Title: Variables
Chapter: Go (2/4)
Rating: T
Pairing: Addison/Alex
Summary: One visit. That is what Addison has told herself. Life, however, hardly runs on a plan, so when change goes into the fourth gear a choice to look back may not seem so bad after all.
Note: AU version 4x13 "Piece of My Heart." Thanks for the lovely reviews, and so here's your update. Oh, and concerning the ending of this chapter, remember there's still two parts left to go. Read, Review, Enjoy.f
He knew she was coming, but he still had to do a double-take when he saw her standing outside that elevator.
She looked exactly as she had before--well, there were the obvious and subtle differences. Her hair wasn't that fiery red anymore, but more than that she looked…refreshed. In addition, she had hugged him which he found odd and awkward.
But there was not supposed to be a reason for him to dwell on that or on why it was awkward, or on Addison in general. That was an old, torn at the seams, story by now. Irrelevant, really, especially considering the fact that Ava was pregnant.
He knew he was a jerk when Ava told him, and he ran, pretending there was some patient or another that needed him ASAP. Because he was sure he couldn't handle this 'I'm pregnant, you're the dad, we have to figure this out so we can all have our happily ever after' thing right then, or now.
He's a mess that was forced to grow up too quickly, so all the lessons that came in between childhood and adulthood were lost. Now he doesn't have lessons to guide him--he sees the right and the left, but the middle of the road has always been somewhat incomprehensible to him.
Concerning this kid, he's sure it deserves anything but him. 'Stay with the husband' runs through his mind, and inadvertentlyf he spit out the abortion idea. Immediately the words crashed on him, and he knew Ava was as repulsed by the idea as he was by the look on her face. However, no kid should grow up with a boy figuring out how to be a man as his or her parent. Technically, Alex felt like he was looking out for the kid's well-being, and isn't that what every parent should do?
Think up worst-case scenarios and do whatever possible to avoid those scenarios, but prepare for them just in case?
Which is probably why those hippie parents drove him up the wall. He let his emotions get a hold of him, and he had an outburst. Bailey had good reason to reprimand him, and even Addison looked surprised at how strongly he reacted towards the father.
Dr. Montgomery knew he didn't have the best bedside manner from previous experiences, so her surprise towards this particular outburst only further proved that he was getting emotionally involved.
He stalked off and considered the NICU unit, but being near babies probably was not the best idea at that moment. Babies only reminded him of his dilemma, and maybe some inherent guilt.
Instead, he headed to a supply closet, to cool and calm his nerves down. There, he only paced, but not too long after he barricaded himself in there, someone came knocking.
The knock indicated that the person came looking for him in particular. Thus he did not answer the knock, hoping that maybe that would send the message to leave alone--on the other hand, not answering might warrant an invitation, and perhaps speaking to someone might not be such a bad idea.
When the door clicked open, he knew the person had taken the latter route. When said person spoke, a part of him sighed in relief internally that it was her that came after him.
"Is it safe to come in?" she said nonchalantly, to which he only responded with a hey.
For him, it was placating and gratifying to see how she kept her head on straight as she came in and began talking to him. She always did know how to read people's emotions, could tell when they were upset, surprised, happy, or angry. But confronting any one of those feelings (or a combination of any sort of feelings) had always been more of a last resort thing with her. Almost as if she did her best to go by the saying 'don't push the matter.'
They sorted through several subjects quickly enough--his outburst, Ava being pregnant with his child, Ava still being married, Alex not wanting the baby, Alex believing he was not a decent guy. Which led to him admitting that he knew about Addison wanting a husband who did BBQs, played catch with the kids, and the whole nine yards.
Before he knew it, she confronted him with a slap upside the head.
Even that, however, was done with this ease that made him nostalgic on those days they used to work together. He almost forgot how fluid they could be, both in the work area and the talking life area. The talk, the banter, the laughing. Almost like those days before their kiss culminated to having sex in that on-call room.
That's why he stopped at the door to comment on her hair. Nostalgia possessed him, and he couldn't help but remind her that she was the ruler of all that was evil no matter the situation. And by the glint in her eye, he knew she was reminded that he was the Evil Spawn.
"Alright," he grinned at her.
"Alright," she repeated and he left.
He let the door close behind him and he paused right outside the door for a moment before going on his way.
