"I'm still not sure this is a good idea."
Sam bit his tongue. Dean had been driving him crazy for the last two days – first going on about Jean and Toby's sons not being happy to share their Thanksgiving with strangers, then dragging Sam out of bed at dawn that morning to go and look for something to get the couple, and finally having zero tolerance with the hundreds of other shoppers they'd encountered doing the exact same thing in the town they'd stopped at on the way.
Sam reflected it had been a good job the Impala and it's trunk of weapons had been parked too far away for Dean to reach.
Although it wasn't really traditional to exchange gifts – not that they'd really had a traditional Thanksgiving before anyway come to think of it – they still wanted to get the couple something, since they wouldn't see them at Christmas. Plus they wanted to say a small thank you, for everything they'd already done for them. In the end they'd gone for something simple, a wooden carving of a golden eagle in flight. It had caught both their attention when they'd walked past it in the window, the detail on it making it look almost real. They didn't really know Jean and Toby well enough – despite their closeness – to go for something too personal but they'd agreed anyone would like such a fantastic piece of craftsmanship. It hadn't been that expensive, which was fortunate since Sam had insisted they pay for it 'properly', and the store had wrapped it for them. They'd also picked up some wine, since they didn't want to turn up for dinner totally empty handed, and after a quick stop at a diner for some breakfast they'd headed for the house.
Dean had seemed to get more nervous the nearer they got though, and Sam was starting to wonder if the whole thing had been a good idea. He knew Dean was, despite appearances, pretty shy when it came to really getting to know people and he could easily tell his brother was worried about what the couple's sons would think of them. The horrible thought was in the back of his mind that this might well be their last Thanksgiving, and he suddenly wanted it to be perfect. He'd been deliberately avoiding making a big deal of any of the special occasions, not wanting to even acknowledge Dean's resigned acceptance of his fate, but this was different somehow. It was hard enough for his brother to really trust people, but he knew Dean had taken to Jean and Toby as much as he had. He didn't want that to be spoiled by this visit, and now he realised he was getting as nervous as Dean was.
"What do you think they told them about us?"
Dean's voice interrupted Sam's thoughts and he turned to look at him.
"What?"
Dean glanced across.
"What am I, talking to myself here? I said what do you think they've told them – about us."
"Probably the truth. Minus the demon hunting part I'm guessing. We can check when we arrive, don't worry."
"I'm not worried."
"Right."
Dean took the turn off that led to Toby and Jean's and deliberately tried to relax. Sam was right of course, he was worried. And clearly doing a pretty bad job of hiding it. He found himself wishing it would be just the four of them like it had been before, but he could hardly begrudge the couple being visited by their sons and grandchildren. It was just different, knowing there was going to be strangers there. Having to watch what was said. He wondered if the sons were successful and could picture them being seriously unimpressed by his and Sam's lifestyle. He glanced down at the shirt he was wearing and for the first time wondered if it was good enough.
"You ok?"
He realised Sam had been watching him and looked back up at the road again.
"Of course I'm ok."
Sam didn't push it. Sometimes with Dean it was best to let him work stuff out by himself, or at least wait until he was ready to talk. That was the other reason he wanted to visit here – he knew Toby in particular seemed to have a way of getting his brother to open up and he was hoping that perhaps he could remind Dean that he was supposed to be fighting. That giving up and accepting his fate wasn't saving Sam but instead condemning him to something worse than death. The arguments they kept having simply took them in circles, and he was tired of fighting. Their conversation while waiting for Gordon to show up had seemed to help a little, but there was a long way to go. Sam was kind of pinning his hopes on this trip at least going partway to fixing that.
"We're here."
Sam looked out of the window as Dean carefully turned into the driveway that led down to Jean and Toby's. It looked just like it always did and he felt somehow relieved that certain things didn't seem to change, even if the rest of their lives were so unpredictable.
"No other cars. Maybe we're early." said Dean and Sam nodded.
"I think I remember Jean saying the boys lived pretty near, they might be just coming for the day tomorrow."
Before Dean could answer the front door opened and Jean appeared, wiping her hands on the apron she was wearing with a huge smile on her face.
Dean pulled up next to the house and switched the engine off, letting Sam get out first.
"Oh it is so good to see you boys!" she exclaimed, just as she always did, grabbing hold of Sam and squeezing him so hard he almost saw stars.
"It's good to see you too." he managed to wheeze, hoping she was gonna let go before he passed out.
Seeing Dean still standing by the other side of the car Jean did let go of Sam and shook her head.
"Well are you going to make me come all the way over there?" she said and Dean ducked his head, walking slowly round the car.
"Hey Jean." he said softly, feeling conflicting emotions now he was here again.
Jean didn't wait for him to reach her, taking a few steps forward and putting her arms round him tightly.
