The One Without The Fun

AN: Thanks for the reviews. Here's number ten; don't let the title put you off, somewhere between revision and college I managed this, though I still don't know how. Sorry if it's more dramatic toward the end, it had to be. Lobster fans may hate this, but remember in a story with every complication, later comes resolution.

………………………………….. – means change scene and/or time-lapse

… - Just change scene

…………………………………..

Rachel was pacing the floor of her and Ross' apartment, thoughts of what she had heard racing through her mind, when Ross walked in from the bedroom. She was relieved to see him finally up, "Ross! Thank God, you're finally up. Just so you know, Jill is going home!"

Ross frowned, wearing boxers and still sleepy, "Huh?"

"Jill is leaving, and Joey is… well, they're gonna have to break up!" Rachel exclaimed.

"What? I thought you were okay with them dating," Ross said reasonably, walking over to Rachel.

Rachel sighed and let herself fall into his arms, "I am but… Ross I heard Jill on the phone… she's just dating him because he's a famous actor."

Ross held Rachel slightly away from himself and stared into her face, "What? Are you serious?"

Rachel nodded sadly, "And he's in love with her."

Ross' fist clenched, "That bitch!"

"I know."

Ross looked at Rachel, "You know, your sisters are horrible."

Again Rachel nodded, "I know!"

Starting Credits

Later that day Phoebe and Monica were out in the city Christmas shopping. They passed a baby store - Monica's hand ran towards her belly and she smiled inside.

"Come on," said Phoebe, several meters ahead. "I told Mike I'd get him something really surprising."

Monica jogged and became level with Phoebe, "Oh yeah, what you getting him?"

"I was thinking maybe some fishing stuff."

"Really? Mike likes to fish?" Monica asked.

Phoebe frowned at Monica, "No."

"Oh, then… what he do to hurt you?"

"Nothing, but if I get him something he likes then it won't be a surprise will it? Duh," Phoebe said as if were the most obvious thing in the world. "Anyway he'll get the hang of it."

Monica gave a smile, "Right."

……………………………………

Some time later, after all their Christmas shopping Monica and Phoebe brought their bags into central perk and got themselves some coffee. "So," said Phoebe, as they settled down at a table by the door (their usual orange couch place was occupied). "How are things with you?"

Monica shrugged, "Okay I guess."

Phoebe nodded, "Right, of course…" she took a sip from her coffee. "So seriously, what's up?"

Monica gave a small laugh, "Phoebe, nothing's up."

"Oh, come on, you've been acting weird for ages now."

"No I haven't!"

"Yes you have! Chandler has eyes you know."

Monica eyes widened, "Chandler? Chandler asked you to ask me?" Phoebe's eyes fell to the floor, "Phoebe! Did he?"

Phoebe shrugged, "Maybe he asked favour…"

Monica sighed, "Why? There's nothing wrong."

"Well how are we supposed to know? You've been so weird and secretive and stuff lately… we're all worried about you."

Monica looked down at the table, "You don't need to be, believe me, everything's fine. In fact, everything's better than fine, it's great."

Phoebe shrugged, "Okay, if you're sure."

Monica nodded stubbornly, "I am sure."

"Well okay, hurry up and drink your coffee then, I wanna get Ross a golf kit before the store closes."

"Ross hates golf."

"Christmas must be surprising Mon."

……………………

Chandler was in the kitchen, reading the newspaper at the kitchen table when Monica and Phoebe entered, having hidden their presents in a near by closet. Joey and Jill were in the living room kissing on the sofa. Chandler smiled at the two ladies when they entered, "Hey, have fun?"

Monica nodded, "Yeah, your spy was a real good friend, wish I could say you were such a great husband."

"Ah…" Chandler looked sheepish.

"Yes," Monica said walking up to him and giving him small smile to let him know she was okay. "I'm fine, okay? Just talk next time, you don't need to send out spies to get the information."

Phoebe shrieked, "I would make a great spy!"

"Oh and Chandler," Monica added. "Doesn't Joey have anywhere else to kiss his girlfriend?"

"Well they aren't moving in to Joey's old place until tomorrow and they lost their key to Ross' so I said…" Monica gave him a look. "Yeah, I just shouldn't have said anything, should I?"

Monica smiled. Just then a noise of slamming doors could be heard from behind the closed door into the living room. "What was that?" asked Monica.

