My Brother's Keeper

AU, TezukaFuji. As brothers, their bond was unbreakable, and as lovers, their passion was unending. But when a ghost of the past shows up to haunt Syusuke's perfect life, Tezuka realizes that he cannot protect his little brother from everything.

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A/N: I'm not big on writing just pages and pages of exposition, but for this it seemed necessary, and it somehow didn't turn out the way I like it. :( But I liked the beginning and the end of the chapter, just not the middle, it seems so stiff to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all who reviewed!! You guys make my day!!

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Chapter Five

Meanings of Love

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"You look angry."

Atobe Keigo was sprawled in his couch, eating something that came from his refrigerator; funny how Atobe made himself home in their very humble abode in a hurry. The film that he had borrowed last night was replaying on the screen. A tattered man holding a gun to the belly of a pregnant woman was yelling something obscene.

Tezuka said nothing.

Atobe held up the bowl, "I helped myself to Syusuke's stew, I hope you don't mind."

Since when did Atobe ask his permission for anything? Or perhaps because being around Syusuke made Atobe humble, for whatever reason. For that, Tezuka did raise a brow, "He...came back home?" That was surprising, usually, he didn't see Syusuke until dinnertime on Mondays. "Why? What did you tell him about me being gone?"

"I told him I didn't know." Atobe replied, "Should I have told him something different?"

Tezuka breathed a sigh of relief, but then he remembered, "...The fact that he doesn't know will make him worry." That made him just a bit anxious, he never left home without telling Syusuke first, where he was, how long he would be gone. And he insisted that his brother do the same.

"The two of you are some piece of work." Atobe sighed, "He came back because he was worried and now you're worried that he...I can't keep up with you." He gestured towards the kitchen with his bowl, "Go get something to eat, the pot is still on the stove."

"Syusuke was...worried about me?"

Atobe smirked, "I guess you're too busy worrying about each other to even notice. But you can calm down now, right? They took the check, someone would be an idiot if they didn't." He sounded pleased.

Tezuka fished out the now rather wrinkled envelope and set it on the coffee table, "Guess again."

Atobe spit out the spoonful he had just swallowed, "They didn't." This time, his voice reeked of utter disbelief, "That check was more than enough to bribe me."

Tezuka allowed himself a small smirk, in spite of the heaviness in his gut, that made him feel better, "You can be bought?"

"I'm expensive." Atobe sounded proud about the strangest things. He ate some more soup, and dabbed his mouth carefully with a napkin.

Tezuka headed to the kitchen, muttering just loud enough for Atobe to hear, "Apparently, you're nowhere near expensive enough."

Atobe said,"You're a fucking idiot, you know that, Tezuka?"

Atobe never cursed, even if he was angry. He was too proper, too high and mighty to bend over for a word with a meaning so obscene. But somehow, he did it, and even managed to make the word sound elegant. Tezuka turned and stared at him for a long moment.

"Atobe..."

"What?"

Tezuka found himself wanting to laugh, but of course he forced down the laugh threatening to explode from his throat. There was just something indefinitely amusing about Atobe, and the word 'fuck.' "Nothing, thanks."

He earned a strange look, "...You're welcome, I think."

When Tezuka came back out with a warm bowl of stew, he found the envelope and the check torn up and crumpled.

Somewhere, in the deeply private recesses of his mind, he found a breath of fresh air, relief.

-

Tezuka's cell phone rang that night, when he was refereeing a game of chess between his brother and Atobe, go was more his line, and he had never gotten the hang of chess, and like everyone else, Tezuka hated losing. So the safest bet was not to play at all. As Syusuke prodded his white knight forward, Tezuka stared at the number that flashed on his screen.

It was a strange number, yet he knew exactly who it was.

He got up from his perch on the floor. Both Atobe and Syusuke were too absorbed in their game to notice him.

Tezuka looked the door to their bedroom, and made himself comfortable on the bed. Taking a deep breath, he flipped his phone open and held it up to his ear. "What do you want?" Rude, possibly very improper, considering that his caller was European and probably very well-mannered.

"You knew it was me?" Fuji Yumiko sounded surprised, but not shocked.

"I had a feeling." Tezuka said vaguely.

There was a pause, a long one, that stretched from seconds to minutes. "Tezuka-san, I didn't want this." She admitted, "And I apologize deeply for how our meeting went earlier this morning. But could you please meet me? I have something very important to say to you."

Tezuka certainly wasn't sorry. In fact, he wondered why it hadn't ended like this. "...I suppose. There's a park three blocks west of Tokyo Swan, I can get there if you can."

"...I'll have to wait until Yuuta sleeps."

And Yuuta was sixteen. Tezuka rolled his eyes up at the ceiling. "An hour, then." An hour was an adequate amount of time to come up with a decent excuse to escape home. Tezuka never went out without good reason. "I'll meet you in an hour."

"Thank you."

Quaint and simple. She hung up.

