The value of a moment is measured in the state of one's mind; all things have their charms and all charms are finite.
Finally all possible distractions and delays had been exhausted and all of a sudden, as far as Penelo was concerned in any rate, they were all off across the ocean to some strange building stuck on the edge of a tremendous waterfall in the middle of Jagd and water.
Vaguely, as she strapped herself into her seat in the Strahl, Penelo wondered what exactly a 'Pharos' was?
An atmosphere of tense excitement filled the tight confines of the Strahl's cabin as everyone took their seats and Reddas was forced to sit on the floor at the back and hold on because there was not the spare seating.
Penelo, who had taken to watching Balthier like a hawk, caught the slight smirk on his face at Reddas' discomfort. Those two did not like each other, that was for certain.
Balthier…….
It had been exactly one day and one night since the second picture had been shoved under her door and she was now loaded down with two quartered pieces of paper shoved into the depths of her pockets and too many questions swimming about in her head, than could be good for her.
Penelo supposed that there were only so many reasons a man would sketch pictures of a girl (strange, and strangely flattering, pictures at that) and send them secretly to her, but Penelo just could not fathom that Balthier had any interest in 'wooing' her.
Penelo was not sure she would know a 'wooing' if it slapped her in the face, but then such violence would probably not be very in keeping with wooing in any regard.
Turning her attention back to the sky pirate Penelo tried not to frown. He barely even looked at her during their day to day existence, and apart from their first conversation about the handkerchief and the 'my dear' comment in Cerobi he mostly disdained from talking to her also.
If it wasn't for the fact that Vaan had not the higher brain function to correctly wield a pen and that Penelo could not countenance the notion of a mysterious, invisible artistic stalker, she would think it too unlikely that Balthier was really the man responsible for the pictures in her pockets.
Penelo, caught up in her brooding, almost jumped out of her seat, and the safety belt strapped across her body cut into her neck with the movement, when an over-excited Vaan, eyes gleaming with a manic glee, reached across to squeeze her bare knee and pointed out of one of the port-hole windows.
'Pen, pay attention, or you'll miss it. I mean, when are we ever going to fly over an ocean again, huh?'
He had a point and Penelo (reluctantly) stopped thinking about the unresponsive Balthier to peer out of the windows at the brilliant cerulean, white surf tipped, ocean running seemingly forever underneath the Strahl.
Away from the stain of Balfonheim Port the ocean was a faultless blue the same hue as the sky and the white tipped waves almost looked like tiny scudding clouds. Penelo could almost imagine that the sea was the sky and the sky the sea and that nothing existed to separate the two.
It made her feel both exhilarated and a little sick, and she looked away from the porthole window.
Almost involuntarily Penelo's eyes gravitated back to the front and the back of the pilot's chair where just the honey brown top of Balthier's head was visible.
Penelo regretted picking her usual seat on the pilot's side behind Basch as it meant that, while as she could catch a glimpse of Fran's profile now and then (and she had never realised that Fran's nose was so snub and turned up at the end), she was completely unable to see anything of Balthier's face.
Still it seemed impossible that he could be watching her (let alone drawing anything at all) while piloting the Strahl.
'We make our approach,'
Fran's voice broke into the hush that had fallen on the cabin some hours later and Penelo stirred herself from a light doze.
Immediately she sat up straighter in her chair when she saw the huge reddish, tan tower, with the ellipse carven iris design at the top, swathed in cloud and Mist, that stood on the very brink of a staggering, cascading waterfall.
'Oooh,' Penelo gasped, clasping her hands together in delight, 'it's so beautiful. How did anyone build anything so big in a place like this?'
'Not by mortal hands was this monolith crafted,' Reddas intoned from the back and Penelo couldn't help but wonder if he was criticising her in some way for finding something built by Occuria (which she guessed was what he meant) to be beautiful?
'Hmm, megalomaniacal demagogues aside, at least these Occuria have a sense of style.'
Balthier drawled from the front as he banked the Strahl to circle around the upper reaches of the Pharos, 'Still it's a shame whoever built this did not have the foresight to put in an airship berth; looks like we'll have some climbing ahead of us.'
Ashe leaned forward from the seat directly behind Fran, 'How close can you land us?'
