Chapter IV
Athena still disliked the way Mr. Hargrove looked at the voluptuous, yet innocent miss Ruby, or his shameless forward flirting with Sophia, or his jokes meant to tease Jeanne… She thought all these things were somehow childish and vulgar – so the more amazed she was to see his face changing suddenly at times from that mischievous grin into a serious, earnest expression that made him look mature and almost sad – then it was as if some uncanny spell had been cast upon him to make him grow up in a second – and sometimes… in such moments his eyes would try to find her, like looking for approval.
One day the young ladies were having tea in the garden, while the gentlemen were smoking in the library. Sophia was commenting on the rehearsal they had had in the morning – and she was really enthusiastic about the way things were coming out.
'Why, Ruby, isn't our Lysander a dear? He's perfectly credible, isn't he? But you should try harder, too. You won't concentrate enough: you either get shy, or you start giggling… Imagine you're not Ruby, but Hermia! Isn't that so, Athena?'
Athena whispered, 'I'd rather not say a thing – we should avoid tensions, not build them up! Well, my dear, perhaps you're exaggerating a little by praising Mr. Hargrove's performance like that… I can't really tell if he plays the part so well because he's talented or because… this is his nature!'
'I couldn't care less if he's talented or if this is his nature, as long as the performance is outstanding!'- reacted Sophia.
'You should care, because… if it's just his nature, miss Ruby is right to feel shy or uncomfortable and unable to concentrate!' – replied her cousin.
'Oh, how right you are!' – cried Ruby. 'What you say is true: I keep sensing him watching me like that… and I feel strange – it makes me forget my cue!'
Sophia insisted - 'There's a rumour that he'll ask for your hand in marriage soon. He must be watching you all the time because he likes you – there's nothing strange! And because he's so… bold! I enjoy his company, I really do!'
'Yes, because he keeps paying you all sorts of compliments… Oh, Sophia, how frivolous you are…' – murmured Jeanne.
'At least I'm not so wild… and scared… as you are! Blushing and losing your voice whenever he comes near you…'
'Oh, Sophia, don't be mean!' – said Athena. 'Miss Jeanne has the right reasons to blush – because Mr. Hargrove's behaviour lacks decency and delicacy.'
'Today you seem to dislike everything I say!' – cried her cousin.
Athena didn't really feel like arguing. 'I'm only trying to…'
'Perhaps you could try to have a talk with him' – suggested Diana in a low voice, almost like a whisper. 'He seems to respect you and maybe… he'll change his attitude.'
'Perhaps I should, indeed' – said Athena, raising from her chair.
She didn't find Mr. Hargrove in the library because he didn't smoke. He was at the stables, brushing a horse, so he had taken off his coat and had his shirt sleeves folded, thus looking more like a country lad, all wet with sweat. The moment she saw him, Athena almost forgot what she had come for. For a couple of minutes her basic instincts came to the surface – she was a woman, after all, and still young – so she rejoiced at beholding the surprisingly well-built body of this younger man, that was revealing itself to her now. The firm thighs, the perfection of proportions, the thin shirt sticking to the hot back… - all these, despite her rational nature, took her breath away for a short while – at the same time she felt tenderness at associating the image of the man with the one of that noble animal that he groomed with great care.
'Mr. Hargrove… Sorry for interrupting… I know that… talking to you in private is… not the proper thing to do…, but… it's a matter which requires privacy and delicacy…'
'I wouldn't allow any harm to come to your reputation, miss Stonegate. So… I'll try to make myself look more… decent… And then… perhaps we could have a walk in the park and talk about… whatever it is that is troubling you.'
He put on his coat and wiped the sweat off his forehead.
'I'm sorry you found me… like this.'
'Don't worry – I don't mind. Actually I wouldn't want to keep you from… your usual activities… I'll just say what I've come to say. Not too long ago you asked me to consider myself free to tell you… anything – so I really hope you won't mind what I am about to say!'
'Have I ever treated you… in some… inappropriate manner?'
'Not me.'
'Then… I don't know what this is all about.'
'It's about your attitude towards our young ladies. It's outrageous. They feel uncomfortable. Well, this may be your way of courting miss Ruby, but still… Anyway, if this is it, I'd advise you to try a different strategy. It's obvious your future fiancée will not trust you if you keep flirting with her friends…'
'Just a second! My "fiancée"?! Miss Stonegate, you've gone too far… It's true that I like miss Ruby – there is some attraction that I can't deny. And miss Sophia, for instance… is very… friendly. But you must believe me, I wouldn't get engaged for such shallow reasons! I'm young and I've already suffered "the pangs of despised love", so… what I desire now … for the future… is to find a woman who is more… mature, and whose nature should be very much… like mine. But until then… I'm just trying to live, to enjoy life, to have some fun!'
