author's note: veggieburgers are god. enjoy the read.
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Now that the judge is in my hands, I shall start singing about pretty women. Knowing we were obviously talking about the same person. Well, no not really. Because that would be weird. Because he's talking about my daughter. And… that'd be weird if I was too. I mean, naturally, she looks just like her mother, which is why he'd like her. The only reason he'd like her, pervert. So, just imagine we're on the same subject. It'll make it easier for me to do this with more emotion.
So, now, I shall say just completely random things that pretty women obviously do. "Blowing out the candles. Combing out their hair," he seemed to get my drift.
Just for the record, I'd never seen Mrs. Lovett blow out candles or comb her hair. Therefore, she was not included at all in any sense in this song. Well, okay, she stood on stairs once. But that was just because my shop was upstairs.
Now we get to the more sentimental part of the song. Now, obviously we are talking about the same person. Because she "vanished" from us an all. Fucking judge.
Anyway, yeah, more random shit that women do (that men obviously don't have the capability to do. Or else that would be weird. Pretty Gentlemen…? Never mind). So, "How they make a man sing," You know, because we were singing (it's is a musical for god's sake.) "Proof of heaven as you're living."
Pretty women, pretty women. Totally have a joygasm here. Razor just beneath his chin… read… set…
"MR. TODD OMG I'VE SEEN JOHANNA AND LIKE SHE SAID SHE'D LEAVE WITH ME TONIGHT DJAHDHJWDHG…oh shit." He found it completely necessary to say everything in one breath.
Thus came the most awkward moment in history.
Fifty gay babies were probably born at that moment.
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author's note: did you guys know "never mind" isn't one word?! i didn't. well, until now. yeeah. short. i needed the update. i tried to write a mary-sue chapter but i ended up stabbing myself and sulking in a corner.