So….How many of you want to see me roasting on a spit for taking so long? Hmm? Oh don't be shy!
Anyway, I am back. I had some family stuff I had to deal with, but everything is good now.
Much thanks to all my reviewers, and all of you that put this in your faves, and alerts. You guys rock!
Two of my favorite (not that I play favorites…-cough-) reviewers get virtual prezzies. I give a teddy bear, and the lovely Saints to one and her poor dying soul, and Stuart Townsend and all of his bone structure to the other. They know who they are. Review more, and you can get a prezzies too. Yes that was a hint.
I am ever so mean to Hermione in this chapter. I don't make fun of her, but, well, you'll see.
I'm also kind of mean to poor Harry. Wizard angst alert!
Must I say it? Do I really have to? Fine then. I don't own them. I have never owned them. But they have more fun with me, and thus they should be mine. –stamps foot-
Lupin stood anxiously, hidden among the mass of parents and other family members that had gathered on platform 9 ¾, idly listening to various bits of small talk.
"So when Susan gets home, she demands we take her shopping." "Yes dear." Remus allowed a slight chuckle to escape his lips. The man was so whipped. Just like Sirius.
"So I went to St. Mungo's. Apparently they've never seen a rash there before." At this, Remus grimaced. He began to hum to himself, so as to tune out what tales of medical anomalies he might pick up.
Within seconds, he muttered a curse under his breath as the nameless little tune morphed it's self into 'Werewolves of London'. He was going to kill Sirius. But then, he made the say threat three times a week, and Sirius was still his living, breathing, annoying as hell self.
Muttering various curses against his best friend, Remus was oblivious to the trains arrival, until a burst of wind hit his legs, threatening to throw him off balance. There was a sudden influx of students pouring off of the train, the younger ones searching for their families and flying into their parent's arms, the older ones hanging back, taking a few more moments to talk.
Almost instantaneously, Lupin spotted Harry, and his cohorts. It probably helped that Ron's hair and height worked in concert to form a neon sign effect.
Pushing his way through the crowd of lost looking little first years that seemed to be on the verge of tears, Lupin silently approached the group, and grabbed Harry's shoulder from behind. He wondered if people would still view Harry as their fearless leader after watching him jump about a foot in the air.
"What the hell was that for Remus? Was that your sick twisted idea of a joke? I mean really!" Harry turned to his friends, expecting to see them all nodding in agreement. He was wrong, Ron had burst into laughter, Ginny seemed to be on the verge of cracking up, and Hermione's face was growing redder as she attempted to hold onto some decorum. "Fine then, if you all find my pain so funny, let's just go, alright?"
"Um, not quite yet Harry. One more person is traveling with us." As soon as the words left his lips, Severus Snape stepped off of the train, in all of his billowy, greasy haired glory. Speaking of which, did his hair seem slightly less like an oil slick than normal? But no matter.
"Severus, are you ready to leave?" Lupin looked almost starry eyed at the surly potions professor.
"Oh, but I had so hoped they could find their own way to the house. Or they could stay here, and learn how to panhandle. They should prepare for their future, after all." Lupin glared for a moment, and Snape seemed almost sheepish.
"Remus, what the hell is going on?" Harry was far more than confused but could not think on an accurate word at that moment. What ever it was, he didn't like it.
"Harry, you will treat your elders with respect. Although you can treat Black however you damn well please." Harry smirked as all of the possible implications of that statement worked their way through his mind.
"Sevvey, you may not want to phrase it quite like that…" Suddenly Remus found himself the center of attention.
"Remus?"
"Yes Harry?"
"Please, please tell me that you did not just call Snape Sevvey." It was then Remus's turn to look sheepish.
"I may have?"
"Are you fucking serious?" All Remus did was raise an eyebrow, and Harry closed his mouth. The inevitable answer of "No, that's your job. I am fucking Snape here, though," would have been too much for him to bear.
On that glorious note, the four teenagers, their professor, and a werewolf carried all of their luggage outside to a ministry provided car. It was so handy sometimes that Mr. Weasley worked for them.
