In my head, it was almost a good thing that Lee-kun had left me alone for so long. Dealing with his absence helped me to discover how to deal with Sasuke-kun's absence. Just don't think about it. Don't think about anything but what you're doing at that very moment. Breathe when you have to breathe, walk when you have to walk. Only think about you-know-who when you can't avoid it. That is how you'll survive.

It was easier than I'd thought it would be to ignore the pain in my chest. It was almost as if attention was a poison, just like my Lee-kun was an antidote. Really, this realization made my life a bit easier. It kept most—but of course not all—of the pain away while I was separated from my private sunshine. And when I was with him, I wasn't as distracted by the lack of pain as I usually was. Now I could just focus so much more on Lee-kun as a person. I mean, of course I already saw him as a person—don't get me wrong—but now there were not nearly as many distractions.

As I avoided thinking about you-know-who, I found myself falling out of the masochistic habits that I had taken up in the times of my solitude—for example, I completely stopped greeting and kissing the Team Seven picture when I woke up. I even stopped looking at it, for the most part. I could never turn it facedown, though, which was alright by me. After all, I didn't want to forget you-know-who. I just didn't want to think about him. That's all.

While all of this was going on in my head, Lee-kun and I were falling back into our old routines. Obachan and Ojisan were happy to take us back as customers over at that cute little diner, and they even gave me my extra-spicy curry when we told them why I had to eat it. (Though of course Obachan made this big speech about how much she had missed Ojisan when he had to go on a long delivery one time, and how she had jumped on him when he came home. Lee-kun had given me a funny look at that point.)

"Sakura?"

The dropping of the formal suffix caught me off guard, tugging me out of my thoughts faster than I could take my next breath. I looked up from the bite of the terrifyingly-hot food that I was about to take to see him scowling at the table, his fist clenched around his spoon.

"What is it, Lee-kun?" I whispered, watching as his grip tightened just a little.

"What...what is it that you…want from me?"

I blinked at him for a couple of seconds. All I could think was: What an odd question. "What do you mean?"

He flinched away from my voice, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. "What do you want me to be?"

Neither of my minds could even begin in comprehend what he was getting at. So, when in doubt, I said the first thing that wandered onto my tongue. "Yourself, of course. What else could you be? A punk rocker?"

His head lowered a little bit, shrouding his features in shadows from his nighttime hair. "Right," he said as he started eating again. His face was completely blank, which worried me. He even ate faster than usual, not even seeming to taste the food as he put it in his mouth. Something was wrong with him, that much was obvious. But…I was selfish and scared, so I just averted my gaze and hoped that if I ignored it, it would just go away.

So that's what I did. I ignored Lee-kun's obvious pain just as easily as I ignored my own. I figured that if he could heal me just with his inner sunshine, then surely I must be doing something for him with my presence. Everything would be okay, just as long as I didn't dwell on the pain, mine or his.

But…I was wrong. His pain didn't seem to want to go away. Although most of the time he was his happy and sunny self, there would be moments when clouds would seem to drift over his sun, making him get quiet and thoughtful. These moments when his features would cloud over and his voice would darken frightened me—they reminded me of when he had been injured by that boy from Suna. Which, again, frightened me. I hated the idea that he was suffering like that again, but I still tried to rationalize that it couldn't be lasting. Clouds always go away. I focused on my breathing and kept on hoping that I had an inner breeze, something that could blow away his clouds.

This kept going for a few months. Before I knew what to do with myself, we were training for yet another Chunin Exam—except this time, Lee-kun was more like a sensei than a training partner.

We were taking a break. (Well, I was taking a break while he waited for me—if he had the choice, we would've kept going until one of us had gotten hurt again.) I was trying to catch my breath while he…was just sitting there, staring at the sky. His face was completely and unnervingly blank.

I decided to try to make conversation—after all, my voice always seemed to be able to force some cheerfulness out of him. "I'm going to have some major bruising when I wake up tomorrow morning," I said in a teasing voice, sinking onto my back, bracing my shoulders against the tree that Lee-kun and I leaned on.

