Disclaimer: What do I not own? BLOOD +!! Also, I don't actually own the word stripper-tastic. My friend came up with it, so all the credit goes to him whether he wants it or not.
CHAPTER 2
It was Saturday morning, and that meant cartoons. Yu-Gi-Oh blared from the large television while the sadly intellectually lacking chevaliers sat in front of it.
"Hey, Solomon, you're missing that weird girl totally freaking out on that evil guy about friendship!" yelled Karl, who was in his Scooby-Doo footsie pajamas.
"I don't watch Yu-Gi-Oh anymore." Solomon replied superiorly. "I've upgraded to Pokemon."
"And that's such an improvement." sighed Diva, who was slightly disgusted by her chevaliers cartoon fetish.
After the morning ritual ended, the chevaliers reluctantly changed out of their highly embarrassing pajamas and decided to seize the day.
"Okay, guys. Last one to go cuckoo gets the Cocoa Puffs." said Karl, his eyes shifting around the table as he placed a box of Cocoa Puffs in the middle of the table.
They all stared at each other intensely as they waited for someone to go cuckoo.
"I got money on Nathan!" Diva yelled from another room.
The intense intensity was intensifying. The intensely intense intensification was becoming too intensely intense. So much intense intensity was intensely intensifying to such a level where there was nothing but the most intensely intense intensity filling the intensely intense room.
"I'M CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS!" shouted Solomon, beginning to bounce off the walls in humanly impossible ways. He crashed through a wall and gave the old lady who lived next door a stroke.
"You lose, Diva!" Karl yelled.
"Damn!" Diva yelled back. "I'm not paying you."
"But--"
"Remember my friend Oscar Meyer?" Diva called evilly. Karl gulped and shut up at the horrific memory of the terrible lunchmeats.
"I'M CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS!" Nathan suddenly shrieked, bouncing off the walls in the same fashion as Solomon. He flew through the window and straight into the driver's side window of a police car.
"We've got a psycho hyped up on PCP here." the police officer inhabiting the car said into his radio.
"So THAT'S what they put in Cocoa Puffs..." Nathan mused.
SOMEWHERE IN CUBA...
"No! No, I tell ya, I had nothing to do with it! It musta been Lucky! Or Count Chocula! I DID NOT lace the Cocoa Puffs with PCP!" Sunny the psychotic bird cried, struggling as he was lead away by the police.
"Tell it to the judge." one of them said in a bad Cuban accent.
"Rob, give it up." sighed Juan. "You'll never be Cuban." Rob hung his head and sighed.
BACK IN THE INCOGNITO HIDEOUT OF OUR DEAR CHEVALIERS
Karl, Amshel, and James were now locked in a battle for the Cocoa Puffs. They glared at each other with such intense intensity -- oh, nevermind. It was real damn intense, okay?
Just then, Saya walked in.
"Hey, guys! I came to give you your VCR back. David must have watched Care-Bears eighty times..." she said cheerfully, depositing the VCR on the floor by the door. "Oh, are those Cocoa Puffs? Yummy!"
She walked over, snatched up the box of Cocoa Puffs, and began to munch. Karl burst into tears.
"Um...heyyyy...aren't you our mortal enemy?" Amshel asked tentatively.
"Only every other week." Saya replied. "This week is our week off."
"Then we can devote our energy to helping to free all the oppressed African-Americans!" cried James.
"...You know, that's getting old. Fast." Karl sniffed, glaring at him and wiping his eyes.
"I think there's medicine he could take." suggested Saya. Suddenly, an idea dawned on Karl.
"Hey, Saya? Want to be on our new T.V show? It's called Stripper-Tastic!" he asked.
"Why the hell not?" Saya shrugged, absorbed in her Cocoa Puffs.
"No friggin' fair!" Diva yelled, running in. "That ruins my totally evil sub-plot!"
"Ooooo, sorry." Karl flinched.
"You know, she really should send us memos on these things." Amshel mused. "She can't just have an evil sub-plot without us."
"Amshel." Diva said, patting his cheek. "It's time to let go." Nathan began to play a violin, leaning through the window that he had shattered.
"I wish for you all to die slowly and painfully." Diva said, smiling sweetly. "And after you're all dead, I will bathe in your blood and dance on your graves."
"That should SO go on a greeting card!" Saya said excitedly.
"I knooow! I was thinking of starting my own line!" Diva said, grinning.
"What was the plot again?" Karl asked, looking confused. Solomon, who had magically reappeared in the kitchen, patted him on the shoulder.
"None of us are exactly sure at this point." he said, shaking his head.
SOMEWHERE...ELSE
"I...I'm having an emotional dilemma again." Julia said quietly.
"Can't we just put a plastic bag over her head and put her out of her misery?" David sighed.
"Hey, mon! You're ruining da sub-plot!" Lewis scolded.
"What sub-plot?" David asked.
"Da sub-plot of LOVE!" Lewis said. "Now go help dat woman not asphyxiate herself!"
"Well...this was a pointless deviation from the plot." a small dust mite sitting on the carpet pointed out.
"Well, you have to have something other than crack shit about Cocoa Puffs and sub-plots in a fic, I guess." another dust mite sighed.
"It's dusty in here! I'm going to go get the vaccum!" David said, skipping off to the magical world of the broom closet.
"Fred?" said the first dust mite.
"Yes?" the second one asked.
"I've always loved you." the first dust mite sniffed.