Thank you to all my awesome readers and reviewers and people that favorite me and put me on their alerts. It makes me feel special. Though I'm suprised I got no flames...oh well, no smores this time. I wonder does anyone read these top things anymore?

Oh and special note: I redid some of chapter one. If it needs more revision or clarification please tell me. I'll edit it.

"Faeries talking to Harry/Luna"

"Harry mindtalking to the faeries"

"Neville's internal thoughts"

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Chapter Three

Nargles and Turtles

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The day started normally, well as normal as it could for Harry Potter. His faeries woke him up with their arguement about magic's fetish with lace, leather, and latex. There was also something mentioned about school girls. Harry decided he didn't want to know what the whole conversation was like.

It was only the second day at Hogwarts and things were going great for Harry. His friends didn't hound him about his summer too much and Malfoy hadn't bothered him yet. Actually now that he thought about it, Malfoy not bothering him was a bad thing. It must mean he is planning something.

"Yeah, Harry, planning to get into your pants." Apparently the faeries had stopped their conversation to listen to what Harry was thinking.

"My pants?! I don't think I want to know his plans anymore."

"Ooooo how romantic. You want to be suprised." Gia swooned in a over dramatic fashion.

"This is going to take some getting used to." Harry thought as he got ready for his day. The faeries just snickered. "Speaking of getting used to, did you ever figure out how you are capable of magic now?"

"We were always capable of magic, just not on humans." Sage points out.

"Ok then. I guess I won't be getting the answer to that question anytime soon." Harry could see that Sage was irritated with the lack of knowledge on this subject. What he couldn't tell was if she was mad at him or the situation. He decided to let sleeping dragons lie.

By the time Harry was done "talking" with his faeries, he was already walking out of the portrait hole. Ginny and Neville caught up to him and they all made their way down to get some breakfast in the Great Hall. As they entered the massive room, they could hear the rumors about what happened with Hermione the night before. A few students thought that the Weasley twins were the ones that did it but cleverly covered it up. Most, however, thought that it was Harry though no one could figure out how he did it. The faeries laughed and fake sneezed. Harry smiled at their inside joke which caused Ginny and Neville to share a look. They seemed to be doing that alot.

"So Harry, what do you think happened to Hermione?" Ginny asked. Luna randomly came to sit beside the trio at the table. (AN: Neville and Ginny are sitting on one side and Luna and Harry on the other.)

"Luna, you do realize this is the Gryffindor table right?" Harry asked, trying to avoid the question.

"Yes I do, Harry. There is nothing that says I cannot eat here. I wanted to see the nargles this morning."

"Harry, don't avoid the question. And Luna's right, there is nothing to say that she can't sit here."

"Good point."

"Now stop avoiding the question, Harry! I know you have something to do with it and you avoiding it just confirms that."

"If a butterfly flaps his wings in Beijin in March, then, by August, hurricane patterns in the Atlantic will be competely different.(1)" Harry said with the hope that she would get confused and stop asking. He had heard it when he was listening for any news about the Wizarding World on the telly at his relatives house.

"WHAT??"

"I think what Harry means is 'When a nargle sneezes after being seen, then it's magic will start to effect humans'"

"Neither of you are making any sense." Ginny looked at the two of them with a resigned look. "Fine, I give up. But one day, you'll have to include Neville and I."

"Oh ho! What have we got here, dear brother of mine?"

"It looks like conspiritors trying to out do us!" The Weasley twins snuck up behind them and nicked some of the food from their plates.

"Hey watch it! And I was eating that! We weren't plotting anything. We were just trying to get Harry to tell us how he did it." Ginny griped at her brothers.

The faeries had stayed quiet up until now. Harry had almost forgotten about them. Apparently sibling rivalry isn't fun for them to watch so they decided to start their own amusement-getting Harry to laugh at "nothing."

"Don't they know that a magician, like a prostitute, never reveals her tricks?"

"Ahh dear sister, just remember that a prostitute has to reveal all her tricks to do her job properly." Carrie answers Gia.

"Thank goodness I'm a magician. Otherwise I'd have no more tricks!"

"That or you wouldn't be that great of a prostitute." By this time, Harry and Luna were trying to hold in their laughter. Poor Neville looked lost between the squabbling siblings and the duo sitting across from him that looked on the verge of tears. Luckily Neville was saved from further awkardness by McGonagall. She came around to hand out the timetables.

"Ms. Lovegood, why are you sitting at the Gryffindor table and not at the Ravenclaw table?"

