Dean actually stood there for so long that Sam nudged him from behind.
"Hey – you ok?" said Sam, peering round and trying to see what had his brother so mesmerised.
"Huh? Uh, yeah, sorry." said Dean, blushing as he realised he'd been looking at the table with his mouth open. Fortunately nobody besides Sam seemed to have noticed.
Sam frowned but didn't say anything, following as Dean finally made his way over and sat down.
Jean and Toby both sat at either end of the table. On one side was Nathan, Jenny and Dean, and on the other Chris, Andrea and Sam. As he got a good look at all the food Sam suddenly had an idea of just what it was that had grabbed Dean's attention so much.
In the middle, on a large plate, was the biggest Turkey Sam had ever seen. It glistened a golden brown and he found his mouth watering just at the sight of it. Surrounding the magnificent bird were dishes containing everything you could think of; corn dripping with butter, stuffing to go with the turkey, yams, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans and rolls hot from the oven.
Sam was actually surprised the table was still standing.
Sitting in the midst of all that was two large white candles which were already lit, the holders they stood in each filled with pine cones and leaves of red and gold from the woods outside. All of this was on top of a tablecloth of pristine white, set with what were clearly Jean's best plates and cutlery. Sam met Dean's gaze across the table and couldn't stop the huge smile that broke out at the fact they were sitting in the middle of what was quite possibly the most traditional Thanksgiving ever. Dean rolled his eyes slightly but couldn't help smiling back. He'd never imagined they'd experience anything like this and yet here they were, being made to feel as much a part of it as everyone else who was sat there.
He couldn't quite describe how it felt.
Toby stood up and, with some ceremony, picked up the large carving knife and began to carve the massive turkey. Plates were passed back and forth until soon everyone had a huge pile of food in front of them. The conversation was relaxed, not that anyone really had that much time to talk given how much food there was to get through. Even Dean was struggling by the time he finished.
His plate empty at last, he sat back taking a sip of the wine he and Sam had bought the couple. They'd insisted on using it for the meal, much to their embarrassment. Dean was relieved to find it was actually quite good, not having had much experience when it came to picking wine.
He watched Sam laughing at something Chris had just said and he smiled softly. This was how he'd imagined Sam's 'normal' life to be. His brother was in his element, at ease with the whole thing in a way Dean couldn't quite manage. But that didn't matter, because as long as Sam was there then Dean found he could relax most of the way. He felt at home when it was the two of them, and however sappy that sounded in his head, the truth was it gave him the chance to sit back and enjoy the experience almost as much as Sam was doing. Plus he actually didn't feel as self concious as he'd expected. Jean and Toby had always gone out of their way to make them feel at home, right from the beginning, and their sons were as generous as they were.
For the briefest of moments Dean wished this could last forever.
Sam glanced over at him and inclined his head, silently asking if everything was alright in that way he had. Dean gave a half smile and nodded slightly. Sam watched him for a second or two longer then turned back to listen to something Andrea was saying.
At that moment Lori woke up and started crying.
"Uh-oh, looks like someone else is wanting their dinner." said Jenny, picking her up and taking her into the other room.
Jean and Toby began to clear the plates, refusing any help, and Dean turned his attention to Nathan as he actually asked him about the car, even though he admitted he wouldn't know one end from the other. Out of the corner of his eye Dean saw Sam grimace and kicked him lightly out of the table, hearing Chris laugh as Sam's grimace became a wince and an evil look was thrown his way.
They were just debating the merits of Camaro versus Impala when Jenny came back in. Lori was no longer crying now, instead looking around with wide eyes, taking in everything.
"Here you go, say hello to Daddy for a moment." said Jenny, handing her to Nathan so she could go to the bathroom.
Nathan jiggled the baby lightly on his knee, everyone smiling as Lori found this amusing.
"I'd go easy on the jiggling, Nate, unless you want to be changing again today." said Chris dryly and Nathan wisely slowed it down a little.
Suddenly he looked up at Dean.
"Would you like to hold her?" he said and Dean looked like a rabbit caught in headlights.
"Oh, no, no that's ok. You're doing great there." he said hastily and Nathan grinned.
"She won't bite you know." he said.
"You hope." said Chris, earning himself a glare from his brother.
"You'd love a hold, wouldn't you, Dean?" said Sam innocently, smirking when Dean narrowed his gaze at him.
"Here you go." said Nathan, making the decision for him and handing her over.
Dean froze for a moment, then it kind of came back to him. The last baby he'd held had been Sam but it wasn't something you really forgot. As he got comfortable with the weight, Lori looked up at him with her eyes wide. She made a grab for his amulet, missing by a mile, making little noises as she tried again. Dean reached out and took hold of her hand, not wanting her to end up strangling him with it, and she automatically grabbed on to his finger. He stopped, lost in the moment for a second as she looked up at him and suddenly smiled.
Sam watched all this with a lump in his throat, seeing for a moment an alternate reality where Dean had got to have a family of his own. Suddenly it was too much.
"Uh, would you excuse me a second?" he said, almost knocking his chair over he stood so quickly.
