"The rules are simple, boys and girls," Jack began
"The rules are simple, boys and girls," Jack began. "We drink until we drop. Everyone tries it as an individual. No passing out and no regurgitation."
"What about bathroom breaks?" Kimiko asked.
"'Breaking the seal' is fine if that's how you want to play it," the albino allowed. "I wager the Glasses of Bi Shi and the Lotus Twister against Golden Tiger Claws and the Tongue of Saiping!
"Hold it!" Rai commanded. "You never suggest a contest unless you're really sure you can win it."
"So?" smirked Jack.
"So, the contest isn't over until EVERY LAST ONE OF US has dropped on either team. That means us four or you."
Jack grinned and shrugged. "Fine."
Kimiko scowled. "Have you taken anything that will let you win this? Drugs or something?"
"Drugs? What kind of drugs help you not get drunk? No, Kimiko, I'm just confident in my conditioning," Jack said with a grin. "Even though the Japanese are just a nation of violent drunks, I think I could take you."
"Daddy?" Little Chase asked.
"You're fine, buddy. RJ 13 will look after you," Jack called.
The android stepped forward and picked up the shrunken warlord, balancing him on one hip.
Kimiko squealed in anger, but before she could yell at him, Little Chase kicked free of RJ-13 and ran to Jack.
"No! I want my Daddy!" the little boy cried plaintively.
"Awwwww," she murmured when Jack scooped him up for a hug, feeling herself melt reluctantly. "So cute!"
Her fellow Dragons gave her annoyed looks, but she ignored them.
"Hey, buddy, what's the matter?" Jack asked. "I'm going to be right here; I'm not doing anything that'll get me hurt. I'm just going to beat the losers in a contest. You want to watch Daddy beat the losers?"
"Mmmm-hmm," Chase answered with a shy nod.
"Well, Daddy's going to kick butt; just you watch. Hey! I bet RJ 13 could find you something to eat. He's got the whole layout for the Temple programmed into his memory bank."
Little Chase shook his head vigorously and clung tightly to Jack.
"Nuh-uh! Wanna be able t' see you!" he said, cuddling close and pouting slightly.
He was very, very afraid that the mean people would hurt his Daddy if he wasn't there to help.
Kimiko squealed again, but it was a noise of intense glee at the sight of so much affectionate cuteness.
Raimundo and Clay rolled their eyes, while Omi grimaced.
"Enough of this baby-talking and cuddly-ing!" he shouted. "Let us get down to the business of drinking!"
Jack snorted, still cuddling Chase close.
"Just wait, Cheeseball, we'll get to it." The albino youth hugged his adoptive son. "Tell ya what, Chase; you can stay and watch but if any of the losers get too loopy, you'll have to go sit with RJ 13, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy," Little Chase said, snuggling against Jack. His Daddy was so warm and soft and smelled so good! He loved his Daddy so much, and gave Jack a kiss on the cheek to prove it.
"Girls," Raimundo muttered when Kimiko squee'd again and almost puddled to the ground in a frenzy of affection.
Jack hummed with the delight at the sloppy child kiss to his cheek.
"Shut your flan-hole," the albino announced. "Let's get this party started. Let's go; Xiaolin Showdown!"
Around the monks, the familiar grounds of the Temple began to rearrange themselves into tall stands of alcohol; a large tank for every player in the showdown, labeled with their names. Around the stands, a polished bar rose from the ground, tall stools coming up at the perfect height for each individual monk.
"Gong Yi Tempai!"
The monks quickly hopped into their assigned seats and then looked at each other awkwardly.
"Uh... what're we drinkin'?" Clay asked.
"Beer," Jack said as he slid onto his assigned stool. "The same beer, in the same amounts."
The monks nodded, but Omi frowned and said, "I thought children were not supposed to drink beer?"
"They aren't," Jack answered flatly. "Maybe you should leave this one for your teammates."
Omi leaped to his feet on his bar stool and pointed at Jack, enraged.
"You will not to be calling me a child, you imbibing gin-chimp!" he yowled.
Little Chase stood up on his Daddy's lap and pointed back at Omi.
"Don't you call my Daddy names, you crazy yellow weirdo!" he screamed back.
"Now, now," Clay drawled soothingly. "We can all fight when we're drunk."
Jack snorted and picked up the mug of beer that slid towards his hand.
"Fine; you want to get shit-faced, Omi, you go right ahead. RJ 13!"
"Yes, Master?"
