- Fourth Petal -

Savior

Note: Contains spoilers from manga chapter 150s.

With each falling petal, Kanda grows desperate.

Initially, he thinks he yearns to live for himself to find that person. And so he fights for himself: claiming Vittorio in Rome as his prey; ignoring the Finder, Gozu, in the Forest of No Return because the witch is none of his business; announcing Skin Bolic as his opponent.

As he becomes a sturdy young man and masterful Exorcist under the wings of the Black Order, it gradually comes to light that he actually cares for them.

Moyashi.

Lavi.

Lenalee.

Marie.

The other Exorcists.

Komui.

Even the Finders.

Everyone of the Black Order.

It's surprising. He has always viewed himself as cold, distant, and apathetic save for the excitement of battle, but he has…changed.

As much as he doesn't like to admit it, Kanda is desperate to be the savior and protect those with whom he has formed bonds, both thick and thin. For in order to live, he must form bonds with other people, but by forming such bonds, he endangers his own life.

How ironic.

And yet he does not think when he blocks the slew of Akuma bullets for Gozu or when he rushes to free Lenalee from the grasp of the curly-haired Noah in Edo. When the Level 4 Akuma invades the Black Order headquarters, Kanda does not think when he grabs an ordinary sword to shield Chaoji from being struck by pieces of the falling room or when he parries a blow from the Akuma to protect Komui from being slashed to death.

It is precisely during the invasion of the leering Level 4 Akuma that Kanda realizes how desperate he is: risking his own life for their sake despite the fact that Mugen is still shattered.

What happened to living for himself?

In the aftermath of the heated battle against the Akuma, Kanda stumbles through rubble and dust and crowds of people. Reeling from the soreness, the pain, and the heavy loss of blood, he suspects that the fourth petal has now fallen—yet he doesn't want to go to his room to see—all because he yearns to be the savior. Ultimately it is the Innocence-armed Moyashi and Lenalee and General Cross who destroy the Akuma. It is his duty to fight, but he was unable to this time.

His heart tingles with bitterness at his powerlessness.

"Did you hear?"

"I can't believe that's a human."

"That's terrible."

"Does it look human?"

"Tapp…"

"It's a monster."

Hushed whispers prod at his mind, and Kanda spares the murmuring crowd a glance.

Reever and Johnny, grieving with tears streaming down their faces, cradle an ashen man, unrecognizable as Tapp of the science department: one of the unfortunate who were converted into Skulls by the Earl's followers.

"Tapp…"

Sickening remorse creeps deeper into his heart. He closes his eyes and turns away, strangely now wanting to seek refuge in his room where the cursed lotus dwells.

Another loss, another broken bond.

It hurts.

A/N: Eh, all the talk about bonds reminds me eerily of Naruto. Yeah. Much happy gratitude to pika318, Ilye-aru, kuro666, RebelFlame, Ai Minamoto, azab, Karush, skele-gro, TheNebulousThey, and Eleannor for acknowledgements! We now head to an unmapped area of Kanda-and-lotus-dom in the next chapter. Actually the manga never mentioned anything about the fourth petal, but 'tis my imagination.

D.Gray-Man (c) Hoshino Katsura