First of all, thank you thank you thank you to everyone who reviewed. I expected this story to be ignored, and for me to be dismissed as that crazy writing bitch. Thanks again, everyone!

Disclaimer: Blood + has not been owned by me at any time in my life. Which, actually, would have been funny when I was three.

CHAPTER 4

After the author had been revived, which was done by waving a brownie under her nose, and she had retrived her keyboard from under David's mattress, the story resumed.

Karl and Solomon snagged a camera from the Anime Dead Zone, and all was well.

Well, the wellness had to dissipate sometime, didn't it? All couldn't be well for-freaking-ever. That would be...boring. MORE boring than burnt meatloaf sitting in a small white room on a paper plate. Well, that is kind of amusing, but you get my point.

One day, a steady stream of attractive, powerful, and exceedingly stupid girls began to appear at the door.

"Who invites these bimbos?" Karl muttered, slamming the door in another's face. Her name had been...oh, what was it...Yuki...Yuki of the Moonlit Roses, or was it the Dancing Sakura Petals? Oh, nevermind. It was cheesy, whatever it was.

Shaking his head, Karl turned and saw Solomon standing slack-jawed, his eyes crossed unflatteringly and his arms dangling uselessly.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Karl asked. "I told you that meatloaf was bad. Who'd eat burnt meatloaf that was just sitting on a paper plate in the middle of a small white room? Hey, now that I say it out loud, that's a good metaphor for boredom..."

While he was rambling, Solomon had snapped out of his trance.

"I don't know what happened..." he murmured, shaking his head. "When you answered then door, I was transfixed by that stupid bimbo..."

Just then, the doorbell rang again. Karl sighed and yanked it open.

"Hiz, Im Cheri, teh sad, orfaned Prinsess of Sparkling Daffodils." said a smiling girl with long, lush hair the color of a...um...'sparkling daffodil' and eyes so deep and beautiful that one could fall right into them.

Karl immediately lost all sense of time and space. He couldn't look away from Cheri teh Prinsess of Sparkling Daffodils. Solomon stepped up to slam the door. Just for good measure, he opened it and slammed it again.

That felt good. So he opened the door a third time and slammed it, emphasizing his point than it needed to be emphasized. Before he could do this a fourth time, Karl grabbed his hand.

"I know what you mean now...it's like there's nothing else in the world." Karl said, shaking his head.

"Did you hear?" Amshel asked, walking up with a newspaper in his hand. "There was a mass breakout at the Mary Sue zoo. They all escaped." He began to read what was printed in the newspaper.

"'All canon characters are advised to stay in their homes and not answer their doors. If you do not take this advice, the following may occur: losing control of your senses, making a fool of yourself, accidentally marrying a Sue, being enticed to an untimely death by a Sue, and embarrassing, uncontrollable flatulence. Usually, these complex creatures are created to set their sights on one male canon character and bother him endlessly until he either commits suicide or commits homicide. All other male canons in the area will be safe if the Sue has not been ordered to love him fanatically. Also, if he is ugly, poor, or old, he is not in any danger whatsoever.'" Amshel read.

"Well, Amshel, you're safe." Karl said, patting him on the back. Amshel glared at him.

"Are you implying that I'm poor, ugly, or old?" he asked.

"Two out of three ain't bad." Solomon shrugged.

MEANWHILE (There's always bound to be a pointless 'meanwhile', isn't there?)

The obscene misuse of Jurgens Ultra Healing Lotion was being observed by Kai and Riku.

"You think we should tell him that it heals damaged skin, not the elderly and infirm?" asked Riku.

"No. This is even funnier than the time Julia had a staring contest with a blind hobo on a streetcorner." Kai replied, sitting down in a conveniently placed armchair and beginning to munch on popcorn.

Meanwhile, David was busy running around the nursing home and rubbing Jurgens on all the patients, crying in his best televangelist voice,

"You shall be healed by this most holy lotion, and when you are healed, you will say 'hallelujah!' and you will bow to the Lord, for He has made you well! Also, the less holy but also important mineral oil!"

"Sir, what are you--" a nurse began to ask, but as soon as her head entered the doorway, David slapped some Jurgens on her face.

"And, you, too, shall be healed and keep your firm body and mind! Hallelujah!" he cried passionately.

"Oooookay..." the nurse sang, retracting her head.

"The lotion will heal your very spirit and work miracles for your crippled old bodies! Amen! And then when you go to the heavenly above to do the Dew with our Lord Jesus Christ, you will be clean and shall enter unscathed! Praise the Lord!" David yelled, jumping up on a table and scattering the chess pieces that sat on it.

"5...4...3...2...1!" counted Kai, looking at his watch. On the count of one, two burly men in white coats burst through the door, holding a strait jacket between them.

"Satisfying every time." Riku said happily as the men wrangled David into the strait jacket.

MEANWHILE

"What wouldja do for a Klondike bar?" sang Nathan happily, beginning to eat his Klondike bar. Every non-ugly non-poor and non-old man in the house was going a little insane from being stuck inside for so long.

Solomon glared at him.

"I would kill you for a Klondike bar." he growled.

"Oooo, you're on!" Nathan giggled. "I would chew on Karl's underwear for a Klondike bar!"

"But I wash them with Downy!" Karl said sadly.

"I would cut my luscious hair!" Solomon said.

"I would burn 'Sexy Little Piece of Ass' onto my forehead with one of those things they brand horsies with!" Nathan cried triumphantly.

"Well...I would...um...grow a mustache?" Solomon offered lamely.

"Mustaches are very rewarding." Amshel said, nodding.

"You can do better than that!" Nathan prompted.

"I would...grow a mustache then let a high, sex-crazed baboon shave it...while I was naked and covered with whipped cream!" Solomon said.

"That's just not right." Karl said, shaking his head.

"It's not right that my African-American brothers are being stepped on by modern society!" James mumbled.

"Hey guys, I'm going out!" yelled Diva. They all immediately began to cry, except Amshel, who called smugly,

"I'll come with you!"

"You're such a ginger bastard!" Karl sobbed as Amshel put one of his feet outside the door, pulled it back in, then repeated this action several times before jumping outside and landing firmly on the ground with both feet.

"Look at me, I'm outside!" he cried. "Yippee!"

"...Yippee?" Solomon asked. "Well, we're stuck inside, but at least we don't say things like 'yippee.'"

"I do." Nathan said sadly. Karl patted him on the shoulder.

MEANWHILE

"Hi, Saya!" Haji yelled, popping up.

"Ahh!" Saya screamed. "HOLY LOAFERS! Aren't you dead?"

"Yeaaah, but what would Blood + be without Haji?" the author mused. "And besides, I want to kill him again. It was so rewarding the first time."

"Hey, Saya?" Riku asked thoughtfully. "How did Haji become obsessed with you?"

"Well, it started in kindergarden..." Saya replied. A flashback rolled in and bulldozed Riku.

"I HATE YOU SAYAAAA!" he screamed as the scene ran him over mercilessly.

In the flashback, a small Saya raced up to a small Haji, poked him, and proclaimed,

"Poked ya. Now you have to be my slave for life." The young Haji began to twitch and mutter,

"Saya..." to himself over and over.

"And that's how it all started." Saya said happily as the present returned. Riku nodded, his body encompassed in a full-body cast, his face bruised and beaten-looking.

"Saya, you didn't go to kindergarden." Kai reminded her.

"DAMN YOU ALL!" Saya screamed, running out of the room sobbing.

Everyone stared after her.

"Hey, know what?" Kai asked.

"What?" Riku asked, playing along.

"Saya is a funny name." Kai snickered.

"And you're an idiot. What else is new?" sighed Riku.