-

It was getting cold, Tezuka slipped out of the house with the excuse of a much needed walk. He wore and jacket and no one bothered to argue with him. He found that strange, but liberating. Perhaps Atobe was tactful and Fuji knew that he needed his own space. The bus was still running, but as he boarded and found a seat in the back, it was a little eerie considering he was the only passenger on board.

He wished he had brought something to read, something to distract him from something that felt like pending death. Although, of course, it was much too dark to read. Tezuka amused himself by counting the cars that passed.

Tezuka didn't get very far as the bus rolled to a stop in front of a station. Across the station was the park and he thought he spied a lone figure sitting on one of the benches. He knew without knowing that Fuji Yumiko would still wear cream business suits at night. Tezuka deposited a few coins in the slot machine and got off the bus.

When he got within earshot, she stood. She was still in a suit, but it was gray instead of cream. "Tezuka-san."

Tezuka nodded, "Did you wait?"

"No, I just got here, will you sit?" She gestured, even though Fuji Yumiko was not at home, nor was she in a position to be hospitable, it seemed that she was determined to be polite through and through.

Not to be outdone, Tezuka had no choice but to sit. "Why did you call me here? Did you change your mind?" He thought back to the check currently in shreds in some fortunate wastebasket. It was very tempting to call Atobe and have him write another.

"No. Although maybe things would have been simpler if I did." She laughed, but it was a bitter laugh, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Tezuka said nothing, keeping his eyes level with his hands.

A soft rustle made him look up, and found himself looking at a small wallet-sized picture of a beautiful woman with large generous dark brown curls and Syusuke's eyes. She wore an evening gown type dress that flattered her figure, along with a smile that was as every bit as dazzling as the smile of his lover.

With a pang, Tezuka thought of Syusuke and wondered if his brother knew what his real mother looked like.

"Why do you have this?" Tezuka asked.

"Syusuke gave it to me before he left. He was five, and had so little, but he wanted me to have something to remember him by. He said I would look like her when I grew up." Yumiko sounded wistful. A deep sigh, and she put the picture away. "But I'm getting ahead of myself, I suppose I should apologize for Yuuta."

"I was a little out of hand too." It hurt to admit that.

Yumiko looked at him, "I want to tell you everything. At least, everything that I know. It's easier to come clean with you, and while I can't undo anything that happened to Syusuke in the past...I can try to make up for it." Another deep breath, and she started. Her narrative sounded rehearsed, and it probably had been.

"My father is the chief executive of Fuji Electronics, which is based in London. He succeeded when his father retired, and he had been young, in his twenties. Rich young bachelors always got themselves into heaps of trouble. So my grandfather thought that the best remedy to this was to marry Father off, and quickly."

Tezuka nodded, half listening, half still thinking about the woman in the photograph. Oshitari had told him the general picture, and now, it was just filling in the blanks.

"My mother was made for my father, at least...she liked to think that she was." Yumiko laughed again, "She was studying in Paris when she met him – love at first sight, she told me. And though Father didn't particularly like my mother, he didn't particularly hate her either. She fit all of the credentials of his future wife: she was pretty, smart, and a very good socialite with connections. She came from a family of lawyers. My grandfather liked her, so they married very early."

Sounded like a picture childhood so far. Tezuka concentrated on his hands.

Yumiko continued, "...I was an only child for a very long time, seven years, I was happy and I hate to admit it, but I was spoiled. My mother spoiled me because with me in the picture, Father couldn't run away. I liked to dance...but sometimes I wish I didn't. My dance teacher was Leona Chastain, Syusuke's mother. She was an actress always trying to make it big, but she had horrible luck. Once before a performance, she sprang her ankle."

Bad luck seemed to run in the family, "...So they had Syusuke. Then what? How did Leona Chastain die?"

"You're getting ahead again."

Tezuka was glad he didn't have a big sister.

"Sorry."

"I liked Ms. Chastain a lot, she was always nice to me, and she gave me little chocolates from Belgium after our lessons, even though she kept saying how it made her fat. Father liked her too, obviously, he went to every one of her shows, and he'd take me with him. He would always have flowers for her, white roses were her favorite. I knew that he never brought flowers home to mother...so maybe, that's why something was wrong."

"She told me she was pregnant one day, and she said that I was going to have a little brother to take care of. I was so happy that day because I'd always wanted a little brother."

Tezuka's own memory was somehow turned sour.

"Mother found out about it, she threw a fit, and she left him for a while; although they had never signed any divorce papers. She had no intention of divorcing him; she told Ms. Chastain, that she would be sorry if she thought otherwise. Mother wanted to take me with her, but..." She paused, "...I'm a little ashamed to say it now, but I liked Ms. Chastain better. That makes me horrible, doesn't it?"

When a woman asked a question like that, there was only one answer, an answer Tezuka was not about to voice.

