w00t! Long chappy! 2617 words! uber-w00t!
It was an enormous credit to my subconscious that I was able to sleep all the way through Christmas Eve without a single dream. It made me feel stronger, as if by sheer force of will I could keep the pain away while out of Lee-san's presence. Perhaps now Lee-san would never again have to see me in such a state of disrepair as the Second Saturday. Maybe I was healing.
I opened my eyes slowly, testing the air for signs that this was a false-awakening. I felt really, truly awake, so I sat up. Still awake. Good. On instinct, I reached over to my bedside table to retrieve that beloved photo of mine.
"Merry Christmas, Kakashi-sensei. Merry Christmas, Naruto…Merry Christmas, Sasuke-kun." I then gave the dark-haired boy a sweet, adoring kiss. But…something was off. The kiss felt shallow, habitual almost. As if I were only doing it because I always did it, because my lips were just so used to the cold, smooth surface that was his face. I really didn't like the idea that tenderness was slipping away when it came to the boy I still hoped to marry some day.
"I love you, Sasuke-kun," I said quietly. Well, that felt better. Truer. I still loved him. "I love you," I repeated, trying to force out a bigger reaction that just recognition of fact. I wanted the words to make me picture our wedding, make me start planning what our kids would be named, make me start planning…anything. After all, every time I said these words while Sasuke-kun—flinch—was still here, I could practically hear wedding bells. Now…I heard nothing but the seconds click-clocking by.
It's all slipping away.
Miffed, and unable to counter my second mind's comment, I set the picture down, deciding that my lack of response was due to grogginess. I hurried off to the shower, planning to try again after the hot water and my minty shampoo woke me up a bit more.
--
To my extreme displeasure, though, it didn't work. Despite the fact that I had spent fifteen minutes digging out the herbal soaps that were specifically marketed to make a person more alert, nothing changed. My kisses still seemed to be out of obligation rather than sincerity, and my declarations of love still fell to the floor without much feeling. It bugged the hell out of me.
Completely frustrated, I stormed off to my closest to find something nice to wear for Lee-san. I wondered if he planned on gracing me with his presence all day, or if he was going to leave to spend the holiday with his father-figure and his other friends. It would be selfish of me to expect too much time from him today—especially after all the time he'd already given me—but I couldn't help it. I really wanted him around.
Because, in all truth, I'm really just a selfish person. Selfish and needy. That's me.
I chose a scarlet turtleneck with my signature circle on the chest. It fit me snugly, since it'd been a year of growth spurts since I last attempted to wear it, but that was a good thing. Made me feel just the teensiest bit curvier. I picked out a pair of faded green denim jeans, which were riddled through with holes in various places. They were comfortable, though, which is the only thing that mattered to me. I then tied my hair back in a low ponytail with a pale red ribbon. There. Christmas colors.
I sent a glance to my beloved clock to see that I still had half and hour of solitude left. On that note, I suddenly remembered that I did in fact have a family, and that this was one of the biggest family holidays of the year. I didn't really feel like leaving my lair until it was inescapably necessary, but I hadn't seen my parents under pleasant circumstances in a while. I might as well show them that I did in fact have the ability to be happy.
With that thought in mind, I carefully picked up Lee-san's gift, cradling it in the crook of my elbow, and then skipped out the door. I walked down the hall until I got to my parents' bedroom, and then oh-so-slyly stuck my head in…and as to be expected, they were both still asleep, their bodies still snuggled up in their blankets. Why is it that grown-ups always choose to sleep so late on Christmas morning?
Annoyed, I gave up on that idea and made my way down the stairs and into the living room. There was a small stack of presents by the fireplace, mostly for my parents. I think that they'd each gotten me one thing, while they'd each gotten each other around seven things. I guess it's difficult to buy presents for a child you never see.
While I waited, I contented myself with counting my breaths and heartbeats. I was surprised by how well they corresponded. Just another one of nature's odd patterns…No matter how much of a mental patient that I must have looked like— staring off into space while murmuring numbers—it kept me busy until I heard my favorite sound in the entire house. (My favorite sound in the world was a tie between Sasuke-kun's scoff and Lee-san's laugh.)
Ding-dong.