"We've missed you." she whispered, blinking back tears.
She'd promised herself she wouldn't do this, that she'd be strong for them just as she had when they'd told her and Toby the truth last time. It was just hard now they were here and she could see the strain on their faces, now she knew they still hadn't found a way out of Dean's deal.
Dean let her hold him, taking comfort in the embrace. He didn't usually allow himself this, certainly he and Sam weren't exactly the hugging types, but with Jean it somehow seemed ok. Especially since he could almost convince himself he was doing for her and not himself.
Pulling herself together Jean stepped back, smiling up at Dean. Suddenly she whacked him on the arm, not gently, and he raised his eyebrows.
"Ow – what was that for?" he said and she gave him a stern look.
"For not calling and for not letting us know you changed your number. Toby and I were frantic you know, thinking the worst had happened."
Dean looked guilty and glanced over at Sam for help.
"We're sorry, Jean, we only just changed the number and so much was happening we just didn't think." said Sam, seeing the plea and stepping in to take some of the heat.
"Well next time make sure you remember to let us know. We worry about you." she said, taking the sting out of the admonition.
Dean gave her a contrite smile.
"We will. Sorry." he said and she put her arm through his as they walked over to where Sam stood.
"Well, don't let's stand out here in the cold – I've just finished baking some cookies and I can have some coffee ready in just a moment. Toby's gone to fetch the meat for tomorrow but he'll be back soon." she said, linking her other arm through Sam's and leading them up the steps.
Inside the place looked as it always did, and they both found themselves relaxing almost instinctively despite their initial nerves.
Following Jean into the kitchen Dean took a deep breath and grinned appreciatively at the wonderful smells.
"I'd forgotten just how good your cooking smells." he said and Jean glanced at him over her shoulder.
"You'd remember if you visited more often." she said, dryly, and Sam winced.
"You walked into that one." he said with a smirk and Dean nudged him.
"Shut up."
They both sat down at the table, watching Jean as she filled the coffee machine and carried over three mugs and a plate of biscuits.
"Help yourselves." she said, putting them on the table.
Dean didn't need telling twice and picked one up, blowing on it a little when it burnt his fingers. Sam shook his head at how much like a kid Dean looked and decided to wait for them to cool down some before taking one.
"So are your sons arriving today?" he said, keeping his tone casual. Dean tensed a little but said nothing, still chewing on his biscuit.
Jean came over with a jug of cream and the sugar bowl, shaking her head.
"No, they're not that far so they'll be arriving in the morning and only staying for the day. It's easier for them that way, especially with the baby."
"Baby?" said Dean, now he'd finished chewing, and she nodded her face lighting up.
"Yes, Lori is only two months old. She's a sweetheart though, Toby just dotes on her. Not that he doesn't dote on the others too of course." she added.
"How many people will there be?" said Sam.
"Oh, lets see – well, as you know, there's Chris and his wife Andrea, and their two boys, Thomas and Christopher. Thomas is eight now and Christopher is five. Then Nathan and Jenny, who are the proud parents of little Lori. She's their first. So that'll be eight adults and the three children, although the two boys will most likely want to be outside, especially if it snows. They've forecast some for tomorrow."
Dean nodded.
"Sounds great." he said, seeing Sam watching him out of the corner of his eye. "Didn't you say Nathan was the oldest?"
Jean laughed.
"Yes, Nathan is, but Chris married young. He was only 25, and they had Thomas pretty much straight away. Nathan took a little longer to settle down, he and Jenny have only been married two years. There's three years between the boys, and two between Chris and Nicola. It's a shame you won't get to meet her but they alternate between us and Marcus's family for the holidays."
The coffee now ready, she brought it over pulling out a chair and sitting down between the two of them. Waving off Dean's help she poured it out and sat back, giving both of them an appraising look.
"So are you going to tell me what's been happening with you two?" she said and Dean quickly took a sip of coffee, leaving it to Sam to answer and getting a glare in return.
"Uh, not much. We've been hunting, same as usual. And we're still looking into fixing the other thing." he said, avoiding talking about the deal specifically.
Dean was about to say something about that then caught Jean's eye and changed his mind. He'd been over it with Sam enough times, he really didn't want to have to explain to Jean why it was best for him to just accept what was going to happen. Last time they'd been here he'd been caught up in what had happened still, and he'd allowed himself to be talked into the idea it could be fixed. Now he knew different, but he also knew he'd have as much success getting Jean to accept that as he'd had with Sam so far.
"You've been taking care of yourselves?" she asked and Dean stepped in this time before Sam could answer.
"Of course. We always do." he said. Sam spluttered and Dean narrowed his gaze as he looked at him.
