nervously. "Have you…?"
He immediately understood what she meant and he shook his head. "Sorry, Sadie. I'm kind of the last person she'd come to, anyway." Her face fell and he felt horrible for her. He couldn't begin to imagine the panic and the fear she was feeling. Sure, he was scared, but it wasn't the same thing. Jude was her only sibling and she had no idea where she was… if she was safe or hurt. He never had a connection like that with any of his brothers or sisters, so he had no idea. He tried to give Sadie a supportive smile, one that said that they would find Jude safe and sound. "Let me get dressed. I'll help you guys look for her."
Her voice was hopeful. "Really?"
"Of course. I want to find her, too," he reassured Sadie and she looked as though she was a little more at ease.
Twenty minutes later, he was on the road after reassuring Sadie that he would call if he found Jude. She gave him the names of the places that they had checked already and his face contorted at some of the names on there. It was a testament to just how much Jude had changed since he'd been gone. She wouldn't have been caught dead at those places before. When Sadie had read off the name of a local strip joint, she had to take an additional ten minutes just to calm him down and assure him that Jude wasn't stripping. Apparently she was 'friends' with the owner. He had a feeling Sadie was using that term loosely, but didn't press the matter.
He sighed as he drove aimlessly. He never thought he'd be looking for Jude Harrison at nearly four in the morning. This seemed like more of a Tommy thing to do.
He bit his lip as he thought of a possible place she might be. He didn't know if she'd be there or not, but Sadie and Kwest had tried everywhere else, even her old hangouts.
He turned his blinker on, made an immediate left, and prayed that she would be there. They were running out of places she would go and it was getting rather discouraging.
He felt himself growing anxious as the rehearsal space building came into view. He really doubted she'd be here, but it was worth a shot.
He easily found a parking space, made quick work of locking his vehicle, and headed for the old club. He made his way down to the floor of 'their spot,' growing more and more nervous with each step. As he approached the door, he swallowed, praying that she was here. The sound of the old creaking door filled the air, protesting at being pried open after staying shut for so long. It created a ghostly, eerie feeling; it sounded downright creepy.
He braced himself as he peered inside.
His heart sank. She wasn't here. Not that he expected her to be, but he thought maybe she might have chosen this place to hideaway. It was a good hiding spot, after all. Not many people knew about it.
He sighed, trying to think of another place she could be. He worked with her once, right? Right. They had shared a connection once, right? Right. So maybe… he shut his eyes, trying to picture where she would go, what place would hold a sentimental meaning to her. And just like that, he knew where she was. Or at least he hoped he did.
Why you think that you know me
But in your eyes
Jude sat at the pier, staring out into the water. She knew her sister and Kwest were probably frantically searching for her by now, but she just couldn't deal with them right now. She needed time to collect herself and pull it together. Yes, she knew she was being selfish, but she didn't care. Not right now, anyway.
Nobody knew she came to the pier; she had always given off the air of hating this place. So nobody would think to look for her and that's why she was here. Only one other person knew that she came here to think and that was Josh. And he wouldn't tell Sadie or Kwest where she was. She knew that much.
She had come so close to letting Tom Quincy back in her life again today. She had slowly started cracking as he was telling her what happened, but there was something about his demeanor that triggered a red flag. She had gotten the distinct feeling that he wasn't being entirely honest with her. That story of his just seemed too simple.
And Tom Quincy wasn't simple. She had learned that at the early age of fifteen when he had run out of hair gel and forced an intern to go to the store and get some more for him.
She had teased him mercilessly for days afterwards, always earning a scowl from him because of her jabs. He had said it was a 'hot day' and his hair was a nightmare when it got frizzy. Kwest would always reply that he just wanted an excuse to look in the mirror some more, which, in turn, would cause Jude to smirk. Tommy didn't need an excuse to look in the mirror. Those banters had always been a good source of entertainment for Kwest and he usually egged them on.
She shook her head at how complicated things had become for them. No longer were they arguing about hair gel usage and mirrors. All she wanted from him was the truth. Was that so damn hard?