'Miss Ruby, Sophia and miss Jeanne have nothing to do with your past sufferings. So I think it's unfair to treat them as if they were some kind of… toys!'
'That's an exaggeration. I've never crossed the line… with them. However, you've given me something to think about…'
'What would that be?'
'I was aware of the fact that some people expected me to court miss Ruby, but I hadn't realized that everybody was so sure I would actually do it! Please tell me… Does miss Ruby herself expect some kind of… declaration from me?'
'I don't know. She hasn't said anything. But it is possible, since everybody is talking about that around her. Miss Ruby is more fragile, more sensitive and innocent than one might think, so… don't hurt her!'
'I don't mean to harm anyone, miss Stonegate' – he said, lowering his head and looking rather upset all of a sudden.
Athena felt a little compassion and she thought to herself that she may have been too blunt and hard on him.
'You'll be more careful from now on, right?' – she murmured, in a softer tone. 'I suppose… you don't even need to apologize to them. Just adjust your attitude – don't you agree? Control yourself.'
'How about miss Ruby, then? I may change my attitude, but would that make those rumours stop? I don't want to be misunderstood: I do wish to get married some day and to have children… And miss Ruby… makes me… dream… She's a young woman a man just cannot ignore! On the other hand, I would worry I could hurt her – unintentionally. She lacks the strength I'm looking for in the one who'll be my spouse!'
'I'm confused. What should a woman be like – to please you?'
'She should have the spirit of… a rider!'
'What do you mean?'
'She must have a lively personality, a special energy, and lots of strength. And honesty.'
'What kind of strength? What will you have her do, poor girl?' – Athena asked, trying to joke.
'Oh, I don't mean to exploit her like a slave and have her do hard work… Is that what you were asking? No, of course not. It's just that I need her to… keep up with me. I want a partner who could understand my way of seeing life. Someone who can fall and rise again and have the force to start all over again, if necessary – someone I could trust and respect – and co-operate with – in a woman I'm looking for that mutual understanding that exists between the rider and his horse! Miss Ruby has lots of qualities, indeed, but right now she's too… vulnerable! You said it yourself.'
'She's still very young…'
Athena felt she was supposed to say something, but she couldn't help remembering the scene she had seen earlier… The young man and his horse. Such affection. The commitment. She had felt a special emotion. And yet… She wondered what it could be like… - she was trying to figure out that intimate relationship between the man and his horse… She had never learnt how to ride a horse.
'You're meditating…' – he said.
'Yes. I'm trying to place myself in this context… That is… to understand you better. I don't know if I've ever met a girl… A young lady… A woman like the one you've described. But the truth is… It's hard for me to share your point of view… Mainly because I can't ride myself. I've never been taught…'
He smiled.
'Ay, you can still learn. What matters is to want to. Not to be afraid to try.'
'Would you teach me?'
'Why not? If you make up your mind… '
Returning to the girls, Athena felt slightly embarrassed.
'How did it go?' – asked Sophia, still irritated because the others' opinions didn't match hers. – 'Did you scold him?'
'You could say that… I'm afraid I wasn't too subtle.'
'Oh, dear! I hope you haven't made him mad, Athena! What shall we do if he decides to leave?'
'I think he will not leave. As a matter of fact, he thought about it and said I was right.'
'That's good' – said Jeanne. – 'Does it mean he will change?'
'I suppose it does. I hope he will find a way to fix the situation', answered Athena.
'Which "situation"?'
'Concerning miss Ruby.'
'Do you mean… he will come to ask her to marry him and make it all official?' – was Sophia's first reaction.
'Oh, no!' – cried Ruby.
'On the contrary, it seems we've all read too much into it – Mr. Hargrove has no such intentions. Not now, anyway' – replied Athena.
'Did he dare tell you that?!'
'Yes, he did.'
'But that makes his behaviour the more outrageous!' – said Jeanne, pursing her lips.
'Now he knows what he did was wrong. I'll wait and see if he can change. I'm relieved that – despite his behaving unlike a gentleman – at least his intentions were not… bad. And he wouldn't have gone any further. He's still childish and looking for fun without realizing how vulgar his ways have looked to you, young ladies. It was a foolish way of showing his sympathy. But his plans right now do not include marriage' – Athena explained further.
'Why not?' – asked Sophia, in a blunt tone.
'Oh, I couldn't tell you his reasons.'
'Since you two have become so… close… I thought he must have told you everything, Athena!'
Athena blushed violently, but she struggled to keep her temper.
'I hope you'll learn to think before saying something – and apologize – not right now. Later. When you come to your senses, Sophia! You'll certainly see things more clearly in my absence.'
'Where are you going?' – asked Diana.
'To my room' – answered Athena. ' But first I need to speak to my uncle. Do you want to tell me something, miss Diana?'
'Yes, I do. But it can wait.'