Title: To Catch A Writer

Author: DoubtableSanity

Summery: Mortimer has been assigned to get Sirius Black's memoirs and she can't go home until she gets them. The only problem is he's avoiding her. But Remus isn't.

Disclaimer: I own only Mortimer. JKR owns HP and all character in the series. I just constantly try to kidnap them.

Author note: A bit of OOC in all characters.

CHAPTER 4

I woke on the small circular bed in the center of the room. It was official I trapped us in the most luxurious prison room known to man.

It really was a beautiful room, smack dab in the center room was a circular bed with the most comfortable sheets and covers, believe me I'm still tangled in them. But even though it was a circular bed it still had posts weird but cool.

Remus was in the Southeast corner of the room sitting in a reading chair singing and reading a book from the shelf next to him. Apparently he's down to 14 bottles of beers ..err books, and he's taking them off the shelf as he counts down.

"I'm not picking those up. You made the mess you clean it up." I turned away from his amused smile to look at the room again. The two sliding doors on the east wall went to the walk in closet and a huge bathroom.

Looking back to Remus I saw him looking at the 'treasure chest', I refuse to call it that, against the north wall. It was a trunk with odds and ends and, oh gods help me, kinky sex toys! What kind of prison room was this!

Blushing red I remembered when I pulled out the whip and gave an experimental crack, Remus took off his belt brandishing it like a whip. "no, like this" crack! I turned to his face he had a grin that could make an angel fall. all I remember was thinking oh hell before it turned black.

"feeling better?" I saw he was trying not to laugh, I think that annoyed me more that fact that I fainted. He walked over to the bed as I blushed from embarrassment and shock. Why shock? Most of my clothes were missing!! "you're a perv"

Leaning over he nearly brushed my nose with mine. "no I just thought you would be more comfy like that… would like to get more comfy?" I'm a Cherry flavored snowball in hell. I'm melting, melting.

"You're worse than a dog in heat" He fell off the bed laughing. I think he remembered Sirius with the poodle. Thinking of that made me laugh a bit a well. Poor Harry.

One of the last times I saw Harry was after Old Voldie Fart's was defeated. He didn't stay for the party that was host by Hogwarts and the teaching staff. He just went to his old room in te gryifndor tower. I remembered an hour into the party I went to check on him. He had cried himself to sleep but for the first time I saw a smile on his face. Then he woke up and pointed he wand in my face nearly poking my eye out.

"geez Harry just because your blind as a bat doesn't me we all have to be." He just laughed in a very dreamy way and laid back down. Seeing he was tired I left him but not before I heard him whisper "I'm finally free"

About a month later I saw him again at a private hearing to convict former death eaters. There he just raised his eyebrows at seeing me and my father severus there, then vouched for me while Albus dumbledore vouched for my dad. That's when I had to tell harry and my dad (earlier i told my dad I had only been one for a few months) how long I really had been a Death eater, 4 and a half years, and why. Lets just saw my dad wasn't none too happy, and Harry .. well Harry just said "ahh happy disfunctional families at their best" with a wistful smile before running off with my dad behind him.

I came back to the present to see Remus alternating between singing and laughing his ass off. It was kind of scary really.Maybe I should get him a straight jacket and tell it's special so he can huge himself.

4 hours of songs and laughing later

"Its official, you have lost what was left of your mind and all sense of self preservation. … Stop singing!" I said to a very giddy and still laughing and singing Remus. "Gods you can hear me can you?"

I stood from the small bed to kick something, preferably his cute tush which was in the air cause he was now laughing on all fours. She aims, she kicks, he drops, and "OWW!" not bull's eye! Hopping on one foot while trying to kiss my foot I tripped over Remus who only laughed harder.

"I see London. I see France. I see Morti's underpants" that's it! It was bad enough hearing I know a song that gets on everyone's nerves and this is the song that never ends for 4 hours now this! Doesn't this man every lose his voice!

"AHH!!" I jumped on his back and used his discarded belt to tied him to one of the post. Smiling in triumph I saw him pout "but I'm a werewolf". I burst out laughing. " you may be a werewolf but they are weak compared to annoyed PMSing females!"

I crawled off the bed when I heard him whisper something. "shouldn't you've changed that by now?"

Turning back I saw his eyes had turned gold. "what?" came out as barely a squeak.

He looked at my lower body then looked me square in the eyes full before I heard "I can smell" He knew I was menstruating. He reall is a werewolf, CRAP!

"How?" Grining He said "3 days before the full moon" Oh hell might as well have asked how he likes his steak rare or screaming and begging to be laid rare. Wait what I'm not beging to be laid. Ok so maybe I was a little.

"Now let me go" I knew the look in his eye. Fck me, no not Fck me bad thoughts, bad thoughts. Mind out of gutter, NOW!

I let out a barely audiable "No." well that cam out firm…NOT!

I turned away from him to get stronger restraints when I heard the belt fall to the floor. Before I could turn around I felt strong arms wrap around me.

"too late" I'm a snowball and Hell here I come!