She had been so lost in thought that she didn't hear footsteps approaching. If she had, she would have made a beeline for her car, which luckily was only a few steps away. "It's pretty, isn't it?" She froze. Damn it. Why did it have to be him?
"Josh. Now's really not a good time."
"Even for me?" he inquired.
"Especially you. I just… I just need time to myself."
He let out a frustrated sigh. "You've been saying that a lot lately, you know that?"
"And I'm sorry, alright! I just have a lot of shit going on right now."
"I guess I can understand that." Silence passed and she heard the shuffling of feet. He cleared his throat. "So how'd my suggestion work out for you last time?"
She gritted her teeth angrily as she remembered just what happened to his 'solution'. Talk about a let down. She turned around to face him and shrugged. "It was confiscated."
"You got caught?! What's the matter with you?"
She scoffed, angry that he seemed to think she did it on purpose. "It's not like I was expecting my producer to pop back into my life at that exact moment! He'd been gone for the last four months, so how was I supposed to—"
He put his hands up in a surrendering motion. He knew Tommy was practically a taboo topic. "Okay, okay. Claws back in, please." He reached in his pocket and pulled out another bag of coke. "Just so happens, I managed to get my hands on this for free. If you want it, it's yours."
She bit her lip, not knowing what to do this time. She knew she shouldn't, she knew that. But it could be so easy. All she had to do was reach her hand out, take that small bag, and after a few lines, she would be numb. Just like that. It was what she wanted. She was tired of feeling.
She started to reach for the bag, but paused as a picture of Tommy's angry face filtered through her head. He had been so mad when he walked in that office. And disappointed. She had known at the time that he was disappointed, but didn't like to focus too much on that part. She didn't like the feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thought about it.
Shit. There it was. That stupid feeling that she didn't like to think about. Only this time, it came at her like a tidal wave. It made her feel physically ill and for a second she thought she might actually throw up.
She quickly pulled her hand back and let out a frustrated scream. She walked over to her car and angrily kicked at the tire. Damn it. Why was he still influencing her so much? Why did she care so much about what he thought?
"You know you don't have to take it, right? I know you're not into this stuff, I just… I'm sorry."
She sighed. "It's okay," she turned back to face him again. "I was just going through a brief mental block, but it's gone now." She wasn't going to let him control her life. If she wanted to do coke, so what? She didn't need his approval. Embrace the cliché. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. She could deal with that.
She ignored that feeling in her stomach that was swiftly returning as she reached up to take a hold of the bag. She wasn't going to let him get to her anymore. She was going to move past him—as they like to say, she was going to cut the cord.
As she was getting ready to accept the bag, Josh was violently pulled away from her. What the hell?
Josh was now completely pinned against her vehicle, so she couldn't immediately tell who the attacker was because his back was facing her. But she had a feeling she already knew who it was… even without looking.
She groaned as she saw the back of a guy in a very familiar leather jacket. How had she not even heard him approach?
"Who the hell are you?" Josh demanded.
I am something above you
It's only in your mind
"Somebody you don't want to piss off, and I'm sorry to say that you've already done that."
She huffed in annoyance. He really got on her nerves sometimes. "What the hell are you doing here, Tommy?"
Josh quirked an eyebrow. "So this is Quincy?" He started laughing after she nodded her head. She cringed as the laughter vibrated through the air. The only thing Josh was doing was pissing Tommy off even more.
She was feeling irritated, not to mention she was exhausted. She sighed, "What are you doing here, Tom?" she asked again.
Finally, he turned his head away from Josh to glare at her. "Looking for you, what do you think?"
"Looking for me, huh? Well you found me, so now you can go," she said dismissively.
Josh smirked arrogantly at Tommy. "Hear that, 'Lil Tommy Q? She said to leave, so leave."
Jude groaned. Oh Josh had no idea what he just did.
As predicted, Tommy was fully pissed now. He pulled Josh away from the car by the collar of his jacket and proceeded to shove him forcefully back up against the car again. "The name's Quincy, punk, and I would advise you to shut your mouth. Like I said, you don't want to be on the receiving end of my anger."
