Not Letting You Go

Chapter 18

The next few days passed quietly. Margaret had obtained an appointment with Dr. Miller, the psychiatrist Dr. Sanders recommended. Alan had called the office to arrange going back to work on a part-time schedule for a few weeks. Margaret had put in for a leave of absence at the law firm where she worked. Neither had any problems getting the time needed. Everyone had wished Charlie well and told them to take their time. No one outside the family and a few close friends knew the truth to Charlie's 'illness', only that it would take time for his recovery. It was decided Donnie, albeit reluctantly on his part, would return to school within the week. Margaret had arranged with the school to have Charlie's work sent home with Donnie for the time being.

On the morning of Charlie's first appointment with Dr. Miller, Alan called Donnie into the garage. Stepping through the doorway, seeing his father, hands resting on his workbench, with his head down slightly. Donnie became concerned. "Is everything alright dad?"

Alan turned to face his son, motioning him further inside. "Donnie, we need to talk."

Donnie saw worry and concern cross his father's face. "Is something wrong?" Stopping in front of his father, Donnie leaned against the air hockey table.

Alan started to slowly pace. "You know Charlie's got his first appointment with Dr. Miller today, right?"

"Yeah." Donnie nodded.

Alan continued, "We're all going so we can meet the doctor and find out about the family sessions he offers." Donnie watched his father; having been told all this the day his mother had made the appointment, he wasn't exactly sure why his father was repeating it. "However, today's visit is for Charlie, I just…" Alan had stopped pacing and was now facing Donnie. "…You need to be prepared in case your brother becomes upset again, like he did in the hospital." Alan watched as understanding passed over his son's face.

"Dad, I lost my cool. I know. I didn't like seeing Charlie that scared…" Alan held his hands up, interrupting Donnie.

"I know son. I didn't like the idea of what happened either, especially when I saw how upset it made you. You have to understand though, Dr. Sanders said it was actually a good thing he reacted that way. Maybe not that severe, but it showed that what happened that night wasn't what Charlie truly wanted to happen." Alan blew out a frustrated breath, he didn't feel like he was making himself clear.

Donnie stepped forward, touching his father's shoulder, "Dad, what is it?"

Alan looked at his son. "I just want you to be prepared. You can't let Charlie see you get that upset, if he becomes upset. He could think it's his fault if you do, do you understand?" Alan hoped Donnie understood. He didn't want to end up pushing his eldest son away. So much of the family's attention the past couple of weeks had been almost solely on Charlie. Alan didn't want to make a mistake and inadvertently loose Donnie along the way.

"I know, Dad," Donnie met his father's concerned eyes. "Believe it or not I thought about that. I think that's why I waited to blow-up in the hospital until I was out of his room. I wanted him to stay calm. Dad, I'm serious about doing whatever it takes to help Charlie." Donnie gave his father a reassuring smile. "I'll keep it together. I promise."

Alan pulled his son to him, "I know you will." Alan was relieved Donnie understood, but he shouldn't have been surprised. Donnie had seemed to be, for the most part, handling what had happened rather well, but at the same time that worried Alan.

121212112121212

Charlie was sitting cross-legged on his bed, lost in his own thoughts, when Margaret came in. "You okay sweety?" She sat on the bed next to him, noticing the little worn monkey in his lap, but didn't say anything about it.

"I'm not crazy, am I mom?" Charlie looked at his mother with a scared and confused look on his face.

"No honey, why would you ask that?" Margaret reached up, gently brushing a curl from his face.

"I don't know." Charlie mumbled, pulling at the same loose thread, he'd found in the hospital. "I just…I'm sorry mom, for what I put you all through. I didn't mean to." He met her gaze, tears forming in his eyes.

"Oh sweety." Margaret pulled him to her, whispering, "I know, I know." She held him a few minutes, then pulled back to see his face. "You about ready to go meet Dr. Miller?"

Charlie straightened up, putting his little monkey under his pillow. "I guess. He'll help right?"

Margaret kissed his forehead. "Yes baby, he will. Not only with this, but with what you might be feeling about your gift as well. But Charlie…" Charlie noticed the slight tone change in his mother's voice and watched her trying to figure out how she wanted to say what she was getting ready to say next. "Charlie, once you get to talking, there's a chance, just a little one, that you could get upset like you did in the hospital." Charlie's expression turned a little fearful. He clearly remembered the sudden realization of what he had tried to do and how he had become so upset he couldn't get his breath. However, he also remembered Donnie coming in and helping him to calm down. The knot that had just formed in his stomach at his mother's mention of a possible repeat episode, loosened some as he recalled his brother's soothing words and soft touch; rubbing his back, helping him to breath again.

Margaret continued. "Honey, if you feel like that is happening again, you becoming upset, you need to figure out a way to calm yourself down. Maybe you can think of something that you can focus on that will help you stay calm." Charlie looked at his mother for a second, then he closed his eyes. He sat that way a few minutes, causing worry to creep into Margaret's thoughts.

"Charlie?" She whispered.

A smile crossed his face as he took a deep breath and opened his eyes, "I think I've got something that will help me. I'm ready to go now." Charlie smiled more, noticing his mother's expression turn from worry to almost surprise.