"The nargles amuse me with their conversations. It's not my fault that they like to hang around Harry Potter."

"Mims is about to start lecturing. Better start phase one of the plan." Sage whispers in Harry's ear. "Distract her with something extremely random. Carrie, help him out."

"Don't put me on the spot like this! Fine fine. Ummm."

"Hurry up, Carrie." Gia jumps up and down on Harry's shoulder (2) waiting to see what mischief would happen.

"Seriously, Carrie, it can't be that bad. Just say something. I'll run with it."

"Fine. Turtles know the secret to the universe."

"What? Well I did say I'd run with anything."

"Turtles." Everyone stops.

"Turtles, Mr. Potter?" McGonagall is frozen in her pre-lecture pose, shocked at what one of her students just randomly said.

"Yes, turtles apparently know the answers to the universe."

"What does this have to do with Ms. Lovegood sitting at the Gryffindor table?"

"Well nothing, but apparently the price isn't worth talking with the turtles. Honestly, what's the point of knowing the secret of the...gah" The faeries poke Harry in his side. Hard. They put a finger to their lips and snicker.

"The secret of the what, Mr. Potter?" McGonagall was now peering down at him with a stern expression.

"What were we talking about?" Harry takes the faeries' advice and plays it dumb.

"Mr. Potter, this is not the time for pranks. Honestly, you're starting to become like your father!" McGonagall starts to go off on a fond tangent about the Marauders. The students tune her out after a couple of minutes.

"Turtles knowing the secret of the...gah." Neville decided to answer Harry's question. "Personally I think knowing the secret of gah would be pointless. But they are turtles and they seem to know...gah!"

Neville gets cut off of by a sharp jab to his side. He looked around and nothing was there. What is going on here?

"Yes! See, they gah!" Neville noticed that Harry flinched before saying 'gah'. Harry knows what's going on, but he isn't saying. I want to know but I'm not going to be like that squirrel or Ron. Honestly, what were they thinking? Harry has done nothing but be nice to them and they sell him out to Dumbledore. He tried to get me to befriend Harry for a load of money and a bunch of magical tutoring. Friendship over selling out. I was taught better morals than those two apparently. Then again, the rest of the Weasleys are moral people. I wonder how Ron turned out to be a bad apple. Oooo apple, yum.

While Neville was having his lovely inner monologue, the conversation continued on without him.

"Are you ok, Harry?" Ginny asked after noticing the flinch too. The Weasley twins had decided to stop pestering their classmates and settle down to breakfast beside them.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that, Potter" All six whirl around to see...not Malfoy. Just some random Slytherin trying to be like Malfoy. He was even flanked by two nethandertal-like boys. The sextet looked past the boy towards the Slyterin table to search for Malfoy. They found him staring at his toast. Apparently he wasn't a morning person. No one really knew that. They collectively shook their heads and looked the the wannabes in front of them. Apparently the trio didn't care about starting problems in front of a teacher. Then again, the teacher was still trapped in her tangent. (AN: shouldn't she be handing out timetables?)

The smug boy took their silence to be something akin to awe. "I see you are stunned by what a real pureblood is supposed to be like. My name is..."

"Ratigan!"(3) Carrie screams out.

"Bond, James Bond."(4) Gia says as sauvely as possible.

"Oooo, I think Gia has you beat on this one, Carrie." Sage says applauding Gia.

"I guess you can't win them all." Carrie admits her defeat.

"So anyways about the turtles. We never really resolved that topic did we?" Harry says to the people sitting at the table, effectively cutting off the Slytherin. Inwardly, he was laughing at what the faeries were saying but he was getting better at keeping it internal. He was also getting better at listening to them and his friends at the same time which is good in his opinion so he doesn't space out so much.

"You're right, Harry. The nargles were the ones to say that, weren't they? So they should be able to tell us about the turtles." Luna dreamly answers. The others just stare at her.

"Nargles?" The Weasley twins simultaneously ask.

"Yes, apparently Mr. Potter has nargles that follow him." McGonagall finally ended her tangent. "Since there are no rules that say you must sit at your house table, Ms. Lovegood, you are free to sit here." She finally goes to hand out the rest of the timetables. Luckily no one had classes that day; otherwise, they would have been late.

"Nargles and turtles won't save you from the Dark Lord, Potter." The cocky Slyterin tried again to slight Harry like Malfoy always does. Unfortunately he said that statement louder than he should have. The Great Hall sat in stunned silence at what the Slytherin said. He thought he finally got the respect he deserved. Everybody recovered from their shock over the absurd comment and began to laugh. Even the Slyterins chuckled at the stupidity of their housemate.

