Disclaimer: I have done no owning of le Blood +.

CHAPTER 1

"Now it's time to pick our contestants." said Karl, picking up a remote and flipping on the T.V. The screen was blue.

"Okay, who took the VCR?" Karl yelled. Everyone assembled behind him looked innocent. Nathan sneezed.

"IT WAS YOU!" screamed Karl, jabbing his finger at him.

"No, no I just sneezed!" Nathan cried defensively.

MILES AND MILES AWAY

"I hate to question your judgement, Saya, but how is stealing their VCR going to inhibit them in any way?" Haji said.

"It's what David said to do, and we generally trust him, even though I'm not sure why..." Saya said, lugging the VCR by its cord down the highway.

EVEN FARTHER AWAY

"I wish they would HURRY UP!" David cried.

"David, why didn't you just buy the DVD? We HAVE a DVD player!" Lewis said, in all his Jamaican-ness.

"They don't sell Care-Bears on DVD!" David whined. "Where ARE they?"

BACK A FEW THOUSAND MILES

"Okay, I know ONE of you took the VCR...now we just have to find out who." said Karl, narrowing his eyes and dramatically dropping a game box onto the table.

"...Clue?" asked James. "Is this any way to be spending our time when a black child is being mistreated somewhere?"

Everyone ignored him. Karl slowly drew the lid off the box, saying,

"I know someone here committed this heinous crime, and I will. Find. Out."

TWO HOURS OF FAMILY FUN LATER

"It was Mrs. Peacock in the Study with the Candlestick!" cried Karl.

"How do you kill someone with a candlestick?" wondered Solomon.

"Oh, very simply." began Amshel, before heading off on a long speech about murder with a candle-holding implement.

"Mrs. Pea-COCK. Hee, hee." thought Nathan, giggling behind his hand.

"Sooooo...do we know who did it?" yelled Solomon over Amshel.

"...and you could smash them repeatedly in the head..."

"YES! Who IS this Mrs. Peacock, and where does she live?" Karl asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Why don't I just go buy a VCR?" asked Solomon tiredly, as Nathan burst into hysterical laughter at the mention of 'Mrs. Peacock' and Amshel said,

"...or crush their larynx..."

"Okay." Karl agreed with a shrug, as the Clue board disappeared into the Anime Dead Zone.

ONE TRIP TO WAL-MART LATER

"NOW it's time to pick our contestants." Karl said, flipping on the T.V. again. The screen was blue. Karl began to froth at the mouth.

"It's okay! It's just unplugged!" cried Solomon hastily, plugging the VCR in. Immediately, the video loaded into the VCR began to play.

"Hi, my name is Brittany, and I'm from California!" cried a ridiculously blonde, young female.

"Fast forward!" yelled Karl, pressing the button.

"Hello, my name is Keith. I'm an ex-convict and, in my humble opinion, I'm very stripper-tastic." drawled a huge, tattooed man.

"FAST FORWARD!" yelled Karl, fumbling in his haste to press the button.

"Greetings. I am an extraterrestrial." said a skinny, solemn man with glasses and a Star Trek t-shirt.

"Fast forward!" they all cried in unison, punching the button.

"'Ello, my name eez Van Argiano, and I am very stripper-tasteek!" called a familiar, French-accented voice from the television.

"HOLY SHIT!!" shrieked Karl, stabbing the fast forward button.

"Maybe this is a BAD idea." Solomon suggested.

"Well DUH." Nathan drawled. "It was KARL'S idea. I'm off to paint each and every one of my nails a different color!!" He skipped away merrily in his cowboy boots.

"NO!" Karl cried passionately. "I KNOW this is a good idea! We just have to approach it in a new way..."

"Such as...?" asked Amshel.

"Shut up, old man, or I'll out you in a nursing home." Karl snapped.

"Unfaaair!" whined Solomon. "I wanted to put him in a nursing home!"

"I'm not THAT old...am I?" asked Amshel, sounding hurt.

"Yes, you are." said a voice from behind them all.

"Ohhhh...heyyy, girl!" Karl called in a falsely nonchalant tone. "We were just doin' some evil shit."

"Evil shit is what we do." Solomon agreed.

"Totally evil shit." Amshel threw in.

"BLACK PRIDE!" James cried, pumping his fists in the air.

"I feel preeeetty!" Nathan sang from somewhere out of sight.

"WHY, oh WHY did I make you IDIOTS immortal?" wondered Diva aloud, shaking her head.

"Because you liiiike us?" wheedled Karl, wiggling his eyebrows.

"NO, I DO NOT like you." Diva replied, bitch slapping him.

"Keep your pimp hand strong, Diva!!" Solomon cheered. The room paused.

"...What?" Diva asked. Solomon shrugged.

"I heard it in a movie." he said in a small voice. Everyone shook their heads in unison and sighed.

"Okay, guys, hit the showers. You've reached the daily peak of your stupidity." Diva sighed. They all walked off, muttering to themselves.

Diva turned on the T.V, and, surprise, surprise, there were the auditions.

She had a nasty thought.

She smiled.