Uncanny Team-Up

Chapter 5: Welcome to the Rock- Part 2

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- 'The planet is going nuclear! I admire them! The bravery of idiots is bravery nonetheless!'- General Staal (Doctor Who: The Poison Sky)

Alcatraz-

What had seemed to be a pretty normal visit to the former prison island known as Alcatraz had taken a turn for the worse for the X-Men Wade Wilson and Betsy Braddock and the two young runaways Victor Mancha and Molly Hayes. For some unknown reason, ninjas had attacked the island and seemingly killed the tour guide while the tourists were locked up in the cells.

'Our quarrel is not with any of you.' The lead ninja said as he paced the cellblock. 'We are here for one person only. We shall leave as soon as we find the person we want, they will know who I mean. There is no need for any more bloodshed. However, if this person still refuses to reveal themselves, then I will be forced to begin executing prisoners starting with this woman…'

Two other ninjas dragged an innocent woman in front of their leader and forced her to her knees in front of him as he upholstered a hi-tech gun of some sort.

'I will not ask again.' The ninja demanded. 'You know who you are. Reveal yourself to spare these people more deaths.'

In the cell that was keeping them captive, Victor turned to look at Wade and Betsy.

'We can't just let these ninjas start killing people!' The half-robot son of Ultron insisted. 'We have to do something!'

'Keep your panties on, Mr Roboto.' Wade responded. 'I'm working on a plan.'

The former Merc-with-amouth poked his head out of the bars of the cell and whispered to a nearby ninja.

'Hey, buddy! I know where the guy you're looking for is!'

'Hmm? What?' The ninja turned to regard the captive heroes. 'What are you talking about?'

'Come closer and I'll tell you.' Wade beckoned the ninja closer.

'You had better not be wasting my time.' The ninja grumbled as he slowly stepped towards the cell.

As soon as the ninja was close enough, Wade grabbed the ninja's head and slammed it against the bars of the cell door, knocking him out before grabbing the ninja's gun.

'Now it's your turn, kid.' Wade nodded to Molly. The little mutant girl just grinned happily as she kicked the cell door right off its hinges.

PANG!

'Put that gun down and leave that lady alone, you jerk!' Molly yelled at the ninja in charge. 'Or else you're in for some major, y'know… stuff.'

'Just do what the kid says.' Wade said as he aimed his purloined gun at the ninja in charge. 'And while you're at it, why not tell us why you're actually here.'

'We do not have to explain ourselves to you.' The ninja in charge retorted. 'What even gives you the right to command us?'

'Why do you think?' Victor asked as he used his magnetic powers to snatch the gun out of the ninja's hand and passed it to Wade. 'Good, bad, he's the guy with the guns.'

'Kill them!' The ninja in charge commanded.

'So much for a quiet trip away.' Betsy sighed as she got ready to defend herself against the hoard of ninjas. 'I knew we should have stayed at home.'

'Betts, are you kidding?' Wade laughed out loud. 'It's Thursday! The mansion always gets blown up on a Thursday! Or do alien invasions always happen on Thursday? I forget. No, that's Wednesday.'

'Uh, guys…' Victor chipped in. 'Remember the ninjas?'

'Thanks for reminding me, kid!' Wade grinned as he opened fire on the attacking ninjas. 'I shoot your face!'

BRATTA-ATTA-ATTA!!

'Not that I want to tell you how to do your job, but do you really have to kill all the ninjas?' Victor asked as he used his magnetic powers to bind a pair of ninjas with the cell door that Molly had kicked down.

'Aww, have a little faith in me, would you?' Wade rolled his eyes. 'I'm shooting to wound. I do know better than to kill people in front of little kids.'

'I am not little!' Molly pouted as she clobbered another one of the ninjas. 'I'm almost thirteen!'

'Wade, honey…' Betsy piped up as she somersaulted over the head of one of the ninjas. 'There's something that's bothering me. Why on earth would ninjas be carrying hi-tech weapons like these? I mean, don't they usually use swords?'

'You tell me, sweetie.' Wade shrugged as he shot one of the ninjas in the foot. 'You're the one that used to be an assassin trained by the Hand and all.'

'I don't think these guys are even human.' Molly added her two cents. 'They keep on saying stuff like Xavin does when I beat her on Risk.'

'Wait, you mean these guys are actually Skrulls?' Victor blinked in confusion. 'Ninja Skrulls?'

'You guys know what that means, don't you?' Wade grinned. 'If these ninjas are Skrulls in disguise, then I don't have to worry about killing them. Now I really can shoot your face!'

BLAM!

Wade shot one of the Skrull ninjas right between the eyes.

'Glee!' The semi-sane ex-mercenary giggled excitedly. 'This is the greatest vacation I ever had!'

A little while later-

It didn't take Wade and the others very long to deal with the Skrull ninjas. For all of their hi-tech weaponry, the shape shifting aliens ended up being beaten like common thugs.

Wade and the other three heroes stood back and watched as SHIELD agents took away the Skrull ninjas that hadn't fled and helped the rest of the captive tourists.

'I wonder who they were actually after?' Betsy thought out loud.

'It's most probably one of the Kree in disguise or something.' Victor suggested. 'The Skrulls have a real mad-on for the Kree.'

'Yeah, I know.' Wade nodded. 'I can remember the original Kree-Skrull War. Okay, the art wasn't all that hot, but there's a reason why that story's a classic.'

'Hee. You talk dumb.' Molly laughed. 'You're much cooler than Wolverine.'

'And I don't smell like wet dog, either.' Wade snickered.

'Well, it was a pleasure working with you two.' Betsy smiled at the two young heroes. 'We're going to meet Bob at a little diner by the bay. If you're not too desperate to go back to your friends, then perhaps you'd like to join us?'

'You're not gonna make me join that lame X-Corp again, are you?' Molly groaned. 'Cuz those guys freaking sucked!'

'No, Molly.' Betsy smiled slightly. 'I just thought that you'd like to meet our children.'

'Wait a minute…' Victor blinked in confusion. 'You guys have kids? The X-Men actually let Deadpool have kids?'

'Hey, look who's talking, son of Ultron.' Wade retorted. 'I don't make fun of your messed up family. Actually, I take that back. Think yourself lucky that you're not in Mighty Avengers. Ultron as a disturbingly hot woman? What were they smoking?'

'Does he always go on like this?' Victor asked as he turned to Betsy.

'Oh, he never stops.' Betsy nodded. 'The best thing is to just humour him. He usually finds something else to occupy himself after a few minutes.'

'I'm glad I'm not an X-Man.' Molly sighed. 'You guys are freaking nuts!'

TBC…

Next: Mayhem in the Mines

The Uncanny Sirens. Ms Marvel. Captain Cymru. And a hero long thought to be dead. 'Nuff said!