She could tell Josh was a little scared of Tommy now. Hell, she would have been scared of him the second he said not to piss him off. But, being the stubborn jackass that he was, Josh wasn't about to let an ex-boybander intimidate him. "What are you going to do, huh? Shake your ass at me? Sorry, but I don't swing that way."
Tommy was grinning sardonically by this point and Jude audibly gulped. That was most definitely the wrong thing to say to Tom Quincy.
"What am I going to do? That's a good question kid. How 'bout I forget the fact that I went to juvie for murder?" he said dangerously.
Jude gasped and Josh immediately cowered, offering no smart-ass remark in return. But it was as if Tommy had realized his mistake. His eyes shut and he immediately released Josh, slowly turning to Jude. He shook his head and opened his eyes again. He began to take a step towards her but she took three steps back from him.
Murder.
He murdered somebody.
Oh God.
She was in love with a killer.
She was visibly shaking and she felt like she was going to be sick. Scratch that. She was going to be sick.
She turned away from him and simultaneously met the contents of her stomach.
As she was heaving her dinner, she felt a hand brush her hair out of her face, holding it back as she continued to vomit.
Finally, when she was finished, she realized whose hand was holding her hair back.
His.
She immediately moved away from him because she couldn't deal with the friction he was causing. She just found out that he had killed somebody; she didn't need to be reminded of the fact that a simple touch made her want to jump his bones.
"Jude… I can explain."
"Explain?" Her voice was scratchy and hardly recognizable. Her head was spinning and she didn't know how to process this new information. "How could you possibly explain murder?"
She avoided his gaze, unable to look at him. This… this… how was she supposed to look past something like this? How was she supposed to be okay with it? She didn't know if she could. Her faith in him had diminished to practically nothing the minute he left her calling out his name in the middle of the street. She didn't know if she could believe anything he said now.
As she looked around, she noticed that Josh was now gone. Somehow, she wasn't surprised.
"I didn't have a choice. I swear. I would never murder somebody in cold blood!" he stated determinedly.
She didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say.
She refused to look at him, so she gazed out at the pier, turning her body completely away from him. "Self-defense?" she whispered. Her voice came across as disbelieving; it almost sounded accusatory.
"I… Jesus you weren't supposed to find out like this." He let out an aggravated sigh. "I was going to tell you about it earlier today, but I backed out. I knew this would happen. You're going to tune out everything I say."
Jude's anger rose as he finished speaking. "Don't tell me how I'm going to react!"
"You're doing it right now! I disgust you and it's evident. You won't even listen to what I have to say!"
"That's not true!" she shouted right back.
He rolled his eyes. "Self-defense?" he mocked.
For some reason, she actually felt guilty. He was right. She was jumping to conclusions too quickly, something she always did. But how the hell was she supposed to react to something like that? She had no idea.
She didn't want to believe him at all, actually. She wanted to believe that he just said that as a scare tactic for Josh, but seeing the way he was handling himself, the self-loathing written all over his face, she could tell it was true. He had taken a human life. He wasn't lying.
She realized then that she didn't know him at all. She had always been so sure she had Quincy figured out.
She sighed as she watched him walk away from her to sit at the edge of the pier. He needed her to listen to him and she wasn't.
She had always told him that she wanted the truth. Well she got it and this was how she was acting? No wonder he was flipping out; no wonder he never told her the truth to begin with. Maybe he knew her better than she thought he did.
The thought was unsettling.
So maybe she should surprise herself and him. She needed to not be a kid—the thing he always accused her of being. She decided it was time to be a grown-up. She finally got what she wanted and now she needed to let him explain himself—without being judgmental.
She walked over to him and sat down next to him, trying to create a comfortable distance between them. She didn't want to be too close to him, but at the same time, she didn't want him to back out of talking to her. She had a feeling if she was too standoffish that he wouldn't talk.
He looked over at her and she felt her heart breaking for him. The look on his face told her that he had often thought about telling her the truth, but it was this constant struggle for him. One look said so much and she felt her throat tightening.
She looked away to look out at the water, waiting for him to talk when he was ready.
