(Room is still cluttered; an answering machine cuts on)
Hey, you've reached Moony's Metamorphmagus! I'm not here right now, so please enjoy the chapter and I'll see you at the end!
Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter (Grins) Made you look! Sorry, I really don't, but you should've seen the look on your face!
Now, onward!
Prank #16 (credited to: phoenixrising93)
One week to Christmas and Snape decided that most of the possible offenders had gone home and thus nothing could happen.
How wrong he was.
As he walked down to the Great Hall, he noticed something strange. Mistletoe. Everywhere. Under foot, over head, on suits of armor, and on tables. The culprit was revealed as Peeves, who zoomed overhead, cackling as he dumped the plant on Snape's head.
Snape scowled and walked on to the Great Hall before he paused, mentally detecting somebody in the shadows.
"Hello?" he asked and almost instantly regretted it, as a familiar figure in shawls and coke-bottle glasses spilled out of the shadows.
"Ah, Severus, how nice to see you oot and aboot" said Trelawney, hiccupping slightly. Snape gagged at the smell of cooking sherry on her breath. Unfocused eyes met his, then slid upward to the mistletoe overhead, then back down again.
"Oh, how romantic," she hiccupped, then proceeded to snog the living daylights out of the hapless Potions Master.
"Mmpf," he managed to get out, but the small woman was strong, especially when she was drunk.
As soon as she came up for air, Snape bolted for his quarters, where he warded the door, using every spell he could think of, both light and dark, to block him off from the Divination Professor.
"Oh, Severus…" came the call from the other side of the door.
His blood ran cold.
"Please, Severus," she tipsily said. He could hear her shawls rustling and the cooking sherry bottles clinking together. "Let me in."
"NO!"
And with that, Severus Snape went to bed and shoved his pillow over his head in an attempt to block out Trelawney's drunken pleas for admittance.
Prank #17 (credited to: mrmistoffelees)
When Snape woke up Christmas morning, he felt different. For one thing, he couldn't see a thing. Total blackness encompassed him. He tried to stand up and found he couldn't. Frowning, he tried again and discovered that he now had four legs and was in a box, which he saw clearly when the top ripped off and a young girl's voice squealed.
"Kitty!"
Many expletives burst forth, but the only thing that really came out was.
"MREOW!"
Snape found out later to his disgust that the girl who had "adopted" him was the same Hufflepuff first-year who had hugged him in class for the candy that wasn't his doing. She had chosen to spend this Christmas at Hogwarts with her new friends instead of her large family that would rival the Weasley bunch.
He spent a total of two days trapped in that feline form (black fur with equally black eyes) before reverting back to normal. Unfortunately, when he did revert, he was surrounded by the girl and a bunch of her friends. Thankfully, he was fully clothed. Without a word he swept out of the room without a word.
Prank #18
Snape was planning on spending the New Years in his quarters, but that old goat had decided to make it mandatory to attend the party that would be held at midnight. And, of course, the dozen or two students who had stayed for the holidays were invited too.
He groused to thin air as he took another swig of the firewhiskey he had gotten from Madam Rosmerta. After a quick check for prank potions (Moody would be proud) revealed nothing, he drank.
"One minute to midnight!" shouted Dumbledore, his wand raised high. He was wearing robes with New Year hats and party favors on it. "On zero, we all shoot fireworks from our wands!"
Snape scowled. Must the man be cheery all the time?
"30, 29, 28, 27, 26–"
Another year, another term of dealing with dunderheads. What was the difference?
"20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15–"
By now, the rest of the staff was counting down too.
"5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0!"
Fireworks leapt from the professors' wands while the students watched in awe. Then, to everyone's surprise, one particular firework, conjured by someone else, suddenly made a beeline for Snape, who didn't have time to duck as it hit him.
Instantly, the dour Potion Master's robes vanished, to be replaced by a huge diaper, a baby hat that read "1990" on it, and a sash that read "Happy New Year!" A pacifier was also stuck in his mouth, which was quickly spat out.
"Whoever did this," he growled as McGonagall thankfully transfigured his clothing back, "will be expelled when I get my hands on them."
"Now, now, my boy" – Snape's eye twitched at that name Dumbledore insisted on calling him – "it's New Years. Somebody obviously was just celebrating."
Snape growled even more.
