Authors notes:Yeah... This chapter is actually one of the only ones that really pissed me off when I was writing it. No matter how many times I rewrite the damned thing it just will not come out right. Oh well. I got it to a pretty decent level now so at least it isn't totally horrible. I promise next chapter will be better and out very soon. :)

Warning:God, I hate writing these. Characters not mine. Yaoi. Language. Blah, blah, blah...

How the fuck did this happen to me? Really, I'd love to know.

At the current moment in time I'm wondering around the local mall with some girly looking, creepy as hell, snake-looking bastard trying to find a decent clothes store that I could actually afford stuff from. I'm also getting some pretty weird looks from people. I also know all too well why they're staring.

We seriously looked like a gay couple. Orochimaru was walking annoyingly close to me, nearly bumping my arm against his. But every time I bring up the subject, and the fact that he really didn't have to stick with me once we were off the school grounds he would just shake his head in this 'all knowing' way that reminded me of a teacher talking to a stupid student, and say in a condescending way,"Jiraiya, if Sarutobi found out that I let you out of my sights he'd kill me. Besides, I need to go shopping for some new clothes myself. It won't kill you to be around me, will it?" He always did this creepy smile and stare thing the entire time he said that. Like he got off on watching me squirm, and knew exactly what to do to creep me out, and just plain annoy the shit outta me. I guess I should have know it wouldn't be easy, seeing as I asked Orochimaru to help me out. I should have known something was up when he didn't instantly slam the door in my face.

I also noticed he looked less tired, like the school was what was draining all his energy or something like that. I couldn't really decide which Orochimaru I liked more. The tired, very pissed off Orochimaru or the one that's creepy as hell and enjoys watching me suffer. I guess either way he annoyed me... I think. I don't know my brain hasn't been working very well with me recently.

I was pulled from my thoughts when Orochimaru jabbed me in the rib with his elbow. Annoying bastard... I turned to glare at him and ask what the hell his problem was but he started before I could say anything,"You said you were working on a budget, did you not? I just thought you might want to return to Earth long enough to notice the only decent shop in this particular mall that lacks a huge price tag." He was pointing with a pale, slender finger at a store just to the left.

Well I'll be damned. It's actually a store I'd buy clothes from. I figured that the guy would have no idea what kinda things I liked, considering I wouldn't wear even a quarter of the stuff I had seen in his closet. The t-shirt and pants he had lent me were about the only things I would even think of wearing out of there. Actually I think they look good on me if I do say so myself.

I just walk into the store, Orochimaru the stalker following behind me. I've decided that I'll call him a stalker just to see if I can bug the crap outta him and get the guy to leave me alone.

After about five minutes of looking through stuff, and not finding anything my size, I started to get bored and pissed off. The only thing I had found that had my size so far wasn't in my limited price range. Why the hell did I have to be so damn tall for my age? I mean it's nice in a fight and everything but it makes shopping for decent clothes a living nightmare. That's one of the reasons I hated shopping so much. That and it was just really girly. I'm too manly for all this 'what shirt looks good on me and which one doesn't?' crap.

Completely forgetting that I was lucky my mom gave me any cash at all I muttered an annoyed,"Parents are so fucking annoying. Sometimes I wish I just didn't have any..." Suddenly I heard a very low and angry sounding voice next to me hiss,"Don't say things like that. You have no idea how fucking lucky you are you have any parents at all, much less ones that care about you. Shut your fucking mouth." I was a bit taken aback at the sheer harshness of his tone and it kinda freaked me out. Orochimaru seriously sounded like he could totally kill me right then and there.

But instead of killing me slowly and painfully he just walked off to some other part of the store. Okay... What the fuck was that all about?

I really didn't get time to answer my own question because a familiar voice said casually behind me,"Hey, Jiraiya." I completely forgot about Orochimaru and spun around, a wide smile forming across my face,"Tsunade! What are you doing here?" She just sighed and said,"You are way too happy to see me... So who was that girl you were with? The one with the long black hair. She was awfully pretty, how'd you get a girl like that?"

I was so disturbed I forgot that she hadn't answered my question and instead just twitched. So people had been staring at us because they though we were a couple, and, unlike Tsuande, they had seen Orochimaru was a guy. Before I got the chance to say something to Tsunade Orochimaru walked over. At least he looked calmer now. I still had the gut feeling this wasn't going to go well.

Tsuande was visibly shocked when she got a good look at the guy and said in a totally creeped out sounding voice,"Oh my god... It's a guy..." The shock soon melted away, though, and she ended up laughing hysterically,"Wow, Jiraiya! I knew the lack of girls was driving you crazy but I never would have thought you'd turn to guys so fast! Especially with the guy you said you thought was gonna rape you!" Orochimaru just glared that creepy ass glare of his in her general direction and I felt my face go red,"We're not on a fucking date! I'm not gay!"

She seemed to be immune to the death stare she was getting from the black haired boy beside me and just said in a sly tone,"Sure you're not... And I'm a giant acid spitting slug!" With that she practically skipped out of the store, laughing the entire time.

After a moment of me fuming Orochimaru turned so that his golden, snake-like eyes were staring right at me,"You thought I was going to rape you? And you told your friend about it?" I really didn't know how to reply to that. I should never had given Tsunade a description of what he looked like... But regretting past moments of idiocy wasn't going to get me out of this right now.

I had to think for a while before saying carefully,"Well... Not exactly... I guess..." I couldn't get myself to just tell him the truth, especially with him staring at me like that. I mean you would be a little freaked out too if some guy with golden, slit eyes was practically giving you a death glare.

He just shook his head slightly in a really irritated way, his silky looking black hair swaying from side to side. He let out a sigh, obviously annoyed, and said in a somewhat girly way,"Whatever..." He then looked from side to side and hissed,"We are going to another store."

At this point the entire store was staring at us like we were completely insane and should be locked up in a padded room somewhere. I guess that's why I didn't even put up a fight when Orochimaru grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the store... And the reason I couldn't get myself to stop blushing...