Summary: Bella is mad about a bet Jasper and Emmett made about her and Edward's wedding night. Bella finally gets tired of Emmett's pranks, so her and Alice decide to have a little of fun of their own. But when an innocent (or not!) prank turns into a war, who will win?
Written in EPOV/BPOV
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does, as she does all associated characters.
A Taste Of His Own Medicine
EPOV
I stared impatiently at Alice, waiting for her to finish signing Lincoln Park's new song in sign language in her head. I had been waiting for over an hour and had listened to her translate 6 different songs; even 100 years worth of patience couldn't hold back the urgency I felt to see Bella, and Alice's charade was wearing my tolerance thin.
Alice had been acting strange since we all got back from hunting; her lips hiding a secretive smile that even Jasper couldn't decipher. She had been hiding her mind from me too, ignoring my questions about why she had sent Bella home early (unsupervised, much to my chagrin), or where Emmett was. She'd just said that we'd all have to wait until tomorrow, when Rose got back, to see.
BPOV
I stared hungrily at my empty bed, wishing for nothing more than to finally see that tousled bronze hair and crooked smile. My computer was running slowly, as usual, and I tapped my fingers on the wooden desk, waiting for Alice.
She had promised to come get me when she saw Emmett coming back, but she said it could take awhile; he still hadn't made up his mind. This was the one thing I couldn't understand- how long did it take to try on a thong?! I could already feel my lips curve upwards involuntarily at the thought, a mixture of disgust and humor sweeping across my face. Every second seemed to take longer…
--Later that night at the Cullen's--
"Bella," his velvety voice whispered, "it's getting late; you should really try to go to sleep." His cold lips gently nibbled on my ear, his cool, sweet breath tickling my skin.
I could already feel my blood thud in my ears as his hands moved down my small frame, his lips searching my neck. His cool tongue traced my collarbone, and his hands traced lightly under my breasts, making my breath catch. I stared very hard at the ceiling, trying to remember how to breathe correctly.
Edward chuckled softly, seeming to sense my delusional state. He gently wrapped both stone arms around my waist and pressed his face into my hair. He breathed in heavily, sighing as he felt my body relax into his, and he brought one hand up to sweep some strands of hair away from my face.
When he spoke again, his voice was throaty and irresistible. "You're completely impossible," he laughed, and then started to stroke my face. "Sleep tight, my love," he whispered, his voice gradually becoming distant.
He then laid my head on his chest, where I could feel the rise and fall of his quiet breathing. His stone arms had never felt more comforting as I nestled my head deeper into his shirt, my eyes drifting shut as he hummed my lullaby.
It seemed like a very short time later that I was awakened to the howls of something in the next room. Sitting up hastily, a rush of blood flew to my head, making the golden room momentarily spin. What the hell is that noise? I thought groggily, unable to curb my annoyance. I looked over questioningly at Edward, who seemed just as mystified as I was, his golden eyes closed in concentration.
When he opened his eyes again, he stared at me with a mixture of shock and confusion, which was soon replaced by silent laughter.
"I can't believe you did that!" he snickered, his hand hiding his mouth.
"Did what?" I asked right back, my head still spinning in confusion. Everything was such a blur…
I listened carefully, and only then was I able to make out Jasper's laugh, louder than I had ever heard, echoing through the house.
Suddenly Edward wrapped both arms protectively around me, and a low hiss escaped through his teeth. He turned his head back to me, his teeth bared in a glinting grin. "You're so in for it now!" he shook his head as he glanced at the closed door, still smiling. I could hear Emmett's heavy footsteps coming towards our room- I suppose he was too upset at whatever Jasper had been laughing about to bother to make them quiet.
"Lie down!" Edward mouthed, quickly shoving me under the covers. "You're asleep." He quickly draped an arm over me, and pressed his marble body against mine, like the way I usually slept. It was odd; he was barely touching me, and yet I felt more secure and protected than I ever would have alone.
It was only a second later that Emmett crashed through a door, but peeking out from under the covers, I saw that, thankfully, it was not ours. He had returned to his bedroom where apparently Rosalie was, her high, angelic voice easily carrying through the walls.
"Emmett," she asked, "um, Honey, what in the world are you wearing?" I could hear bedsprings creak as she moved farther back on to their bed, he soprano voice strangely suspicious. I could just imagine how her perfect porcelain skin would be scrunched up in confusion, beautiful despite the constant note of coldness emanating off her voice.
My eyes widened as I remembered our prank, and I stuffed the comforter in front of my mouth to keep from bursting out in giggles. Edward was trying hard not to laugh too, his whole body shaking silently next to mine as he rolled over on his back, his eyes closed. Obviously he was enjoying whatever Rosalie and Emmett were thinking, and thinking back to Alice's vision, I could only guess what he saw.
Emmett's booming voice brought me back to reality. I heard him move across their room, lighter this time, his loud voice unmistakable. "Well, Rose," he began, (sounding annoyingly smug), "I decided to, you know, try it on too." I could imagine the lopsided, goofy grin he must be giving her.
No sound came from the room, and I imagined Rosalie trying to think of something to say. The uncomfortable silence seemed to drag on next door.
I looked over at Edward, whose mouth was open in hushed laughter, his eyes still closed. I opened my mouth to ask him what he saw, but he shook his head before I began and just pointed to the wall, barely containing his snickers. His topaz eyes opened, staring with amusement at my face.
Emmett had begun to talk again, but the smugness had disappeared from his voice, and he sounded unsure and uncomfortable. "C'mon Rose," I heard him say, a touch of annoyance in his voice, "I know about your talk with Bella. Stop pretending you don't know what I'm talking about. You're an incredibly bad liar." I heard him step forward and kiss her on the forehead.
