The Hardest Thing
"Hermione, I don't know what to say." Fred was being honest. He knew what he wanted to say. He knew that he wanted to tell her he loved her too and that he would never let another harmful thing happen to hurt her. But he couldn't. He couldn't hurt Rose.
"Say the truth, tell me you love me." Hermione's eyes pleaded with his. She needed to hear those words; she knew he felt that way. He had just told her on the phone.
"But, the thing is, I love Rose." Fred hated to lie to her. He didn't want to hurt her, but he didn't want to hurt Rose either. She was stuck in the middle of this and he wouldn't make her suffer for his mistakes.
Hermione couldn't swallow, she couldn't catch her breathe. She looked around, nearly panicking.
"I'm sorry." She looked at him, hurt and disappointment evident in her eyes.
"Fred, how can you-"Hermione was cut off by an angry voice.
"No Hermione it's my turn to talk. I listened to you now it's your turn to listen." Fred had to make her hear him. Maybe if he made her angry and hate him, she could go on with her life.
We
both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And baby
it's killin' me, it's killin' you
Both of us tryin' to be strong
I've got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
"I was supposed to be home over an hour ago. Rose probably thinks I am already in bed. Hermione, I thought that what we had was something special but I can't do this anymore. What we had was a good friendship. We can't be anything more than friends. I am engaged to be married and will be in less than a week."
Hermione's eyes filled with tears hearing him talk about their relationship this way. How could he be saying these things? How could he dismiss the feeling they obviously shared for each other. She couldn't grasp the concept of him not loving her.
Someone
else who loves me
And trusts me fast asleep
I've made up my
mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And
she deserves better than that
Fred seen that it might actually be working. She was starting to look angry. He had to keep going. He had to keep lying to her and telling her he didn't feel anything. He had to hide all of the love he had inside of him.
"I thought I loved you, but I am sorry I don't. I love Rose. She is amazing and helped me to be a more honest and truthful, and most importantly, responsible person. I hate hurting you and I don't want you to hate me. You are a great girl and any guy would kill to have you. Just be patient and you will find someone much better than me."
He couldn't even listen to himself anymore. He didn't want her with anyone else. He wanted to be the one to make her happy, to hold her as she fell asleep and have a family. He didn't want another man doing that. He couldn't believe what he was saying to her. All because of his prat brother that he just had to try and help out.
It's
the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye And
tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have
to lie
To show no emotion When you start to cry
Fred turned and walked away from the now sobbing Hermione. Her breathe kept stopping in her throat. It kept coming in spurts and she just couldn't catch it. He was about to start bawling his eyes out. He felt like an arse just knowing that he has treated her so badly. He loved her with all of his heart but he couldn't hurt Rose, he may not love her but he had made a commitment and was going to stick to it.
He kept hearing Hermione muttering the word no. She was trying to tell herself he wasn't saying the things that were coming out of his mouth. She knew he was lying. He had to be. He couldn't kiss her with so much passion and not mean it.
He hadn't turned back to face her yet. He wasn't sure he could. His breath hitched in his throat and he almost let out a sob. He swallowed it though. If he let her see that he was crying she would know and it would hurt her that much worse. He had to bear the pain and hurt. She shouldn't have to suffer. She was angry and hurt and she had every right to be.
I
can't let you see What you mean to me
When my hands are tied And
my heart's not free
We're not meant to be It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do To turn around and walk away
Pretending
I don't love you
"Fred, how can you say these awful hurtful things to me? You told me you loved me, you told me just that night when I called you that you loved me. What happened?"
"Hermione, Rose is pregnant. I can't leave her now. It's not her fault. Knowing she is carrying my baby has made me see her in a new way. I love her." Fred was lying through his teeth and having a hard time doing so. He hoped she couldn't see into his eyes as well as she used to. He finally turned back to see her and could see it in her eyes that the baby was the last straw. She couldn't take anymore.
I
know that we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you
can get on with your life
I've got to be cruel to be kind
Like
Dr. Zhivago
All my love I'll be sending
And you will never
know
'Cause there can be no happy ending
"Fred, what am I supposed to do? The man whom I gave my whole heart and soul to is telling me goodbye…again? I can't believe I let myself believe you might have grown up and grown a pair." Hermione stood to leave, and he was now regretting everything. Did he make a mistake? Should he just tell Rose to sod off and finally be with Hermione? No...He couldn't. He had to fulfill this commitment. He couldn't break another girl's heart.
"Hermione, please don't be that way. You know that I care for you but," Fred is about to lose it having to say this to her, "it's in a sisterly way. Maybe if Rose hadn't gotten pregnant it would have worked out. That's just not what happened. Maybe another time, place or life we would have been together." He was holding back the tears that were forming in his eyes. He couldn't let them fall. Not until she left. Not until she couldn't see him anymore.
Maybe
another time, another day
As much as I want to, I can't stay
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been
good to me
And she deserves better than that
"Rose deserves to have me there with her to help her and love her."
"Fine Fred Weasley. Go to Rose. She is a lucky woman to have such an arse as a husband. When you realize you made a mistake don't come crying to me. I won't be there. I hate you Fred! I hate you!"
Hermione ran out the door. She would have apparated, but didn't know where to go. So she just ran and ran. She didn't know to where, but she would keep running until she collapsed. How could things change so quickly? How could Fred not love her anymore?