It took me less than five seconds to run through the house, into the front room, and to wrench open the front door. And what I saw made my heart stutter in a way that it had only ever done a few times ago…in the presence of the Sasuke-kun.
Lee-san was not in his jumpsuit. That was the first thing I noticed. No, instead he was in a tight olive-green/forest-green striped shirt sweater that hugged his muscles in a very…flattering way. The collar of his sweater dipped into a short V-neck that would have shown off his collarbone if it hadn't been for his Konoha headband that he had tied casually around his throat. He had on plain khaki cargo pants—which, for some reason or another, were splattered with minty-green paint. I tried to do a mental rundown of all the green paint I'd seen at his house—none—and decided that he must have a mint-green bedroom.
What really caught me off-guard was his hair. It was…messy. I hadn't known that it could even get messy. Even during his stay at the hospital, he'd managed to keep it somewhat in order. Now it looked like he'd just gotten out of bed…it looked good on him.
I remember this moment as the very first time I was ever attracted to Lee-san. The first time that I consciously realized that he was handsome. The suddenness of the realization put my first mind in a state of shock, leaving my second mind to scramble around to try and drive from the passenger seat.
And my second mind is so much more eccentric than my usual one. Just as Lee-san was wishing me a Merry Christmas, she flung our body at him, wrapping our arms tightly around his neck. "Merry Christmas, Lee-san!" she squealed through our lips. "I'm so glad you showed up! You look great!"
He hugged us back tightly, and it was at that moment that I realized how snugly our bodies fit together. Though Inner Sakura was enjoying this immensely, I was still stunned by how suddenly my view of him had been altered. Furious with myself for inadvertently blurring a line, I knocked Inner Sakura away from the steering wheel and retook control.
She called me a mean word and then submissively suggested letting go of Lee-san before he got carried away by my closeness. Or vice versa, she added rebelliously.
I did as she instructed, giving Lee-san a crinkly-eyed smile. He grinned back at me, obviously pleased by my reaction to his presence—and perhaps the fact that I'd hugged him without sobbing…for the first time ever.
Trying to act like a friend—and not someone who was suddenly and probably temporarily attracted to him—I put my hands on my hips and gave him a condescending look. "So, what'd you get me? Or is it the laps for you?"
Giving me my special smile, he held out a brightly packaged box, about seven or eight inches long and three-and-a-half inches wide. It was wrapped in red paper and tied together with a sea-green ribbon that I could easily use to tie my hair back once Christmas was over and done with. It looked professionally wrapped, though somehow I could feel that he would've preferred to do every painstaking step on his own. (I wondered idly if he was at all OCD. My second self said that it was cute. I yelled back that Lee-san was not cute, that he was just a sweet friend who we didn't see that way. She replied oh-so-rebelliously that our sweet friend was smoking-hot. I threw a mental kunai at her. It missed—of course—but it sent my message.)
Lee-san, oblivious to my mental debate of his attractiveness, snapped in front of my face again. I jumped up about a foot in the air, and then gave him a dirty look.
"You were zoning out again?" he asked sweetly. I stuck my tongue out at him, and then motioned for him to come inside before he let more of the warm air out. I led him into the living room, and then pushed him roughly onto the couch. I went back to the fireplace to retrieve his gift, and then joined him on the couch, sitting as far from him as possible. To make up for the distance, I turned to face him, leaning on the arm of the couch.
I held out my hands and groped towards the gift in his hands. "Gimme, gimme."
Lee-san smiled warmly at me, and then threw it over to me. I caught it easily, and then turned it over in my hands a couple of times, totally aware of the worried eyes that watched my every movement. I looked up at him and smiled wryly. He blushed, and I turned my attention to the pretty little package.
I unwrapped the gift painfully slowly, just for the benefit of watching Lee-san panic out of the corner of my eyes. He seemed to get more nervous every second that the wrapping paper was still on the package, and for some sadistic reason, I was amused to no end. He kept running his fingers through his hair, as if he was just now realizing that he forgot to brush it. He was blushing rather badly, which interested me immensely.
Finally, I'd decided that if I went any slower, my poor friend would have a stroke, so I finally just ripped the paper off with a flourish of the wrist, letting it float to the floor like a feather. All that was left was a small white box with my name written in blue ink. His handwriting was surprisingly neat and small, quite unlike his personality. I looked up at him to raise an eyebrow, but he refused to look at me. I shook my head at his fickle shyness, and then lifted the lid.