"Sorry," he said blankly, still looking at the sky. He didn't even give me that relieved smile that he always reserved just for me when I made fun of him.

Now I was really scared. My voice was just a little hysterical as I laughed and said, "Don't be. I'm sure you at least have a red mark on your shoulder now. I can't believe I actually managed to land a hit!"

He nodded. "You're getting better." Still. So. Freaking. Blank.

I couldn't take it anymore. His pain hurt a million times worse than my own did, even if I didn't focus on it. I had to help him, because he obviously wasn't healing on his own. "Lee?"

My terrified shriek finally got through to him. The life returned to his eyes as he finally looked at me. "What's wrong, Sakura-san?" he asked urgently, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Does something hurt?"

"Not me. Nothing's wrong with me. What's wrong with you?"

"Me?" He blinked at me for a second, and then winced a little, averting his gaze to the ground. I sat up straighter as he removed his hand from my bare shoulder. "I'm fine, Sakura-san," he said quietly, though thankfully his voice was full of emotion…though of course it wasn't anything close to happiness. "I'm just trying to figure something out."

"What is it? Tell me so I can help."

"I don't think you'll like it."

"Screw what I'll like! Tell me anyways," I replied brashly. I squared my shoulders. "What are you trying to figure out?"

"What I mean to you. What you need me to be for you."

I blinked, shocked. After that set in, I whimpered a little bit, pretty much speechless. No, no, no. This was wrong. Our relationship was supposed to be wordless, easy. We weren't supposed to have to talk about it to understand. Talking would mean dwelling, and dwelling would mean pain. I should've just kept my mouth shut.

"Lee-kun…I don't know what you want me to say."

He gave me a sad smile. I tried to remind myself that this was just as hard for him as it was for me. "Just tell me what you need."

Sasuke-kun was my first thought, but just like with kissing his photo, that response just seemed habitual. What did I really need? Lee-kun's smile. Okay, well that wouldn't happen until I gave him an answer.

Again, I just said the first thing that tumbled out of my lips. "I need you. I need my best friend."

Something in his eyes changed. He grinned his goofy grin. "Then that's what I'll be!" he shouted as he gave me a nice guy pose. "As long as you need me."

Notice how he hasn't said a word about his own wants and needs. You will always come before him in his mind.

He then stood up, pulled me by my hand into a standing position, and then smiled serenely. "Can you heal muscles that you've torn?"

"Yeah. That's relatively easy."

"Okay, then this time I want you to come at me with your chakra scalpel."

And just like that, our relationship-defining conversation was over.

After that, things started to go back to a state that one could call normal, if you believe in that sort of thing. I altogether stopped thinking about you-know-who. Doing that made things so much easier, except for those devastating moments when I would slip up and allow his name to slip through my defenses. But that hardly mattered. Life was better now that I was ignoring my pain and the existence of the boy who caused it. Sure, it felt a little numb at times, but numbness is better than pain.

And for some odd reason, after inadvertently telling Lee that all I wanted from him was a platonic relationship, we somehow became closer. Don't ask my howthe hell that worked out. Because, the only thing that really matters in the long run is that we did become closer. As long as I still looked forward to him all week and still enjoyed having him around, nothing mattered. Life was consistent, and that was good.

Okay, this pretty much came out of nowhere. Don't hate me for this weird chappy. But you know, Lee is human, too. He has insecurities. He wanted to know where he and Sakura stood, and now he does. He didn't get the answer he wanted, but now he knows how to handle her. :)

Wow, this came out fast! I am actually sort of happy with how this came out, too. Sure, it's WAY too serious for my fluff-loving self, but whatever. Deal with it.

BTW, i already have the ending of this fic planned out. And i will warn you now that if you haven't read Breathing and New Life, my ending with Confuse and/or Dissapoint you. So prepare your minds. :D

See ya.
Miyazaki A2

P.S. I have little to no idea what the hell the next chappy is going to be about. :-(