"He-hem" Before the Slytherin could do some damage control, the new DADA teacher came up to stop the commotion. "What seems to be the problem here, Mr...?"

The Slytherin looked happy to be acknowledged by the Ministry official. He puffed up his chest to look more important. "My name is--"

"Madame Umbridge, how are you doing this morning?" The boy deflates as the Headmaster comes up to greet the new teacher.

"I was just trying to stop the situation from getting out of control. Mr. Potter was antagonizing this boy" "My name is--" "and I just wanted to make sure that the students are protected" from him was left unsaid yet everyone could hear it.

"I said my name is--"

"I commend you, Professor, for taking your job so seriously." The students could see him straining to say that. "Shall we move on from this and proceed to breakfast, since the matter is resolved? The house elves outdo themselves during the first week of school."

"Very well, Headmaster" She says in a sugar-coated voice. As she passes Harry she whispers, "This isn't over yet. I know you are up to something, you delusional boy."

The professors made their way up to the teacher's table. The group of Gryffindors plus Luna were down with their meal by the end of all the commotion. The Weasley twins went to bother Katie and Angelina about Quidditch. The Slytherin boy made several more attempts to say his name and to threaten Harry; all were thwarted or ignored.

The Gryffindors decided to relax by the lake for the rest of the day and visit the two in the hospital wing since Luna wanted to go find her trunk. She said she didn't need any help finding it. She said: It always turns up when you least expects it to.

The Hospital Wing

Hermione still looked like a squirrel. Madame Pomfrey couldn't figure out how to reverse the magic. She had tried many different potions and was having Snape create some more. Some of the potions had a very interesting effect on the girl though. Madame Pomfrey was writing everything down in case she ever wanted to create a case study. When Hermione drank some Dreamless Sleep potion, she went completely hyper active. It took some heavy sedatives and two people to get her to calm down. The effects of the sedative were wearing off when Harry, Ginny and Neville came to visit.

Hermione was going into lecture mode again when she saw them. Ron was passed out in a bed with horrible scratch marks on him. Apparently he was one of the unfortunate ones to help Madame Pomfrey.

"Harry, I want you to say to Hermione: "Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeaker, squeakin'"(5)"

"And what does that mean, Carrie?"

"You owe me a new acorn."

"Do you really think she'll understand that? It could seem like I'm mocking her."

"Just try it."

"Fine."

"Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeaker, squeakin'." Everyone just stares at him. "What? I'm trying out my squirrel speak on her."

Hermione squeaked back at him.

"What did she say?"

"She's asking why she owes you a new acorn. Repeat after me:"

"Squeak, squeakin', squeak, squeakity. Squeaker, squeak, squeak, squeakin'?" Hermione just sighs and runs to the window. Madame Pomfrey lunges to catch her. Hermione was too fast with her squirrelly senses and abilities. Madame Pomfrey turns to Harry.

"What did you say to her, Mr. Potter?"

"What did I say to her, Carrie?"

"My acorn is missing. Did you eat the acorn?" Harry tells Madame Pomfrey what he said.

"Why would you tell her that?"

"That's all the squirrel I know. I didn't think she would actually understand me."

"Tell her that you tried on the neighborhood squirrels but all they did was look at you and give you an acorn. Play it off if you can."

"Madame Pomfrey, I tried these phrases on the neighborhood squirrels but all they did was look at me and give me an acorn."

"So what you are telling me, Mr. Potter, is that you not only talk with snakes but you can talk with squirrels? Where do you think she went?"

"She might have gone to get me an acorn?" Hermione decides to make a grand entrance to announce her success at scouring the forest floor for the perfect acorn. Hermione had always seen Harry playing with a golden acorn so she needed to find something even better. (AN: yay squirrelly instints) She had to fight off some other beasties to get it but Harry said someone ate the other one. Who would eat a gold acorn? It's not that tasty!

"Maybe we should figure out how to change her back." Sage says as the faeries watch as Hermione practically shoves the head-sized acorn into Harry's mouth. "That has got to hurt."

After assuring Hermione that the acorn was perfect, the trio tried to leave the Hospital wing. They were stopped first by Ron asking what was going on. Madame Pomfrey told him the story and gave him some more potions. Luckily, it seemed he was healing and didn't contract rabies. They tried to leave again but were stopped by Madame Pomfrey.

"I want you to learn more squirrel in case we cannot change her back. She still needs to attend her lessons. We'll wait a week but if you could learn that language it would help the teachers."

