I hope you enjoy this chapter...

I opened the door to see him standing there; his slight five o'clock shadow was evident around his jaw line as he looked dreamier than ever. But something certainly wasn't right, I thought to myself; something was not Derek… I looked into his eyes and knew the vacant and shaky look he flashed back at me straight away; it was a post-Mark look; a drunk look.

"We need to talk Meredith…" he said shakily.

Yep, that was definitely the smell of alcohol that seeped from the tail end of his breath and made its way straight up my nostrils.

"Are you drunk?" I asked him.

"Mmm…a little…" Derek answered.

He saw my judging and angry look just as he attempted to cover his tracks.

"No, no…not drunk drunk… I'm totally sober enough to be here to talk to you…" Derek assured me. "Well the alcohol helped my courage slightly but…"

I frowned at him, unimpressed with his justification.

"Are you going to let me in?" he asked.

I stepped aside to allow him through the small gap I had left in the door. I wasn't exactly being friendly…but I hoped I could make some sense out of drunken Derek.

We walked into the kitchen and I watched him steady himself to sit down.

"Mer…" he sighed as I slammed down a cup of coffee in front of him in frustration.

I sat on the chair next to him and held my coffee cup in my hands as I gave him a look I had never before; I was angry that he was drunk, but I wanted answers.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

He reached out to take my hand as I set my coffee cup down on the coaster at the dining table but I pulled it away briskly.

"Don't…" I told him.

"You said today…" he looked at his watch quickly. "Is it still today…?"

"It is still today," I snapped.

"You said that we have made some big mistakes…do you think the when we got married…I mean, are you saying that our mistake was getting married?" he asked me sadly.

The words hit me like the force of a bullet to my heart as I tried to find the best way to answer that question.

"I don't know Derek…" I said softly as I searched for answers in his eyes like I have done a million times before. "I think when you became the chief after Richard retired and I took the Head of Neuro job…I think then we started making mistakes…"

Derek put his coffee cup down.

"I know…" he said.

"And we fought so much…" I told him sadly as I tried to find reasons for it myself; letting the justification sting my heart. "We let the kids take everything away…we didn't have fun…"

"We were always too busy for each other…" Derek sighed as he let his eyes drop to the mahogany of the table top.

I nodded in agreement as I knew that every time we fought, we either blamed each other or our busy lives.

"Before we had the kids…we always made time for each other Derek…it was never an effort…" I said.

"I know a big mistake…" Derek spoke up.

I looked up at him, wondering what was about to come next…something about me and my selfishness, no doubt.

"We stopped having sex…" Derek said.

I nodded and knew that it was true.

"Meredith…we always made time for sex…hell, we even did it in a supply closet…exam rooms…on call rooms…" Derek sighed. "We went from three years of making babies to the couple who had sex on the odd occasion…"

I nodded and put my head down.

"And then we even got too busy for that…" I sighed.

Derek gingerly reached for my hand one more time in hope that I would allow him to touch me…fresh wounds surfaced with the tenderness of his touch as I allowed my hand to fall into his so perfectly; like the fit was meant to be. I noticed his grip tighten as he attempted to hold on.

What was he holding onto?

Was he holding onto my hand…

Or me?

"What happened to us Derek?" I sighed heavily.

Our eyes met in a moment that defined a response better than a thousand or so words; meaning more than any love story, giving more reasons for the argument on the checklist. This was more important than any justification that he could have offered me in that moment as the green sucked the blue into a trance. In every attempt to bring me closer, Derek pulled at my chair so that our faces were barely an inch apart.

"Mer…" Derek whispered.

I shook my head as our lips came a little closer together…I wouldn't do this…not now… not again…

"I want to make us work…" he said to me as we drew closer again and came a little too close.

"No…" I jumped up and ran upstairs as I leaned against the wall in the hallway. "I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this…"

As those words were escaping my mouth in quick frantic gasps, I pressed the sweating skin of my forehead that was now pulsating with self consuming thoughts, against the wall and immediately felt his presence.

"I can't do this…" I said once more before I turned around and allowed myself to face him, and in some way face my problem.

"I'm sorry…" he said quietly and distantly.

I stopped for a moment, letting my breathing steady once more from the angry and frustrated grunts that I exhaled. I then turned and walked into my bedroom… he followed me and stopped as he looked around; memories flooding back to him as his eyes darted to the bed that was so familiar.

"Meredith…" he pressed.

I shook my head at the sound of his voice, but as I went to say something, I felt his hands spin my waist around and bring me closer to his body where his lips moved closer to mine.

Closer…

And closer…

Until finally they touched.

I let our lips remain uninterrupted for a moment as they pressed together, seeking contact and nothing else at that moment, enjoying the sensations that tingled beneath one another. As they meshed, I parted mine slightly and sought the kiss to deepen as he tugged at the hair elastic that held my hair in place. Letting it loose, the waves fell gently and cascaded down my back so that he could run his fingers through it. He missed the touch of the tangles…more importantly; he missed the scent that tantalised his nostrils as lavender seeped from the curls that fell around my face.

And at that moment, it was all I needed as his fingertips flared the goosebumps of my arms that were rising to the surface with his touch. I knew how much I missed this touch more than anything…

I fumbled nervously with the buttons on his shirt and tried my best to expose his skin that I sought to touch so desperately. Our kisses were now deepening and becoming more demanding as we both wanted more from what was happening. After I had unbuttoned his shirt, I leaned forward to kiss the skin of his chest, the sparse hairs tickling my cheeks and chin as I pulled him over to the bed and pushed him down on it. I fell down onto his chest and straddled his waist as he lifted my sweater over my head and fumbled with my bra clasp…

I struggled to unclip his belt as I breathed heavily in frustration; this was so difficult – I guess that is what it's like not to have sex in three months. He flipped me onto my back and chuckled slightly as he pulled it out in one swift movement leaving the easy part for me as I lowered his pants quickly and felt the pressure beneath his boxers. I couldn't believe that this was happening.

Derek almost gasped as every inch of lost clothing revealed my sexy lingerie.

"Were you expecting someone…?" he murmured through kisses.

I shook my head as our last items of clothing were removed and we lied together naked…exploring each other's bodies all over again; reacquainting each other with our most sensitive and desired places.

I lied back against the bed and felt the familiarity of our love making restore itself in my mind as we became ready for each other.

It wasn't before long that we found ourselves laying together and wondering what had just happened.

Derek leaned over me and brushed a strand of damp hair from my face.

"I miss you…" he whispered as he pressed his lips to mine.

I stopped and darted my expression across his face, trying to seek the right answer…a word…anything…

But nothing could describe what was happening.

"What are we doing?" I jumped up and pulled the sheet to my chest. "Oh… Derek…I just…this is…and I mean…if the kids…"

"Mer…slow down…" he coaxed.

"Derek…I can't do this to the kids…if they found out…oh, you have to go…" I sighed, so desperately not wanting him to. "Please…" I begged.

He nodded sadly before leaning over to give me one more kiss.

"I still love you…" he whispered.

I nodded and watched him change before heading for the door one more time. I let a tear slip down my cheek as I watched him walk away.

Stay with me...it's definitely the start of something okay!!

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