During the drive, Remus's poor attempts at small talk failed. Hermione couldn't care less about quidditch, and was vocal about her opinions, no one besides Ginny wanted to talk about how Harry's eyes were such a perfect green, and absolutely no one wanted to talk about the eternally stagnant London weather. And so the drive was awkwardly silent, until Remus chose to make an awkwardly cryptic remark.
"Severus, if Sirius says anything about lurve muffins, or muffins in general, and he is not referring to the breakfast food, punch him."
"Will do. Do you want to explain?"
"Not really."
"Well then…" The drive returned to silence. Finally, they had reached their destination. Lupin told everyone to grab bags, but of course chaos reined supreme when Ron decided to pick a fight with Snape, only to find Lupin supporting the still inexplicably billowy man.
Harry chose this moment to grab the lightest bag he could, and dash up the steps of number 12, Grimmauld place. Not bothering to knock, he grabbed the slightly bewildered, but not unwilling, Sirius Black, and shoved him up against a wall, and began to ravish him. Things grew more and more heated between the two, until Remus came through the door.
Well, more accurately, when Remus came through the door, tapped Harry on the shoulder, and gestured to the door.
"Come on now, they are walking up the steps now. If you don't want Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Severus walking in on you two fucking like horny bunnies with something to prove, I would suggest saving all of that," he gestured to the pair's obvious dishevelment, "until you are in a room with a lockable door." Harry's face turned bright red with embarrassment.
"Interesting way to say hello Rocco, not that I'm complaining of course."
"Hi Siri. Switched back to Rocco?"
"Yeah, I just rewatched the movie last night."
"Siri, I missed you so much."
"Well that is to be expected Harry, he is your god father. You two share a special bond." Both of their faces took a deer-in-the-headlights glaze as they noticed they were no longer alone.
"Hi Hermione. Hi Ron. Hi Ginny."
"Hey Sirius, I would stay and chat, but the train ride was long, and so was the car ride…To make a long story short, I gotta pee. Bye." In his own awkward way, Ron was able to dissolve the lingering tension, and put Harry, Sirius, and Remus, the only ones aware of the tension, more at ease.
Sirius walked up to Severus, and pinched his cheek, making a cooing noise.
"And how's everybody's favorite lurve muffin?" Severus looked at Remus, silently pleading to punch his long-time nemesis.
"Hey, I told you that you could." Severus smiled with glee. He stepped closer, and threw a punch.
It hit its target, but barely made an impact. Sirius began to laugh, and Harry sent a death glare at his teacher for daring to try to injure his Sirius. Snape just had the decency to look embarrassed.
"Harry, do not try and avenge Sirius. Nothing good can come of it. Sirius, you might want to stop laughing, Severus can curse you into next week if he wanted to. And Severus, do you see why I said you could punch him, and not curse him?" Snape rolled his eyes, and left the hallway, presumably to mope somewhere, with Remus chasing after him.
"Well guys, after that little show, I think I'm going to go unpack. Coming Ginny?"
"Oh sure. I do believe I have my own room this time, though."
Two pairs of eyes watched as Hermione and Ginny ascended the stairs to escape the general madness that was the Black House, if only to go to a calm little annex.
Harry took the lovely little opportunity that had presented its self, and grabbed the front of Sirius's black t-shirt and led him into the nearest sitting room.
Before he had managed to do more than affix his lips to the older man's, an ear piercing shriek sounded, and the doors of the room were thrown open by a terrified Hermione. A few seconds later, the room was filled as Snape, Remus, and Ron, who was inexplicably pulling up his pants, entered the room. Ginny seemed to be the only one who remained upstairs.
Pointing at Ron, Hermione began to explain.
"He. On my bed. Nothing on. Bad. Very bad." She collapsed into a very good impersonation of a human puddle.
Seeing the glares coming at him from all directions, Ron felt the need to explain, or dig the hole deeper, depending on the viewpoint.
"Well, you see I was trying to be romantic, and it sort of backfired just a tad. But once she regains consciousness, she'll be all over me!"