'Not very,' Balthier sighed as he pulled the Strahl away from the massive Pharos and skirted the edges of the pinnacle of rock that the Pharos seemed to have been hewn from, 'the Ridorana was not built with airships in mind so I will have to find a safe place to moor up and we will have to shimmy down the rope ladder to reach solid ground.'
Ashe remained leaning forward looking at Balthier intently for a moment before she sighed herself, frowning slightly, and settled back in her seat.
Even Ashe knew better than to argue with Balthier when it came to flying, and landing, the Strahl.
However Reddas apparently did not, as, two minutes later, when Balthier was still idly circling the loveliness of the tiered paved Ridorana with its odd trees and carven walls, Reddas grunted with annoyance, 'By the Gods man, you have made two passes already. Back yonder was a perfectly serviceable mooring point; this procrastination serves no practical purpose.'
Balthier did not answer, but Penelo saw Vaan roll his eyes and shake his head muttering something along the lines of 'now he's gone and done it,' as suddenly the Strahl banked sharply to the starboard side and began to gain altitude.
Reddas came up through the aisle between seats, frowning, 'This pettiness is unbecoming. I merely offered assistance.'
Fran glanced sideways towards Balthier and then inclined her had back towards Reddas, 'A sudden surge in air currents necessitated our gaining altitude; we move to set down now.'
Another sidelong glance to Balthier who sighed and moved the Strahl into position for a docking; no one in the cabin was fooled however, despite Fran's attempt to save face. Balthier had acted out of pure petty annoyance and once again Penelo wondered why he disliked Reddas so much.
Still she didn't have long to think on it as it finally dawned on her what Balthier had said to Ashe before…..oh gods she hated having to climb down the rope ladder from the Strahl's hull. She was always petrified she'd fall to her death if a stiff breeze blew up from nowhere.
'Can't I just stay up here?'
Penelo asked no one in particular as she looked down at the ground as Fran unfurled the rope ladder and the stiff ocean breeze blasted the loose tendrils of hair from her face.
Vaan glanced at her, 'Penelo you've done this plenty of times, why are you still scared?'
Penelo glared at him, 'Because I could still fall and break every bone in my body this time; it doesn't matter how many times I've done it before, it will only take one mistake.' she snapped and a rich chuckle from behind her back made her jump and turn about.
Balthier crouched just behind her and met her startled eyes with his own hooded gaze, one side of his closed lipped mouth curled up in amusement, 'You won't break every bone in your body; at least I didn't the last time I fell from this hatch.'
'You fell?' Vaan gaped, speaking for Penelo as across the hatch, and the howling wind ripping at the edges of the hull, Ashe herself lifted her head from watching Basch and Reddas' descent to stare at Balthier in surprise.
Balthier cocked his head in ironic acknowledgement, 'Fall, or be pushed, or take a flying leap, it is all much of a muchness when one hits rock bottom.'
'I am amazed that you'd admit to being less than perfect, Pirate.' Ashe teased with a raised eyebrow and a rather provocative look that for some reason made Penelo feel just slightly annoyed.
The other side of Balthier's mouth curved up in an almost genuine smile as he met that look head on, 'Perfection bores me; though I will say in my defence that I am nigh infallible either in flight or with two feet solid on the ground; it is just the transition betwixt and between that gives me occasional grief.'
Ashe rolled her eyes at this arrogant assertion and swung one leg down into the empty air of the hatch, twisting her body to begin her descent, 'Don't worry Pirate, if you should fall I've no doubt Reddas will rush to your rescue.'
Balthier chuckled as Ashe's head slid out of sight and Penelo found herself almost frantically wondering if the Princess had been receiving secret sketches too? The thought that she might not be the only one Balthier sketched somehow made Penelo's insides squirm, and the feel of the sketches, folded corners digging into her flesh, suddenly became uncomfortable.
'You next Vaan, then Penelo can follow fast after you and Fran and I will bring up the rear.'
Balthier waved both Vaan and Penelo closer to the hatch and there was nothing for it but to grit her teeth and get ready to descend.
