Not Letting You Go

Chapter 11

Disclaimer & Author Note: First, thank you to everyone who is still with me, reading and reviewing my story. It really means a lot to me that you all like it. Second, I'm taking a minute to give a HUGE thanks to FraidyCat for being my wonderful Beta.

Now for the disclaimer--I will be making a loose reference to a famous H.A. Rey character. I am trying to not use the character's name, but anyone reading it will know who I'm referencing as I make mention of a monkey. I have nothing but admiration and love for the character. I tried very hard to not use the name as not to infringe on anyone's rights, but the character just worked so well with how I wanted to relate the brothers. I hold no claim to the H.A. Rey character and have only the deepest respect for the creators of the character, whom so many have come to enjoy and love. Thanks Montez

Alan didn't like canned soup. He preferred to make his own from scratch; however, they always kept some on hand. He had just finished heating it up when he heard Donnie coming down the stairs. He held back his own tears as he saw the despair in his son's face. This was really taking its toll on Donnie and Alan felt useless to take the pain away.

Donnie slowly made his way through the kitchen, not meeting his father's worried glances, taking a seat at the small table in the corner. Alan set a glass of water in front of him, and Donnie slowly took a drink.

Alan wanted to see if Donnie would talk, but really wasn't surprised when his son remained silent. So Alan went about placing the bowl of soup and a sandwich in front of his eldest. He softly squeezed Donnie's shoulder as he turned to retrieve his own bowl. They ate in silence.

Donnie didn't have an appetite but knew he needed to eat, if only to not further worry his father. As they finished the phone rang. Donnie jumped up.

"I'll get it." He nearly knocked his chair over rushing to answer the phone. "Hello!" He was nearly breathless as he felt his heart racing. "Hey mom, how's Charlie?…They did?…Okay. What's the number…" He grabbed the pencil and paper that was kept near the phone. "525...Yeah mom I got it…No we just ate, we're coming back soon…I love you too mom…bye." Hanging the phone up Donnie turned toward Alan. "They moved Charlie to the fifth floor--room 525."

Alan turned to putting some soup into a microwave bowl. "Okay, as soon as I get this together for your mother we'll go."

Without another word to his father Donnie left the kitchen heading upstairs. Alan figured he was going up to get his shoes and jacket so he'd be ready to go. Donnie made his way to the hallway, intent on getting his things together, but instead found himself standing in Charlie's room. He looked around. His brother's room never looked like your typical child's room, filled with childhood toys. Charlie's toys were more obscure, intelligence puzzles. Where Donnie had baseball players' posters on his wall, Charlie had pages of equations taped to his. Then there were the books; math journals, college level calculus and several books on famous mathematicians. Then Donnie saw what he was unconsciously looking for. It was one of Charlie's favorite childhood books, the lone children's book, the only thing in Charlie's room that looked like it belonged in a kid's room. Maybe not a thirteen-year-olds room, but still. Ever since Charlie could follow Donnie around and found the book in his big brother's room, he had been fascinated with it.

Donnie, at one time, started calling Charlie by the main character's name--'Curious Charlie', as he was always wanting to know how things worked, even before his gift had been discovered. At one point Charlie would beg Donnie to read and reread the book to him and Donnie would. Donnie remembered the Christmas Charlie had turned five; all he wanted was his own little stuffed monkey to carry around. Donnie remembered his parents searching everywhere, even making some phone calls to relatives out of state to find the right one. They managed to finally find one and for years after Charlie would take his friend everywhere with him. Once Charlie had entered high school, he took to hiding it, fearful one of Donnie's friends would accidentally see it and start teasing him.

Donnie, however, knew exactly where Charlie had hidden it. So with the book in his hand, he got down and looked under the bed, and there in a worn-out shoe box was the much-loved and equally worn monkey. Double checking to make sure it was still in the box, Donnie grabbed it and the book, taking them both to his room. He grabbed the duffle bag usually used to carry some of his baseball gear, and after carefully placing the two objects inside, he zipped it shut.

"Donnie!"

Donnie heard his father calling from downstairs. He slipped his shoes on, grabbed his jacket and the duffle bag and headed down.

Alan eyed the duffle. "What have you got in there?"

Donnie shrugged his shoulder. "Just something I thought Charlie might like." With that they made their way out the back door, back toward the hospital and Charlie.

As Alan and Donnie made their way toward Charlie's new room, Alan recognized Dr. Sanders at the nurse's station. Turning as he heard someone approaching, Dr. Sanders held his hand out to Alan. "Mr. Eppes."

Alan accepted the doctor's hand, "Dr. Sanders."

The doctor looked at Donnie. "This must be Charlie's older brother?"

Alan glanced at Donnie's confused look. "Donnie this is Dr Sanders, one of the hospital's psychiatrists. Remember Dr. McDonald mentioned that once Charlie wakes up he would probably have to talk with someone."

Donnie glared at Dr. Sanders. Alan knew Donnie didn't like the idea of the doctors thinking something was mentally wrong with Charlie. "He's not crazy," Donnie said calmly, but Alan could hear the underlying anger in his son's voice.

Dr. Sanders glanced at Alan, giving him an 'I've seen this reaction before' nod, then he looked back at Donnie. "I don't believe he is. I just want to try and understand the reason why he may have felt this was the best way for him to handle whatever may have been bothering him. Please understand, I'm only here to help your brother." He paused, watching Donnie's reaction, then he spoke to Alan. "Mr. Eppes, would it be possible to speak with Donnie for just a few minutes alone?"