After a moment, Yumiko had no choice but to speak again, "Syusuke was born, and he lived with Ms. Chastain, but he came over to visit often. I always played with him, and he called me 'neesan' and it made me so happy." Her eyes lit up, as if she had just thought of something, "Does Syusuke still like the color blue?"

Because didn't want to tell her, Tezuka kept his silence.

"Anyway, we were all happy for a while, of course I was too young to comprehend what was going on." She said ruefully. "All I thought was that Ms. Chastain had somehow become my mother too, and she was a nice person. Everything exploded when Mother came back home. She was furious, and so was my Father."

There was a long pause then. She was probably expecting some sort of reaction from him, but Tezuka stared straight ahead.

"I guess...I was angry too. But only because Syusuke cried every day, and when things got to be too much, Ms. Chastain took him away. Our lives returned to normal after a while and my mother, very possibly by willpower alone, became pregnant. Yuuta was born, but his being there didn't affect Father at all. Father was still trailing remorsefully after Ms. Chastain, who even fled to Ireland to avoid him. But...whatever Father wanted Father got."

Tezuka wondered if that was why Syusuke and Atobe got along so well. It was in his blood, but thankfully, not in his nature.

"I guess things got complicated then. Father bought Ms. Chastain an apartment not too far from our house, and started visiting her everyday, sometimes he took me along so I could see Syusuke. But one day, we went. And Ms. Chastain never opened the door. She died of a drug overdose, sleeping pills." Yumiko soldiered on bravely, "I don't think my father ever stopped suspecting my mother. However, he wasted no time in adopting Syusuke. I was happy, Mother was not."

And here, she paused.

"Father was out on business a lot, he didn't know what was going on at home. Syusuke was...well, I wouldn't say he was abused, but mother put him through a lot. He cried all the time, but he always managed to smile in front of mother. This...made her even more angry. I don't know if he realized." Yumiko's face was forlorn as she spoke, "And one day...he was just gone. Mother forbade us to look for him."

"So why look for him now?"

She shrugged, "It doesn't seem right to leave it that way. And besides, Mother doesn't know we're in Japan."

"He is happy." Tezuka said. "Your story does not change the fact that he is happy with me."

Yumiko looked at him, and tucked a stray curl carefully behind her ear, "No. I guess not. But Fuji Syusuke is also my brother. You have no right to tell me that I cannot love him." She stood up, "For what it's worth though, Tezuka-san, thank you for making Syusuke happy."

She got up and walked away, as regal as any queen, but Tezuka still decided that he wouldn't forgive him.

-

Tezuka's head hurt, his head hurt so much that he was rummaging the medicine cabinet for some sort of painkiller that wasn't expired. It was just his luck that Syusuke caught him.

"Niisan, are you sick?"

Tezuka quickly jumped away from the cabinet, looking...just a bit guilty. "No." He said, "I'm not. Why are you still up?"

"I'm worried about you, silly." Syusuke grinned, "Atobe's sleeping."

They kissed, and they kissed too long that Tezuka's head almost stopped pounding and just turned into a haze. He lifted Syusuke's shirt up and watched the piece of fabric float onto the ground. Syusuke was calmly looking at him.

"Niisan has changed."

"How?" With that, his heart sped up a few notches.

"Well..." His brother dragged out the words, "I guess...niisan is a lot jumpier." Tracing a finger down Tezuka's arm, he added, "...And you're always afraid of something."

Syusuke knew him too well, but Tezuka didn't say anything. He knew that his brother was giving him the benefit of the doubt, and had not added, 'you're hiding something from me.' He was eternally grateful.

"Sorry," Tezuka said, apologizing for something he didn't know, "I'm just...tired."

"No, you're not."

But Syusuke said it smiling. He took both of Tezuka's hands and led him to their bedroom, locking the door securely after. The clock blinked midnight. Tezuka's watch blinked 11:59. Though he promptly forgot to decide who was right after he realized that Syusuke had removed all of his clothing and lay on the bed like a white porcelain doll.

Naked as sin.

"Niisan, take off your clothes."

Tezuka hesitated, but sooner or later, he stripped off his clothes and lay bare beside his brother. Syusuke's hand traced a line along his belly.

"Are you afraid of me?"

The question cut into the air and Tezuka paused. The azure orbs were luminous in the dark. He couldn't answer. Finally, he forced himself to speak, "Syusuke, do you remember your mother?"

His brother's hand rested on his hip, there was a belated silence that hung in the room, and Syusuke rolled one shoulder for a response, "Saa, I was little. So not much. She was pretty." So saying, he shifted just a little bit closer to pillow his head on Tezuka's chest, "Why?"

There was a lump crawling up Tezuka's throat, he forced it down, somehow. "Because."

"You are afraid of me." Syusuke's tone was mildly accusing. "Why?"

Tezuka tilted Syusuke's face towards him, just a little and kissed him on the forehead, "I love you."

And that was reason enough to worry: too many people did.