Disclaimer: Please don't sue. I don't own POTO... All I own is an overactive imagination.

Summary: ErikRaoul slash. Time, a 3parts Series. Installment 07. Life after. Lime. Angst. Family.

Warning(s): slash (that's homosexual content for those of you who don't know), unresolved angst.

Pairing(s): ErikRaoul

A/N: Part Two and another year. No Lime as you can figure. Just angst, unresolved angst sandwiched between the two fluffy moments.

Story note: This is a little intro to a year full of uncertainties and when doubt rears its ugly head into their relationship again.

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Time: Years

Part02:Year Two

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By: Lucifer Rosemaunt

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Last time: A year ago they celebrated their first anniversary. And now, what is there to celebrate?

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Erik sat in front of the organ playing a new song that had just come to him three days ago. The melody had haunted him in his sleep. If he remembered correctly, that was the last time this week that Raoul had stayed over. He used to be able to keep track of the days by the times that Raoul visited, but Raoul had stopped visiting everyday a while ago.

There had been an influx of new blood for the Opera Populaire and things had become busy. He understood why Raoul had been forced to stop visiting as often. Raoul had looked exhausted. So, Erik tried to distract himself and pass the time by composing. He could lose days at a time if he were composing, so he would not have to face the suddenly lonely days and nights. Erik had been angry with himself that he could not last a few days away from the blonde. It was just that without Raoul, Erik could not seem to sleep anymore.

When he first suggested that Raoul take some days off just to recuperate, Raoul had looked surprised but said he appreciated the offer. So, Raoul stopped visiting as often. When Raoul would arrive during the days to work in the opera house, Erik would watch him, follow him closely just to be that much closer to him. He told himself that it was enough to just watch, but it was not. It would never be enough anymore to just watch Raoul, not when they had more than a year spending each day together fighting, talking, touching, loving. Erik wanted to do all of it every single day of his life.

However, he understood that Raoul was busy, that he had a life outside of Erik. So, Erik let him have it and he tried not to suffocate Raoul into leaving him. He had known things would have to be different than how things had been with Christine. Erik could not control who Raoul ate dinner with. He could not control the hours at which the boy slept or who he spoke to – well, he had partial control over those things when Raoul was in the opera house, but Raoul was not always in the opera house. What was worse was that lately, Raoul had been gone longer and longer away from the opera house. He was going into new ventures outside of the opera. He was expanding his patronage. The Vicomte de Chagny was becoming quite the financier of all the arts.

Sometimes Erik would wonder how many other men Raoul was seeing, but he would banish that thought from his mind. Men were not the problem – he rather assumed. It was the women. Erik had seen women throw themselves at Raoul rather shamelessly. It was disgusting, but they could offer so much more than Erik could ever hope to give Raoul.

So, when Raoul finally did visit him, Erik rather reveled in the attention that he was given. He listened to the same lecture about his health and eating regularly, but he had survived this long without having regular meals. What he needed was Raoul. It did not matter so much to him whether he was the proper weight, but it was worth it to see Raoul worry so much. He loved to hear the blonde murmur to himself that he should try to make more time to visit. Erik was not about to argue. If it meant that Raoul would visit him more often, Erik would starve himself. It was not very hard. He lost his appetite when Raoul was not around. He had told Raoul as much and Raoul had blushed and would not meet his eyes for the next few minutes. Erik had not known what there was to be embarrassed about; it was a fact.

Erik let Raoul consume his thoughts as he played. While most of the thoughts were good, Erik had begun to wonder if Raoul was happy with him at all. They were drifting apart and Raoul had his pick of anyone he wanted. Erik had nothing to offer him. He could write music, but Raoul was out there supporting other composers and other artists who probably were not as talented, but more stable. Raoul could have a life outside of this cellar. He could live in the sun and spend hours at a time in public. Hell, he should be able to walk in public and show off his wife in social gatherings. Erik could not give Raoul that kind of life, and he did not want Raoul to despise him for it. At the same time, he did not think he could stand to see Raoul happy without him.

It was only at the last second did he sense someone was approaching him. Grabbing the lasso that was beside him, he threw it towards the trespasser. It fell uselessly onto the floor and someone launched at him. Erik instinctively held onto the familiar body as it connected to his. Of course he should have known that no one but Raoul would have been able to get so close to him without him realizing.

Erik almost lost his balance on the seat, but he had had much practice in this area. He held onto Raoul tightly and deeply breathed in his scent.