He took a deep breath and she thought he was going to start talking, but he didn't. She glanced over at him and saw that his eyes were tightly shut, as if he were trying to block something out of his mind with his eyes. "Tommy?" He didn't say anything and her eyes narrowed. Did he not hear her? "Tommy?" she whispered. It was like he was in his own world, shutting out everything and everyone around him. The sight was entrancing. It was as though he had drifted off to another place entirely. His body was present, but she had a feeling that was the only bit of him that was.
She was almost afraid. Almost. When he didn't answer again, she reached her hand out and touched him lightly, tentatively on the shoulder.
His eyes snapped open at the contact and she immediately removed her hand.
But something strange happened.
He grabbed her hand and held onto it tightly, squeezing it—and she didn't pull away.
The strange thing was that she realized that she didn't want to, either.
"It happened in junior high," he finally croaked out.
She was finally going to hear it. The truth. Only now, she wasn't sure she wanted to. "You don't have to—"
"I need to. I have to. It just might take me a while." She nodded, waiting for him to gather his thoughts.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed—she was too aware of his very large, calloused hand wrapped around her own. Her stomach was doing summersaults at the sensations he was causing. She swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous for some reason.
She bit her lip as he started to talk again. "I was taking a walk after school go meet my 'gang' as we liked to call ourselves. If you couldn't guess already, I wasn't a good kid. I was a troublemaker, a bully… I was basically a Holy terror. Even at thirteen I had a lot of issues—ones that nobody seemed to want to deal with. By that age, I had made quite a name for myself down at the local precinct.
"Anyway, that day I took a shortcut, or at least I thought it was, and wound up in a really bad neighborhood instead. Some guy jumped me and started beating the shit out of me. I tried to fight him off, but he was so much bigger than me…"
He squeezed her hand tightly again and she could feel him shaking. He hung his head before he continued. "I had a switchblade I carried with me all the time and somehow I managed to get to it. I don't even remember reaching for it. But uh, the next thing I knew, the knife was in this guy's stomach."
He was silent after that and Jude didn't know what to say. She had so much to process. She couldn't believe she had finally heard the truth and that he finally let her in and told her everything. Now that she knew the story, she didn't know what to do with it.
She knew it had taken a lot for him to come out and tell her something so horrible that he had done.
As she silently watched him, she wondered what was going through his head; how he was dealing with everything. Most of all, she wanted to know if now that he told her the truth, he wanted to run. That's what he was known for, after all.
He must have felt her gaze because before she knew it, he looked over to her and slightly raised an eyebrow. "You don't have anything to say?"
She sighed and for some reason intertwined their fingers. She didn't know what possessed to her to do it, but it felt… right.
"Why did you call it murder?" she whispered.
He scrunched his face, confused apparently. "What are you talking about? I killed somebody, Jude. Or did you miss that part?" he said bitterly.
She smiled softly and shook her head, "No, Tommy. I didn't. But what you did… that wasn't murder. That guy was probably going to kill you if you hadn't—"
He roughly pulled his hand away and stood up, walking away from her. "That doesn't change the fact that another man lost his life because of me. Obviously the cops agreed with me. Apparently my record was against me," he finished ruefully.
"But if you were beaten as badly as—"
"Jude, I was lucky I even got tried as a minor! Like I just said, my record was against me and I was known for lying habitually. The judge on the case had dealt with the me before and wasn't known for being lenient. Plus, it didn't help matters much that the one witness to everything lied on the stand."
"What?"
He nodded. "It was the guy's brother. I had run away from the scene because I was afraid, so that didn't help my case any. It just made me look even guiltier. The guy's brother identified me when they did the sketch. They took me into custody a day later and when I went to trial, the guy completely distorted the story. Nothing was working in my favor, so eventually I was found guilty and went to juvie."
"How'd you get out?"
He sighed and walked back over to the edge of the pier. He sat down again before he answered. "Pure luck, really. Out of nowhere, the guy's brother confessed that he lied on the witness stand. Apparently, he was feeling too guilty that he lied to get some twisted revenge on me. But, really I give all the credit to a woman who changed me forever." He smiled, apparently remembering the woman he was talking about. "Mrs. McCally. She's a fierce lady. She introduced me to music and taught me everything she knows. She was a godsend. If it hadn't been for her, I probably would have went right back to jail. She was actually responsible for my Boyz Attack audition."