"Are you ok?" said Jean, patting Sam on the back, and Sam coughed a couple of times before giving her a quick smile.
"Yeah, just went down the wrong way." he said, giving Dean a look that said it was only for Jean's sake he wasn't going to point out what his brother's version of taking care of himself entailed.
Just then they heard a truck pulling up at the side of the house.
"Ah, here's Toby." said Jean, putting her coffee down and getting up. She opened the back door and went out to meet him, leaving the boys alone in the kitchen.
"What the hell was that little coughing fit about?" demanded Dean, as soon as she was out of earshot, and Sam raised his eyebrows.
"What do you think? 'We've been taking care of ourselves'? Are you kidding?"
"What?"
"You know what. Your flair for the kamikaze wouldn't exactly count as doing that, Dean."
Dean shook his head.
"Oh come on, don't start that again. I didn't go after Gordon alone, did I?"
"No, only because I begged you not to. Since we're on the subject, maybe you could explain to Jean and Toby why it's such a good idea that I just 'let go'?" he said, getting drawn into the argument despite himself.
"Leave them out of this, Sam. This is our problem, not theirs." said Dean, feeling his defences rise.
"Of course it's their problem! They happen to care about you too, just like me. Just like Bobby. The only one who doesn't seem to care about this is you."
"Drop it, Sam."
The tone of voice was warning enough even without the look that accompanied it. Sam was saved from replying by the sound of the door opening and Toby came in carrying several packages, Jean following behind him. He smiled when he saw them.
"Hey, boys. Good to see you both." he said, putting the packages down on the side and walking over to shake hands with both of them.
"You too. Thanks for inviting us." said Dean, all smiles as if he and Sam hadn't been fighting seconds before.
Toby waved away the thanks.
"Like Jean told you on the phone, you two are practically family now. It'll be nice to have your company."
He went and got himself a mug, pouring out some coffee and picking up one of the biscuits. He took a bite as he sat down, noticing just as Jean had how tired they both looked.
"So, been busy?" he asked and Dean shrugged.
"No more than usual. Had a bit of a run in with some vampires the other week but we took care of it."
Sam silently marvelled at Dean's ability for understatement while Toby didn't bat an eyelid at the mention of vampires, as if they were every day occurrences. He knew for the Winchesters they were.
"I see the car's looking good as ever." he said and Dean gave him a genuine smile.
"Of course." he said and Sam rolled his eyes.
"Don't get him started, you know what he's like." he said, moving his leg out of the way when Dean tried to kick him and making Toby chuckle.
"Still no appreciation of my baby, as you can see." said Dean. "I tried to teach him some stuff the other week but he'd rather keep those girly hands of his nice and clean."
"Hilarious. Just cos we don't all want to walk around covered in engine oil." retorted Sam and Toby grinned at them.
"Damn, I'd forgotten just how entertaining you boys are. You're gonna get on just fine with Chris and Nate, they can get going just the same at times." he said.
"Now no one is going to be 'getting going'. This is the holidays and I won't have any arguing, understand?" said Jean, firmly.
Dean and Sam glanced at each other then across at her.
"Yes, ma'am." they said, at exactly the same time. Jean shook her head at their antics and went back to unpacking the meat Toby had brought back.
"Why don't you take them outside and show them the work you've been doing in the garden?" she said and Toby smirked.
"She means why don't we get out of her hair so she can get on with the preparations." he whispered, just loud enough for Jean to hear him. She raised her eyebrows at him and he quickly stood, ushering Dean and Sam to their feet.
"Come on, 'fore she starts chasing us out with that rolling pin of hers." he said, winking at Jean as they walked past. Jean's lips twitched and she ducked her head to hide her amusement.
"I'll call you when lunch is ready." she said as Toby closed the door and Dean groaned.
"We're gonna leave here a stone heavier again, aren't we?"
Sam grinned at him.
"Like that usually bothers you."
Outside he showed them the new vegetable plot he'd recently finished digging.
"This means we can get by with only having to go into town every few weeks, what with all the stuff Jean already makes herself."
Dean shook his head.
"You guys are practically self-sufficient. Don't you feel like taking it easy now?"
Toby raised his eyebrows.
"What do you mean, now?"
"Well, with you being. I mean, you and Jean are. What I meant was – feel free to step in anytime, Sammy." said Dean, mentally throwing down the shovel and looking for a way out of the hole.
"No, that's ok – you seem to be doing well enough on your own." came the amused reply.
Toby took pity on Dean and allowed the grin that had been threatening to show.
"I know what you meant. Although I wouldn't say that in front of Jean, mind you. Truth is both of us have worked all our lives. Can't see any good reason to quit just we got a little older."
"You sound like Bobby." said Sam and Dean nodded.
