The One With The Plan

The One With The Plan

AN: Here it is, sorry it's shorter than all my other chapters but it has to be. The story line is shorter than I thought and I wanted to add another chapter before my exams officially begun (they will on Monday). Anyway enjoy, there's more humour in this one now I think. No angst.

Oh yeah, and Boris Yeltsin if you can still remember, can you send me those character profiles on that guy, Nick. I may use him in the next chapter if that's okay. If you don't remember all are busy or whatever it doesn't matter, thanks.

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Monica, Chandler and Phoebe were sat in the coffee house drinking coffee when Ross entered looking crestfallen. "Hi."

"What's with you? You look like you just found out dinosaurs never existed or something," Chandler said. Monica and Phoebe looked at him. "Or something else that's funny."

Ross sat down on the central Perk couch as Monica asked, "What's wrong?"

Ross put his hand through his hair and stared at the coffee table, "Oh nothing, you know everything's just great. You know it's cloudy and grey, and I just had a bad day at work… Oh yeah and me and Rachel broke up yesterday."

"What?" Monica said, devastated. "Why? What did she do?"

"Nothing, it was me, I uh, I just couldn't do it anymore…"

"What? Why? What did you do ?" Monica repeated.

Ross shook his head, "She doesn't want to get married. I can't be in a relationship that's going no where."

"So!?" Phoebe was incredulous. "For God sakes just divorce someone else, get it out your system and focus on your relationship with Rachel!"

Ross shook his head, "This isn't about getting marriage out of my system –"

"No, it's about getting divorce out your system," muttered Phoebe.

"– it's about not being able to marry the woman I love," continued Ross as if he hadn't heard Phoebe.

"Exactly," insisted Chandler. "You love her ! You can't loose her again!"

Ross shook his head, "I can't deal with this right now." He headed to the bathroom leaving the rest to talk about him.

Starting Credits

"Can you believe this?" said Chandler.

"I know!" exclaimed Phoebe. "What is he thinking?"

"He's not," said Monica simply. "I can't believe he's ruining this. He clearly doesn't understand what he's lost."

Suddenly a smile came across Phoebe's face, "That's right!" The others frowned at Phoebe. "Well, he doesn't understand what he's lost, so how about we show him."

Chandler frowned, "So your gonna… show him Rachel."

"No, we can come up with a plan to make him see how totally horrible and awful life without her is!" Phoebe insisted.

"Oh," Monica nodded knowingly. "Yeah! We'll make his life miserable !" she exclaimed, waving her hand dramatically. "He'll wish he'd never split with Rachel!"

"Yeah!" Phoebe said.

Chandler nodded, "Yeah, we'll tear his life apart so he'll wish he was with his girlfriend! How much of the greatest friends are we!"

……………………………………..

Joey was at Ross and Rachel's flicking mindlessly through the channels as he wallowed in grief over his lost love. Just then Rachel came in from her bedroom looking as if she'd been crying all night, Joey switched off the TV as she sat down, "Hey… Ross told me. How you doing?" Rachel simply groaned and he nodded, "Well, if it's any consolation I know exactly how you feel."

Rachel nodded, turning to Joey, "I know." She sighed miserably, "God, this sucks."

"Tell me about it," Joey stared in front of him. "What're you wanna do?"

"I'm thinking… stay in sweats and watch some romances all day?" Rachel turned to Joey.

Joey thought about it, then shrugged, "Throw in some pizza and why not."

"Great," Rachel stood up and went over to the TV. "What do you reckon… Moulin Rouge? Titanic?"

"Oh, not titanic…" Joey muttered and Rachel looked at him. "Yeah, uh, I hear it's bad…"

"Really? And this has nothing to do with you crying every time you watch it?" Rachel asked with a wry smile. Joey muttered something unaudiable and Rachel nodded firmly, "Thought as much."

……………………………

Phoebe ran into the coffee house where Chandler and Monica were sat. "You guys! You guys! Operation make Ross miserable is a go, tonight at six at Alesandros. Me, mike, you guys and Ross on a table for five."

Chandler frowned slightly, "Really? We're gonna make him miserable by… dining him?"

Phoebe sighed, "No, you don't understand. We'll be in couples. Ross won't have anyone! He doesn't have Rachel so he'll be totally left out!"

Monica said excitedly, "Oh, that's right! He is gonna be so sad!"

"I know," said Phoebe. "But remember, we've got to be affectionate couples and all, like, all over each other."

Monica nodded, "Right, you here that Chandler? All over each other! "

Chandler smiled oddly, "You know, this isn't a competition."

Phoebe smirked at the both of them, "It's certainly not a close one. Oh, and remember be sexy couples, say sexy stuff. You know, if he doesn't miss Rachel, he'll miss that, 'cause you know, it's Ross, he won't get any for a while."

………………………………..

That evening at sometime after six, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Mike and Ross were sat at a table in Alesandros eating their starters. Phoebe, out of the blue, turned to Mike and said in a sexy but quite loud voice, "God, you know, I wanna get that soup, pour it on you, and lick it all off again." Then she peeped at Ross and said even louder, "You hear that? Lick it all off! "

"That's kay Phoebes, I think the whole building got that," Ross assured her.