Alan looked at his son. "Donnie?"

Donnie looked at his father, then at the doctor. "If it will help Charlie, fine." His voice was abrupt, but filled with underlying emotion. Dr. Sanders motioned Donnie toward a quiet corner of the waiting area near the nurse's station. Alan decided to wait nearby, just in case Donnie needed him. Donnie and Dr. Sanders took seats across from one another.

Dr. Sanders spoke first. "Donnie, I really want to be able to help Charlie when he wakes up. I understand it could still be a while, even though he has been moved up here to a regular room." Dr. Sanders watched the array of emotions pass over the face of the young man across from him. "Is there anything you can think of that may have prompted this type of behavior from your brother?"

Donnie released a deep breath, rubbing his hand over his face, only just noticing he didn't shave while he was at home. He cleared his throat. "Mom and Dad told you he's a genius, right?" Dr. Sanders nodded. "Charlie may have the intellect of someone much older, but he's still a thirteen-year-old kid. I think people forget that. He's going to graduate with me…Do you realize he's a kid getting ready to graduate from high school and start college in the fall?" Donnie shook his head. "You know, I'm almost eighteen and I'm a bit scared about graduating. I mean real life starts after graduation, with college, and having to find a job; I'm overwhelmed sometimes. I can't imagine what Charlie's thinking, I mean when I was thirteen I was thinking about baseball and girls." He sighed and continued. "High school has been hell for him." Donnie rubbed his eyes. "And I'm sure I haven't helped," he whispered.

Dr. Sanders looked up from his notes. "How so?"

Donnie leaned back, "I treat him like the annoying little brother he is. I ignore him almost completely, especially at school. I don't talk to him much because all he wants to talk about is math that I'll never even begin to understand. I push him away because I'm uncomfortable, I shut myself off from him, I've been a terrible brother." Tears were forming in but not falling from Donnie's eyes. "I noticed that he had been quiet lately. Our folks have been having 'discussions' about Charlie's college prospects. It hasn't been exactly smooth sailing around the house, you'd have to be an idiot not to feel some of the tension. There have been so many offers, of course, and the best ones are from out of state. It's been tough on our parents, they try not to show it in front of us, but we know it's there." Once Donnie had started talking everything just spilled out. Maybe, subconsciously, he needed someone to reassure him, someone who could see him, not just him in Charlie's shadow. He needed some assurance that what he felt was okay, even though guilt was his overwhelming feeling. "Charlie seemed really quiet to me at dinner the other night, so I decided to check on him later. I wanted to see if he wanted to talk. That's when…" Donnie's voice broke as the images of that night started to play out in his mind again.

"When you found him?" Dr. Sanders asked, seeing that Donnie was only just holding it together.

"Yeah."

The doctor wanted to reassure the young man across from him. "You know, Dr. McDonald told me if it wasn't for you finding your brother when you did, he wouldn't have made it."

Donnie looked up. Tears were finally breaking free, slowly rolling down his face. "If it wasn't for me he wouldn't have been in that position to start with."

Dr. Sanders both looked and sounded surprised at Donnie's comment. "How do you figure that?"

"If I hadn't pushed him away. If I had just tried to listen to him, if I…if I had just realized how much he meant to me, I could have let him know that he could have come to me about anything." The doctor noticed Alan approaching, seeing that his son was becoming upset.

Dr. Sanders leaned forward, placing a reassuring hand on Donnie's arm. "You're a normal big brother, treating his little brother like all big brothers do. Trust me, I have two older brothers. You ignore him, you annoy him, just like he does you, but deep down, where it counts, you love your brother and I believe Charlie knows that. I believe that you two have a connection that you don't even realize. Something made you want to check on your brother that night and you didn't ignore that." Donnie felt his father's hand on his shoulder as he listened as the doctor continued. "Like you said, he's dealing with things that normally wouldn't affect him for several more years. He may not be old enough to understand that this stress is temporary. One thing I have seen from talking with your parents and now talking with you, is that you all care for and very much love your brother. In his confusion he may have somehow lost sight of that." Dr. Sanders wanted to comfort the young man in front of him. This boy too was dealing with a lot of stress and emotion. In addition to the normal teenage stresses, but with the events that had transpired over the last several days was clearly overwhelming; from finding and resuscitating his baby brother, to having his mother's unjustified wrath directed at him. The doctor felt a deep concern for Donnie, apart from what was happening with Charlie. He hoped once the younger boy woke up, that both boys would get the help it seemed they needed.

Donnie wiped the tears from his face. "All I want is to do whatever it takes to get my brother back."

The doctor looked at him, then at Alan. "That's exactly what I want to help you do. Thank you Donnie for talking with me, this will help me when the time comes for me to talk with Charlie. Talking with you, I have realized that Charlie has got something working in his favor already, that I wouldn't ever be able to give him." Dr. Sanders looked Donnie right in the eyes. "He's got you Donnie, no matter what. It's important that you don't you loose sight of that. You could end up being one of the biggest factors to his recovery." With that Dr. Sanders stood, shook Alan's hand, gave Donnie a reassuring pat on the shoulder, and left father and son in the waiting area.

A few moments of silence passed as Alan allowed Donnie a chance to compose himself, and then his father spoke. "Let's go see your brother."