Chandler shook his head, "I don't know." The three of them went over and pressed their ears up against the door.

…

Joey and Jill were interrupted from their innocent cuddling on the sofa when the front door opened and banged shut again as Ross and Rachel entered.

"Hi Rach -" began Jill.

"Oh, don't you talk to me! Joey – can I see you please, outside?" Rachel insisted, looking angry.

"Uh, sure," said a confused Joey. He and Rachel went outside out the front door, leaving Ross and Jill in the living room. Rachel led Joey around the back of the house. "What's this about Rach?" asked Joey.

…

Inside the kitchen after hearing all from the door Chandler hissed, "To the window people, the window!" They went over to the kitchen window where they could see outside into the back garden where Rachel and Joey were stood with a tree to their left.

…

Joey frowned at Rachel who was steadily looking at Joey with sad eyes, "Rachel…" he muttered.

"Joey," she started and Joey stepped back a little, it was the same tone used when she had turned him down when he had told he was in love with her. "Joey – I – I need to tell you something about Jill… how, um, how's it going with her?"

Joey tried a smile, "Really good," he admitted. "I love her, Rach your sister's amazing, she -"

"Okay, okay enough of that!" Rachel quickly stopped him. "Um Joey, I don't think she really wants… what you want."

"What're you mean?"

"Well, I kind of get feeling she just… Jill's not the kinda girl who sticks to one guy."

"What?" Joey brow furred.

"Joey, she… she doesn't love you."

Joey stepped back, "Well, no I mean maybe not now, but come on, she will. Anyway I thought you were okay with us!"

"I am – I was," Rachel said, slightly startled by Joey's raised voice.

"Then why do you wanna break us up?" Joey said loudly.

"I don't…" Rachel insisted.

Joey simply snorted, "Yeah, and what's this then? Why can't I be happy, even if it is with your sister? I mean for God's sake Rach it's, it's not like I'm dating your grandmother or something!"

"No, Joey listen to me -"

"No Rachel! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go see my girlfriend!" Joey began to head off back to the house.

"She's using you!" Rachel yelled. Joey turned around and shook his head but Rachel ran up to face him, "She's using you Joey, I heard her… on the phone saying she was doing it for the money."

Joey look disbelieving, he shook his head and headed back inside the house. Rachel was quick to follow him. He entered and went over to Jill.

…

The three inside the kitchen, seeing this, headed back to listen at the door. "I can't believe this," whispered Monica. "Jill's using Joey."

"I know!" exclaimed Phoebe. "I mean, oh that slimy, sludgy… person !"

"Wait a minute," said Chandler. "How do we know Rachel isn't lying?"

"Why would she lie?" asked Monica.

"I don't know…"

…

Once inside, Joey went over to Jill, "Come on baby let's go somewhere else."

"What? No, Joey please I'm telling the truth, my sister is just a bitch -"

"Hey!" said Jill.

"Please Joey… Ross, tell him!"

Ross, who had been staring out of the window in a daze, looked up and nodded, "She's right Joey, she heard Jill on the phone -"

"I don't wanna hear it!" Joey exclaimed. "Come on, Jill lets go." He and Jill headed towards the door.

"No," Rachel grabbed Jill's shoulder. "Jill please, tell Joey the truth!"

Jill gave Rachel an expressionless look, "Okay." she turned to Joey, "Joey Tribianni, I love you."

Joey's face fell into a grin, "You do?"

Jill smiled broadly as she looked at Joey chest, "With all my heart."

Joey grinned wildly, "I love you too." He hugged her, "Yes!"

"No!" Rachel yelled. "Ross, do something!"

Ross went over and grabbed Joey's arm, "Joey, look please, we're – we're your friends and we're not lying! We don't want to see get hurt, and she will hurt you. I'm sorry Joey."

Joey shook his head. He turned from Jill to Ross and Rachel and back again, not knowing whom to believe. "This – I uh – I – can't –" Joey struggled. He pointed wildly at Jill, "I love her!" Jill's eyes fell to the floor.

Rachel shook her head sadly, "Joey… please…"

Joey looked around at the three, he didn't know who, or what, to believe…

…

Monica, Chandler and Phoebe were still in the kitchen, their heads pressed against the door, shock planted on their faces on what they were hearing. Then Phoebe heard a car outside the window. She went over to the window where she saw Mike getting out of his car. Quickly she went over to the kitchen door and hissed at him to come in this way.

