"He had a girlfriend," Emma said, and it was easy for her to be righteous. No one knew that better than me. Ninth grade for me, 10th for him and Ashley. He had a girlfriend and it wasn't me.
Emma didn't understand, couldn't understand. I didn't want to hurt Ashley, I didn't want to hurt Craig. I couldn't help myself. I'd never been so deliciously out of control. I could see him responding to me in my new sexy outfits. I'd burned away some of the trappings of that cursed childhood. Hair ribbons, high waisted pants, sweet smiles. Now my smile was slow and sexy, and soon the outside would catch up with the inside.
What was Sully? I could barely see him when I was talking to him. I didn't notice any of his details. Not like what I noticed with Craig. I had Craig memorized. The way the sun looked on his face, the angle of his nose, the length of his sideburns, the tone and pitch of his voice. Sully was nothing. A port in the storm.
Emma could judge but she couldn't know the width and depth of my desire. I had to have him no matter who got hurt. All necessary casualties in my war to own his soul. Ashley was in the way and that was too bad but she wouldn't stop me.
Terri and Hazel asked me one day if I would ask out a boy I liked, a single boy. I didn't know who they were talking about and I didn't care. I used to feel that it wasn't romantic to do that. Outside the school, just beyond the stairs, and when I turned around I saw Craig coming out of the school. I stared, couldn't help it. He was everything I wanted, and whether he was with someone else or not I'd go for it. I had to. He knew I was looking at him and he met my eyes for a second, and the message was clear, 'Leave me alone,'. Then he looked away and walked on.
"Yeah," I said to Terri and Hazel, "life's too short,"
They faded beside me. Everything was faded. Only Craig was bright and real and Emma, she couldn't understand.