Back at the Avenger's Mansion
Iron Man is in his room with his silver haze.
"It's go time." Iron Man said happily as he eats his haze with his eyes closed, knowing what was about to happen.
"I'm here lad...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" Iron Man screamed once he opened his eyes. To his horror, the Garden of Beerden's lakes and rivers have been drained of booze, the beer cans have been removed from the ground, and the whiskey bottle trees have been destroyed. Seeing his utopia destroyed, Iron Man falls to his knees. "My God, why have you forsaken me?"
Once he said this, the sky opens up to reveal the Beer God. "I couldn't stop them, they came and destroyed everything."
"Who?"
"The Betty Ford Center." the Beer God pointed to the Betty Ford Center, every alcoholic's worse enemy, in the center of the garden, with celebrating Bibles and Dick Cheney.
"Why's Dick Cheney here?" Iron Man asked curiously.
"He tried to shoot some birds we had here but instead he shot my daughters and destroyed the trees." the Beer God explained.
"You mean your big breasted, firm assed, beer squirting children are all dead?" Iron Man asked scared.
"Not all my children, my sons are here." The Beer God pointed to 7 muscular, greased up, speedo men.
"Can you guys squirt beer from any part of your bodies?" Iron Man asked desperately.
"No." replied one son.
"But we're gay, really, really gay." another son continued.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Iron Man screamed to the high heavens and looked around frantically. "There's gotta be some booze around here somewhere."
He runs frantically to the tree of life, stabs it, and starts to drink the oozing beer without stopping.
"No Tony, non must drink from the tree of life!" the Beer God yelled from the heavens.
But it's too late. Iron Man's legs start to turn into glass and his screams are silenced when he turns into a fetus in a bottle of bud light. Back in the real world, Iron Man wakes up from his hallucination and he flys through his window screaming.
Back at the Marvel Quick Stop.
Spider-man stands up from behind the counter next to Deadpool.
"Dude, I need one more hit." Spider-man said groggily.
"All right but this' your last freebie." explained Deadpool as he gives Spidey his hit. Spider-man eats his hit and he dazes out. Instead of waking up in his usual spot with Black Cat, he's in an apartment, sitting down in a chair.
"This' new. Oh well, maybe we're going to have normal sex in a bed this time." Once Spider-man says this however, the door is busted down and in comes a very pissed off Mary-Jane Watson.
"M-M-Mary-Jane, what're you doing he." Spider-man jumped in his seat. Spider-man's only reply was a slap to the face.
"You bastard, how do you explain this!?" Mary-Jane yelled as she slammed pictures of Spider-man with his head in-between Spider-woman's legs.
"Um, um, that wasn't you in a Spider-woman costume?"
"No dumbass!" Mary-Jane yelled. "That's it, I've had it with your lazy ass, and your pathetic excuse for a costume, and more importantly, YOU'RE FUCKING POOR!"
"W-W-What're you saying?" Spidey studdered.
"W-W-What I'm saying" M.J. mimicked Spider-man," I found someone better, bigger, and rich as hell, therefore..."
She pushes some papers into his face. "D-Divorce." Spider-man whimpered.
"That's right pussy, as of now this apartment is mine, and you'll owe me 500 a month!"
"B-B-But..."
"Don't you but me cockboy!" M.J. countered. "You have until tomorrow to clear out,I've got to meet with my new boy toy."
Once she says this, she opens the door to reveal Venom. She hugs him and he grabs her ass, all the while Spider-man's crying.
"How could you?" Spider-man cried.
"Because I'm bigger than you and you still owe me 500 million out of the 7 billion you owe me." explained Venom as he held onto Spidey's soon-to-be ex-wife.
"But M.J., I love you." Spider-man said pathetically.
"And I love your soon-to-be ex-wife's pussy." said Venom as he started to point at the furniture. "Especially in your bed, your kitchen, your bathroom, your sofa, and that chair your sitting in. Once Venom says this, Spider-man jumped off the chair, fearing the love germs.
"Come on babe, let's go have sex in the car." suggested Venom as he carried M.J bridle style and she squeal in delight.
"But that's my mustang." protested Spider-man.
"Not anymore little-dick." Mary-Jane said as she was carried away and the door shuts as Spider-man runs to it in an attempt to get to his, now, ex-wife.
"Come back!" he cried. Spider-man turns around crying, and he sees a green woman who's face is hidden by the shadows and she's taller than him. He knows who it is and he let's out a terrified scream.
Back in the Real World.
Spider-man's in the fetal position, shaking and crying. Deadpool and Black Cat are worriedly watching Spider-man become an even more pathetic sight then he allready is.
"What's wrong with him?" Black Cat asked worried.
"I think he's having a bad trip." Deadpool said concerned.
"So the haze does have side effects." Black Cat pointed out to Deadpool in a I-told-you-so tone.
"No it doesn't." Silver Surfer came up to them, finally freed from the device that was skinnig him. "The skin only gives out happy feeling because I come from a planet full of no drug hippies. I made the fuckers who tried my skin to have bad trips to teach them not to piss me off!"
"So they're like Spidey over there?" Deadpool asked.
"Not exactly." said Silver Surfer. All 3 of the heroes in the store all hear an explosion outside the store and they all go to the window to see the outside carnage. Hulk's running into buildings, tearing them in half. War Machines shooting at everything, Superman's flying into buildings, Wolverine's beating Professor Xavier with his own wheelchair, Emma Frost and Electra are making out, and many heroes are coming realizations.
"My wife's a filthy whore!" Mr. Fantastic yelled.
"Oh my god, that's what my music sounds like." Kevin Federline said before his head exploded.
On a corner of the street, Ghostrider and Venom are looking at the chaos.
"So why aren't you going nuts?" Venom asked.
"The haze doesn't work on me, it always melts before it enters my system." Ghost Rider explained. "What about you?"
"I gave mine to the kid with the heart problem." Venom pointed to a young boy having a heart attack and starts to laugh. "He's gonna die."
Venom's joy is ended once Ghost Rider punches him in the gut. Back inside the store, Deadpool and Black Cat are looking at the chaos while Silver Surfer looks on indifferently.
"Shouldn't you stop?" Black Cat asked scared.
"In a minute." responded Silver Surfer. Outside the Blob clutches his chest and falls to the ground. The whole city is shaken, literally, and all the heroes are thrown into the air and the hallucinations are forcefully ended.