"Ron. No. Go to your room and stay there." Remus left no room for discussion, and motioned for Severus to come closer to where he was sitting on the floor with Hermione.
"Do you think she'll be alright, Sevvey?"
"She saw the Weasley boy naked. So most likely not." Remus cast a quick spell, and levitated Hermione up to her newly Ron-free room, and Snape returned to where ever he had been moping.
"I've seen Ron. It's not a pretty sight."
"I look better, I should hope."
"Not really, but I'm willing to humor you."
"Oh funny funny. You're such a brat."
"Yeah, but you love me anyway." He gave the older man a quick peck on the lips.
"Merlin only knows why."
"I know why. You only love me for my body."
"Dean had another one of his little parties last night didn't he?
"If I say yes, will you ignore any strangeness on my part until the inevitable hangover sets in? From what we drank, it should happen sometime tomorrow."
"Sure. I do think that boy has a problem though. The more important question is how long do you think we be alone without someone else bursting in?"
"In this house? And with the rest of the Weasleys coming soon? Not long."
"Well then we must make the most of our time, mustn't we?" And with that Sirius enveloped Harry in an embrace and lowered his lips to meet the other's mouth.
After a moment, Harry parted his lips to invite Sirius's tongue. He was in the process of working his hands under Sirius's t-shirt, and attempting to lift it off, when somewhere in the back part of his mind that wasn't clouded with lust, he heard the front door swing open.
He was able to jump away from Sirius just in time, for the doors of the room swung open again, to reveal the twins, smirking.
"You know George, if I didn't know better; I would say our two friends here were up to something."
"Quite right Fred. Something less than shall we say, child friendly ?"
"But we do know better, don't we George?"
"Of course we do Fred. Just because the doors were closed…"
"And Harry's hair is mussed…"
"And Sirius seems to have his shirt half off…"
"And they both look flushed…"
"And embarrassed. Don't forget embarrassed."
"Of course not. And just because you can cut the sexual tension in this room with a knife…"
"Doesn't mean they were up to something."
"Because we know better."
"You know maybe we should let them return to doing absolutely nothing."
"But perhaps we should mention that mum is right behind us, so perhaps they shouldn't get too involved with nothing?"
"That would be the kind thing to do, wouldn't it Fred?"
"Yes it would George. See you blokes later. And if you are going to do nothing, perhaps you should lock the door, and not just close it?"
"We always do where we are doing nothing."
"Thanks for the advice? I think…"
"No problem Harry." The twins left the room, snickering at their own brilliant wit.
"Sirius, what was that just then?"
"Well, there are varying things it could have been, but I don't think it was an ice lolly."
"Most likely not." They quickly straightened their appearances, because, as the twins had mentioned, Molly had just entered the house. And as soon as she saw the doors ajar, she poked her head in. When she saw Harry, she ran over to wrap him in a hug.
"Oh Harry! How have you been? Have you been eating right? You seem so very thin. I need to have a talk with Dumbledore about you eating more. He needs to make sure you're not starving yourself. I worry, you know.
"But I heard there's someone who has captured your heart, huh Harry? It was only a matter of time. But I knew it. When you came at Christmas I could tell. A mother knows, you know. And I'm almost as good as." Sirius and Harry exchanged quick worried glances. She didn't seem angry, so that was good, but Harry wasn't quite ready to tell everyone about his relationship, and having Molly know was worse than distributing fliers, shouting it from the roof tops, and buying multiple full page, full color ads in the Prophet.
"Oh yes, I could see from the way you were looking at her." Harry just felt bewildered. What did Mrs. Weasley mean, 'her'? "And from the letters home, I know you haven't exactly been shy in making your affections known, so I'm telling you now that Arthur and I fully support your relationship with Ginny." Harry pushed free of Mrs. Weasley's arms and stared at the woman like she was insane.
"I have no idea what you are talking about. I have no interest in Ginny, and I have made that clear to her on many occasions. The fact that she is so delusional to believe I do should only worry you."
"Oh Harry, like I said, there's no reason to try and hide it from me. I know everything that's been happening between you two."
