-1Chapter 8:
I don't own Naruto. My birth certificate does not say Masashi Kishimoto. Does yours?
"Hey, Genma, get up."
"Just a bit more…"
I was surprisingly comfortable, despite laying on tatami and tangled in a warm blanket. I curled tighter carefully. All of my abdominals were sore and hurt like hell, but I was comfortable. I pulled the blankets over my head. The door slid open, or closed, I don't know, but I know it did something like that. Footsteps came over to me, and suddenly light forced my eyes open abruptly.
"OWW--shit!"
Anko laughed.
"I told you to wake up!"
"Yeah, well, don't go ripping the covers off like that. It's not cool. Could I have at least ten more minutes?" I heard Anko sigh.
"Fine." she said. "I'll be in my office if you need me."
" 'Kay." I took the blanket from her and plopped back onto the pillow.
"You know what?"
"What?"
"Doesn't it feel…" Anko sat next to me and played around with my hair. I was totally oblivious to it, I was trying to fall asleep anyway. "Like we have some sort of relationship?"
"Uh…I don't know! I mean…um…I guess…"
"Anyway…I'll be in the office."
"Right."
I drifted off to sleep again with Anko's comment in mind. Not possible, right?
I shot up and was greeted by sunlight suggesting lunch time. Why hadn't she woken me up? It was around seven earlier, but now it's eleven or so! I quickly put on my jacket and went off to find her.
"Anko!"
No answer. Well, the house is big, what can I say? I'll look harder. Or maybe she went off without me. Yeah. That's it…
She definitely left without me. I've searched the house thoroughly and even called her cell phone. Anko did not answer. Not a problem. I opened the door to Tsunade's office and walked in casually. Tsunade was talking to Hayate, and both looked at me as I entered.
"Where were you?" asked Tsunade angrily.
"In bed." I replied shortly.
"I told you to be here at eight," she fumed. "You're well over three hours late, Genma!"
"Well, didn't Anko tell--"
"Anko's not here, by the way. Where is she? I'm sure you, of all people, would know." she said sarcastically. What did she say?
"What do you mean Anko's not here? Is she running errands?" Tsunade scoffed.
"She hasn't shown up yet. I have not seen her this morning…" she said.
"Oh my god…" I sank into the nearest chair. Hayate frowned and studied me. And coughed.
" 'Oh my god' what?" he said. Tsunade suddenly gasped.
"Hayate, you have a mission. Go get your ass to the Starbucks and get me coffee!"
"But I--"
"GO!" she screamed. Hayate ran out and shut the door behind him. Tsunade waited a few seconds before doing anything else.
"Explain." This was urgent. I had to spill.
"Okay, yesterday after the fight between you and me, Anko and I decided to go find something to eat so we could relax, but instead we went to her house, and then I stayed the night." I tried to make the explanation brief, for I wanted an answer. Tsunade's mouth dropped and her eyes widened.
"Did you…?" It took me a while to grasp what she meant.
"Oh, hell, no!" I didn't want to explain the tickling… "As we were eating she said something funny…so I started to laugh and then Anko began to tickle me. And, well, the punch Oro gave me fucked up the function of my diaphragm and it froze up after fifteen minutes of laughter. So I was in pain and tired, and she let me stay…" Tsunade smiled at me.
"You like her…!"
"No!" I replied.
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"Ah, fuck! Are we going to find her or not?" Tsunade dropped her smile and nodded.
"Oh! Yes…do you think Orochimaru did this?"
"For sure!" I replied. My heart began to pound at the realization I might never see her again. Tsunade frowned and nodded going into deep thought. The silence, lasting about three minutes, had changed me. I was shaking, I'm sure of it. Tsunade looked at me.
"You're really pale, you know that?" I began to chew on my toothpick furiously.
"I'm fine. What do we do know?" I stood up. "We have to find her!"
"I know." Tsunade replied quietly. She stood up and faced the window. "Genma…"
"Yes?"
"Don't be mad if I tell you this, but…there's no chance of finding her. If we do find Anko, she'll never be the same. You'd never recognize her."