After Vaan had already scampered down the first seven or eight rungs of the ladder Penelo sucked in a breath and, with Fran's steady hand assisting, lowered her lower body into the empty air, feet desperately questing for the first rung of the ladder.
As Penelo began to climb she looked upward as a way of avoiding looking down towards the ground many feet below or outward towards the thunder of the waterfall. Balthier and Fran crouched at the hatch, Fran swinging one leg over to begin her own descent.
It might have been an illusion, or a trick of the light, or even a gesture not meant for Penelo at all, but it seemed to her that Balthier caught her eye and actually winked at her before her view of him was obscured by Fran's limber frame clambering down the ladder after her.
Once they were all on solid ground Penelo had more pressing worries than the prospect of Balthier's possible flirtation and her own (confusing) response to the possibility. Instead she had to keep her wits about her against Cassie's and their foul breath and tentacles and the Mantis like creatures that roamed the Ridorana.
At least, that is, until they approached the shadow of the Pharos and Balthier spoke up, glancing back at where the Strahl hovered in the air, tethered by its anchor in the distance.
'Vaan if anything should happen, you're taking the Strahl.'
Both Penelo and Vaan were stopped in their tracks by that out of the blue statement and when Vaan demanded to know what he meant Balthier merely smiled thinly with closed lips and made some strange comment about the leading man maybe needing to do something heroic.
Inexplicably, because the gods knew Penelo was used to being confused and perplexed by Balthier, just as all the party was, she found her heart in her throat at the thought that something 'should happen' to him.
Although, of course, the comment had not been made to her and really had nothing to do with her at all (Balthier had not said he would leave the Strahl to Vaan and Penelo, after all) she still found herself in a quandary.
Not only was Balthier drawing (seemingly) secret pictures of her but now he was making suicidal statements as well?
Motivated by the strangeness in the air (so still and crisp, despite the distant thunder of the waterfall) and by the fact that Balthier was keeping to the rear of the party, where Penelo habitually remained, as far from Reddas as he could get, Penelo found the courage to sidle up to him in the late afternoon.
'…..Um, Balthier?'
'Hmm?' the man seemed to almost jump in surprise where he had been standing peering intently at a fallen down wall covered in lichen and engraved with worn and ancient runes, 'Hmm, oh, I did not see you there.'
'Oh….um, sorry,' it was not heartening at all that she had been dogging his shadow for the last half an hour, and had even cast healing spells on him when they encountered fiends, but it now appeared that he hadn't even known she was there.
In fact, she mused, it was actually a little insulting.
Still Penelo would persevere, 'Umm, Balthier I wanted to talk to you….' she stammered, clasping and unclasping her hands as she struggled to get the words out. She was not a shy person really but Balthier was not an easy person to talk to either.
'Oh? About what pray tell?'
Something in the almost mocking lilt in his voice suggested that he knew exactly what she wanted to talk about (but then he had to know she'd figure it out eventually, right?) but he did not bother to look at her as he tried to wipe the brilliant green moss from the gray stone work and traced a fingertip over the faint carvings revealed.
Penelo knew she was blushing and was therefore quite glad Balthier wasn't bothering to look at her, and that the others were up ahead at the doors of the Pharos (Ashe and Reddas seemed to be arguing and Fran was talking and gesturing to something written on the wall by the big doors) because she was embarrassed enough already.
'Umm….I wanted to ask you why you were, um, well, why you drew those pictures of me.'
Balthier straightened up from his study of the wall and glanced at her briefly as he wiped off his hands, 'I see.'
Penelo blinked at him blushing so furiously her ears were hot. What did he see? What did that mean?
A curl of a closed lipped smile spread slowly across his face as he watched her flush from the tips of her toes to the roots of her hair. His heavy-lidded almost sleepy eyes (bedroom eyes – the term popping into Penelo's head unbidden and making the burn of her humiliation all the worse) regarded her from some vast and cynical distance.
'Have no fear of me, my dear,' he murmured watching her with those hooded eyes, 'I harbour no designs on your virtue; your chastity is a coin I have no wish to spend.'
Penelo almost flinched back as he brutally went to the root of her fears and barely formed hopes and crushed them with honeyed disdain, 'Wha…..?'
