Chapter 7
He can describe the opening of the elevator door as nothing other than relief; complete and total relief. It's short-lived, however, when he looks at her face and sees the anger there. He might have gone a step too far, he knows, but he was grasping at straws.
"Don't you talk to me like that," she says in a forceful yet quiet voice as she exits the elevator and walks down the hallway towards their rooms. "You worked your way up the ladder by working for Hoynes, for Peterson, for ?xml:namespace prefix st1 ns "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" / Sheffield. They might not be as stupid as Russell is, but they're three times as dirty."
His eyes widen and he stands there for a second before jogging down the hallway after her. "Which is why I'm telling you this. I'm speaking from experience."
"You act as though you wouldn't even consider working for someone for your own gain," she scoffs. "Those are pretty lofty morals coming from someone who's already made it and got there by doing just that." She stops in front of his room and stares at the door.
She's right and he knows it. But she's also wrong. It's pretty easy for him to tell her not to make the mistakes he made, but Leo came to him in spite of those mistakes, not because of them. "That's not…"
"Are you going to open the door?" she snaps.
He raises his eyebrows and wonders if they're going inside just so her rant can increase in volume. He steps between her and the door and slips the keycard into the slot, but the red light flashes. He curses under his breath and tries again just as Donna huffs and snatches it from his hand, then lets them into the room.
He tries to take her suitcase for her, but she grabs that as well and walks in before him, letting the door close in his face. He pushes it open and walks in behind her, where she's already talking again, louder this time as he predicted.
"I can't believe you would question my morality!" she says through gritted teeth as she tosses the keycard on the dresser and grabs his laptop. He wonders for a moment if she's going to throw it across the room, but she puts in down on the table in the corner and turns it on, then turns back to him while it boots up. "And who the hell are you to say Russell shouldn't be the president? That's not for you to decide or have you forgotten that along the way?"
"No," he replies snidely. "I haven't forgotten that along the way. But you and I both know he's no president."
"Well if he's going to be, someone's got to step up and make him a decent one instead of trying to make a three-term congressman no one's ever heard of the savior of the party."
"I'd rather fail with the right guy than succeed with the wrong one!" he shouts back at her.
"You have that luxury, Josh! You've succeeded enough to not be a joke if this blows up in your face! I haven't!" She paces for a second and then sits at the small table and starts clicking around on the computer. "And by the way," she says quieter without looking up. "Neither has Matt Santos."
"I don't intend to have this blow up in my face or the congressman's."
She ignores him and keeps talking and clicking the mouse. "And what happens when Russell's elected and you aren't there to make sure he doesn't screw it up?"
He throws his hands up in the air. "I can't be the president for him, Donna!"
She shakes her head and starts typing. "Leo's made plenty of decisions for President Bartlet. What changes do you want to make to number one?"
"It's not the…" He stops and stares at her. "What?"
"Number one; education," she says impatiently. "What changes?"
She stands up and walks to her suitcase, pulling out a folder. When he gets a look at it, he sees that it's the report she made him on Santos' voting record. She's talking about the proposal? Now, while she's telling him all the reasons she's going to work for Russell? "What the hell are you talking about?"
"We can't go to him with a proposal about running for senate. If he's half as intelligent as you think he is, he'll choose that over this in a heartbeat."
"You're…" She said we. 'We can't go to him.' He feels a smile tug at the corners of his mouth even though he still has no idea what the hell's going on. "Education's fine as is," he says, walking to the desk and standing over her shoulder as she sits back down. "So are healthcare and his military background. Go down to marketing."
They spend the next hour revising the proposal and doing nothing else. They don't talk about anything else; not Russell, not their fight, not last night, and he's not even positive that she's planning on going to the congressman's with him. But midway through, she calls the airlines and changes her flight to one leaving at 3:30. She puts the hundred dollar fee on his credit card.
When they're done, she burns it to a disc, says she's going to have the front desk print it out, and tells him to shower and meet her in the lobby in twenty minutes. He wants to ask her what all of this means, but he isn't about to tempt fate at this point, so he nods and does as he's told.
The first good thing about meeting with Matt Santos is that he doesn't throw them out of his house even though his wife is obviously less than pleased to have them there. After a few minutes of awkwardness, she takes the kids last minute Christmas shopping and leaves them alone. Once it's just the three of them, he tells them that he isn't running for congress. That's when they blindside him.
For the first ten minutes after they tell him what they want him to do, his only question is 'what?' For ten minutes after that, his only answer is 'no.' It's Donna who finally convinces him to just look at their proposal by showing him, of all things, the voting record reports she'd made earlier in the week. Josh watches silently as she explains them in layman's terms, unapologetically points out the congressman's weaknesses, and even asks him about the two bills he switched his votes on. His answer that the bills changed drastically to something he could support seems to impress her or at least mollify her.