" 'Scuse me?" I questioned. I hope I heard her wrong. This can't be happening to me! This is crazy! Why did this happen? Oh, crap. I HATE EVERYTHING! UGH! I went up to Tsunade, meaning business. "We're going to find her." I said firmly.
"Genma, it simply isn't possible, okay?" Tsunade returned to normal voice level and folded her arms tightly. "She's gone."
"No, she isn't." I contradicted. Tsunade sighed in total exasperation. "Are you afraid? Afraid of Orochimaru?" Tsunade bit her lip.
"You don't know what he can do." she replied. She bit it harder. "We can't get her back…" her voice wavered at the final sentence. I think she's going to cry…
"Well…" I was at a loss for words. "We can try."
"It's useless!" she snapped. I realized her eyes were brimming with tears. "Anko is out of our hands and in Orochimaru's hands, damned by the spirits. If he's gotten a hold of her--"
"I'm going to find her. I don't care what you say." I turned to leave, but she grabbed my shirtsleeve. She sniggered, but at the same time and tear slid down her cheek.
"You're so noble. I wish I were like you. Does anything scare you, Genma?"
"Tsunade, I'm out of my wits with fear right now." I pointed out. "But I'm going to save Anko. I failed my mission, anyway." Tsunade frowned.
"You didn't fail. You've passed in my book. Genma, you're the most suicidal, acumen-less person I have ever met, but I wish you luck." I smiled at her. But I was worried. What does she know that I don't? Whatever the hell it is, I suppose it was something strong enough to make her cry.
"Thanks. I'm going to gather a search--"
"I have one. Alright, come on out."
I turned around. From random places, I saw many people I know come out. They assembled in the center of the room. I blinked.
The rookie nine, Gai's team, Kurenai, Asuma, Kakashi, Gai, Raidou, Izumo, and Kotetsu stood smiling at me. Hayate suddenly entered, holding coffee casually, which he handed to Tsunade. He jumped into the horde of people anyway, and Yuugao followed.
"Okay, people! Listen!"
"Yes, ma'am?"
"You will do everything Genma says, and if he is not available, Kakashi, Kurenai or Asuma will be there for consent. This is an S-rank mission; don't bring Anko back without killing Orochimaru. Bring her back dead or alive." I winced noticeably. A picture of mangled Anko made itself vivid my mind. "If you die on this mission," Tsunade gave us all a despairing look, "I will make your graves an official landmark."
"Orochimaru's location, what is it?" asked that kid…Neji. Yes, him.
"Valley of the End." replied Tsunade. Neji raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.
"Can we bring Sasuke back if we see him there?" asked Naruto. Ah, yes, he's a good kid.
"Sure…" replied Tsunade slowly. "But the main thing is to bring Anko back. Understood?"
"Yes." they replied.
I smiled to myself. These people were willing to sacrifice themselves for Anko, and indirectly, me. I was pretty speechless. They made me look like a stingy bastard! …I am stingy, though. I'll admit that.
"Okay, hold up. You people are willing to die for me?"
The teens snickered and looked at me with their big eyes.
"Who would we annoy by touching your hair?" the girls said.
"And what proctor yells at you for no reason and doesn't have any patience whatsoever for kids?" Naruto pointed out. I shook my head.
"Oh, yeah, how could we live without the most intolerable morning person in Konoha? And how would I live without my best friend?" Raidou said, in his typical good sprits. This…FREAK shouldn't be so happy if there's a high chance he'll die, but oh well, to each his own, then.
"Are we going?" asked Asuma, grinning maliciously.
"Not yet…Okay, people, here's how it's going to work. Go pack light, only the stuff you need with some food and stuff. Meet me at the gates in hour, I won't wait for anyone. Uh…yeah…" No one moved. But I caught Asuma and Kurenai sneaking sly looks to each other.
"We will," began Kurenai, "but you have to admit one thing to us first."
"And that would be…?" I questioned, impatient.
