Well, the reason the saga took so long was because I had to go through a VERY long list of bad guys to use within this saga.
Here's the taping of just a few people we had to go through...
Note: Rated 'M' for cursing
...
JBK: Hello, there! This is JBK, and I'm here with Tomo Takino and Joe Sakaki of Azumanga Daioh Returns, and they're going to help me pick out some of the bad guys for ADR's next saga, the evil saga!
(JBK is sitting in the middle of Tomo and Joe)
Tomo: So, why are you sitting in between us?
JBK: Because, I have a very good feeling that if I didn't, you'd probably pick on Joe the entire time.
Joe: Man, he can read you easily, Takino.
Tomo: Shut up down there!!
JBK: MOVING ON!!! (clears throat) Ok, first person, you may come in.
(A scrawny man with really big glasses comes into the room)
JBK: Ok, then, state your name...
Man: My name is AnimeFlagger124! I'm the one who flags all the anime video's on YouTube!
Tomo: You bastard! Why would you do that?!
Man: Because Anime is stupid!! You people should, like, stop watching anime, and start watching REAL stuff, like sports, and American Idol, that's what...
BANG!!!
(AnimeFlagger124 falls dead to the floor. JBK is standing up, holding a smoking gun)
JBK: (sits back down) I hate people like that.
…
(The next man to come in is very super muscular, and very tall)
Man: Hello, my name is Tiny.
BANG!!!
(Tiny falls dead to the floor. Joe is standing up, holding a smoking gun)
JBK: Um...Joe, I think that was his name.
Joe: Oh…
(moment of awkward silence)
Joe: oops.
JBK: (turns to Tomo) See what your teasing does to him?
Tomo: (grin) Hey, I enjoy it.
…
(Next to come in is a girl with blonde hair)
Tomo: Oh thank god! We finally have a girl trying out for these things.
Girl: Hi!!! I'm the Yaoi fangirl!!
Tomo and Joe: The what?
JBK: The Yaoi fangirl. She likes…(begins to look sick) men pairings.
Girl: And, like, oh my god, you two would make, like, the perfect couple!! (points to Joe and JBK)
Joe: lady, you are seriously messed up. I'm already married.
Girl: Oh, then you're wife will break up with you once she finds out the other has something…
JBK: Say what?
Girl: MAN BABIES!!!
(Joe and JBK turn green in the face. They both whip around, and throw up into a garbage)
Tomo: That's just disgusting. SECURITY!! GET HER OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!!
(Security leads the girl out of the studio. Joe and JBK turn back around.)
Tomo: You guys gonna be ok?
JBK: Just give me a few minutes.
Joe: Let me go hug Sakaki for a moment. (stands up and leaves)
JBK: God…that was mentally scarring.
…
(Joe is back in his seat)
Tomo: Ok, next up we have…
(another scrawny guy with purple hair)
Guy: Hi…I'm the random pairings man.
Tomo: Random…what?
Guy: (suddenly looks like he's had a stroke of brilliance) Oh….I've just had an idea for the most brilliant fic ever!! OK, we pair up Scissors and Rock, and the reason that the two come to love each other is because Paper made a bet with Rock that Scissors wasn't a good kisser, ok…
(JBK, Joe, and Tomo all have a 'What the hell?' look on their faces)
…
JBK: and next we have…
(A very short man with white hair comes out)
Man: I am Porno man.
Tomo: Excuse me?
Man: There is a woman!! SUMMON TENTACLE MONSTER!!!
BOOM!!!
(A gigantic monster that seems to be nothing but tentacles suddenly appears right in front of them.)
Joe: Holy hell!!!
Man: Now, my pet!! Seize the woman!!
(The tentacles shoot straight for Tomo. Tomo jumps up from her seat and pushes up against the wall.)
(The tentacles come within two millimeters of Tomo, when suddenly, they disintegrate. In fact, the whole monster suddenly disintegrates.)
Man: What the hell?!
(Osaka and Arata come walking in from one side of the building. Both of them are holding guns, which clearly say 'Alien blasters' on the side)
Osaka: We knew we'd find you here!!
Arata: Now it's time to finish you off!!
(The man starts backing up. As he whips around to run, he runs straight into Joe, who's holding a gun.)
Joe: Like they said, it's time to finish you off.
Man: (Holds up picture) Look what I drew on Sakaki!
Joe: (drops gun, grabs eyes) GAAAAH! MY EYES!! IT BURNS!!!!
(the man uses the opportunity to run out, followed closely by Osaka and Arata, who are chasing him out)
JBK: Well, that was…weird.
Joe: Gah….my eyes…it's still burning….
JBK: (sighs) skip to commercial break for a moment, would you?
…
(Goku is screaming as he powers up)
(pause)
Voice: Hemorrhoids…drivin' ya crazy?
(more of Goku screaming)
Voice: Time to go see the doctor.
(Laharl and Tomo, with Tomo behind Laharl)
Tomo: 1000 YEARS OF PAIN!!!
(Laharl screaming)
Voice: Takino's proctology.
…
JBK: And we're back…
Tomo: So, Joe, what exactly did you see on Sakaki that made you freak out?
Joe: Huh?
JBK: Don't answer, Joe (whispers to Takino) I used mind soap on him. He won't remember anything about it.
Tomo: (whispers) So…did you happen to catch just what he saw on Sakaki?
JBK: (whispers) You don't wanna know.