I found this hard to believe as I stared incredulously at the wall, but I guess if you had been with someone for over half a century, you probably knew what it looked like when they were lying. I sat up straighter, trying to stretch out my stiff back. I thought over what Emmett had just said, and couldn't help being surprised. The sense of déjà vu hit me full on, and I couldn't help but think how similar Edward's and my conversations were.
But Rosalie had begun talking again, and I leaned forward, trying to catch every word.
"My talk with Bella?" she asked, the coldness now seeping through her words. Edward mimicked what they were doing so I could see; Rosalie had crossed her arms over her chest, and had a sultry pout on her face.
"Aw, Rose, don't be mad," Emmett started, "Bella didn't really want to tell me- I actually had to talk it out of her." From that tone I could imagine him looking expectantly at her face, his grin pleading.
Rosalie spoke again, "Um, honey? I'm not mad. At all. Don't worry," she assured him in a calm voice. " I just, um, well, what happened exactly?" I heard the bed squeak again as Rosalie changed positions, probably lying on her stomach.
"Emmett began, "Well, after I talked with Bella, and she told me about your conversation, I got in the jeep and went to Victoria's Secret." His voice sounded confused, as if he had no idea why Rosalie was asking such a question. I really had to agree- where else would you buy a red lace thong?
Rosalie started to talk, cutting him off. "But Emmett, I didn't talk to…" But Emmett hushed her with a hand, and continued talking.
He continued, "I walked in, and this salesgirl asked me if I needed any help." He paused, and when he began again he sounded slightly amused. "She asked me what I was looking for, and I told her, 'a red thong'."
He grinned, and I could hear him chuckle. "Apparently she got a little embarrassed at that, but still showed me a whole rack of thongs; all these different colors and sizes..." his voice trailed off at the apparent wonder of it all.
I could hear Rosalie snort in disgust at her husband's words. "And then?" she asked, snapping him out of his reverie.
Emmett was quiet for a moment, and when he did speak, his voice was high pitched and embarrassed. "I, uh, well, didn't know what to get," he confessed, hanging his head, "so I drove back home and found, um," he paused, "Jasper."
At this Edward couldn't take it anymore- he burst out in roaring laughter, not bothering to hide it. The whole iron bed shook, and the next room had gone deathly quiet. I heard a low growl come through the wall.
"Do you mind, Edward?" Emmett snarled, "This is a private conversation, thank you." Edward closed his mouth, retaining his laughs to low snickers.
Emmett's story continued, "So I brought Jasper to help me," he began. Edward let out another low snicker, but Emmett chose to ignore him. "And I found one. We, uh tried a bunch on…"
"WE?" Edward interjected.
Emmett snapped back through the wall, "Just be glad you weren't home at the time, Edward. Otherwise, it would've been you!"
Jasper spoke up from the next room. "I'm hurt!" he called in mock pain. "Truly devastated. Next time you go looking to try on thongs, I just may not come at all." Edward laughed again, and this time I could also hear Alice's tinkling laugh a few doors down.
"Is there anyone in this house who actually respects privacy?" Emmett snapped, slamming his and Rose's door closed.
Jasper snorted, "Not when you go around parading in a thong there's not."
Emmett groaned and continued anyway, but lower this time- I had to strain to hear him. "So we tried a bunch on, and this really hot red one fit well. But, uh, I didn't know how… good it actually looked on me, a guy, so I asked." Emmett fell silent, and I could imagine his thoughts daring Edward to laugh. Just daring him. I snickered softly to myself.
"So you asked Jasper?!" Rosalie yelped, horrified. "You mean he saw you…"
"No!" Emmett said quickly, "No, no, no!" He reassured Rosalie, who continued to stare at him.
"Who then?" she demanded, outraged.
Jasper piped up from the other bedroom, "He asked the salesgirl instead." I could hear his laughter mixing with Alice's, and then Edward's, and then mine. I could only imagine how embarrassing that conversation must have been.
Rosalie sighed in embarrassment, and I heard her flop down onto the pillows in defeat.
"Why would you do that?" she groaned, agitated. I couldn't blame her; I would be mad if Edward did anything like that, too.
"I already told you!" Emmett answered, surprised. "I know about the talk you had with Bella…"
Rosalie shook her head, and her blonde hair must have fallen over her shoulders as she did so. From the sound of her voice, she sounded like she was trying not to laugh. "Emmett," she began, speaking slowly and enunciating every word, "I never talked to Bella."
"Yes, you did!" Emmett retorted. "Otherwise, why in the world would she…" His voice stopped, and there was a very long silence that filled the whole house. My breathing suddenly sounded very loud, as did my erratic heartbeat.
I could practically hear the gears turning in Emmett's head as Alice and Jasper's laughs got louder and more pronounced.
"She did WHAT??" he yelped. I could suddenly hear the drawers of his bureau fly open, and it sounded very much like he was hurrying to get dressed.
I hid my face in the pillow to hide my laughs.
"I know you're up, Bella!" He warned, "And I have news for you- I am going to get you back WAY WORSE!"
But his words were drowned out by all our laughter.
--
A/N: I had a LOT of fun writing this one! I think in the next chapter or so I'll put some lemons. BXE. Spice it up a little… but then I suppose I'll have to change it to M-Rated, then, hmmm?
And I do love the reviews… on fan fiction and personally, but please, DO NOT PUT ME ON YOUR ALERT LIST IF YOU DO NOT SEND A REVIEW!! Otherwise, you will receive an email from me asking why.