The One With All The Pregnancy

AN: People thank you so much for the reviews; I would never have anticipated it would become this popular. For those of you who have asked, will this be a J&R fic? I can safely say this is not – repeat: NOT – going to become a J&R fic. As much as I love them, I have enough stories about them on my page. There will, of course, be some J&R friendship stuff, but that's it. Although, even though I say this won't be a J&R fic, lobster lovers may hate me for this episode, sorry.

Also I'm sorry I've been dealing more of drama than comedy in this fic lately.

Now on with the show…

……………….

"What?" Ross stumbled. Rachel's words hit him hard. "You – you never wanna marry me? What are you – what are you talking about?" he stared at her, almost as if hoping she'd shout 'Fooled you!' When she didn't, he had to face facts. "I don't believe this."

""Ross," began Rachel. "Just listen to me -"

"Listen to you! Wha – what's to listen?" Ross gave a forced laugh. "You've just told me you don't want to marry me! Its perfectly clear!" Rachel put her head in her hands, she really hated seeing Ross like this; he was going all Ross on her. "So, so what are we doing here Rachel?"

"What?" Rachel looked up.

"Well, if you don't want to marry me - and from that it seems perfectly clear you don't love me – then what, uh, what are we doing in a dead end relationship?"

"What? No, no, no, no, no Ross! You don't understand!" she put her hands on Ross' shirt, forcing her eyes into his. "Please, Ross, I love you, I love you so much! I just – I can't -"

"Yeah right!" Ross interrupted. "You know what, I think I need to get out of here!" with that he got up and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him, ignoring Rachel cries for him to stop.

Rachel groaned and put her head back, "Well," she muttered to herself. "That could have gone better."

Starting Credits

Phoebe was sitting on her couch, rubbing her stomach and watching the TV when she let out a large shriek. Immediately, Mike came running from the bedroom, "What? What? What?"

"The baby," Phoebe screamed. "The baby! It just kicked!"

"What? Really, are you -," then he stopped as he realised something. "Uh, Phoebs I don't think it did."

"What? Why?"

"Because you're only eight weeks pregnant," Mike said simply. The baby is barely half as big as my little finger."

"No, no! I definitely felt it kick," she assured him.

"No, no. You didn't. The baby doesn't kick until about sixteen weeks, trust me."

"Oh, and where did you hear that Mr pregnancy?" Phoebe said disbelievingly.

"The baby books."

"Oh, the books! And what, you, you believe the books over your pregnant wife?"

"Well, if the book was written by a mother of three… then yeah."

"Mike please… I think I know what I felt, now please shut up about the damn book," Phoebe shrugged.

"Look, the book said -"

"Okay, Mike, why don't you just marry the book!"

…………………………………………..

Meanwhile Joey was having trouble of his own trying to avoid Chandler, who had been asking about Joey's secret affair ever since he'd almost told him about it. Unfortunately for Joey, Jill wasn't so keen to keep out of his way and insisted on going over to Monica's and Chandler's while they were out together that afternoon. "Come on," she insisted as they hovered out on Monica and Chandler's porch.

"I don't know about this…" Joey muttered. "Chandler's been after me all day… he thinks I have secret."

Jill smiled, "Joey, you do."

"Yeah, I know. But I don't want him to know."

"Oh, come on Joe. We never go and see people," Jill said.

"See people? What are you talking about? We see people, in fact you know where there's loads of people? The coffee house, come on lets go over there now, I'll show you all kinds of people." He was about to turn around, but Jill grabbed him back.

"I wanna see your friends," Jill said

"Don't you think it'll be weird that we came together?"

"No, we didn't come together did we? We just met each other at the door. I'm looking for Rachel and you're here to hang with your friends," Jill rang the doorbell.

It was just Joey's bad luck that Chandler answered the door, "Hey! Joey, I've been looking for you."

"Really?" said Joey upon entering.

Chandler looked at both of them oddly as they headed for the living room, "What you two doing here… together?"

"Oh no," Jill said quickly. "I'm looking for Rachel."