"Okay then," She said getting up. "Let's get your father and brother and go meet Dr. Miller." When Charlie stood, he hugged his mother. Margaret was surprised, as Charlie rarely initiated physical contact. So she hugged him back tightly.

"I love you mom." He said, breaking away.

"I love you too sweety." Margaret returned as she followed her son out the door.

121212121212121212

The arrived at Dr. Miller's office about twenty minutes early. There was no-one else in the waiting area, so they were able to all sit together; Charlie sat between Donnie and his mother, Alan was on the other side of Margaret. The drive had been quiet, as each family member was lost in his or her own thoughts as to what to expect from this doctor.

As the appointment time neared they each sat up a bit straighter as they heard the door, leading to the inner office, open. A tall, middle-aged man came out. Though he didn't look very old in the face, his hair gave the older look of salt and pepper. Margaret, feeling tense about the whole thing, as she was sure the rest of the family was, relaxed some, as the man before them offered a kind smile.

"You must be the Eppes family?" Dr. Miller spoke warmly. He offered his hand to Alan, who was the first to stand.

"Dr. Miller?" Alan asked and the doctor nodded. "I'm Alan Eppes, this is my wife Margaret," the doctor shook her hand, as Alan continued, "These are our sons; Donnie and Charlie." The doctor noticed Charlie glance up, then quickly look back to the floor. The look from Donnie was a little harder to read. Dr. Miller recalled from reading the notes Dr. Sanders had sent over that Donnie very much wanted to protect his brother, but at the same time was desperately trying to control his own emotions. The only emotion that was readily apparent was anger, especially if he thought Charlie was threatened in any way.

Turning back to the parents in front of him he said, "It's nice to meet you all! If you'll follow me, I'll try to answer your questions and, if Charlie's up for it, we can have our first session today." They all followed the doctor into a spacious office. They were on the third floor, but the view from the windows was actually nice, as it looked down on a little green space just behind the building.

Donnie and Charlie sat on the couch near the window, while Alan and Margaret took the large leather chairs that sat in front of an equally large oak desk. The doctor rounded his desk and sat down. "First of all…" the doctor started, "how should I address you both?" he looked at Alan and Margaret.

Alan spoke, glancing at Margaret. "Alan and Margaret will be fine."

Dr. Miller jotted that down, "Okay, I want to let you know that I have read over the notes Dr. Sanders sent. I want to reassure you all," he continued, as he glanced at the boys as well as their parents, "I'll do my best to help Charlie as an individual and you all as a family. This has been, without a doubt, a traumatic experience for all of you. I will try to address each of your feelings about it." Dr. Miller refocused his attention on the parents before him. "My first course of action will be to talk with Charlie. I'd like to try and get some understanding as to who he is." the doctor smiled in Charlie's direction, and saw Donnie whispering to him. Dr. Miller recalled from the notes that Charlie had been relying on his brother for support and reassurance since he had regained consciousness.

"Then," the doctor continued, "after a few individual sessions, we can add some family sessions." Dr. Miller watched Alan and Margaret, making sure they understood everything he had been explaining. "Do you folks have any questions?" The doctor leaned back in his chair.

Margaret spoke first. "How long will each session last?"

"Well, today's will probably be the longest. I've got a couple hours blocked off for today. That's because I wanted to take time and get to know Charlie some." The doctor smiled toward Charlie again, who looked a little scared. "Then after that the individual sessions will probably run about an hour, family sessions a little longer."

Alan spoke next. "How will we know about Charlie's progress?"

"After each session, I'll discuss with you the general overall session." The doctor sat up slightly. "Now, even though Charlie is a minor, there still are patient/doctor confidentiality issues. When it is okay with Charlie I will share specifics about the sessions, but understand, you must respect Charlie's right to talk with me without worry of something he might not want shared-being passed on without his permission. That will apply to any individual sessions I hold with any of you. The information will be kept confidential, unless the individual feels the need to share what has been discussed. You also, must respect the matter of the sessions and not pressure the individual to know what was discussed." Dr. Miller noticed concern pass over Alan's and Margaret's faces, at the possibility of not knowing something concerning their sons. "Let me rephrase that a bit. If something is said that I feel could become harmful to the individual, or even those around them, I have an obligation to let you, as the parents of a minor in my care, to know. However, whatever else is discussed in the sessions will remain between my patient and myself."

Margaret voiced both her and Alan's concern, "We just don't want to be left out."

Dr. Miller gave a knowing nod, "I completely understand, believe me. You are not the first parents to worry about the care of their child being left to a stranger. Please understand, I have only Charlie's best interest in mind. If I feel there is something I believe he should share, I will strongly encourage an open communication between you both. I'm just asking that you respect Charlie's need to be as open with me as possible in order for me to help him through this." The doctor pushed his chair back and stood. "Now, If you don't have any further questions, I'd like to get to know Charlie a little better." Alan and Margaret followed the doctors lead by standing.

Donnie started to stand as well, but Charlie grabbed his arm. Donnie looked down into his baby brother's scared face, then knelt in front of him. "It's alright Charlie," Donnie reassured, "I'll be right outside and if you need me, I'm sure Dr. Miller will come get me, okay?" Donnie was relieved to see the doctor nod in agreement. Donnie smiled at Charlie, adding, "You're gonna be just fine Buddy." Donnie gave his brother's hand a gentle squeeze, then released it. Standing, he followed his parents out the door.