Prank #19
The Christmas holidays ended and with that, the quietness that had pervaded the castle. It was the first day back, actually, that made him a little nervous.
Snape was walking around his fourth-year Gryffindor/Slytherin Potions Class when he heard singing coming from outside. He ordered the class to stay put, then swept out toward the source of the noise.
He walked up a nearby corridor where, to his surprise, there was a line of suits of armor singing. The nearest one spotted him and immediately began booming the song again.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
One by one, the rest of the suits joined in.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SEVERUS SNAPE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
Snape blinked. Then, one of the suits decided to do a little editing.
"YOU LOOK LIKE A HORKLUMP!"
He glared at the statue of armor, but it finished up the song anyway.
"AND YOU SMELL LIKE ONE TOO!"
A banner suddenly appeared overhead in a shower of confetti.
To Severus Snape,
This birthday song comes complimentary of the Marauder Ghosts.
Sincerely,
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs
PS: Don't forget that bath!
With a flick of his wand, the banner was destroyed, the confetti banished and the suits of armor returned to their original positions.
Leaving a very, very irritated Potions Master. With a twitching eye.
Prank #20
The rest of January passed quietly after the birthday prank, by which time Snape was getting to be a little nervous. After all, Valentine's Day was only just around the bend and he was sure whoever had instigated the previous pranks would strike again on that day.
So it was with a churning stomach and a ready wand he made his way to the Great Hall February 14th.
Breakfast passed smoothly enough, though he hated that everything at the table had changed colors to fit the occasion. He drank the pink lemonade, ate the pink pancakes and pink scrambled eggs, all the while running his wand over them to make sure they didn't have any potions in them, which they didn't.
He missed a small elf hand spraying some kind of perfume on him before disappearing without a trademark crack.
As he stood up to leave, a hand pulled him back down.
"Where are you going, Severus?" purred Sinastra.
"Potions Class, of course," he said, blinking in confusion. His eyes widened as he realized what was happening, especially when he saw not only Sinastra, but also McGonagall, Sprout, Vector, and (he shuddered) Trelawney, staring at him with lovesick expressions.
"Not good," muttered Snape, just as he took off, with the female professors in hot pursuit. To his increasing horror as he ran down the center of the Great Hall, the girls (at least, the ones who had hit puberty, the first and second years weren't affected so much) also took place in the chase, along with a few higher level boys.
He cursed under his breath over and over again as he ran toward his room at top speed. He stumbled in and sealed the door just as the thundering footsteps reached him. For good measure (and the memory of the last time someone had followed him to his room and professed her love was still seared into his mind), he put a silencing spell on the door.
That finished, he crawled into bed and began rocking back and forth.
"I will not go insane, I will not go insane," he repeated over and over again.
His mirror sniffed. "I think you're beyond that point. Way beyond it."
In the Gryffindor Common Room, the two Weasley boys howled with laughter as Jinx described how Snape was now holed up in his room and refusing to come out.
"How long will the Aphrodisiac Potion last?" choked out Fred.
"Jinx is thinking about just today, as Jinx only sprayed one spray on the Potions Master."
"Brilliant!" said George. "We'll have to improve on that when we get older."
"Yeah," snickered Fred. "Can you imagine it lasting a week?"
His twin smirked. "Oh, yeah."
Just when you thought the pranks couldn't get worse, they do. Only one chapter to go, then the end. I don't know about a sequel, considering I haven't gotten many reviews. (Glare) If I did one, it would only be during the Weasley Twins' second year. Not past then. Oh and Snape's birthday is January 10th, by the way, according to JK. (Smiles) I rhymed again!
Thanks and lots of love to the reviewers. And cauldron shaped cookies too!:
rikkurox, ballerinadoll9, RebeccaRoy, Wotcher-Tonks, Samara Nightshade, Shadowed Ember, phoenixrising93, mrmistoffelees, and bella3590.
So, one more, then the end. I'll be working on other stories, so please don't beg for the sequel soon. The others must, must, must, must, must, must, be finished. One's been hanging on for seven months almost. My muses have not been cooperating and school was a right pain in the rear. Bright side, three As, one B. Meh.
As I've said before, please read and review! The last chapter will be up before I go back to school, I promise you that! (Checks calendar) Which is a week from today! Whoo-hoo!