Not Letting You Go
Chapter 14
Once Charlie fell asleep Donnie soon followed and the boys slept through the rest of the night. Alan and Margaret also slept on and off, occasionally waking , checking on the boys. Early the next morning Margaret awoke, instinctively glancing at the boys; she saw Donnie was awake, watching his brother sleep. Through the dim light she could make out tears on Donnie's face. She stood, quietly making her way to Donnie's side.
"Donnie?"
Without taking his eyes off his brother's sleeping form he spoke. "He said he didn't know that I loved him," Donnie's voice sounded so sad and defeated, Margaret felt tears in her own eyes. Donnie turned toward his mother. "How could he not know, what did I do wrong to make him think I didn't love him?"
"Oh sweety." Margaret leaned in and laid her head against Donnie's. "Deep down I believe he knows you love him. He's confused. You haven't done anything wrong; you're the one who found him that night, and you're the one whose voice brought him back to us! He knows you love him."
Donnie returned his gaze to Charlie. He kissed the top of his brother's head, thinking about his mother's words, hoping she was right. It was breaking his heart to think his brother didn't believe he was loved.
Later in the morning Dr. McDonald returned, just as Charlie was waking up. "Good morning," the doctor said as Alan stood to greet him. "How's my patient feel this morning?" Dr. McDonald looked closely at Charlie.
"Okay I guess." Charlie didn't look up at the doctor, although he did glance at his brother next to him.
The doctor turned to look at Alan and Margaret. "We're going to be running another round of blood work and performing a CAT scan on Charlie today, just to make sure everything looks good. Afterward we'll see if he's hungry, then try and get him up and moving around." He glanced back at Charlie, "How does that sound Charlie?"
"I just want to go home," Charlie whispered.
The doctor gave a guarded smile at that. "I'm glad to hear that, but you may still be with us for at least another day." Dr. McDonald approached Charlie. "Charlie, I've got another doctor I'm going to have you talk with later today." He watched for a reaction, but only got a quick glance.
"It's about what I did, right?" Charlie sounded so small and scared.
Dr. McDonald nodded. "Yes. Charlie, we just want to try and understand why this happened."
Charlie nervously looked at the doctor, then to Donnie. "Will Donnie be able to stay?"
Glancing at Donnie, then back to Charlie the doctor answered. "That will be up to Dr. Sanders. However, shortly when we take you downstairs for your CAT scan, your family can come with you. They will have to wait outside the room as the test is conducted, but there is a waiting area right across from the door where they can wait for you, alright?" Charlie just nodded.
As he moved toward the door Dr. McDonald spoke again to Alan and Margaret. "Someone will be in shortly to take him for the scan. As I said you're more than welcome to accompany him down."
Margaret had moved to Charlie's side. He had now laid his head back, closing his eyes. "Thank you Dr. McDonald," she said, never taking her attention from Charlie.
Once the doctor left Donnie moved to get up off the bed, Charlie latched onto his shirt. "Where…where you going?" The pleading expression on Charlie's face worried Donnie.
Donnie gave his brother his most reassuring smile. "I'm just getting up so you'll have more room. You heard the doctor, they'll be taking you for a scan in a few minutes. If you want me to I'll walk with you okay?" Charlie nodded and reluctantly let go of his big brother.
Before long an orderly came in, with a wheelchair, to take Charlie downstairs. Charlie held onto Donnie's hand the whole way, their parents following behind. As they neared the room where the scan would be done, Donnie squatted down in front of Charlie. "Hey Buddy." Charlie's scared eyes met his brother's. "I'll be right here when you're done okay?" Charlie's eyes flickered in understanding as he released Donnie's hand. The family watched as Charlie disappeared through the door.
Alan closed the few steps between his son and himself, pulling Donnie into a hug. "I'm proud of you son. You're doing a great job with your brother."
Donnie tightened his embrace of his father. "He just seems so scared. I don't know what else to do for him," Donnie whispered.
Margaret reached over placing a hand on her son's arm. "What you're doing is exactly what he needs. He's needing his big brother and you're doing a wonderful job. I'm proud of you too sweety."
Donnie nodded slightly and taking a deep breath, he pulled back from his father. They found three chairs facing the door and sat, waiting for Charlie to reemerge.
About thirty minutes later the door opened and the orderly pushed Charlie out, the nurse following behind. Donnie quickly made his way to his brother's side as the nurse turned toward Alan and Margaret. "He did just fine. Dr. McDonald should be up with the preliminary results shortly. Bye Charlie." The nurse gave him a slight wave as Charlie was wheeled toward the elevator.
Once they had returned to Charlie's room another nurse came in to draw blood and to ask him what he'd like to eat. "I don't know. I really don't feel hungry."
Donnie looked at his brother. "You have got to eat something, how about some soup or something?"
