Well, we have a small problem… It would seem that the Azu-group have gotten stuck in my television…
So (hehe) I'm just gonna keep changing the channel to see how they interact…
Warning: Rated 'M' for a bit of strong language…
…
Joe: Hey, I think we're in one of those 'Mac vs. PC' Commercials!
Tomo: So…why the hell…?
Joe: Just because you switch to a channel doesn't mean you're going to get a show every time!
Tomo: Oh, yeah!
Joe: So…(smiles evilly) You know, when my computer gets a virus, I love telling people that 'My computer has an STD'…
Tomo: Why's that?
Joe: Because it's usually running Windows, and we know how much Microsoft loves screwing people…
…
(Every three dots means a channel change from now on)
…
(Yomi is standing there with an apron on, washing dishes. Oh, and there's no Technicolor)
(Tomo comes walking in with a suit on)
Tomo: Yooooomi! You got some 'splainin' to do!
Yomi: Waaaaaaah!
…
Tomo: Ready, Yomi?
Yomi: Ready, Tomo!
Both: 1…2…3!
(Both come floating up to Koyomiko)
Tomo: I'm Tomo!
Yomi: and I'm Yomi!
Both: And we're….you're fairy godparents!
…
Koyomiko: You just have to use your…imagination! (rainbow!)
Yukari: Oh, just shut up, you happy-obsessed child!
…
(An American football game is playing. One team receives a kick, and runs it for a touchdown, when a referee throws a flag)
Ref: During the return, holding, on the receiving team…
(Yukari comes running up, and hits him over the head with a Gatorade cooler)
Yukari: There's your holding, you asshole!! What are you, blind?!
(Up in the booth…)
John Madden: It seems a crazed fan has hit the ref over the head with a Gatorade cooler! And now security's tackled her! Ouch! That really looked like it hurt…
(Camera changes to shot of Sakaki in the stands…)
John: Now…(circles her boobs) There's something that's real nice and good, right there.
…
(Kagura and Kaorin are kissing)
JBK: hehe… looks like lesbian porno…
(Kagura and Kaorin both stop, and look into the camera)
Kaorin: Oh, like hell we're doing this in front of a camera!
Kimura: (off screen) But this is my video…
Kagura: Oh, hell no!
…
Announcer: (off-screen) And the sound of the bell starts the wrestling match of Kimura vs. Kaorin.
Kaorin: Oh, hell yes! Welcome to my world of pain!
Kagura: (blushing, wide eyed) Nice outfit…
(For those of you who don't watch wrestling, the girls on that, even when they're wrestling, only wear enough to cover the 'good spots'. The men often wear tights)
(Kaorin immediately wraps her arms around her chest)
Kimura: (creepily) I'm liking this already…You can see my good points too…
Kaorin: Gah! Switch!
(She tags out with Kagura)
Kagura: Oh, yes, welcome to MY world of pain!
(Kagura does multiple wrestling moves, finishing off with a piledriver…)
Kagura: Burn in hell!!! (Piledrives, and the bell dings three times)
…
(Tall golden grass in Africa moves from side to side, as if something is moving through it)
Announcer: and now we watch…as the wild cat pounces upon its unsuspecting prey…
(Tomo pounces on top of Yomi)
Tomo: (wildcat smile) Did'ja hear that, Yomi? He said you were unsuspecting…
Yomi: (mumbles) Damn it all…
…
Tomo: And now it's time for cooking with Tomo!
Koyomiko: Mama! I'm having problems cooking!
Tomo: That's OK! Mama can fix it! (Grabs pan handle, and adds some sauce)
(FWOOOOOOSH!!! Flames immediately irrupt from the pan. Tomo jumps back, as Yomi comes running out, and dowses the fire with a fire extinguisher)
Yomi: …or maybe she can't…
…
Arata: What did you see, Ayumu? What did you see?
Osaka: Aliens…
…
(Yomi is shoving toothpaste into Tomo's mouth)
Yomi: Do you have a dirty mouth? Then Crest toothpaste will take good care of it!
Tomo: (spits out toothpaste) Darn you to heck! Gah! I can't curse!!
Yomi: (smiling) See?
Koyomiko: (clapping happily) Yay! Mama can't curse no more!
…
(Joe is dressed like Neo from the Matrix movies. Tomo is standing down the road in her usual shirt and jeans. Everybody else is standing on the sidewalk)
Joe: Tomo, it ends tonight. I'm sick and tired of the crap you not only pull on me, but on everybody else!
Tomo: hehe…well, let's see what you got…
(Joe puts on a pair of sunglasses, making him look ridiculously cool)
Tomo: Bah! You think you're so cool?! (points finger) I can be just as cool as you! Watch!
Yomi: (pleading) No, Tomo, please don't…!
(Tomo begins dancing really weirdly as the music starts)
Things that bother you never bother me, I feel happy as pie, Haha! Livin' in the sunlight, Lovin' in the moonlight, havin' a wonderful time!
(The sunglasses fall right off of Joe's face. His mouth is hanging open as Tomo continues)
Haven't got a lot, I don't need a lot, coffee's only a dime. Livin' in the sunlight, Lovin' in the moonlight, havin' a wonderful time!
Tomo: Ha! How's that?!
(Everybody is stunned silent)
…
(Grand Finale)
…
(Joe and Sakaki are making out on a bed, and both of them are naked, covered up by blankets. Sakaki gets up, keeping hold of the blanket to cover up her good points, and walks over to the door)
Joe: Well, Tanaka, it's been fun…
Sakaki: (smiling) Yes, it has been…
Joe: I'll be sorry to go…
(Sakaki pushes a button that makes the bed go up into the wall, with Joe still on it. She opens the door, and Kaorin and Kagura come in, carrying automatic guns. They completely shoot the bottom of the bed, and then all three of them run out.
Later, Tomo and Yomi come in, and Tomo pulls the bed down.)
Tomo: (checking his pulse) We're too late…
Yomi: Well, at least he died on the job…
Tomo: He would have wanted to go that way…
…
Author's Notes: So, could you tell which shows I ripped on?
1. Mac vs PC commercials (as pointed out)
2. I Love Lucy
3. Fairly Oddparents
4. Spongebob Squarepants
5. This one's actually a rip on Naruto Abridged 17. If you want to only see the 25 seconds that I rip on, I left a link on my profile page.
6. ESPN
7. Some Porno Channel (I don't know any! I'm not perverted!)
8. Probably TNT, seeing as how they're the only ones to host that sort of thing anymore…
9. Animal Planet
10. A mixture of the Cooking Channel and a picture drawn by Funari called "Cooking Mama"
11. Silence of the lambs
12. Crest Toothpaste commercials
13. "You Only Live Twice", an Awesome James Bond movie!
Hope you guys got them all! (Especially that last one!)
-JBK2K1