Chapter 14: Hell On Earth

Okay-- I can do this! No snappy things… okay. Ready? I don't own…aw, what the hell, Naruto is not mine, 'kay?

Oh. My. God. I had no idea this would happen. I thought I'd be fine when I woke up! I slept warmly and everything. But…that wasn't how it worked…I feel like shit…and I'm on the floor. Damn it, I haven't felt this crummy since I was a kid! I'm nauseous, VERY nauseous, and I'm warm. Wow, just my luck. I don't want to get up. Might as well, it's pretty pointless. Tsunade's going to be mad if I'm late, so let's see if I can even get up.

"Anko?"

"Hm…?"

"Are you awake?"

"Kind of."

Anko was still on my couch, and looked pretty damn comfy there. She sat up and made a face.

"Ugh. I feel absolutely terrible."

"Same." I replied. I'm seriously sure I have a fever. It feels like it, anyway. When I tasted something sweet in my mouth, I decided to call Tsunade. There was absolutely no way I was going anywhere feeling like this. I found my cell phone in my pocket and dialed.

"Hello?"

"I'm not coming today."

"…Why?" demanded Tsunade.

"I have a fever or something, I feel like crap."

"Hm."

"Yeah."

"Fine. Get better fast."

"Whatever."

…and I hung up. We can never find anything to talk about…

"Hey, do I feel hot to you?" Anko asked.

I reached over and put a hand on her head. She felt a bit warm.

"Yeah, you're warm. Me?"

A cool hand touched my forehead.

"Oh, yeah. You're not warm, you're actually hot."

"Damn it. Screw the weather."

"Look on the bright side," she said, "No Tsunade!" she has a very good point there. Anko looked sick herself, though.

"If you want, you can stay here until you feel like you can get home. I like having you here, anyway." I'm no going to make Anko leave and walk all the way back to her house if she feels this bad. That's freaking inhumane!

"Uh, okay. I'll only stay if you don't mind." she replied.

"Not a problem. I don't mind at all."

It would actually be nice to hang around with someone to talk to. Anko smiled at me.

"Hey, thanks. You can go to sleep...if you want." Anko said tentatively.

"Well, you can use my bed…if you want." I said, mocking her. Anko snickered.

"I feel alright. You're the one that looks sick. Go look at yourself. Or, wait, here."

Anko reached over for her purse and pulled something out. A make up compact…for what? She opened it and handed it to me.

"Uh--"

"Mirror."

"…right. I knew that!" I feel like a retard. I looked at myself, and was surprised at what I saw.

I've always been on the pale side, but I looked well, wan. Wan with a tinge of pink just below my eyes. I did look pretty bad, and tired, too. She was right.

"Whoa. I look pretty sick."

"Yes, you do. Actually, I think I'll feel better later. Now…do you want anything to eat?"

"I should be asking you that! But no, I'm not hungry. In fact, don't bring up food…please…" My stomach began to feel upset and I wished I had not mentioned food. Okay, good thoughts that don't involve food…uhh…dammit. Now that she mentioned it, I'm having issues getting it out of my mind.

"Oh, does it make you feel sick?"

I nodded.

"Sorry!" she apologized. "I thought…okay I'll shut up."

"Thanks…" I mumbled, rolling onto my stomach. That usually helps me.

Anko left about an hour and a half later. She felt fine, and looked fine too. I was alone, left to my disease and dying, fading away…okay, not quite. But I did feel like killing myself.

I don't get it. I don't get why I was stuck in bed for a WEEK, yes, a WEEK, seven days. SEVEN DAYS. Anko was wearing a dress, very drafty up on the chest, and she wasn't even bed for a DAY. I, on the other hand, had contracted the flu. The whole week, no-work, sleep and groan all day dealio. It was freaking horrible. I missed the alcohol-- ahem, Halloween party. I was busy in bed with a temperature of one hundred and three or so and an unstable stomach. If I were okay, I would've been drinking my alcohol and scaring small children.

I walked into Tsunade's office with trepidation, expecting to be yelled at for being sick.

"Genma! How are you feeling?" she got up and walked over to me, looking me up and down. "You've lost weight…"

"Uh…thanks?" is all women care about weight? Seriously, just because I look thinner it doesn't mean I care.

"Okay, Genma, there are people who I think are stealing things from the workroom. So, you've been paired with Kurenai, Hayate, Raidou, and Kotetsu." Is it really necessary to have five people guarding a damned copy machine? "Well, off you go!"

"Uh-huh."

Wow, my first day at work after a week and I get to do peon work. Hooray for me.

The workroom is a congested, paper smelling place which has a window where sunlight flows through abundantly. It's nice for that reason. But, it's not my favorite place at all. It has six copy machines and a bunch of other crap. I rounded into the room. This was my greeting:

"We thought you died." Kurenai said, cocking her head.

"HI!" Kotetsu and Raidou said loudly. Hayate smiled at me.

"Feeling better?"

"I guess. Yeah, I suppose." I sighed. "So…how was the alcohol party?"