He turned sideways and eyed the door for a second. He smirked to himself, stuck his hands in his lab coat, and finally walked away.
--
"You okay, Karev?"
After the surgery, and after speaking with the new parents, together Addison and Alex headed to the NICU unit to check on the newborn.
Addison had seen Alex slightly tear up during the surgery, but she knew better than to directly mention that fact.
"Yeah," he answered after a moment," I am"
He smiled tightly and rested his hands on his hips.
"Good," she smiled and stood beside him in front of the incubator with the baby they had just saved.
"If it weren't for us, this kid wouldn't have made it."
"Wow--very modest, Karev," she chuckled at him.
Alex joined her in her small laugh, and Addison added--
"Then are you saying you couldn't have done this on your own?"
He shrugged and frowned, saying as casually as possible--
"Nah, well--at least not for now. I mean, I will be able to someday, but I guess for the time being the country's foremost neo-natalist surgeon can help me out."
"Does that mean you're sticking to the field?" she turned her body to him to meet his eyes.
He turned as well, but only grinned in response to her question.
"I'm not a mind reader, Karev," she said under his gaze.
He half laughed, half scoffed at her statement because she sure seemed capable of that. He could only estimate that was a reason he tried to stay from her. Tried.
"What?" she chuckled in that tone that projected both her curiosity and anxiety.
"Nothing," he shrugged but then ventured to ask," you catching the plane tomorrow?"
"Yes, tomorrow morning, and am leaving this hospital in…"
She twisted her head to look at the clock overhead on a wall.
"Twenty minutes or so. I have to change and speak to the Chief briefly before I leave, and then I'm off."
"You're gonna tell him to fill your position?" He didn't form the words into a question, but simply stated it as a fact.
"What gave it away?" she sighed.
"You just have that determined face. Plus, you keep going on about how great LA is."
"Hmm, you'd think Richard would get the message, then," she murmured and smirked at him.
He nodded and proceeded to stick his hand out.
"Then good luck, Dr. Montgomery," he whispered.
She glanced from his hand to his face with a raised eyebrow, noting he was avoiding a hug by offering a handshake.
"Thank you, Karev," she said cordially when she met his hand.
He gripped her hand and shook it, not too hard, but formidably enough.
"Don't mention it," he shrugged.
Alex had never been one for formalities and understandably enough he didn't want a reference to him being amiable.
But amidst their exchanged glances and the handshake that was lasting longer than deemed normal, Alex seemed to forget his rules of distance if all for a moment.
Driven by a lapse of reasoning, or perhaps something much more deeper that he's too afraid to account for, he pulled her into a hug.
He heard her laugh as she wrapped his arms around his back, and he grinned.
Slowly she returned the hug, all the while feeling a bit awkward at the beginning. But after 12 seconds of still holding her, she wrapped her arms around him more comfortably, and placed her hands flat against his back.
She exhaled a breath that she had been holding, and rested her chin on his shoulder.
In turn he placed his chin softly on top of her head, bending his head forward to inhale her scent for a second.
But she stiffened again and pulled her arms back slightly.
"Okay…" she whispered just loud enough for him to hear.
He smiled to himself and pulled back as well, just where his hands landed softly on her hips.
Her own hands rested on his forearms, and she sifted through his eyes, trying to catch the reason for which he was acting this way.
He only smirked, knowing that her confusion was more than justified. He recognized he wouldn't be able to put into words the 'why', so he only said, "I just wanted to say thanks--again. And not that you're completely the reason why, but I am going to talk to Ava."
She smiled sympathetically and there he saw a gleam of pride in her eyes.
"You're more than welcome…Alex."f
An subdued smile played on his lips, but he brought his hands off of her hips, and instantaneously she let him go too.
"Goodbye, Alex."
He felt the slightest of pangs when she said that, but it still felt good.
It was nice that she was saying goodbye this time. That fshe was leaving with a final word to him, making it feel a bit less abrupt.
She turned on her heel and walked away, and he knew it'd be much longer until they met again--that is, if they were to meet again.
She glanced back as she walked away and waved once again. He smirked and nodded to acknowledge the wave, until she left his sight.
His smirk dropped and he looked back down at the baby in the incubator, dreading the inevitable conversation he was about to have with Ava concerning their baby.