"Hi, Erik," Raoul murmured breathlessly.

Erik considered pulling away to see his expression, but thought against it, "Did you run all the way here?"

Raoul nodded and he kissed Erik on the neck. Erik could feel Raoul's smile. He could feel the boy's mirth in fact. He was exuding it. Raoul pulled away first, and Erik allowed him though he had wanted to hold on a little longer.

"Guess what I just heard." Raoul grinned and sat down beside Erik scooting him aside.

Erik shrugged, "I don't know. What has gotten you this excited?" He was fighting a smile though. Raoul's good humour was usually quite contagious, especially since he so gladly shared every emotion with Erik.

"You're not even going to guess?" Raoul pouted, but he was quick to recover since the news was simply too good, "Meg's pregnant."

Erik frowned. Another thing he would never be able to let Raoul have. He had never even thought of having children, but he knew that Raoul had. He looked absolutely ecstatic at the moment. He was so excited that it seemed like he was going to have the baby.

"You're not excited?" Raoul looked at Erik in confusion. Maybe he had not expected Erik to be as excited as he was, but he expected a better reaction than that glower.

Erik was glad since a baby meant that that Meg's marriage had been going well. If Raoul was this happy, he could only imagine how happy she was, which meant that he had one les woman to worry about stealing Raoul away from him.

"You don't like children." Raoul observed. He thought about it. It made sense. Children could be cruel and annoying, and Erik did not handle annoying people very well.

"It's not that," Erik was about to deny it, but he was reluctant to lie though, so he settled for saying, "I've never been around many."

Raoul nodded. He had wanted children, at least two: a son and a daughter. He sighed for a moment realizing that he would never have that. He had not really thought about it until now and the sudden realization effectively dampened his mood for a moment. He chastised himself. Offspring were not that important. He forced himself to be happy for Meg. It was good news.

"Wait here," Raoul hopped off the bench and left Erik alone.

Erik had heard Raoul's wistful sigh. He closed his eyes and tried to think of a way to make things better. Wouldn't they only get worse now though? Raoul usually visited three times a week, and even then, he would only stay overnight one or two of those times if he were lucky. And, it was always the same. They would eat. Raoul would talk about what was going on outside of the opera house. Erik would talk about what was going on inside since he always had firsthand experience. Then once a week on the same day, in Erik's bed, they would have sex. It was sad to think that when they had started it had been making love and now, now it felt like just sex. Raoul still responded to his touch and Erik still only had to think of Raoul just to become aroused, but something had changed. To think that just a few months ago, they had been unable to spend a day without making love. They had not been able to keep their hands to themselves. And now… Erik could see that Raoul was getting tired of him. The boy had seen everything of Erik and was now losing interest.

Returning, Raoul held up a basket of food. He smiled triumphantly. Knowing that Erik would not eat without him, Raoul had taken the time to make him dinner. Okay, so truthfully, he had asked his cooks to make the food since Erik always complained about his cooking, but he had thought about it.

"Dinner," Raoul grabbed Erik's hand and dragged him away from the organ, "let's eat."

Erik allowed himself to be dragged away and he wondered what it would take to keep Raoul by his side. If he knew what it was, he would do it without a second thought.

Raoul looked at him questioningly.

"It's nothing" was Erik's immediate reply. No need telling Raoul his thoughts. They would only exacerbate the situation.

Raoul was about to press the subject, but decided that when Erik wanted to talk about it, he would. He was a grown man after all. It would not do to pry.

If he were honest with himself, Raoul would admit that he was scared. A few months ago, he had realized that all they had been doing every night was making love. At least, Raoul considered it making love. He did not know what Erik thought about it though. It was sex. It was really good sex, but every day and every time they saw each other.

Raoul loved Erik. A lot. He knew he would miss not having his own children. He would miss not being able to go to public functions and taking Erik as his accompaniment. He would miss long walks through the city. He knew he would miss a lot of things, but when he heard the news from Meg that she would have a child, Raoul did not feel as bitter about the things he would miss as he once would have thought. He had built his life and expectations around the lives he had witnessed – his friends and his peers, but they were not all happy. He knew he could be. He could be as long as he was with Erik. There were a million other events and things that Erik and he would be able to share with one another.