"Potter? Help the teachers?" Snape came up behind the group startling everyone. He had more potions. "What's he doing to help teachers now?"

"I"m asking him to learn more squirrel speech so that he can translate in case we can't change Ms. Granger back before week's end. You know she wouldn't want to miss too much class."

"Potter knows how to communicate with squirrels? What next? Turtle or perhaps phoenix?" Snape scoffs. The three Gryffindors snicker at the turtle comment. Snape fixes them with a glare. "Leave my sight or I will deduct points for blocking the hallways."

The trio go back to the tower in a good mood. They didn't get points deducted-only because Madame Pomfrey was there watching- and Harry got a new acorn. He was tossing it around with Ginny. "And chaser Weasley shoots for the goal and BAM blocked by Keeper Potter. The crowds go wild." says Neville as he narrates their imaginary Quidditch match. None of them noticed the shadow that was stalking them but the faeries did.

"Part one of the plan is complete" Sage whispers to her sisters.

"The toad is going down. Slytherin style."

"So step one is to convince people that Harry is slightly not all there. But didn't they already due to the drivel they printed in the gossip column in the Daily Prophet?" Gia asks softly.

"Hence why it's slytherin style. Use what you are given and warp it to help you, not hinder you."

"Carrie is right. Think about it, Gia. If people think that Harry isn't all there, he can get away with a lot more. We learned that from Luna. The good thing is that Harry is getting some solid support with his new people. We need to figure out how to use our powers. The nag-squirrel and the red pig are our guinea pigs. Then we can do pranks to cover our tracks. Not only do we need to get rid of the weretoad, that beast that created us needs to go too."

"He looks like he put a condom on the wrong head." Carrie tries to lighten the mood a bit. The other two look at her, then each other, and all three burst out in hysterics.

Harry had just opened the portrait hole when he heard that laughter. "Having fun there, ladies?"

"We're just discussing the merits of--" Carrie began to say.

"You don't wanna know Harry. Just know that we're going to help you with all this. The weretoad and condomhead are going down." Gia informs him.

"Condomhead? Do you mean rubbers? That would mean..." Harry couldn't hold in his laughter anymore and falls to the Common room floor in tears laughing at the hilarity of it all.

"That could not have been planned better!" Carrie says gleefully. Her tail swishing behind her.

"What do you mean?" Sage asks.

"Well we wanted people to think he's insane. He just fell to the floor, in tears, he's laughing so hard. To them it's at nothing. And he's babbling about a 'Rubberhead.' He'll need to explain this to the others but this was perfect."

"I see your point." Later that night, after Harry calmed down a bit, he explained the cause of his insanity. Ginny and Neville did the exact same thing that Sage and Gia did but added the Harry response to it. The rest of the Gryffindors just eyed them like they were crazy.

The day finally ended for everybody. Hermione finally was given some potions to keep her calm. Madame Pomfrey and Professor Snape were in their respective rooms trying to numb the pain of getting a rampant squirrel to take some potions. Ron was still sleeping in the Hospital Wing beds. The Weasley twins were planning a new prank probably against Snape or Umbridge-they didn't like her already. Professor Umbridge was planning the take over of the school. The rest of the students were just sleeping, sad that the next day would be the start of classes. The faeries, however, were discussing the shadow that was stalking their boy.

"Should we help him win our boy?" Carrie asks the others.

"It's like a storybook romance. Boy meets boy. Boy aggrivates boy. Boy teases boy. Boy actually loves boy. Awwwww." Gia swoons over dramatically again.

"You know, I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not. Anyways, we'll have to see what his plans are and if we can help them. Hopefully they aren't stupid plans." Sage hopes. "If worst comes to worst, we can always set Harry up with Luna..."

"We'll see. We'll see. Though if he doesn't do something soon, we are soo pranking him" Carrie says mischieviously. Gia nods with a sinister grin on her face.

"Poor Malfoy. He doesn't know what he's getting into." Sage says sagely. (AN: I couldn't resist that one)

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(1) This is the chaos theory/ butterfly effect.

(2) They were sitting like they were when Harry first saw them. That's how they'll usually be unless I say they are floating.

(3) From the Great Mouse Detective. I still love that movie. And it's plausible to say in this fic since it was made in 1986 so don't try to catch me on crazy technicalities. Nya!

(4) Thanks Kayla!

(5) from Emperor's New Groove.

Thanks for reading this again! I like reviewers and people that favorite me and people that put me on "alert". The people that flame are ok since I still want those smores. Yummm.