Like Josh and Donna, the congressman is less than impressed with Bingo Bob's voting record, and although he has a lot of respect for Arnold Vinick, he's got kids and Vinick isn't about education. He gets a little ahead of himself and tells them what he envisions for education. Donna was right; it's way out there in left field, but as his excitement grows and his voice becomes animated, Josh sneaks a look at Donna to see her enthralled.
When they finish going over the voting records, the congressman turns to Josh. "Who's your second choice?" Josh stares at him a second and Santos smiles. "Oh," he chuckles. "I was your second choice. Who was your first?"
Josh shakes his head and looks over at Donna. She smiles uneasily and looks away. "You're our only choice, Congressman." He's careful to say 'our' even thought he still has no idea what the hell's going on with Donna. She refused to say a single thing to him of any importance in the cab on the way there, choosing instead to review the proposal again, but he doesn't want the congressman to know all that. If Santos is going to believe he has a chance, he's got to think they believe he has a chance.
"If I'm your first choice, why are you coming to me two days before Christmas when there's less than a month to declare?"
Josh almost smiles; this guy's no idiot. "We didn't start looking until Baker dropped out."
Santos seems to think about that for a second. "So Baker was your first choice."
"No," Donna says, jumping in. "We'd simply given little thought to the next election before the governor dropped out, leaving the remaining candidates…"
"Unacceptable," Josh finishes for her.
"Less than ideal," she says with a glance Josh's way.
The congressman accepts this and they spend the next hour pouring over the now nine-point plan. He either doesn't know that Donna is Josh's assistant or doesn't care, because he weighs her thoughts as heavily as he does Josh's. And like the congressman, Donna can't help getting caught up in the excitement of it all.
When they finally leave the congressman's house almost two hours after they arrive, the best they've gotten out of him is that he'll discuss it with his wife. Josh gives him both of their cell phone numbers, but the congressman just shakes his head and laughs, telling Josh not to expect his call until after Christmas.
When they get into a cab to go back to their hotel, Josh starts rambling about things they need to do. It's avoidance in its simplest form, but he doesn't know what she's thinking and that's a new thing for him. And if she's still thinking the unthinkable, maybe his planning will propel her into action and have her working with him before she even notices.
But Donna's having none of it and isn't propelled into any sort of action save glaring at him. It appears as if she left the friendly, professional woman at the congressman's house, and when she rebukes him for the third time, he gets angry and stares out his window.
"I don't know what it is you want from me," he spits out ten minutes into the drive.
"I want you to let me make my own decisions."
A strange sound of disbelief and exasperation comes from his mouth and he looks back over at her. "I am…"
"You're not," she snaps, cutting him off. "You're trying to manipulate me into doing what you want me to do by trying to convince me that it's what I want to do."
"It is what you want to do!" he shrieks. "You're just so damn pissed off at me that you won't admit it to yourself!"
Donna turns her head and crosses her arms over her chest. "I'm not discussing this in front of people," she says while looking at the driver. He groans and runs his hand over his face before looking back out the window on his side.
Neither says another word until they've arrived at the hotel and stepped out of the cab, but then she goes on as if they they'd never paused. "What I want to do is make a name for myself in politics without having to justify myself to you," she mumbles as they walk through the lobby of the hotel and towards the elevators. "What I want is to not be your go to girl."
"My go to girl?" he asks indignantly.
She punches the button for the elevator and the doors open immediately. They walk inside and she hits 3 and waits until they close before talking again. "Yes, your go to girl. If I join Santos' campaign, how long before I'm picking up your lunch and acting as your date at fundraisers."
"Why the hell does it have to be an act?" he yells before realizing what he's said. Shit. He didn't mean for that to come out. He visibly cringes and hangs his head. "Fuck," he breathes out.
She doesn't say anything for a few seconds, but then she turns to him accusingly. "Why did you sleep with me when you knew you were lying to me?"
His eyes widen and he looks over at her. They're discussing this? In an elevator? Now? "I…" What the hell's he supposed to say to that? "I could ask you the same question!"
"I didn't lie to you."
"You didn't tell me about the job with Russell," he accuses right back.
"But that didn't have anything to do with it," she says, shaking her head.
He looks up at the ceiling and throws his hands in the air. "Neither did Santos!"
"Right," she mumbles under her breath as she turns to face the doors again.
He takes a deep breath and looks at her again. "I didn't sleep with you to get you to work for Santos, and it's disgusting that you think I would."
She turns her whole body back to him. "So if you knew I'd taken a job with the vice-president, you still would've slept with me last night?" she asks skeptically.