"Are you in love with Anko?" she asked. The question repeated itself in my head, and my face got hot. Kind of feverish, I had to look somewhere else to avoid blushing.
"No." I replied firmly. Kurenai and Asuma groaned.
"If you say so," he replied. I sighed quietly with complete relief.
"Now go!"
A huge puff of smoke indicated they were all with me. Good, but I'm not used to being the leader, but in something epic as this I guess I'll have to.
I had no idea kids were so enthusiastic about suicidal missions. The Konoha Twelve were all there, talking excitedly like they were going on a field trip instead of some suicidal mission for some crazy guy chewing on a toothpick 24/7. Heck, they were here before I was. And I'm the fucking leader! They had packed lightly, which is good. They seem to be packrats…from their appearance, I know they do some regular packrat-ting. His or her dirty little hair…and those greasy faces…the pubescent scents…
"Hey, you're looking at us like we're lepers! WAHAHA! We're clean as can be!" The kid that pointed out my loathe for "growing" teens was that kid that is always talking and gets pissed easily. I know his name, I proctored his sister…oh, yeah, Kiba. To contradict his statement, I'd say he hasn't taken a bath in a while. Noticeably.
"Hm?" I suddenly remembered he had spoken to me, "No, no, it's not that," though it really was the fact I was going to be traveling with these imps. "I was thinking about other matters…things I won't share with you guys." I said darkly. Okay, that last part I didn't add consciously. Kiba's eyes widened to the size of tortillas, which I suddenly crave.
"OOH! We're total pimps! We can totally handle whatever you're thinking about!"
"Yay! Let's guess what the crazy toothpick guy is thinking!" Naruto said. I frowned and shoved off their remarks.
"Oh, please." Before I knew it, I was sitting on the ground with two big, blue eyes staring deeply into mine. Kiba was holding a clipboard, making me wonder where the hell he got it from.
"Pensive," Naruto said studying me. Those weird eyes of his are somewhat relaxing. "Troubled, annoy--"
"What are you doing?" Neji walked over him and Kiba. Crap. That kid had really shot up since the last time I saw him. I didn't realize it in the office, but he looked older…not only the fact he was about five foot six now.
"OH! We're reading Genma's mind," Kiba said, nodding proudly.
"Yeah!" Naruto added, for no reason. Neji sighed.
"You're not going to get anything like that," he said, suddenly smirking, "You'll get info like this!"
"Kiba and Naruto! What are you doing?" Kurenai had showed up at the perfect time. Wow, this day has had many interruptions. Neji quickly walked away and Kiba and Naruto looked at her suggestively, and Kiba whispered something that made Naruto smile erotically. Kurenai either didn't notice, or was used to it. With a body like hers…damn, how can you not look?
"Hi! What's up?" Kiba said.
"Yeah!" Naruto said again.
"Oh, in answer to your question, we're trying to read Genma's mind." Kiba said, with a dramatic and mysterious flourish. Kurenai's eyebrow went up.
"OOOOOHH! Look behind the pupils!" Naruto said ominously.
"Sure, whatever, okay? Just quit pissing him off and go play with your little friends."
"OKAY!" the two took off to go mess with someone else. I was freed of the imps attacking-- FINALLY.
Everyone was there by twelve forty five, the exact time I had said. So, in that case, we took off. The Valley of the End is approximately six hours away at a pace of ten miles per hour. Tree hopping, as I call it, would be the easiest, fastest way. We were flying through the trees, and the only sound was the WHOOSH when you go hopping off a branch…and the teens talking nonstop. I was actually the only quiet one. Behind me I heard, "She's like, a total bitch" from Ino, and then some yawns from that Shikamaru guy, and I nearly went to go shut up Kurenai and Asuma, who were having a heated debate over what the purpose of nails were. It was, believe me, really, REALLY annoying to be hearing things like "We need our fingernails to scrape things and stuff" and then "Well, you get a kunai and figure it out". I almost went back there and did some major slapping. Hayate and Yuugao were gossiping about ANBU. Surprisingly, the ANBU…they're known for wild parties and night clubs. And sex scandals, believe it or not. But it's true. And also, there are a lot of spastic people there. That's even more surprising; those people are freaking emotionless. But around two weeks ago I saw a bunch of them walking around town, CRYING saying "Oh, it was such a beautiful movie! I want to see it again!" and the rest of the group agreed with waving their tissues around. I think that's enough proof they're smoking crack.