But, he was beginning to wonder if Erik really did love him. Raoul had just assumed. He had assumed that when Erik said that he had been interested in Raoul, when he had been so possessive of him that meant Erik loved him. Erik had not said those words to him. Almost two years and the words "I love you" never came out of Erik's mouth. Raoul was not sure if he had said it either, but he was not confused of his own feelings. He was questioning Erik's. Maybe it was just the sex that Erik had been after. Maybe it was the companionship.

Didn't "forever yours" mean Erik loved him? The answer of course was yes. Raoul was mad at himself for doubting Erik because after everything they had been through, he should have a little more faith in him. They had fought and kissed and loved each other. At one point, Erik had loved him. Raoul knew it had to have been true at some point, but now… Now, he did not know. Could Erik have fallen out of love with him?

There were no more flowers, no more songs, no more attention than what Raoul gave him. Raoul had asked Erik to move onto the estate with him, but Erik had been firm to say no. At first, Raoul had just assumed it was because Erik would miss the opera house, but he was starting to suspect that maybe it was something else entirely as Erik firmly said no repeatedly.

Raoul had pulled away just a bit so that he could think about it without having his sexual desires cloud his mind, and a small part of him had been stupid enough to expect Erik to chase him the slightest bit. That was what they did, wasn't it? They chased after each other regardless of the situation. He was not really angry with Erik for not doing so because he knew the man was no mind reader. It had just hurt to see how Erik had simply and easily fallen back into his old patterns. Raoul had realized how much of Erik's life he had disrupted. He knew he would only disrupt it even more if Erik moved to his estate.

He had just hoped that maybe Erik needed him as much as he needed Erik.

That was when Raoul realized it. It was not that Erik did not love him. It was just that Raoul loved Erik more than Erik loved him. Raoul needed him more: needed to see him, hear him, just being near him was enough to let Raoul make it through the day with a smile. But, Raoul tried not to cling too much to Erik. He tried not to push Erik too far from his life with his constant visits and his desire to touch him. Erik was always willing, but all they had been doing was having sex. Raoul hated to think that maybe Erik thought of him as somewhat of a whore. It was embarrassing how easily Raoul became aroused in Erik's presence. Painfully embarrassing.

"A blanket?" Erik asked when he saw that a blanket had been placed by the lake.

Raoul nodded fighting the blush. He let go of Erik's hand and grabbed the basket with both hands. It was a stupid idea, but he had seen couples in the park on his way over to the opera house that had been having a picnic.

"It's cooler by the lake," Raoul said as an excuse. Erik simply nodded. He disliked having lost Raoul's touch. A pang in his chest almost made him reach out and grab Raoul's hand into his own again, but he did not.

Sitting down, Raoul could not help but feel foolish now. He should have just forgotten about it, but Erik sat down beside him without comment.

In fact, Erik stretched out on the blanket and crossed his hands behind his head to lie down. With Raoul so close to him now, Erik could relax. He had wondered what Raoul was trying to do, but eating by the lake or eating at the table hardly mattered to Erik. Raoul was sharing a meal with him and that was all he needed. He wanted to pull Raoul down to lie beside him. He wanted to physically reassure himself that Raoul was still there with him, but he had noticed that Raoul's mind was so far away.

The blonde was a little standoffish right now especially after his excitement about Meg's pregnancy had disappeared. Erik knew he was the cause of that. He knew that Raoul was thinking about how he could not have any children, but he could not breach that subject. He did not want to find out that Raoul was rethinking his decision to stay with him.

Raoul began to pull out the food glancing at Erik furtively. His eyes were closed and he looked relaxed. Maybe time apart was doing him good. Erik had never looked so calm. Not wanting to interrupt him, Raoul stopped moving. They could eat later.

A month or two ago, he would not even take a moment to question his next move and it would seem like the only thing that made sense to do, but now, Raoul could feel butterflies in his stomach. He worried that he would make Erik tense and the man was rarely relaxed. He did not want to ruin the moment, but he so desperately wanted to be beside Erik. So, with a shaking hand, Raoul pushed the food and basket slightly to the side and laid down beside Erik just barely touching him.

As long as Erik did not push him away, Raoul would stay beside him as long as he could. A little separation would not hurt that much. At least, it could not keep hurting as much as it did right now.

Erik placed his arm around Raoul and pulled him closer. He knew that he should be hungry, but he did not feel like moving just yet.

"Love?" Raoul tentatively started.

Erik was tempted to look at Raoul, but instead just held him tighter. Raoul had never… Erik could feel himself beginning to smile. He could not deny that there were still many things that he could worry about, but Raoul had just called him love. That word had never passed the boy's lips before.