"Go to the kitchen and get Chase some juice and cookies."
"Yes, Master," the robot turned and headed towards the kitchen as if he was right at home.
"So!" Kimiko snapped. "Since the Japanese are 'a nation of violent drunks', get ready to get your butt whooped, Spicer!"
The albino genius lifted his glass.
"Kampai," he challenged with a grin.
Little Chase watched as his Daddy lifted the mug and drank the beer in neat, long swallows; as if the liquid were no more than water. He grinned and snuggled against his Daddy. No way Daddy was going to lose! Daddy could almost outdrink Nana Spicer!
The monks lifted their mugs and began drinking. They all choked at the taste of it, grimacing, but began gulping it down as quickly as they could to get the sour taste out of their mouths.
Almost immediately upon emptying his mug, Omi stared wide-eyed at his companions with a shocked look on his face.
"Uh-oh," Rai said, closing his eyes and covering his ears.
Clay quickly followed suit, but Kimiko wasn't fast enough.
She watched, horrified, as Omi let out a raucous hiccup, followed by a truly obscene belch that led the way to the tiny yellow body contorting viciously as Omi vomited up the beer he'd swilled plus his dinner.
An instant later, the monk's unconscious body plopped to the ground -- directly into the puddle he'd made.
Kimiko groaned and curled up into a ball, struggling to breathe properly to quell her nausea.
Jack laughed at the disgusting spectacle and hitched Chase further up into his lap.
"Oh yeah, I need an edge to win against you guys. You can't even drink a beer without gagging. I should have thought of this earlier."
As Jack put the empty mug on the bar, another one came sliding out from his 'stand' and slid towards his hand.
"Is he alright?" Clay grunted, setting his empty mug down and letting the next one slide to him.
Kimiko peered quickly, and then glanced away with a shudder. "He's still breathing."
Raimundo gulped down the last of his beer, shuddered, and took hold of the next mug.
"Alright, then," he said roughly. "Let's get..."
He trailed off, gaping as he watched Jack Spicer down the second mug as if he didn't need to breathe air.
Jack flashed him a grin and a wink as the third mug slapped into his palm.
Quickly, the monks choked down their second mugs of beer.
After a few minutes, RJ 13 came back with Chase's snack. Grimacing at the sight of Omi laying in a puddle of his own puke, the automaton fished the little monk out and dunked him in a fountain until he was more or less clean. At Jack's request, he even found a hose and washed up the puke puddle.
The monks and Jack continued to down beer the whole while.
It wasn't long, though, before the monks were showing signs of being completely soused.
Rai hiccupped, burped, and then peered around blearily at Clay.
"Yo, dude," he warbled.
"Whaaaaaaaaaaat?" Clay groaned, holding his hat to his head firmly; convinced it was gonna float away if he didn't.
"Is it hic! true yer beeeeeeeeeeeelch! sister's a lesbian?" Rai asked, holding onto the bar to steady himself.
Clay's eyes bugged out while Kimiko dropped her head into her arms and laughed.
"What?!" Clay roared, the shock of anger clear his senses slightly. "What in 'tarnation--?!"
"Well... y'know... dykes on bikes, baby!" Raimundo cackled, leering. "Leader of an all-girl biker club... an', let's face it, really butch..."
Kimiko howled with laughter and struggled to stay on her bar stool.
"Pedrosa..." Clay began growling.
Rai saved himself by fainting and falling from his bar stool.
Kimiko only laughed harder, peeing herself.
Clay sighed, grabbed the next mug of beer, and muttered, "Jerk."
Jack sighed gustily.
"Don't listen to them, Clay," the albino called. "I don't think Jessie's a lesbian. I hope Jessie ain't a lesbian. Wait until she sees me bein' all paternal."
Clay swung around and glared angrily at Jack.
"You keep yer filthy evil mitts away from muh sister!" he bellowed.
His mistake was trying to stand. Quite suddenly, every last drop of beer he'd swilled decided to cut him out at the knees.
Clay keeled over; unable to keep his balance, and whacked his head against the bar as he fell.
Knocked cold, the Texan cowboy was down for the count.
Jack looked down at the big blond stretched out across the floor.
"Well damn," he slurred, starting to feel the alcohol.
"Who's Jessie, Daddy?" Chase asked.
"This big lug's surprisingly hot sister," Jack answered. "She tricked me out of Shen Gong Wu and wrecked my bots, took back her gang . . . . heck of a gal. I thought she turned me off of girls entirely when I first saw . . . ."
