"That's SO wrong, on so many levels!" I whimpered, burying myself deep within the sheets.
OK, so when you're on holiday with your boyfriend, and their family, intimate moments are hard to come by, so when there is an opportunity to get hot and heavy, we take it. Unfortunately, what with him and me being so completely into each other that locking the door stopped becoming a priority.
So of course, being family and all, the First Lady forgot to knock and came barging into her son's room while David and I…… were into the throes of passion.
Which, obviously, leads to the conclusion of large amounts of screams, David falling out of bed in a rush to cover himself up and basically exposing all to his mom and me wrapping myself in the covers and moaning about how gross this was.
Although, as gross as it was, I have to admit, it could have been worse. True, my boyfriend HAD shown his mom parts of his body that she shouldn't see after he's reached the age of, like,, ten. But I had a bra on! I mean, no one would ever have sex with a bra on, especially the one I had on at the time, which was once pure white was now a mustard yellow colour (OK, yes, I know, I should actually have [rise in my underwear - but come on! Like he even pays attention!)
David's mom just took a deep breath (I'm not sure how she stayed so dignified but she did it!) and walked calmly from the room. I could have sworn I heard a giggle once she'd made it down the hall.
I looked at David, who was still sitting on the floor, looking at himself in disgust, trying to suppress a smile. I had some real dirt on him now - he definitely couldn't dump me anymore. I mean, I'm all for revenge if he did - and I don't think he'd appreciate a picture of him in US Weekly exposing his crown jewels to his mother.
Yep, that has to be officially the most embarrassing vacation ever. Don't get me wrong, I love the First Lady, but can't she ECER keep her mouth shut? We went down to dinner (after about 3 hours showering - and I still felt dirty), only to have all of David's family look at us, basically full-on winking.
I got to admit, after having about 30 or so of David's relatives laugh at you, it actually makes you realise this embarrassment weren't even worth the permanent dirt I had on David. I mean, we basically had to sit shame-faced on the end of the table, just sp people could laugh at us, it almost made me thankful that David and I were getting out of the vacation early.
What is WITH that anyway? Aren't you supposed to TRAVEL when you go on vacation? Wanna know where we travelled to? Yeah, that would be two blocks away from the White House in a hotel. I mean, it's nice and all but they really ought to install CCTV outside of rooms, you know? That way, if your boyfriend's mother was making her way through the corridor to your room, you might actually have time to put on a nightie.
OK, David's unhelpful on the subject. He just said my teddy bear nightie and my yellow bra wouldn't go together. My boyfriend is so supportive.
"David, I'm tired, I'm going to get some sleep, okay?" I tell him. He nods and gives me that cute little smile again before kissing me lightly and saying goodnight.
But as I got up, everyone looked at me like I was crazy. Then, barely breathing for laughter, they cracked jokes about whether they could ALL watch the show tonight.
Whatever. Like we'd do porn movies
Leave that to Manhattan Public Access