As he disappeared through the kitchen door Dean watched him with concern, not sure what was wrong but knowing something was. He couldn't exactly move right then though, but Nathan too had sensed something wasn't right and he stood up.
"I'm just gonna get something from the car. I'll be back in a minute." he said, giving Dean a quick nod as he went.
Dean would have preferred to go himself but he reflected that maybe it might be better for once, for Sam to have someone else to talk to. Especially if it was what he thought it was that had upset his brother so much. Turning his attention back to the baby he began to wave her hand about and pull faces, making her giggle, all the while with half his attention still on the kitchen door.
Sam breathed in great gulps of the cool evening air, waiting for his heart to stop pounding. He knew his exit had probably gained some attention, not least from Dean, but he couldn't help it. Watching his brother with the baby like that, so at ease with the whole thing, had just brought everything to the surface again. He closed his eyes for a second.
"You ok?"
He jumped when he heard a voice, opening them again and turning to see Nathan standing in the doorway.
He blushed.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just got a bit hot, that's all."
Nathan nodded and came over to stand beside him against the railing. He looked up, seeing the stars just beginning to come out in the darkening sky.
"Dean's never had any kids, no?" he asked casually after a moment and Sam shook his head.
"No." he said, even though Ben's face appeared in his mind briefly.
"He seems pretty comfortable holding a baby."
Sam smiled.
"He had a lot of experience holding me. Without our Mom and with our Dad working so much Dean did most of the raising in my case." he said.
Nathan nodded.
"Guess that makes even more sense, how close the two of you are. I hope you don't mind me asking you something?" he said and Sam looked a little wary but shook his head anyway.
"No – go on."
"You seem worried, about Dean I mean. Is everything ok? I'm not being nosey, it's just if it's something we could help with.." he let the sentence tail off unfinished but Sam understood the meaning and was touched.
"That's very kind of you. There's nothing wrong, not really, it's just."
He stopped, knowing he couldn't explain exactly what it was but wondering if he could maybe go halfway.
Nathan watched him, waiting patiently, and Sam came to a decision.
"It's just the job really. Some of the work we do, it can be dangerous. The things we come across can be pretty nasty and Dean always puts himself out there first, you know? He does the whole big brother thing and tries to protect me, and no matter how much I tell him I'm a big boy now he just won't stop. It scares me sometimes. I worry that he's gonna get himself hurt."
Nathan nodded understandingly.
"I'm afraid if you're wanting him to stop, there's not much chance of it. Speaking as a big brother it's not something you can just switch off. I mean Chris is a grown man, he has a family of his own, but he's still my little brother and always will be. And if someone came after him I'd be the first to stand in their way. It's just one of those things."
Sam sighed.
"I know, I just wish he wouldn't risk himself to do it. Sometimes I feel like I'm still a little kid he has to look after. I'd just like to be able to return the favour, that's all."
Nathan was quiet for a moment, as if thinking, before he spoke.
"You know what? I bet you do more than you think."
Sam looked at him.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm gonna tell you something but I'd appreciate it if you kept it between us. Chris is the only other person who knows this and I don't want to worry Mom or Dad, or Jenny, since it's in the past."
Sam nodded and Nathan continued.
"A few years back I was kind of struggling a little. I had a stressful job, I hadn't yet met Jenny, and I was working day and night. I was living in a different place too, so I wasn't seeing my family much and I'd had no time to make friends. Anyway, I started drinking a little. Not much, just at weekends since I had to drive during the week. I told myself it wasn't a problem, it wasn't like I was drinking every day or needing it when I first woke up or any of those other clichés. So one day Chris surprised me with a visit, came by for the weekend. We talked about nothing much really, just the usual stuff, but on the second day he was there he suddenly sat me down and asked what was wrong. I told him nothing, other than being overworked, but he wouldn't have it. He just went on and on until he got me to admit that I wasn't drinking at the weekends because I wanted it. I was doing it because I needed it. That fuzzy feeling of being outside it all, of being outside your problems. We talked some more and he told me he thought I was depressed. I hadn't even considered that but when I looked at it I realised he was right. I never enjoyed anything anymore, it was like walking around in a black cloud. He made me make an appointment to see my doctor before he left and he phoned me, every day, right up until the moment I quit my job and moved nearer home."
Sam looked surprised.
"Sounds like he got there just in time." he said and Nathan nodded.
"He did. You ask him about it and he'll say it was nothing, but that's not true. He was the only one who knew me well enough to see past the act I was putting on for everyone. Even my on-off girlfriend at that time didn't know. That's the thing about siblings, you know each other better than anyone. If it hadn't been for him, who knows if it might have got worse or if I'd have ever gone to someone for help. The reason I'm telling you this is because maybe you're doing a lot more than you think you are. Sometimes you can't always see just what a difference you really do make to someone else's life."
Sam thought about it and wondered if maybe it was true. He really hoped it was.
They both turned round as they heard the door open. Sam wasn't surprised to see Dean come out.
"Jean says the pie is gonna get cold if the two of you don't hurry up." he said and Nathan grinned.