Monica, catching on, quickly turned to Chandler, "That sounds good Chandler, maybe we should do that!"

"That's great sis, just say it louder," said Ross, visibly annoyed.

Phoebe turned to Mike, "Go to the bathroom."

Mike frowned, "What?"

"The bathroom! The bathroom!" said Phoebe loudly. Mike did as he was told and quickly left for the bathroom. "Oh look at that, mike's gone to the bathroom," said Phoebe as if she had just noticed. "Excuse me, I need to spend some time with my lover ."

When she had left Monica's hand went under the table, immediately after Chandler let out a small squeak, "Ah-ah, and that's my crotch!"

Monica smiled, "Like that?"

Ross sighed, clearly disgusted. He stood up, "You know what guys, dinner's been great but I think I'm gonna take off."

"But we haven't eaten the main course yet," said Chandler.

"Yeah, I know but I had lunch, and now this soup, you know it's like whoa…" he grabbed his coat and left without saying another word.

…………………………………

Rachel and Joey were sat watching Titanic when Joey turned to Rachel, then after some hesitation he sighed, "Rach?"

"Hmm?" Rachel said, staring at the TV.

"What did you and Ross break up for?" he asked.

Rachel sighed, "Joey please, I really don't wanna talk about this right now."

"Rach c'mon, is it 'cause you didn't wanna get married?"

Rachel breathed deeply, "If you must know… yes, he broke up with me because… I don't want to get married."

Joey sighed and put his arm around his teary friend, "Why?"

"What?"

"Why don't you want to marry him?"

Rachel shook her head desperately, "Because…"

Joey raised his eyebrows, "Do you even remember the reason?"

She looked at him sharply, "Yes. He's been divorced so many times Joe, what if we broke up when we were married? break up is all we seemed to do Joey!"

"Well it is if you think like that."

Rachel shook her head, "I just… I couldn't do it to Emma… to him, to myself. I just can't."

Joey nodded, "I understand, but you two have never been married – not properly with husband and wife stuff – how do you know it won't work out?"

Rachel shrugs, "I don't… but I'm too scared to take the risk." Joey nodded and the turned back to titanic where a particularly depressing scene was being shown. Rachel sighed dramatically, "God, this movie was a mistake!"

Joey nodded quickly, "I told ya!"

…………………………………………………

Mike and Phoebe came back from the bathroom and to Phoebe's disappointment, Ross was gone. "Where's Ross?" she asked.

"He left," replied Monica. "I guess we got him so miserable he couldn't stick around. I bet he's gone crying to Rachel right now!"

"We?" Phoebe laughed. "Heh, me and Mike did all the work. You two could have been strangers for all Ross cared."

"Excuse me! You did all the work by going to the bathroom?" Monica smirked. "Oh yeah, 'Hey Ross, we checked out the bathroom tiles, how loved up are we!'" she said sarcastically.

"Ha!" Phoebe barked.

Monica exclaimed, "He probably thought you had a stomach bug or something!"

"No!" Phoebe insisted. "You could so, totally, tell!"

"Na ah!"

"Uh huh!"

Mike turned to Chandler and said quietly, "What are they talking about?"

"Making Ross miserable," Chandler replied. "Didn't Phoebe tell you that's why we are all over each other?"

Mike shook his head, "No, I just thought I was getting really lucky."

……………………………………….

Ross entered his apartment to find Joey and Rachel watching TV on the couch."Hi," he said.

"Hi," Rachel said quietly, she looked quickly back at the TV and felt her face grow hot.

"Um, hey Ross," said Joey. He bit his lip and looked in between the two of them. Ross didn't move from the doorway.

Suddenly Rachel stood up, "Well, I gotta go to my room, you know it's getting late, whoa, eight o'clock already." She went into her bedroom (Jill's old room)

Ross gave a heavy sigh and sat next to Joey, "Well, that was awkward."

Joey shook his head sadly, "Man, what are you doing?"

Ross started, "What?"

"Breaking up with Rachel…" Joey sighed. "She's totally bummed."

Ross looked away, "Joey, c'mon, I just… I couldn't be in a go nowhere relationship… even with Rachel."

"Ross, you can be in a relationship and not get married. I hear lots of people do it, hell I do it all the time!" Joey said. "Or I did before Jill anyway…"

Ross gave a gentle smile, "Joey, don't… I'm not one of those people."

Ending Credits

Monica and Chandler got home from the restaurant that evening. "We're still romantic together, right Chandler?" Monica asked her husband.

"Oh absolutely," Chandler insisted, sitting down on their couch. "Phoebe doesn't know what she's taking about. Mike once told me she's terrible in bed."

"Really?"

"No, no he didn't say that. But did it cheer you up?"

Monica just smiled at her husband.

………………………………………..

AN: I just realised I've mentioned nothing of Monica's pregnancy in here, so I'll just say now: she's still pregnant but hasn't told Chandler yet. Reviews are nice, pretty please!!