Balthier shrugged callously disregarding her mortification even as he tracked its every expression across her face, 'I simply want to look my fill before your innocence is lost and you interest me no more.'
'L…look your fill?' Tears almost prickled her eyes. She was horrified he could be so cruel to her. She might not have been worthy of conversation the way Ashe was, but she had thought he at least liked her a little and would respect her enough to treat her with dignity.
Balthier merely shrugged again and adopted a brisk, businesslike tone, 'I don't profess myself skilled with pen and brush but I,' he paused as if to consider his next words, pursing his closed lips thoughtfully, 'enjoy capturing scenes of unusual beauty where I find them, and you caught my eye a few times. Still it is a meaningless thing all in all.'
'What….but…?'
Unusual beauty….you caught my eye.
Her mind fell upon those disparate words tossed so easily toward her the way she had once upon a time, before the advent of Migelo's kindness, fallen upon the scraps of food discarded upon the floor by passing Imperials. She was ravenous for a compliment from this arrogant pirate just as she had once known gut-churning hunger in truth.
What had happened to her to make this happen; how could sketches in ink do such a thing to her?
Balthier did not let her gather her thoughts, or kick him, or burst into tears, or any of the other things she might have done. Instead he brushed by her and walked swiftly up the winding path towards the rest of the party.
Penelo was left confused, faintly insulted, and totally undone. Yet she had no choice but to swallow all that down and hurry after him, afraid the party might leave her all alone out here on the lonely Ridorana if she didn't.
Scratch a cynic and you'll find they bleed disappointment. Scratch an optimist and you'll find they do not bleed at all, having yet to learn what disappointment is. Scratch a realist and you'll find they merely bleed….it is the nature of the beast.
The inside of the Pharos was a wonder.
Penelo forgot all her cares as she ran the full circumference of the swirling upward flowing column of water that rose up into the heights of the Pharos above. She had never seen anything more magical in a world full of everyday Magicks.
She did not even care when the spray from the tower of water soaked her clothes and threaded her hair with moisture. She dragged Vaan with her around and around the central area of the bottom of the Pharos so she could see the water fountain from every angle.
Her mood lifted with the direction of the water; soaring. It was just so lovely.
Even Ashe's insistence that they explore the inner chambers of the lower floor, where there was bound to be all manner of fiends, did not ruin her happy mood; though she was pleased when it was suggested that she stay behind and guard their packs in the safety of the main chamber.
Free in her own company Penelo bounded over to the water swirl again and reached out as far over the railing as she could get without falling, to stretch her fingers into the upward spray.
'Impressive isn't it?'
She almost fell backwards onto her backside as she jerked away from the railing in fright; she had thought herself alone.
'What are you doing here?'
The words were out of her mouth before she could think about it and she immediately clamped down on her tongue, her hands lacing together nervously as Balthier, reclining on one elbow on the steps leading to the right-hand side warren of chambers, merely chuckled.
'I am looking for Black Orbs,' he drawled disinterestedly and she noticed that a notebook lay open across his lap and he twiddled a pen in the fingers of his free hand.
Penelo, on edge because of the notebook and still a little stung by his words to her earlier, was feeling bold enough to be tart with him, 'You do not seem to be looking very hard. There are no Black Orbs here.'
His mouth curled up at the corner in a tight lipped crooked smile. It occurred to Penelo that she had never seen his teeth. He always, always, smiled with closed lips.
'So it appears, but I remain hopeful all the same.'
This realisation struck Penelo to the core as she remembered her revulsion of the blackened gold filling the man's mouth in Balfonheim, the man who would have taken from her that which she intended to never give away.
Penelo unfastened her hands and balled her fists at her sides instead, 'I will not let you draw me anymore.'
He quirked an eyebrow, looking her up and down ironically, 'And how do you intend to stop me, hmm?'
This stopped Penelo in her mental tracks: how did she hope to stop him? She had always been a little intimidated by the sharp-tongued, impatient, self-assured sky pirate and not a little suspicious of his motives, truth be told. Now she found herself almost afraid of him for some obscure reason.
'It's my face. You are stealing my image,' she stammered, the accusation simply popping, fully formed, out of her mouth.