"Yes?" Erik did not think he could manage anything more than a single word response.

A little disappointed that Erik had not reciprocated the word, Raoul did not know what exactly he had wanted to say. So, he settled for the obvious, "Aren't you hungry?"

Erik shrugged, "Later."

The floor was not very comfortable and Erik considered just moving Raoul to the bed and forget about their dinner completely, but tonight was not the night that they had sex. After a few breaths, Erik was the first one to break the silence.

"How many children do you want?"

He could feel Raoul stiffen in his arms, but did not react to that.

Raoul felt like he was being trapped. He did not know what kind of answer Erik wanted to hear. In the past, he had wanted two, but now, Raoul knew that he did not care. He doubted that Erik would believe that though.

"Two," he finally decided on answering.

Erik nodded. He added two more ways that he had wronged Raoul. He had begun to keep track since Raoul had first initiated a kiss between them.

"But not anymore," Raoul added.

It hardly mattered to Erik. "You shouldn't have to give up that dream."

Raoul frowned. He knew that tone. That tone meant that Erik was once again punishing himself. Pushing himself up to a sitting position, Raoul glared at Erik.

"I didn't give anything up."

Erik sighed before sitting up as well. Raoul was working himself into a mood that Erik partially was excited to see. They had not fought in a while and that had been a little troublesome since he knew that there were many things to argue about. He was not used to keeping his anger inside. He did not know how to deal with that. He did not know how to deal with Raoul when Raoul kept his disappointment and anger to himself. He knew how to fight and argue and anything physical, but the emotional… Erik just wished that Raoul would get mad so that they could fight. He felt like things would get better once more if they did. Erik wondered if he could make Raoul angry enough to make him fight but not too much that he left.

So, in the face of Raoul's discontent, Erik smirked. The reaction was immediate. Raoul glowered and straightened.

"It's your job as a Vicomte to generate offspring." Erik stated the fact. Raoul hated being told what he was supposed to do. It was what made their relationship even more difficult to fathom lasting into a second year.

Raoul stood up then, but instead of the anger Erik expected to see, Raoul was just examining him.

"I'm tired," Raoul held out his hand. Erik was baiting him. It was the only time that he would spout out such platitudes. Raoul did not want to think about his worries though. He just wanted to spend the time with Erik as well as he possibly could. He would fight with Erik later. He just wanted to relax for now.

Erik allowed Raoul to pull him up.

"The bed?"

Raoul nodded. He just needed some physical reassurance. Erik could not help but compare the difference in Raoul from the excitement that had made the boy jump into his arms to this one that looked defeated and tired. Erik knew that he was doing this to Raoul. He was slowly killing the boy, and he did not know what he could do to stop it from happening.

Erik wordlessly slipped into bed and held onto Raoul tightly as though his embrace alone could erase all the problems they had. It did not take very long for him to fall asleep. He had not slept in about two full days and now with Raoul's warmth beside him, he could no longer fight it.

Raoul had expected as much. Erik had looked exhausted. His movements as well as his reactions had been slower. Raoul was glad for it because he took this opportunity to nestle closer to Erik and listen to his breathing. He was so frustrated. He just did not understand what was happening between them. Things had been good. They had been together and that was all that they had needed, but now it was not. Raoul did not know what had changed. Were they changing? Changing to a point where being together was no longer an option?

Clearing his mind, Raoul dozed. After a while, Erik started mumbling. In fact, it sounded like he was having an argument with someone. Raoul allowed himself a small smile. Some things never changed.

"No, not true."

Raoul wondered what Erik could possibly be arguing about.

After a series of words that Raoul could not hear, he thought he heard the word "blonde" in the mix. He figured that he was hearing things.

"Nicer hair."

Raoul had to stifle a laugh, but he hugged Erik even tighter finally allowing his own eyes to close.

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End part 02

Word count: 3,753

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A/N: Don't forget to R/R (Read and Review)!

Story review: Routines in a relationship are kind of killer. It depends what kind of routine of course, but poor boys. They need a counselor, but we won't see that happening. It's a quasi happy ending that leaves everything unresolved. How evil!

Author review: Uh, I didn't like writing this chapter because I knew that I wouldn't be continuing it. You know why… because there's a one shot in my portfolio that sort of deals with what happens. You know which one it is, right? There's so much angst though!