Five Becomes Four Chapter 6, a csi fanfic

A/N: Another chapter! Woohoo! This one's a bit different. Most of it is a flashback (denoted by ITALICS). The song is "Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey. And in the next chapter, Greg finally makes it to San Francisco. Usual disclaimer applies. Please read and review!

Chapter 6

"When you're all alone with the melody
Do you close your eyes and think of me?
Will you still hear me singing anymore?
When five becomes four"

Greg drummed idly on the steering wheel as he sat in traffic on the interstate. There had been an accident, and traffic was backed up for miles. Greg was hot, cranky, and really just wanted to go to bed. Even the thought of seeing Sara again wasn't enough to stop his eyes from closing every three seconds as he almost fell asleep.

And the radio, despite its potential, wasn't helping the situation. Greg, in his hurry to pack and leave, had forgotten his number one most precious item: his iPod. Without it, he was subject to the whims of whatever radio station he could get. And at the moment, the only station he seemed able to get was some easy listening masquerading as a "mix" station crap that made the part of him that loved Black Flag and Marilyn Manson curl up and cry inside him.

Sighing deeply, Greg ran a hand through his hair in frustration. This was driving him crazy. Whatever terrible song he had just been listening to ended, and the radio announcer said cheerfully, "Alright, folks, we're gonna slow things down a little with this next song. I hope we have some Mariah fans out there! Here's Mariah Carey with 'Always Be My Baby.'"

Greg perked up. He wasn't a Mariah Carey fan by any means, but he knew this song. He had danced with Sara to this song at the LVPD Christmas Ball last year. It seemed like such a long time ago now, before he had known about her and Grissom, and just a few months after his accident. In fact, it had been at that very ball that Sara had told him about her relationship with Grissom.

Greg sat alone at the table, nursing a glass of champagne as he watched people out dancing on the dance floor. He took a sip of his champagne and sighed deeply. It was almost too difficult for him to get into the holiday spirit this year. After all, he had precious little to be spirited and cheerful about.

His dark thoughts were broken as he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder. Even though he hadn't meant to, even though he was trying to not be so skittish, he jumped a foot in the air the touch, whirling around to see Sara standing there, a look of concern on her face. "Greg?" she asked tentatively.

"Sara." It came out as a sigh of relief. "Sorry—I still get a little freaked out when I don't hear someone coming up behind me."

She gave him a brief smile, but it didn't lessen the troubled look in her eyes. "It's ok, don't apologize. I think we all forget how short ago it was that…you know, it happened."

Greg shrugged. "It's not a big deal, honestly," he said, turning away from her. "Do you care to join me in sitting at this table in a non-holiday mood?"

Though she hesitated for a moment, she sat down next to him, smoothing the skirt of her dress with a subconscious grace. "I'll sit with you," she informed him, "but I'm not going to join you in your non-holiday mood. In fact, I want you to get out of your non-holiday mood and into the holiday spirit."

Sighing loudly and rolling his eyes, Greg gave her his best puppy-dog eyes. "Must I?" he asked plaintively.

"Yes, you must," said Sara, giving him a stern look. "Everyone misses Greg Sanders, Santa's little helper. After all, who else is going to put mistletoe up in the locker room and hang stockings in the break room?"

Even Greg had to crack a smile at that. "We could always make Hodges do it."

Sara wrinkled her nose. "True," she allowed, "but then all the wreaths would probably be dead from Hodges' poisonous touch."

"Valid statement," Greg grinned. "Still, it might be worth suggesting, if only just to see the look on his face." He paused for a moment, the glint in his eyes revealing that he was thinking for a minute about actually going through with it. Then his smile faltered slightly, and he gave Sara a strange look. "I do find it slightly odd, however, that Sara 'Bah-humbug' Sidle is lecturing me about holiday spirit. Just last year, you lectured me about wasting lab resources by hanging wreaths in the break room."

Raising her eyebrows, Sara said calmly, "Greg, it was in the middle of July."

Greg gave her a look. "Sara, haven't you ever heard of Christmas in July? Honestly." He shook his head, mock-disgusted, then looked at her closely. "But seriously, Sara, what makes this Christmas season so different?"

She looked away, purposely avoiding his gaze. "It's…it's nothing," she said softly. A new song came on, and she grabbed Greg's hand, pulling him out of his chair. "Come on," she said, eager to change the subject. "Come dance with me."

"You don't even like dancing!" protested Greg as he allowed himself to be led over to the dance floor. Sara turned to face him, still holding his hand in hers as she put her other one on his shoulder. Rolling his eyes, he placed his other hand on her lower back, pulling her close enough to him that they could still talk while dancing. "Don't think that you can fool me, Sidle. That was a purposeful change of subject, but I'm not gonna just let this go."