"Yeah, he'll be hunting with a zimmer frame if it comes to it."
"Who's Bobby?" asked Toby.
"He's sort of an uncle. We called him that when we were kids, but he's not actually related. He was a friend of our Dad's, a hunter too. You'd like him." said Sam.
"I'm sure we would. You should bring him along sometime."
Dean glanced at Sam but said nothing. It wasn't really the right moment to bring up the fact he was treating this as his last visit.
If there would ever be a right moment to mention that.
Toby had just finished showing them the wooden crib he'd made for their youngest grandchild, for Christmas, when they heard Jean calling them. Despite Dean's protest earlier he tucked into the wonderful lunch Jean had laid out for them with as much enthusiasm as he usually did. Sam shook his head but he had to admit Jean's cooking really was something else.
Jean still had some jobs to finish before the next day and, having refused any help, she shooed them out of the kitchen with instructions to find something useful to do. Toby offered to take them down to the river, since it was a nice afternoon, to see if they could maybe catch a few fish to add to the menu. Neither of them could ever remember really fishing before so, surprisingly, they found themselves agreeing.
Thirty minutes later they were sat on the riverbank, rods in hand, just listening to the sounds of the forest. Dean usually hated the great outdoors but he had to admit when you had time to sit and stare – as opposed to being chased or mauled by whatever they were hunting at the time – it had its own sense of peace. He watched as Toby expertly launched his line, having helped them with theirs, and let out a contented sigh. He heard Sam snigger and turned to look at him.
"Something funny?"
Sam grinned.
"No, just watching you bonding with nature, that's all. Never thought I'd see the day."
"Yeah, well, this is different." said Dean, defensively, and Sam grinned even more.
"Uh-huh. How exactly?"
"Well, nothing's trying to kill us for a start. Kinda takes the fun out of the whole thing, having to avoid getting eaten."
Toby chuckled, wondering what anyone else would think if they heard them talking about such things.
"Whatever. I'm just gonna remember this, next time you're complaining about hiking through a forest."
"Ok, now that is totally different. You see me hiking? This, this is relaxing. Nice, even. Hiking is just wrong. I said it before, Sam, who the hell want's to go to all that effort just to look at a bunch of trees?"
Sam gave up, sitting back against the rock he was leaning on and feeling himself relax too. It was nice, not having anywhere to rush off to or anything to hunt. Sitting here like this, with Toby, felt like the kind of day out you'd have with your Grandfather. Something else he and Dean had never experienced, till now.
It was surprising how fast the afternoon passed. None of them felt any need for conversation, instead enjoying the peaceful sounds of the river.
Excellent hunters they may have been, but clearly fishing wasn't their forte since when Toby declared it was time to head back he was the only one who'd caught anything. They didn't really mind though. It had been the experience that counted.
Back at the house Jean had finished all her preparations and was happy to create another wonderful meal out of the fish Toby brought her and some potatoes, dug out of the garden that morning. They'd talked about unimportant stuff over dinner, both of them happy enough to let Jean and Toby make most of the conversation. The couple were aware of that and also that there were clearly a lot of things both boys weren't keen to discuss right now, but they let them be.
They'd talk when they were ready.
It was still fairly early when Dean started yawning but what with their last encounter with Gordon, it had been a long few weeks.
"Why don't you two head on up? Your room's all ready." said Jean as she watched Dean yawn for the third time in as many minutes.
Dean smiled at the way they called it 'their' room. It was one of the things he always liked about coming here.
"It's no reflection on you guys, I swear, we've just had a busy month." he said and Sam nodded.
Toby waved away the apology.
"Don't worry about it. You both look done in. We'll see you in the morning."
Dean went and got their bags out of the car then followed Sam upstairs. They both managed to stay awake just long enough to shower and collapse into the wonderfully comfortable beds.
"I swear, we have to take these with us." sighed Dean happily, as he pulled the blankets up and sank into the pillows.
Sam looked across, just able to make him out in the dark.
"I think you'd have a little trouble fitting these in the trunk, Dean." he said dryly.
"Fine, then we'll just stay here instead. I'm sure we could find something to hunt close enough to come back every evening."
It was a nice thought. Sam considered what it would actually be like, having a real home to come back to at the end of each day. For them, home was wherever they both were, but it really would be nice for it to be somewhere like this instead of a succession of motel rooms.
Still. There was nothing they could do about that and at least being together made the rest of it bearable.
He refused to think what it would be like going back to a motel room alone every day.
"Sam?"
He jumped a little, having got lost in the slightly maudlin thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"Everything ok over there?"
He smiled to himself at the fact Dean had picked up on his mood change, even in the dark.
"Yeah, just drifting off that's all."
"Alright." said Dean, not entirely convinced. "Night, then."
"Goodnight."