"Yeah," said Joey. "And I'm here to see my old buddy Chandler, who knows everything by the way – all my secrets."

"Um, okay," said Chandler. "Well Rachel's not here," he told Jill.

"Oh, okay sure I'd love to hang out with you guys," Jill said, and they all sat down on the couch.

Just then Monica entered from the kitchen, "Hey Chandler, have you seen the baby bottles?" she saw Joey and Jill, "Oh, hi you two… together?"

Jill sighed, "For gods sake, I was looking for Rachel!"

At that precise moment Rachel entered. Joey leaned to Jill, "Wow, how'd you do that?"

Rachel collapsed onto the couch next to Joey, "hey."

"You look terrible," commented Monica.

"Thanks," said Rachel sarcastically. "Though to be honest I feel terrible. You know Ross asked me to marry him, well -"

"What!?" interrupted Monica. "Ross proposed to you!"

"Oh yeah I know," said Chandler. "You know I think proposing comes as naturally as sleeping for Ross."

"You knew about this!" Monica yelled at Chandler.

Chandler looked at his wife, quite terrified. "No…" he tries.

Monica gave her husband a scalding look and turned back to Rachel and said excited, "Well, what did you say?"

Rachel bit her lip, "Well, I – I said no…"

"What!?" the entire room burst out.

"Look, you guys, I'm sorry, I just… oh, I don't know," Rachel gave a huge sigh.

"I can't believe this," said Chandler. "You told Ross you didn't want to marry him… do you know how much this is gonna kill him… I mean it's bad for an ordinary guy, but for Ross… the guy married and divorced three times. Man."

"Alright you guys, relax. It's not like he got down on one knee or anything… it was just a suggestion he made…"

"But why did you turn him down?" Monica complained.

"Look, I really just don't want to talk about it. I'll talk to Ross about it tonight but until then I don't even wanna think about marriage," Rachel insisted.

There was a silence as everyone fell back and didn't talk about it. Until Chandler said, "Still can't believe you refused to marry Mr Marriage."

Rachel sighed in frustration, "Chandler!"

…………………………………………………

Meanwhile Ross was over at Central Perk, angry with himself for overreacting. Then again maybe he hadn't been overreacting, after all who was talking about marriage and a future one minute and then throwing it all out the window the next? Just then, he was thrown from his thoughts by the entrance of Phoebe.

"Hi Ross," she said sighing. "God, Mike is so annoying, he wants to marry this stupid book," she then noticed something was wrong. "What's up?"

Ross sighed as Phoebe sat down, "I asked Rachel to marry."

"What? Oh my God, are you serious? That's fantastic, when's the wedding," Phoebe gushed.

"Never."

"Say what Ross?" Phoebe frowned.

"She says she never wants to get married," Ross said sadly.

"What!? Wow, so she never wants to get married, and she's dating you of all people… wow, you two are like total opposites aren't you?" Phoebe said.

"What am I gonna do Phoebs? I think I totally scared her off."

"I can imagine. I mean you get more crazy with each divorce, but to have someone not even want to marry you first… man oh man!" Phoebe shook her head. "Well, I think you should just talk it out with her…"

"You sure?" Ross looked doubtful.

"Of course, it'll be fine. Just try really hard not to propose again," Phoebe said.

Ross sighed, "Okay, but… what if it doesn't work out…"

"It will," Phoebe assured him.

"How do you know?" he asked.

She just smiled knowingly, "Because it's you two…"

Ross smiled, "Thanks Phoebe. Um, what were you saying before about a book?"

"Oh, the baby's kicking!" Phoebe said loudly.

"What, rea –" then he stopped in the same way Mike had. "Um, Phoebe I don't think it's big enough to kick yet."

"Oh, you two? For God's sake why don't you marry the book with Mike then" …you marry everything else," she muttered as she left the coffee house.

………………………………………….

Chandler stood up from the couch and turned to Joey, "Well I'm off to the coffee house, you coming man?"

"Uh," Joey glanced nervously to the stairs, where Jill had just disappeared to bathroom. "I – dunno… What about the girls?"