She smirked and Tommy rolled his eyes. "This is a serious conversation, Harrison. Must you ream me for my Boyz Attack days?"
"I must. You know if an opportunity presents itself…"
Only in your mind
I wear a
For the first time since his return, they sat in a comfortable silence, which she found odd, considering the conversation they just went through.
She felt so much more at ease now that she listened to him. And what's more was she believed him. Every word. It felt nice.
He looked at her and smiled softly as he took her hand again. She stared and felt her heart hammering in her chest. She barely registered the fact that Tommy was speaking. "You know, for a night that started out extremely shitty, it's turned out pretty nice," he whispered.
She didn't say anything, but simply stared at their hands. She wasn't sure how she felt about it. Yes, it felt nice—no, it felt great, was more like it—but there were still things holding her back. Mainly herself.
She wasn't good enough for him; she didn't deserve him. Not after all the shit she's pulled the last couple of months.
She slowly and reluctantly pulled her hand out from his. He frowned and she looked away, but he reached out his hand and turned her face back to his, wanting an explanation for her actions.
She shut her eyes and savored the warmth his hand on her cheek offered. But she knew she wouldn't be able to talk to him with his hand resting on her cheek like that. She brought up both of her hands to his wrist and pulled his arm down. "What's going on, Jude? I thought…"
She smiled and shook her head. "It's me, Tommy. I just… I'm not in a good place right now," she whispered. "There's a lot going on that you don't know about." He nodded, shifting away from her slightly. And it starts… They really did make quite the pair. She sighed. "Tommy, don't."
"I get it. It's fine," he stated.
"No, you don't get it. I'm messed up! I have a lot of things that I need to deal with." She brought her knees to her chest and hugged her legs, resting her chin on her kneecaps. "When you left, I didn't handle it very well," she finally admitted. She was even more shocked that she admitted it to him.
"Jude. I didn't tell you all of this so you would tell me what's going on with you—"
"I know that. I know. I just… I need to get this out, okay?"
He nodded. "Okay."
She stared at him, studying him. "Don't interrupt me. If you start doing that thing where you feel guilty and try to cut me off—"
"I won't interrupt you. Promise," he chuckled.
She nodded and continued. She knew if she didn't continue right then that she would back out later. She took a deep breath and tried to prepare herself. "When you left, I didn't know what to do. I was so confused and hurt and angry. So I bailed on my record-release party. I met Mason in Barrie and a lot happened that night. A lot of things I regret.
"I wanted to be numb. I didn't want to feel anything, so when a guy offered to buy me some shots, I accepted. I didn't think for once—I just went with it. I don't remember how much I had to drink, but I know it was a lot. It was enough to get me drunk."
She paused, shuddering as she remembered waking up the next morning. She had been in her bra and underwear, completely confused and disoriented. She remembered feeling so panicked when she looked down and realized what she was wearing… or not wearing, rather.
And her panic had only increased when she realized she couldn't remember what happened.
"I don't really remember much, to be honest. Mason told me he saw the guy take me to the room, but after that, I don't know anything. The next thing I remember was waking up in my bra and underwear." She heard Tommy's sharp intake of breath and she couldn't bear to look at him. She turned away, embarrassed and ashamed that she was even telling this story in the first place.
She was grateful for his silence. She wasn't sure she couldn't handle anything else. "When I went back home the next morning, I wanted to put that night behind me—I wanted to put you behind me. So, I did everything I could to stay busy. I wrote like crazy, recorded, even produced a few of my own songs. Everything was going so well and I was happy.
"But then about a month after the Barrie incident, a package arrived for me. I didn't recognize who it was from, but I opened it anyway, assuming it might be fan-mail or something."
She paused again and shut her eyes, wishing she had never gotten that stupid package. "It wasn't fan-mail."
"What was it?"