"We were as one, babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine"

Sara didn't answer right away, swaying in time to the music. Finally, she leaned back, looking Greg in the eyes. "You're right," she admitted. "This Christmas season is different, and maybe it's part of why I'm not feeling my typical, Scrooge self."

"See, I told you so," said Greg, sticking out his tongue at her childishly as he twirled her. "Now tell me, what makes this Christmas season so different?"

"Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cuz I know in my heart, babe
Our love will never die, no!"

Again, Sara took her time in answering, and when she finally did, her voice was strangely downcast. "Well, I know this is probably not the time to be going through this with you, but I've found someone."

Greg felt his breath catch in his throat and his heart shudder to a stop. "You found someone?" he repeated calmly. "Like…like a boyfriend?" She nodded, avoiding his gaze. "Is it serious?"

She met his eyes. "I think so," she said casually, but there was so much hope contained in that simple statement that it broke Greg's heart.

"You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cuz you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cuz you'll always be my baby"

"How serious is serious?" he asked, his voice still dangerously calm. In his heart and his mind, though, he was searching for some way to get out of this, some way to convince Sara that whomever she was with, it was a mistake, because she was meant to be his. "I mean, are you hearing wedding bells in the future, or what?"

She still looked up at him, then dropped her eyes to the floor, a blush rising in her cheeks. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "But a part of me hopes so."

Greg couldn't stop himself as he blurted out, "I hope not."

She looked up at him and he fell silent, looking away. They danced in silence for a few moments as Greg struggled to explain his outburst. "It's just…I mean, how well do you know this guy? Cuz, you know, he could be dangerous or whatever."

"I ain't gonna cry, no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave, babe
I will not stand in your way
But inevitable you'll be back again
Cuz you know in your heart, babe
Our love will never end, no"

A smile broke out on Sara's face. "Greg," she chided, "you sound like Nicky trying to be all macho and save me from the big, bad world. I'm a grown girl, Greggo, and I'm pretty sure that I have nothing to worry about. I've known this guy for years."

That hit Greg like a ton of bricks, because he knew instantly who she was talking about, and it broke his heart into a million tiny pieces. Because, really, it could have been anyone, but she had to choose him, and that just killed him. Still, he hoped against all odds and he asked softly, "So who is this mystery man, then?"

Sara just looked at him with those beautiful brown eyes and said quietly, "Grissom."

Greg felt a lump rise in his throat and he looked away quickly, hoping he wouldn't start crying in the middle of the ball. "That's…nice," he said thickly. Taking a moment to collect himself, he looked up at the ceiling, the lights blurring from the tears in his eyes. Finally, he took a deep breath and asked, "How long?"

Sara knew what he was asking, and she took a deep breath of her own. "Since last May," she answered. "Since Brass got shot. It really shook Gil up, and I think it made him reconsider his own mortality. So ever since them."

Bile rose in Greg's throat when she called Grissom "Gil." He could've stood for anything but that. Hell, even Catherine, who had known Grissom forever, it seemed, called him Grissom for the most part. "That long, huh?" he asked, sounding more dejected than he had meant to.

She squeezed his hand gently in her own. "Hey," she said, concern in her voice. "Are you ok with this?"

"I know that you'll be back, babe
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder
I know that you'll be right back, babe
Ooh baby, believe me it's only a matter of time"

Greg wanted so much to say no, to say that he was not ok with this, that he never would be ok with this. He wanted to tell her how much it hurt him to know that she had picked Grissom over him, yet again. He wanted to tell her that he wished it was him, and that he didn't know if he could ever be friends with her again when he knew that she was dating Grissom, hell, that she was sleeping with Grissom. He wanted to tell her that he was dying inside because of this knowledge.

"Greg?" she asked again, gently, pulling away slightly to search his eyes.

He wanted to say all of those things, but instead, he set his mouth into a smile, the genuine kind, and he said, his heart breaking with every syllable, "Of course I'm ok with this. As long as you're happy, I'm happy."

He didn't believe a word of what he said. But he was her best friend, the one role that Grissom could never take away from him. And as best friend, it was his job to say things like that and support her no matter what. She relaxed in his embrace, resting her head on his chest. "Good," she breathed, clearly relieved by his answer. "I was so afraid that you would be mad at me, and you're my best friend, and it would kill me to lose you over this."

Greg closed his eyes, resting his cheek on the top of her head. "No worries," he said lightly. "I'm not mad. There's nothing to be mad about."

He pulled her closer to him, smelling her sweet, "Sidle" scent, and knowing that no matter what happened in the future, no matter what happened with her and Grissom, for just this one moment, she was there, wrapped in his arms, and, surprisingly, that was enough for him for that moment. "I could never be mad at you," he whispered, pulling her even closer so that they were more hugging than dancing. "I love you, and I always will, no matter what."

How true those words were. Greg had meant them when he said them, of course, but they had such a more poignant and fitting meaning now. He would always love her, and he knew that. And now, it was simply time to carry through with his love.