The albino trailed off, a strange, thoughtful look crossing his features.
Little Chase reached up and touched his tiny hand to Jack's face. "Daddy...?"
Jack shook his head, but smiled at Chase and dotted a kiss onto the small palm.
"D'awwwwwwwww... that's so cute!" Kimiko gushed drunkenly.
The albino looked over at the reeling Japanese girl.
"What . . . what d'you see when you look at us, Kimiko?" he asked. "Do you see some weedy little geek and his brat? Or do you see a genius who's starting to grow up? Do you see how beautiful my baby boy is? Do you . . . . . you know exactly how beautiful he's going to be?"
Jack stroked a long finger along Chase's round, soft cheek.
"My baby boy . . . "
Kimiko shook her head. "I see Jack Spicer holdin' a really tiny Chase Young," she muttered. "An' wonderin' what we're gonna do for real evil t' battle, 'cause ain't no way you can take us on without gettin' us drunk."
Jack scowled.
"I suppose telling you I took out Wuya when I was naked, freezing and tied to a fence wouldn't make any difference to you, would it? Maybe I'll be your guys' main badass again. Maybe I'll be the one to teach Chase Young how to be evil."
Kimiko laughed. "Yeah, right. Nobody's ever gonna top Chase Young. Ain't never gonna be evil like Chase Young inna world again now he's gone. The Good Guys got no real competition..."
Mumbling the last bit, the alcohol claimed her and she slipped from her bar stool with a soft groan as she tumbled into unconsciousness.
Jack held very still.
He sat like a statue as the Showdown ended. He continued staring straight ahead as the Temple returned to normal and the Shen Gong Wu he had won appeared in his lap with Chase. He drew in a deep breath as the alcohol magically disappeared from his system and left him clear-headed and sparklingly lucid.
On the ground around him, the monks transitioned from drunken unconsciousness to simple sleep.
Chase bounced on Jack's lap, clapping his hands gleefully.
"You won, Daddy! I knew you would! My Daddy's the bestest Daddy ever!" Little Chase cried happily, and threw his arms around Jack's neck in a tight hug.
Jack hugged the toddler back.
"I'm the bestest Daddy ever?" The albino genius pulled back and looking at the charming toddler on his lap. "But I'm not the bestest bad guy ever. Do you think you could be the bestest bad guy ever, Chase?"
Chase giggled and shook his head. "Why'd I need to, Daddy? You're here!"
"I mean when you all grown up!" Jack clarified, tickling the child lightly. "Yes . . . when you're all grown, you'll be the fiercest warrior ever . . . a Tai Chi master . . . Chase Young." Jack sighed roughly. "Crap. I made a mistake . . . I need to fix this."
"Daddy?" Chase asked, confused and a little worried. He didn't understand what Daddy was talking about, but he knew Daddy meant ihimi. He hooked a finger into his mouth and asked hesitantly, "Daddy? Don't you love me?"
"Oh God, of course I do!" Jack blurted instantly. He hugged the child tight to his chest. "I love you, Chase! Of course I do; that why I need to fix something. I can't let you grow up . . . afraid and living in my parents' house." Jack pulled back slightly, looked into his son's big golden eyes and decided the best policy was to lie like he had never lied before.
"You see, Chase; your mommy was really an evil princess and she lived in a castle filled with lions and tigers! After you were born and she kicked me out, that's when Wuya came along and stole the castle and chased your Mommy away . . . uh . . and put a spell on you so you don't remember anything," he added quickly. "But I can't let you grow up in a regular house; you're an evil Prince, Chase. You need your castle."
Chase's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped open, his finger and hand falling away in his surprise.
"I'm a prince?" he whispered, thrilled.
"My little Prince of Darkness," Jack observed, stroking his hand down that fall of green-black hair. "But we have to take back your throne; we have to defeat the evil witch."
Chase hugged his Daddy tightly. "I don't care about bein' a prince! I just wanna stay with you!"
Jack Spicer hugged the little boy close and for a moment, the future of evil hung in the balance. But as heartbreaking as losing Little Chase would be, Jack didn't think he could stand a world that was so empty and pointless as to not have a Chase Young in it.
"Let's go beat Wuya once and for all," Jack whispered.
RJ 13 appeared beside the pair, reached under his trench coat and drew Jack's silver SS sword.
"You can't storm a castle without your sword, Master."