'No' pops into his thoughts before he can stop it and it surprises him, because until she'd asked, he never would've guessed that to be his answer.
"That's what I thought," she says when he doesn't answer her.
The elevator dings and she walks out of it and turns down the hallway. He stands where he is until the door starts to shut again, then pulls himself back to reality and follows her. Neither says anything until they reach his room and he's searching his pockets for the keycard. "You once dropped everything to drive across the country and work for the right guy. That's who I wanted to sleep with; what happened to her?"
"I didn't drop everything. I ran away from an abusive relationship; my options were limited. And you want to know what happened to her? She went to work in politics."
His head snaps up and he can feel the edges of the keycard digging into his hand as he grips it tightly enough to leave marks in his skin. "Abu…" All the air rushes out of his lungs and he can't finish the word. He sucks in a long breath and tries to push back the rage coursing through him. He's hated before, he has, but there's only been one other time he's wanted people to die, and that was when they blew up the SUV she was in. "He…"
She quickly shakes her head back and forth. "Mentally abusive."
He stares her right in the eye and looks for anything that might tell him she's lying. He doesn't see it, but she's good at hiding her emotions. He thinks he might throw up; his breathing is labored, his stomach is queasy, and he's lightheaded. He takes a step closer to her. "Donna…" he says in a voice he barely recognizes.
"Josh," she says softly while slightly shaking her head. "You make it very hard to stay mad at you."
"Tell me," he says, his eyes boring into her. "Did… did he…" he can't finish the thought. He can't even have the thought.
"Never," she says in a solid voice. "I swear." One side of her mouth quirks up. "He just took my life's savings."
He knows what she's doing; he's seen that look from her more times than he cares to count. Putting him at ease comes second nature to her, even when she is angry with him. She reaches down and gently takes the keycard from him, then turns and opens the door. He's frozen there in the hallway, not moving even as she walks inside and turns back to him. "Josh."
He nods slightly and stumbles into the room, collapsing onto the bed and burying his face in his hands. He hopes she's telling the truth, and he's going to have to believe that she is, otherwise he's going to do something that's going to land him in prison.
The bed dips down next to him and her hand goes to his shoulder. "Josh, I know to you this decision is black and white, but I'm seeing shades of grey."
He doesn't say anything; he has nothing to say. She's still talking about the campaign, but the only thing he can think about is that man's hands on her, hurting her.
She sits next to him for a few minutes. Neither of them says anything and if he weren't going through his own version of hell, he'd say it was the nicest moment they've had today. She doesn't seem to be angry anymore, at least. He's not completely sure why that is, but it's one less thing he has to deal with.
He finally sits up and faces her. She's smiling softly at him and shaking her head slightly back and forth. It helps, her face almost always does, and he finds it easier to breathe. She puts her hand on his cheek for a minute, then removes it and stands up.
"I have to go," she says with a smile almost as if she's talking to a child. His eyes widen and he starts to say something, but she shakes her head. "My flight's at three. But I'm going to think about it."
He pauses for several seconds before nodding. She smiles wider and ruffles a hand through his hair, then calls the front desk for a cab and goes over to her suitcase.
"Your flight's at seven. Eat something before then." He nods again and watches as she moves about the room. She's leaving and there's nothing he can do about it. "I'll call you Sunday."
She looks at him for a few more second, then starts to leave, walking past him towards the door.
"Wait," he says quietly, reaching out and taking her arm into his hand. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say here; he doesn't even know that he has the voice to say it. His emotions have been all over the place today, but he can add fear to them now. This feels like goodbye, like he's losing her, and all he wants to do is hold on and never let her go.
She lets him pull her back to him. "My cab…"
"Just…" He trails off and slides his hand down her arm to her wrist. She's so damn soft, how is he supposed to let that go?
She looks down at his hand and then back at him before closing her eyes. They stay that way for several seconds, and then he leans forward and rests his forehead against her stomach.
He drops her wrist and wraps his arms around her, holding her close to him. Her scent invades his senses and he can almost taste her lips again. He can feel her put a hand into his hair again and she leans down and kisses the top of his head.
"I have to go," she whispers after several long moments.
"Don't," he mumbles into her shirt.
She pulls back, still close enough to smell, but their only connection now is his hands around her waist and her hand in his hair. "I have to go. I have to think."
"I need you."
She smiles sadly and he thinks he sees a tear in her eye. "See, you say that, but I don't know if you mean professionally or personally."
He pulls her closer again, resting his chin on her stomach and looking up at her. "I just mean that I need you."
Her smile changes a little bit and she bends down and kisses his forehead. "I'll see you Monday," she whispers. He closes his eyes as she untangles herself from him, but opens them again and watches her walk to the door. She turns back and smiles at him once more, then quietly leaves.