"Well, I don't need telling twice when it comes to Mom's pie." he said. "I'll see you boys inside."
As he went to go Sam grabbed his arm.
"Thanks." he said quietly and Nathan smiled at him.
"No problem."
Dean waited until Nathan was inside then turned to look at Sam.
"So you gonna tell me what all that was about?"
Sam shrugged.
"Nothing really. It's just a bit much, you know?" he said, waving a hand towards the house. "I guess it just got to me for a second."
Dean nodded, understanding.
"You ok now?"
Sam nodded.
"Yeah, I'm good."
"Well what are we standing here for then?" demanded Dean and Sam chuckled.
"You're right, come on – I can't possibly keep you out here when there's pie."
"Damn straight." said Dean, heading inside with Sam behind him.
The rest of the evening passed too quickly. The pumpkin pie was, predictably, the best they'd ever tasted and they'd insisted on washing up afterwards since Jean had gone to so much trouble. Unable to resist the determination of the four of them, Jean had to give in and had retired to the lounge with Toby, Andrea and Jenny to enjoy some time with her grandchildren.
Dean and Sam had washed while Nathan and Chris dried and put away, given they knew where everything went. Dean had never imagined he'd enjoy something as mundane as washing up, but there in Jean and Toby's kitchen, joking around with Nathan and Chris, it had felt like home.
Once they were done they'd made coffee and joined everyone else in the other room. It was Nathan who reluctantly suggested leaving first.
"We'd best get this one home before it gets too late." he said, gesturing to Lori who was asleep again in her carry cot. "She'll have us up at 4:00, if not before."
Everyone stood up, Jean going to the kitchen to get them some leftovers to take with them.
"It was lovely meeting you." said Jenny, hugging first Sam then Dean.
"You too." said Dean, forcing himself not to appear too awkward.
Nathan shook both their hands as Jenny hugged everyone else goodbye.
"It'd be great to see you again – let us know next time you're visiting Mom & Dad." he said and Sam nodded.
"That'd be nice."
"You take care of yourselves." he said, sharing a significant look with Sam as he said it.
"We will." said Sam, smiling gratefully.
Everyone waved them off and then it was Chris's turn.
"I think these two are just about asleep so we'd better head off too." he said, glancing at the two boys who were leaning against each other on the sofa, eyes half closed.
As Jean and Toby helped Andrea get them in the car Chris turned to Dean and Sam.
"So you'll definitely call next time you're in the area?" he said, genuinely, and Dean grinned.
"Absolutely. It'd make a nice change to talk about my baby with someone who understands." he said, dodging Sam's attempt to elbow him.
Chris laughed.
"No problem. In fact I might get you to let me take her out for a test drive next time."
Dean grinned as Chris shook hands with both of them and they stood beside Toby and Jean waving till the car was out of sight. It was a shame he probably wouldn't see them again, since they'd turned out to be so nice. Still, it made him feel a little better to know that at least Sam would have the chance to come back in the future. Maybe he'd even be able to tell them the truth, one day.
"So did you boys have fun?" said Toby as they walked back inside and Dean nodded enthusiastically.
"Definitely. You have a great family, we really appreciate you letting us be part of it." he said and Jean put her arm through his.
"You are part of it, we keep telling you. I'm glad you got along with Nathan and Chris so well, we just knew you would."
Just then Dean yawned.
"I think I'll go on up." he said and Sam nodded.
"Me too. It really was a great day, thank you." he said and Toby and Jean smiled at both of them.
"You're more than welcome. We'll see you in the morning – you boys sleep well, now." she said, giving them both a quick hug.
"Goodnight." said Toby.
"Night."
Upstairs Sam struggled to stay awake while Dean showered first, stumbling his way through his own when it was finally his turn.
When he got back in the room Dean was already under the covers, seemingly asleep. Sam folded his clothes on the chair and turned out the light, opening the curtains and looking up at the stars shining brightly in the sky for a moment.
He got into his own bed with a happy sigh, relaxing into the amazingly comfortable mattress again. He would be sad to leave it behind again when they left in the morning.
He was about to close his eyes when Dean's voice startled him.
"I'm glad we came."
Sam looked over, seeing his brother was still facing the wall. The fact that he'd spoken was the only indication he was even awake.
"Me too." he said truthfully, smiling to himself as he recalled the day's events.
"It was good to have a real Thanksgiving, for the last one." said Dean softly and Sam's smile faded slightly.
"Sam?" Dean said after a few minutes, when Sam hadn't answered.
"Yeah. Goodnight then." said Sam, not really wanting to continue the conversation now Dean had reminded him of his position on the whole thing once more.
Dean frowned a little in the darkness at Sam's tone of voice but didn't push it.
"Goodnight, Sammy."
Sam felt his eyes sting slightly and closed them.
This wasn't going to be Dean's last Thanksgiving.
It just wasn't.
A/N I owe a huge thanks to bhoney for the wonderfully in depth info she gave me on Thanksgiving and its traditions, especially since I knew precisely nothing before then other than it occurred in November! Any mistakes of course are all mine though. One more chapter to go and then we are done...