"Rachel and Mon are in the kitchen, come on, if they wanna come they'll catch us later."

"Right," Joey stood up, just as Jill entered the living room.

"Oh, hold on Joe, I'm just going to the bathroom," Chandler disappeared up the stairs, to leave Joey and Jill alone.

"Well, would you look at that," said Jill, grinning.

"What?" Joey said.

"An empty room… we're all alone in a large empty room," she placed her hands around his waist and kissed him tenderly. Her hands caressed his buttocks as her lips made tracks around his face.

He smiled mischievously as she kissed him, but could get rid of the small tangle of doubt as he looked towards the door, "Jill…" he muttered. "Jill, anyone could walk in."

"You don't mind when we're in my room having fun and Rachel or Ross could walk in at anytime…" Jill said.

"That is because they are also having fun , and at times like that couldn't give an ass monkey's what we're doing." The he heard the sound of shoes on the stairs and pushed away Jill quickly.

"You have got to stop doing that," she muttered. Chandler entered and she quickly exited, "I'll go join the girls."

Chandler looked at Joey, but Joey noticed he looked worried, concerned. Joey frowned, "What's up? Toilet blocked?" he tried a grin. Chandler just shook his head and held something up in his right hand, it was a stick… a pregnancy test. Joey mouth opened, "What -?"

"A pregnancy test - one that wasn't here this morning… It's positive… Jill's pregnant."

……………………………

Rachel entered her apartment that afternoon and found Ross just putting Emma down to bed. She did her best to smile when he saw her, "Hi."

He tried to smile back, "Hi."

"Ross," Rachel said nervously, "Look, I – I think we need to talk about… before."

Ross nodded, "I know."

Rachel sighed and went over to the couch as Ross did the same. "Look, Ross I -"

"Wait, um, can I just say that I want to be with you, and if you don't want to get married yet… we can wait."

Rachel took a shot at another smile, "Ross, I meant what I said before, I don't want to get married to you ever – I can't get married to you."

Ross shook his head, "But why? Are you – are you already married or something?" he laughed nervously, but stopped instantly, almost believing it.

"No, nothing like that," Rachel assured him. "It's just… okay, Ross I love you – I love you so much – but you're… well you're like this big divorcing guy."

"What?"

"Look, you have divorced three separate women… look at them all… I can't be one of those women. I already have been once, and I just… I can't do it again, I can't ." Rachel shook her head.

"But, we won't get divorced," Ross insisted.

How do you know that?" Rachel asked.

"But… you said before… when you were talking about kids that you wanted marriage…" Ross said helplessly. "That's one of the reasons I asked."

"I know," Rachel nodded. " And I am so sorry for giving you that false hope, but I've thought about it a lot since then and I can't Ross… it's too scary. Can you understand this… please?"

Ross shrugged, "Okay…"

Rachel gave him a tight hug and said into his sweater, "Everything can just be the same as it always was."

"Yeah…" Ross muttered, but that's not how he felt… nothing was the same.

Ending Credits

Phoebe and Mike were watching the TV when once again she gave a small scream and held her stomach, "It kicked again!"

Mike sighed and shook his head, "Phoebe I told you -" without warning Phoebe grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach.

"See?" she said.

Mike shook his head, "I don't feel anything. I'm telling you, the baby isn't kicking yet." He pulled his hand away.

"I'm telling you, it is!" Phoebe insisted.

Mike sighed, "Look." He grabbed a book from on the coffee table.

"Oh, here she is," Phoebe muttered. "Miss three babies. You know this is my forth baby, so I think I know a lot more about pregnancy than this book worm."

Mike sighed and began flicking through the book then he frowned slightly, "Where are you feeling it kick?"

Phoebe pointed to the place on her stomach, "Right here."

Mike nodded knowingly, "Yeah, that's gas."

………………………………………

AN: Hope you liked this ep, once again I'm sorry for it being less comedy. And also, I'm not sure if everyone will buy that reason of not wanting to get married, but oh well, it's my fic. Oh and dognamedduck - thank you for pointing out what Rachel said before, I almost forgot about it, hope you got your answer in this fic.