Nestled in the box was a Konohagakure forehead protector bolted to a crimson belt of fabric. I picked it up delicately, and then touched the top of my head. Nothing. I looked up at Lee-san, who finally decided to meet my gaze, smiling sheepishly.
"Last Saturday, after I took you home, I found your headband on my couch, right where your head had been." He chuckled. "The fabric was so tattered that as soon as I picked it up, the metal piece fell off."
I touched my hair again. "I honestly hadn't even noticed that I'd left it."
He gave me an incredulous look. I had an idea of what he was thinking. Didn't you just rant about how scared you were of losing it? Then he smiled widely, easily forgiving my fickleness. "Well, I hope you like it." Suddenly, his face lost all color, and he averted his gaze. "I hope you don't mind the color…if you want the blue, I can take it back." My gaze instantly drifted to the blood-red Konoha headband around his throat, and I felt a pang of some unnamable emotion.
Inner Sakura pushed a little-used button on our control board, and it made me suddenly I lean in to press my lips gently to his forehead, drowning out his voice in shock. My second self catalogued this memory very well, making me remember the first time I ever kissed him with enormous clarity. I remember quite clearly how his dark bangs tickled my nose, how warm his breath on my throat was. A very, very pleasant memory.
When I forced myself to pull away to tie on my new headband, he made an odd choking noise in the back of his throat. I watched with amused eyes as he touched the spot where my lips had touched his skin. And of course, his face turned an adorable shade of magenta.
"It's perfect, Lee-san. Domo arigato."
He grinned.
"Now—"I held out the neatly wrapped green package that I had nestled between my thigh and the couch—"your turn."
He scooted a little farther away from me. "You really didn't have to get me anything, Sakura-san," he said quietly, eyeing the box in my hands almost sadly.
"Oh, shut your mouth. Of course I did, Lee-baka. It's Christmas, and you're my friend." I stood up to gently drop it in his lap, whether he liked it or not. I sat down much closer to him. "You're just amazingly proper."
He sent me a wistful sidelong glance, and then redirected his gaze to the gift in his hands.
"And seriously Lee-san, just open it. Don't worry about the freaking wrapping paper."
He nodded, and obediently tore the paper off. Of course, he carefully folded it back up and set it down on the coffee table, as if apologizing to the inanimate object for its destruction. I couldn't help but giggle at him. I leaned on my elbow and closed my eyes, choosing to listen to his reaction rather than watching.
So of course I was a little worried when I didn't hear him say anything. I opened my eyes to see him staring at the open box, a small smile playing around on his lips.
"Lee-san?"
He looked up at me, and I could see in his eyes that he wanted very desperately to kiss me. Well, he always did, but right now he really had to work on restraining himself.
I wonder what his lips feel like.
NO YOU DON'T!!
"Sakura-san…arigato." He looked away to hide his thoughts. Carefully, so carefully, he lifted the glass Sacred Lotus out of the box and cradled it in his palm. "Domo arigato." He looked at me again, his eyes dripping with gratitude.
"No problem, Lee-san."
Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes as he replaced the delicate glass flower into its container. He turned back to me, and the tears were now falling freely. The tenderness in his eyes mixed with the wondrous warmth in my chest halfway melted my resolve, so I leaned forward to wrap my arms around his muscular, lean body, this time completely of my own accord.
Inner Sakura approved.
His hands hovered over my back for about six heartbeats, but then he wrapped his arms around me with a love that was tangible. I could practically taste the adoration in his voice as he whispered, "Merry Christmas, Sakura-ai."
Uh, using ai as a suffix is basically saying "Sakura, my love."
Yeah, i am so in love with this chappy. i realize that it is completly the wrong side of the calender to be writing a Christmas chappy, but whatever. Deal with it. Oh, and this is finally one of those pre-written chapters. That's why it's here so quickly. I've actually got the next chapter completely written. it just needs to be typed. I'm a writing cheetah.
Oh, and i just had to explain the Shippuden headband somehow. Lee wanted them to match. :-)
I love Inner Sakura. She is my favorite character in this fic.
Miyazaki A2