Balthier was watching her keenly now as he sat up from his lazy recline, 'Am I? That's a novel way of looking at things; quite interesting. Still, does anyone truly own their own image when anyone, stranger or friend, might look on it?'
Penelo decided that she could not compete in a debate with Balthier and instead held her position with stubborn insistence, feeling vulnerable and small with her back to the roaring fountain and facing a man who was so much more knowledgeable than she about seemingly everything.
'Don't do it any more Balthier. I'm not a….a pretty curiosity for you to amuse yourself with.'
His smile vanished, 'Did I say you were?'
Penelo stepped forward, cheeks hot and hands clenched. She nodded vigorously, 'I simply want to look my fill before your innocence is lost and you interest me no more. Those are your words. I know what you meant and I won't let you….use me like that even if all you do is draw some picture when you're bored.'
Somehow she found herself standing right before Balthier who looked up at her with shaded eyes as she quivered with hurt above him, 'Well, well, brave as well, who would have guessed?'
Penelo turned away, angry and feeling foolish; how could she expect a man like him to understand that she was more than just a silly girl, with a ready smile and pig-tails. She had never convinced Vaan or Migelo or anyone at home of that, so why would he care to listen?
His hand reached out and caught her wrist stopping her from running away, 'Perhaps these sketches are a compliment and not the lechery you seem to think they are, hmm? Perhaps I only draw what I hold in esteem. Had you considered that, Penelo?'
She turned to face him, mouth forming a perfect 'O' of surprise. She wondered if she had ever heard him call her by name before, or look so serious while speaking with her.
'A compliment?'
He shrugged, letting go of her and flipping the notebook about to show her the half-complete sketch of a lithe girl dancing in a joyous spray of water vapour, 'If I am going to take the time to create something, I shall jolly well make sure I draw something of value, or there is little point, wouldn't you agree?'
Penelo wrung her hands hopelessly, captured by the picture. It was still only a few scratched lines of ink but already she could see that it was a portrait of her face, in profile, and her arms outreaching for the water. The joy within the inked Penelo's face was beautiful and it did not seem quite possible that he could see that within her.
'I don't like you drawing me in secret. It makes me uncomfortable, like I am being watched from shadow.'
Penelo admitted, still mesmerised by the half-formed picture. It was intoxicating and strange that someone would take the time to notice her, let alone make something so pretty from her own silly actions.
'Yet, I have no wish to stop drawing you; you are a……engaging…..muse and I have not felt so inspired in some time.'
'Oh….I….thank you,' her fingers twisted and writhed in a knotted mesh as she wriggled in a mix of acute discomfort and a certain, flattered, pride.
Balthier studied her thoughtfully, 'A compromise, perhaps?'
'Huh?' and she was mortified to find Vaan's most oft used exclamation of ignorance slip from her lips.
Balthier's lips twitched at the slip and subsequent blush that flooded her cheeks, 'Hmm. I will promise not to sketch you behind your back, if you promise to pose for me once we reach friendlier confines. How does that sound?'
Penelo's chest squeezed down as if a huge hand was crushing all the air from her, 'Pose for you?'
Balthier flapped a hand in dismissal of her sudden panic, 'As I said, I have no desire to threaten your modesty. I merely want to try my hand at a composition piece and Fran flatly refuses to sit for me at all.'
'You… you would paint my portrait?'
'Hmm, yes; you can have the finished article once I am done. I have no interest in the product, only the process. Do we have a deal?'
He had promised her he was not trying to seduce her and he certainly did not seem to have lechery in mind (he flirted much more overtly with Ashe, after all) so really it did not seem so bad all in all. In fact she was rather flattered.
It occurred to her that in all likelihood no one would ever offer to paint her ever again, she simply wasn't that important and never would be.
Balthier had extended his hand, ready to shake on the deal, and almost in trance Penelo reached out for that hand, 'Alright, I guess I can pose for you, Balthier.'
His grip was firm and commanding, Penelo's limp and unsure, as he shook her hand briskly, 'Marvellous,' he jumped nimbly to his feet still grasping her hand, 'I have no doubt that we shall make magnificent art together, my dear.'
Then, with only a wicked smirk to her in parting, he left the notebook discarded on the stone step and disappeared back into the passages of the Pharos.