"What, pray tell, has been happening between us?"
"Oh you should know, but I bet Sirius wants to know what his god son has been up to"
"Oh yes Molly, every single infinitesimal detail. I am on the edge of my seat." Harry took an opportunity to glare at him from around Molly's shoulder.
"Late night walks around the grounds, picnics beside the lake, just the silly little romantic gestures that we all make as teenagers in love."
"Molly, I seem to have been getting a very different view from Harry's letters. It seems Spoom has attempted, without success to get Harry, for lack of a better, or in any way less vulgar term, into her pants. It seems that as Harry has resisted, she has grown more desperate. Honestly, I agree with Harry. That girl needs help, fast." Molly's demeanor instantly changed from one of joy and excitement for the possibility of wee little Ginnys and Harrys running around, to one of anger.
"How dare you suggest that my daughter is crazy? And using that awful nickname! You're nothing but a social pariah! A lazy mutt! Maybe you should have been given the kiss that night!" Molly shut her mouth quickly, throwing her hand over it. She seemed shocked that she allowed herself to hit that low.
"Leave." Harry's voice had taken on a steely edge, almost daring her to defy him.
"But Harry-"
"I don't care where you go. But leave this room while I still have some semblance of self control."
"Was that a threat young man?" Harry said nothing, but stood, and reached for his wand.
Mrs. Weasley squeaked, and left the room, muttering something about "ungrateful youth", and "he knows I'm right", and "I'm sure Remus will see things my way."
Harry slowly lowered himself down onto the couch beside Sirius, curling into himself.
"It's okay Harry. I'm okay. I know she was just caught in the heat of the moment. She didn't mean it. I was a little out of line when talking about her precious Spoom." Sirius had begun to stroke Harry's back, trying to calm him down a little. "You know, the last time I saw you that angry, that wand was pointing at me, you remember?" He was trying, and failing to make Harry laugh.
"She shouldn't have said it." Harry's voice was barely a whisper, but Sirius could hear him. "I need you, and if you had gotten the kiss, then…" He trailed off, his mind lost in the 'what-if's' that constantly plagued him.
"But I didn't. I'm here. And I'm okay."
"But you almost weren't here. If Remus hadn't gone in the veil and saved you…"
"But he did. So I'm here. And you're here. And the unfortunate Weasleys are here. You know, we can always kick out Spoom, and her mum. Merlin knows why you like flasher boy, but he can stay. The older ones I don't mind so much."
"I'm a curse." Harry's voice had grown even quieter, and Sirius had to struggle to make out the words.
"You aren't a curse. Never think that."
"But when ever I get close to someone, bad things happen. It's inevitable."
"You are not a curse. And I don't care if I loose a limb or two, I'm not going to let you think that there's something wrong with you."
"But there is."
"But you're perfect. So there's not." Sirius pressed a quick kiss on Harry's forehead, and contented himself with holding him until Molly decided to take a short drop and a sudden stop. Or Harry's eyes grew dry, whichever one came first.
Lupin entered the room quietly, prepared to have a long discussion with Harry about why it was bad to threaten the lives of the older order members, and to hear his side of the events, but stopped when he saw the pained look in Sirius's eyes. He could postpone the lecture, indefinitely, if needed.
Wow. That end turned into much more hurt/comfort that I originally planned, and far more angsty. But there you go. Some times I control my characters, sometimes they control me. I didn't even plan for Mrs. Weasley to hit that far below the belt… But one hopes that one put enough bad jokes in the first part to hold onto humor as one of my genres, right?
I must apologize to anyone scarred by the mental image of Ron stretched out on Hermione's bed, rose between his teeth, come-hither look…Yeah gonna stop now, but I do so enjoy messing with people's minds.
Enjoy this, it's three pages (in MS word) longer than a normal chapter.
Now, threat time boys and girls… Press the happy blue button or Mrs. Weasley will off Sirius in an attempt to better Harry's life. No coming back from the dead. There. I do believe that was one of my scarier threats, yes?
Nebby my dear, it's the Electra complex.