Kurenai and Hayate exchanged glances.

"It was, um, nice." Kurenai mumbled.

"Did you get drunk?" I asked, expecting a "yes".

"No, but I drank six liters of vodka this time!" she said cheerily.

"…okay…"

"No, I did not get hungover." she added. How does she do it?

"Anyway," Hayate said, "it was great. Very sophisticated, but it wasn't the same. Anko seemed to miss you."

"Ohh, really?" I said, faking innocence. "Hm."

"Izumo got so drunk!" Kotetsu blurted out. "He was like, delirious!"

"Oh, yeah!" Hayate said, laughing. "That was so funny."

I hate it when people talk about things I wasn't a part of. It always ticks me off. It has since I was a kid.

"Now, what the hell are we supposed to do here?" I asked them.

Everyone exchanged blank glances.

"Uh, stand around and wait until someone tries to come in, and then strangle them. Right, Raidou?" Kurenai said lazily.

"Huh?" Raidou looked around and his dreamy look was erased. "Oh, hm, yeah." he mumbled. Kotetsu sighed.

"Dreaming about your dearest Tsubaki?" he said in a mocking tone. Leave it to Kotetsu to do that.

"Yes…" sighed Raidou. Kotetsu snickered.

"Raidou. RAIDOU!"

"EH?"

"Get your hand out of the paper shredder and pay attention to what you're doing!" barked Kurenai. As she did that, she waved her hand around. Something caught my eye, but I ignored it and decided to mess around with the copy machine.

I pressed buttons randomly, listening in to Kurenai and Hayate talk about things that shouldn't be said in an environment where children could be.

"He's a fucking prick don't you--"

"KURENAI!" We turned to the doorway. Kiba stood there, mouth in a perfect "o" and eyebrows raised. Kurenai laughed nervously.

"Hi…Kiba…"Kurenai mumbled.

"COOL! My teacher cusses! I can't wait to tell Shino. Oh, yeah, he likes you. Like, thinks you're hot. And other things I shouldn't tell you. Oh, whoops, I told his deep dark secret to a bunch of chatty adults! Oh well. Hey, I gotta use that copy machine…"

"Ah, don't think so!" I said. "If you have to do something, I'll do it for you. Now…what is it you need done? Kiba studied me for a while. Dumb teens.

"Hey! I haven't seen you in a long time! Were you on a mission?"

"No, I was sick, now what do you need to make copies of?" Kiba smiled sheepishly.

"Eheheh…things."

Oh crap. "Let me see."

"NO!" he shouted.

I feel heat rising up to my head.

"Kiba, what the fuck is it?"

"It's the stuff I put on my myspace…" Well, shit, I'm screwed.

"Find another place. Bye."

I pushed him out of the room and returned to the copy machine, but stopped. A shimmer caught my eye. In her conversation, Kurenai waved an arm, and the shimmer appeared again. I walked over, curious.

"Kurenai?"

"What?" she said irritably. "I'm busy."

"Yes, I know, but could you hold out you hands for a minute?" Kurenai looked at me with a scowl, and finally held out her hand. No bracelet on either hand. I went down further and stopped. A ring. A diamond circlet around her ring finger on her left hand was the sparkle. I sucked in my breath. No way.

"You're…your ring…" I began.

Kurenai smiled warmly.

"Right. You were sick. Yes, I'm engaged. I have been for…almost twelve hours."

I looked at Hayate for confirmation. He nodded.

"To Asuma, right?" That was a dumb question, who else?

"Yes…he was so romantic in his proposal,"

I suddenly got an image of Asuma dropping a knee, and suavely saying, "Will you marry me" and Kurenai looking all sexy and saying, "Yes, of course." Pssh…Now we had two swooning people in the room. Make that three. Hayate started about Yuugao. And then Kotetsu came in with talking about Hana, Kiba's normal sister.

Why is everyone getting married all of a sudden, huh? What's up with that? I don't get it.

"So, when's the wedding going to be?" I asked.

"Oh, sometime in January. Anyway, he was sooo sweet and then…"

I tuned out and focused on the copy machine. I realized they were very vulgar…so big and noisy…hmph. Okay, I have nothing better to do than analyze office equipment. Don't harass me about it.

"…she's just so sexy!" squealed Raidou. That snapped my sanity.

"Damn it, will you ever shut up?" I snapped.

"What's your deal?" demanded Kotetsu. "Jealous?"

"No, you retard! What's your problem?"

"I'm not having any problems with anything, except for you!" he retorted.

"Go make yourself useful and shut the hell up."

"HEY!" screamed Kurenai. "Fucking shut up, both of you, or face my wrath of PMS. You two are both likely to die if you don't shut up right now."

I did not need to know she was in PMS, but whatever! I'll just play along and pretend I'm just mad at nothing. I'm going to get them to shut up one way or another.

That was fun! Mkay, REVIEW! THANKS!

By the way...so sorry for the ridiculously late update. I was consumed by Bleach.