Charlie met his big brother's gaze. "Whatever you think Donnie." So with that the nurse agreed to send him up some soup and toast. Once it arrived Charlie just looked at it.
"Buddy, you have to eat it if you want to come home soon." Charlie noted the concern in his brother's voice. So slowly he picked up the spoon and started eating.
As Charlie finished Dr. McDonald came in. "Well Charlie, looks like you don't have any lasting effects from what happened. I'm sure once you're home your parents can arrange with your tutors to test you, but from how quickly you were able to answer my questions, I really don't see any problems there. Would you like to get up and move around some?"
"Can I take a shower?" Charlie asked.
The doctor smiled. "I think that's a good idea. However, someone will need to help you at first."
Charlie looked at his mother, knowing she would offer to help, then he quickly turned and looked at Donnie. "Can Donnie help?" He wasn't only asking the doctor this, he too was asking Donnie.
Donnie stood, "Sure Buddy, I'll help you if you want me to."
Dr. McDonald smiled at that. "That would be fine. If you need anything just call the nurse. Dr. Sanders should be around in the next couple of hours." A short time after the doctor left a nurse came in with a fresh set of hospital pajamas for Charlie. Donnie stood next to his brother's bed.
"You ready Buddy?"
Charlie raised himself up and made his way to the edge of the bed. "I guess."
Donnie gently took his brother's arm, "Okay, easy." Alan had taken up position on the other side of Charlie, gripping his other arm. They slowly helped Charlie stand. They stood for a moment waiting to make sure Charlie had his balance, then they made their way toward the bathroom.
Donnie spoke as they reached the door. "I got it from here dad." Putting his arm around Charlie's waist, Donnie took on more of his brother's weight as Alan, reluctantly, stepped back. He wasn't worried that Donnie couldn't handle things, it was just that Alan, himself, was needing to feel helpful.
Alan stood uncertainly at the door for a moment, then he spoke. "Let me know if you need any help." He quietly pulled the bathroom door shut, giving them some privacy.
Once inside the bathroom, Donnie got Charlie situated, leaning against the sink for support, as he reached in and started the shower. Donnie turned back looking sympathetically at his brother.
"How do you want to do this?" Donnie knew Charlie was a bit self-conscious when it came to his body and didn't want to do anything to embarrass him.
Charlie sheepishly asked, "Do you…would you turn around? Please?"
"Yeah, no problem." Donnie said, acting as if it wasn't that big of a deal. His heart caused him to want to help his brother as he heard him struggle to get undressed. Donnie then heard the curtain being pulled, knowing then, that Charlie had gotten into the shower.
Donnie gave him time but he stood nearby, just in case his brother needed him. When the shower stopped, Donnie automatically grabbed a towel, passing it into the shower to Charlie. He heard a muffled "thanks," in return.
As Charlie wearily stepped out Donnie again turned away, giving his brother a bit of privacy to at least get into the pajama bottoms. Donnie listened, feeling useless, as he again heard his brother struggling with his clothes.
Finally pulling his arm through the sleeve of the shirt, Charlie caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. In that second his mind flashed back to the night everything had gone wrong. He could remember the despair he felt, the loneliness. He was also realizing how misplaced those feelings were. He could recall how, through the haze of his unconsciousness, he heard the voices of his parents talking to him. Telling him how much he was loved and needed by his family. He lowered his head, feeling a sob rising in his throat; he tried desperately to contain it. His restless mind went on to remember the broken sound of Donnie's voice, calling to him through the darkness. The despair he'd heard in his brother's voice told him how much Donnie loved him; how much Donnie needed him…he recalled how his big brother's voice had pleaded with him to wake up!
Even now, glancing up, seeing Donnie's reflection in the mirror, Charlie saw so much compassion and love reflected back to him in his brother's face. It was more than Charlie could contain. A strangled cry escaped his now- shaking body, as he began to realize what he had put his family through.
Donnie saw Charlie's face pale in the mirror. He gently turned his brother to face him. "Charlie? What's wrong?" Donnie allowed fear to enter his own mind as he felt his brother's body trembling in his grasp.
"Donnie?" Charlie's voice broke as he said his brother's name. He was scared and guilt-ridden. Before he realized it, he had buried his head into his brother's chest, feeling his brother's comforting arms surround him.
Donnie allowed his brother's dwindling strength to sink them both to the floor. A deep heart-wrenching cry broke loose from Charlie, that tore at Donnie's soul. He pulled his brother closer and gently started rocking him. "Sh…Charlie, it's okay now. Everything will be okay." Donnie spoke quietly into Charlie's ear.
"Promise?" Charlie's muffled voice asked, still cocooned against his brother's chest.
"Promise." Donnie replied, still rocking his brother's shaking form. He wasn't sure that he could fix what was broken deep inside his brother. He only knew he would do everything within his power to try.