Joe: NEXT!!!
(Next to come in is a child-Chiyo, only she has a big scar running down the right side of her face)
Tomo: Chiyo-chan? What are you doing here?
Chiyo: Who do you think I am, you flat-chested little shrew?!
Tomo: What'd you say, you little twerp?!
Chiyo: I am not the Chiyo you know. I come from another universe. I am the Anti-Chiyo!
JBK: Wait…This sounds familiar…
???: (sophisticated voice) It should sound very familiar.
(Tomo, JBK, and Joe look back to see Anti-Osaka. She has her eyes half closed the entire time, she has a monocle on her left eye, and she is holding a plate with a tea cup on it)
Anti-Osaka: My dearest James, I do believe you are referring to something you've seen on the Television.
Tomo: Holy crap! She looks like Osaka, but she doesn't sound anything like Osaka!
Anti-Chiyo: What part of 'Anti' don't you get, you bumbling idiot?!
Tomo: You insult me one more time, I'm gonna wring your neck with your pigtails!!
JBK: So, um…where's the rest of the Anti's?
Anti-Osaka: (cleans monocle, places back in front of eye) They'll be coming in any moment. (sips tea with pinkie out)
Joe: That is some serious sophistication, right there.
(Anti-Kagura is the next to walk in. She is wearing a pink dress, and has earrings)
Anti-Kagura: Man, am I feeling girly…
JBK: Ok, now I think we are just getting…oh…wow…
(Anti-Sakaki walks in. She is wearing possibly the skimpiest two-piece bikini anyone could wear, and some sexy high heels)
(JBK nose-bleeds so badly, he falls backwards in his chair. Joe's nose is slowly dripping blood)
Anti-Sakaki: Oh, look at that!! He's staring at my hot body!! It was possibly my boobs that got his attention, although I would have to think that the rest of my body would probably…
Anti-Chiyo: Anti-Sakaki, shut up before I make it so you can't have kids!!!
Anti-Osaka: So, as you can see, almost all of us are here now.
Tomo: Where is the Anti-me?!
???: I…am coming in.
(The anti-Tomo and Anti-Yomi come walking in. They still look exactly like their counterparts)
Tomo: So…that's my evil self?
Anti-Osaka: your Anti-self.
Anti-Tomo: Yes…(yawns) it's the anti.
Anti-Yomi: You have you no energy at all, flat-chest.
Anti-Tomo. And that's why you and I are just friends.
(JBK suddenly stands straight up, a look of slight horror on his face.)
Anti-Yomi: Yup. You and I are just friends. I'm actually in to Sakaki.
Anti-Tomo: Yup. And I like little Chiyo.
(Everyone hears a rumbling noise)
JBK: That's not good….
(One of the walls explode, revealing one very ticked off Funari. Dark blue winds swirl around her, causing her hair to fly around madly)
Funari: You…you…SHIIIIIIIIIIN!!
(JBK grabs Tomo and Joe, and pulls them under the table with him. Funari sends wind blasts at all of the Anti-manga Daioh people, causing them to go flying, and eventually blasting them all out of the building)
…
JBK: Well, since Funari destroyed one part of the building, I guess we're going to have to do only a few more…
Tomo: Next!!!
(This man has red hair, is wearing a red shirt with a flame in the center of it, and red jeans)
Joe: And your name is?
Man: I'm…a FLAMER!! (holds up hand, and readies flame)
JBK: (angrily stands straight upright) You!! Get out, now!!!
Flamer: Your story sucks!!!
(As he says this, he throws the flame. JBK ducks out of the way just as the flame shoots overhead, and hits the wall behind him.)
Joe: Crap!! I think we'd better duck again!!
Flamer: OC's are stupid!! (Throws another flame, Tomo and Joe duck underneath the table)
Joe: God, why does this guy feel the need to shoot insults as he does this?
Tomo: I have no idea…
Flamer: This is an absolute crappy fic!! (throws flame at table, setting it on fire)
Joe: (notices something wrong) Say, where did JBK go?
(Another wall suddenly explodes, causing the rest of the building to collapse. The flamer, Tomo, and Joe are unharmed.)
(The flamer looks where the wall was to find every last fanfiction writer standing there. And they all looked peeved.)
(The flamer readies another flame, when a rope suddenly grabs his arm from behind.)
Flamer: What the…?! (looks behind him, to find Madoka, holding on to the rope)
Madoka: Your kind has insulted me before…now, there is vengeance!!!
JBK: CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!
(All of the author's run out, attacking and utterly destroying the flamer)
…
(Now everyone is cleaning up the destruction when a very tall man with orange hair comes walking in)
JBK: Oh, I'm sorry, we're done for the day…besides, didn't you turn good?
(The man shrugs his shoulders and nods at the same time, as if to say 'hm…well, yeah')
JBK: Sorry about that. But hey, nice to meet you!
(The man nods, and walks out of the ruble)
…
The man walks down the streets of Tokyo back to the airport. Kamineko is up sleeping on a wall, when the man stops, and looks at Kamineko, who perks up and stares back at the man.
Kamineko flashes a big bear-trap grin.
The man smiles, revealing his steel teeth.
…
Author's notes: Guess the surprise appearance at the end!! Give you a hint: James Bond.
So, yeah, as you can see, we went through a lot of baddies. And the building we had to use for the audtions was totally destroyed.
Never will get my deposit back.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!!
-JBK2K1