How I know this is because when I was thirteen or so, Kakashi and I were curious about what goes on behind the steel doors, so, we used the transformation jutsu and walked in. We were greeted by some lady asking us, "Where's that prick?" and we were like, "What prick?" and then she said "Hello? My boyfriend, who slept with someone else!"…And so, from that day on, we decided that would never be spoken of again.
The sun was beating down on us, but no one except for me seemed to care, really. They were too busy talking. I, on the other hand, was threatening to crack. It was a decent day of decent weather, with a decent breeze here and there. I looked behind me briefly to see that everyone was not only talking but making faces and gestures to go along with what they were saying. Which was something violent, apparently. I didn't need someone to tell me they were talking about gory video games and "pimp" explosions.
"Hey, like, so, like, we're, like, rescuing Anko, right?" I looked at Ino straight in the eye, who had caught up to me, and I was not comprehending anything she had said.
"Excuse me?"
"The whole, like, point of this, like, mission is to like, save Anko, like, right?"
"Uhh…yes?" I took a guess there. I have no idea what she just said. She said it too fast and with unnecessary words tied in, making it impossible to follow what she was saying.
" 'Kay." she returned to her friends. Note to self: teach these kids correct word usage and grammar. I might as well give up now though, they are beyond help.
I have never been so grateful to sit down in my life. My legs, well, burn like the very depths of hell. I was so freaking tired, and so was everyone else. I'm taking a plane back or something, 'cause this is totally insane. Those six hours were LONG. Now, we were in some nice little cave at the foot of the valley…okay, nice, maybe not. A bunch of stalactites are staring at us from the ceiling in danger of falling, and where would they fall? On us, of course! It's our luck to face these stupid things.
The kids were outside, and the adults inside. There was already a fire in the cave, and we had Yuugao and Kurenai making things for us. But as they cooked, I heard more than once "fucking bastards". Hey, it's not my fault I'm too lazy to cook. Kakashi claims he doesn't know how to cook, Asuma's cooking put us in the hospital for two days, we don't trust happy Raidou to cook, Iruka neither, Izumo and Kotetsu were supervising the kids, and Yuugao didn't want "her little Hayate" to be doing anything strenuous. Since when is cooking something that makes you sweat and pant? Seriously, if I can cook without busting my ass, I think Hayate can too. As for Raidou, well, he's a decent cook, but we don't know what he puts in his food, so…we just made the girls do it.
As a result, they took turns cussing about us and giving us these nasty looks. They think we're total losers that don't even have girlfriends. Except for Yuugao. She was loathing everyone BUT Hayate. At one point, I noticed Kurenai giving me this absolute glower. When I looked at her, she shook her head slowly. The fire gave her a totally possessed look that was freaking me out. The red eyes stood out under the shadows cast on her cheeks. I scooted closer to Asuma, who was bragging about something no one cared about while smoking. As usual.
"Uh, are they freaking you out?" I asked. Asuma frowned and looked at the women. The frown was replaced quickly.
"Oh, shit, Kurenai's going to attack us."
"How do you know?"
"Retard, can't you see she's popping her knuckles and walking over to us?"
"Oh! I thought that was the exorcist!" I seriously thought that was the exorcist. She was scary enough right now, anyway…
"Well, it's not, so, uh, let's go supervise the kids…"
"Yeah."
We walked out of the tense cave and watched the teens messing around. They looked so carefree. Even though they were playing leap frog and Kiba almost died of whiplash, they were having fun. I only hoped they'd live to see to see his or her children to be doing the same.
Yeah. Hope you like it. Don't forget to review. Please review, it might ease my tonsillitis a bit! ;