"Blackmail," she whispered. "The guy that bought me the drinks had taken pictures of me, apparently, and demanded 50,000 or he was going to turn them over to the press. I didn't have that kind of money and even if I had had it, I doubted I would have given it to him. I was so angry that after I worked so hard at pulling everything together, somebody was threatening to take it all away from me.
"So, I took matters into my own hands, wanting to be the one in control. I posted the pictures on my website, going against the blackmailer, trying to shoot down his plan. But the joke was on me. My reputation was ruined after that. I couldn't get anybody to take me seriously. My fans were slowly turning on me… my album sales were plummeting.
"My father… my father was angry. He actually called and started laying into me, basically telling me how stupid I was for doing something like that. We haven't spoken since. Mom called and I basically went through the same thing with her. She was calling to tell me how embarrassed she was that I would do something so reckless and irresponsible.
"I didn't know who to turn to. Jamie was always with Patsy, Spiederman was never around, and Mason was still on tour. I didn't really have anybody. I felt isolated. Sadie was there, but she was so busy. I felt like a burden to her and that just made me even angrier. So I started going out to party and let loose… to just forget everything.
"Soon after I started partying, I met Josh at The Chain and basically things progressed to what they are now. I just was tired of it. Nobody was taking me seriously anyway, so I didn't know why I was trying so hard anymore. I just started partying even harder with Josh and he introduced me to a new lifestyle. He gave me this weird sense of security. It's hard to explain, but I guess I just feel wanted when I'm around him… And you should know that I've only ever done drugs once, Tommy. I had tried some marijuana and hated it, so I never really did it again after that. The past two times you caught me with the coke were the only other times I'd even considered doing drugs again. I swear."
She looked over at Tommy who had a somewhat blank expression on his face. There was one readable emotion—he looked mad. "Are you finished?" he asked with a clipped tone.
She nodded, not trusting her voice anymore. She knew he would be disappointed, but this was almost too much for her to deal with. After she had listened to him without judging him, this was what she got? She knew she shouldn't have said anything, she knew she shouldn't have let him back in again.
Well, at least now she knew. Now she could protect herself from him again…
"Jude, I'm sorry."
She blinked, not quite sure she heard him correctly. "What?"
"I'm sorry. If I hadn't let Louis—"
She knew where he was going with this and cut him off immediately, feeling relief that she had been wrong with her assumptions. "Tommy, this isn't your fault. It was my choice to go to Barrie," she stated stubbornly.
"But if I hadn't left, you wouldn't have gone! We would have been on our date and you wouldn't have to deal with any of this right now."
"Stop it. I told you before I started talking not to do this. I made that choice to go to Barrie, not you. It was stupid and I shouldn't have been so dependent on you in the first place. Maybe I blamed you in the beginning, but I realize now that that's not fair. The only person that made me go to that bar was me. So don't do this. You had no control over any of it."
More silence passed and she had to admit that she felt better now that she talked about some of it. It felt like a huge load had been lifted off her shoulders. She couldn't believe that she and Quincy just sat down and had a conversation like this and were as calm as they both were.
She still wasn't quite sure how she felt about things between her and Tommy, but she didn't feel the need to be so hostile towards him anymore.
If she were honest with herself, she'd admit that she had missed him. It was a lot of work staying angry with him and it was very tiring. She wanted him back in her life, but she wasn't sure as what. She didn't know if things would ever go back to the way they once were.
I wear a
I wear a Halo
He sighed, voicing the very question that she had just been thinking about. "So where does this leave… us?"
"I don't know," she answered honestly. She looked away from him as she spoke again. For some reason, she was too afraid to look at him for this. "But I do know that I want you back in my life again. I miss you," she whispered timidly.
For the second time that night, he turned her head towards him, forcing her chin up to look at him. He was smiling and he brought his forehead to hers. "I missed you too, Big Eyes," he said softly.
She couldn't fight the smile that was forming on her lips even if she wanted to. It felt so good to be here like this with him, to have everything out in the open.
She saw him leaning in the rest of the way and for a second, she thought he was going to kiss her. She sighed in relief when she felt his arms wrap around her waste instead, enveloping her in a hug that felt long over-do. She quickly returned the hug, and sighed, content.
For the first time in a long time, she thought she might be okay again.