He frowned and went over to her, "What's going on?"

"The living room's occupied," Phoebe told him.

Mike nodded as Monica noticed something on the kitchen table, "Isn't that Jill's cell?" she went over and picked it up. "Oh my God look at these texts!"

"You can't read her text messages!" Chandler exclaimed.

"Oh, well my fingers slipped!" Monica said loudly. She went to the phone, "Look at this – 'He bought me a necklace today, so expensive, he's so naïve.' 'He's in love with me, I'll be married the end of this year, divorced and rich by next year.'"

"Oh my God…" muttered Chandler.

"I know, Rachel's right…" Monica shook her head. "Chandler, what's going on now?" she asked Chandler who was by the door.

Chandler shrugged, "I don't know, I was listening to you drone on."

"Oh." Monica, Phoebe and Mike went to the door and leaned their heads against, listening for more.

….

Having a vital decision Joey was now sat on the couch, staring at the wall opposite in total shock and anger. He heard Jill get her coat and felt her eyes upon him from the door. Ross and Rachel had left.

"Look Joe," he heard Jill say. "I know you're gonna make a girl real happy okay, and…" she shrugged. "For what it's worth I'm… sorry."

Joey said nothing and she left, leaving him on the sofa.

……………………………….

Ross and Rachel got to the apartment and Rachel collapsed onto the couch with a sigh as Ross sat silently next to her. Rachel frowned slightly, "Do you think we should have stayed, make sure he's okay?"

"He just needs space now," said Ross quietly.

"Yeah I guess. Poor Joey, God all that was so awful, wasn't it?" Rachel asked but Ross was silent "Do you think Joey will be okay?" Rachel asked. Ross didn't say anything, he stared into space, clearly in thought. "I was thinking of going through Jill's stuff now, so we can get her out of here as soon as possible. What're you think?" Ross said nothing though, "Ross? …Ross!?"

Ross looked up startled, "Huh?"

"Hmm, I wonder if talking to this lamp will give me better answers."

"What?" Ross looked confused.

"What's with you, you're totally zoned out today?" Rachel said, shaking her head.

"Oh, I uh, I guess I'm just thinking…"

"About?"

"Stuff…"

Rachel nodded, "Oh yeah, 'stuff', there's a look into your mind."

Ross looked at her slightly annoyed, "I was thinking about us."

"Oh, well what about us?" Rachel frowned.

Ross looked up at her and swallowed, "I have to tell you something."

Rachel was beginning to worry slightly, "What?"

Ross took a deep breath and just said it; "Marry me."

Rachel bit her lip, "Ross…"

"No, I know, I know, you don't think you want to, but please hear me out. I love you, I don't ever want to be with anyone else. I would never ever divorce you again. Please Rachel…"

Rachel shook her head, "Ross…"

"Rach, come on, it makes sense…"

"Ross… no…" Rachel put her head in her hands.

Ross now began to get angry, "Well, what's the point of being together if it can't end up anywhere!?"

Rachel felt tears in her eyes as he got angry and stood up, "Ross…"

"No! No, stop 'Ross-ing' me! I want to marry you! I have to marry you!"

"No, Ross! No, I can't… I just can't."

Ross sat back on the couch deflated, he shook his head sadly, "I can't. I can't be in a relationship I know is going no where."

Rachel was crying, her hand on her mouth in horror as the tears broke, "What are you saying?" she choked.

Ross just looked at her and shook his head. His face was also wet with tears as he shook his head. It was over. His look told her, he couldn't do it anymore.

Ending Credits

Monica was in the living room of her and Chandler's house. Joey had just left and she was just watching TV when Chandler entered. "Uh, hon why is there a fishing kit in the closet?"

"That's mike's surprising Christmas present from Phoebe."

"But I'm sure Mike once told me he hated fishing."

"Yeah, that's the surprise," Monica said. Chandler looked puzzled. "I never said it was a good surprise. What were you doing in the closet anyway?"

"Oh, I uh…" Chandler looked sheepish.

"Chandler, do you really think I'd hide presents in the closet?"

"Heh," Chandler nodded. "Yeah that didn't seem like you."

………..

Reviews please, sorry it took so long to get up.