You Can't Win Against Ducati

Hunger Pains

Author's note: Sorry this update has been so long; I've been on holiday twice in the space of the last four weeks and I haven't been able to get on the computer. When I finally did manage to get on the damn thing BT took away my internet for no good reason! Grrrrr, crappy English companies. Okay, I'm going stop ranting and let you read this thing.

BTW: I only have a water fetish when it includes beautiful women ;) And thank you for all the reviews I've received for this fic, I know I haven't replied to you all like I usually do, but it's the same reason as above. You're all bloody nice people!

Mai Hime isn't mine but Ducati is. (A pair of pistols and a naginata appears.) Okay, Ducati belongs to Natsuki and Shizuru. (Author lives.)

A few of hours later the bathroom door swung open and Shizuru calmly strolled out with a satisfied smile on her face. Natsuki staggered after her, looking and feeling exhausted but was wearing an expression that matched her lover's.

"Shiiii-zuuuu-ruuu, how am I going to go to work tomorrow if I can't walk?" she moaned. What they had just done completely blew her mind and she was sure that she would be feeling it the next day.

"Ara, Natsuki will just have to spend the whole day in bed," the tawny haired girl drawled with a slow, suggestive wink. Natsuki blushed but her smile grew larger, as she knew she would enjoy the events that would happen on her day off.

However her smile quickly faded when she saw Ducati's accusing gaze fixed on her from where he stood on the sofa.

"Shizuru," she whispered. "He's looking at me as if he knows that we… did what we just did."

"He gives me that same look whenever I go into the kitchen while you're still unconscious. He always knows when we make love. After all, we're not exactly quiet," Shizuru replied as her smile widened as a dangerous glint flickered in her eyes. Natsuki shivered and clutched the towel that was wrapped around her tighter.

"Now I know how my foster parents felt when I asked them what those funny noises were in the night," she said dryly. Shizuru laughed and dragged her to the bedroom where the musical sound suddenly stopped. Long moments of deafening silence dragged on until…

"DUCATI!!"

A Few Hours Before (The End of the Last Chapter)

Ducati padded away from the door, trying to figure out what he could eat. He found the noises of his growling stomach annoying and he knew he couldn't wait for his owners to come out of the bathroom as they would be in there for hours.

He went into the kitchen and nosed his food bowl, although he knew that he had eaten all of his biscuits earlier that day. He peered up at the top of the work surfaces, finding nothing edible at all let alone in his reach. He looked around at the cupboards and found one that wasn't shut properly. He nudged it open and grinned although he felt disappointed.

What Ducati had found was Shizuru's tea collection. It was an entire cupboard practically overflowing with different types of tea from all over the world. Whilst Natsuki's addiction had been banned, Shizuru's was still going at full force, as Natsuki's attempts to stop her from drinking the beverage had failed miserably.

The silver husky closed his blue orbs and inhaled deeply, enjoying the aroma of the different scents that teased his nose. Shizuru sometimes gave the puppy some tea when Natsuki wasn't around and he enjoyed it almost as much as mayonnaise. He often wondered whether the two girls were competing against each other to see who could corrupt the puppy with their addictions the most. If so, Natsuki was winning.

Ducati stopped sniffing and eyed the tea. Is tea just as tasty to eat as it is to drink? He was about to find out.

He pawed at the boxes at the front until one fell down onto the kitchen floor. He gnawed at the edges but quickly grew bored, so he picked the box up in his jaws and swung his head side to side until the box ripped, scattering tea bags all over the kitchen. He picked one up and began to chew, but spat it out when he didn't like the taste. The puppy looked at the box and saw that it was Earl Grey, a flavour he didn't particularly like.

Deciding that it was the flavour that was wrong, he repeated the process twice. The first with green tea which he liked at first until the weird after taste kicked in and the second was mint tea that he rather liked so he ate the whole box. (Author's note: As I'm not in the habit of eating tea, I made the tastes up so I apologise to those who do if I got anything wrong.)

Ducati gave up eating tea as it was starting to make him queasy and he wasn't feeling as hungry anymore. He made his way around the discarded tea bags and loped to the bedroom so he could lie down on the bed.

He stretched out on the crimson and black satin covers, his eyes drooping as he started to descend into the world of slumber, glad to be away his aching stomach. Ducati was totally exhausted after the day's events and a nap was exactly what he needed. His breathing became deeper and he felt totally relaxed.

"AAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!"

The scream made him bolt up onto his feet, instinctively ready to run as his ear twitched in alarm. Ducati swished his tail in annoyance when he realised that it was his master again because Kaichou was… Ducati tilted his head. What exactly did they do to each other?

He shrugged and lay back down, intending to ignore the funny noises that interrupted his nap. He closed his eyes and tried different techniques to get to sleep, each one failing when another scream jerked him to consciousness, causing him to whimper at the hopelessness of his plight. All he wanted was some sleep.

After a while, the noises stopped but Ducati waited to make sure they had. When he was satisfied he laid his head back down and closed his eyes. One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, hmmm mint sauce, four sheep, five shee-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He growled and leapt up, running around the bed to work out his frustration. It wasn't enough. Then he spotted the feather pillows. If Natsuki had seen him this moment she would have been thrown into a terrifying state of déjà vu, as Ducati was the puppy version of Shizuru after she defeated Yukino's child, eye twitching and all.

He tenderly grasped a pillow that he knew was Natsuki's by the scent with his teeth, and gently picked it up. Then he swung his head side to side aggressively, a savage growl ripping out of his throat as feathers flew out of the material.

The puppy dropped the pillow and felt his anger seep out of him. He felt a tinge of regret as Ducati looked around him; there were feathers everywhere. Master and Kaichou were not going to be pleased.

The husky scurried off of the bed and was about to bolt out of the door when he saw it. Hidden in an alcove behind the dresser was a bottle of mayonnaise. What Ducati had found was Natsuki's emergency bottle of mayonnaise in case her secret stash was discovered by Shizuru. He stood rooted to the spot, trying to resist the temptation of eating the delicious yet unhealthy condiment. After all, he still had a stomach ache and he was going to be in enough trouble as it is.

Yet his feet ignored his sense of reason as they began to move seemingly of their own towards the bottle that invited him closer, begging him to rip off the lid and taste the nectar inside. His whole body quivered in anticipation as he reached a paw out to claim his prize. Ducati kicked the bottle out of the alcove towards him and gazed down at it for a moment with almost lustful eyes.

He flipped open the lid of the mayonnaise with his teeth and paused, pondering how he was going to get it out. An idea struck him and he placed a small paw on to the bottle and squeezed gently. The condiment oozed out and he licked it off before it could get onto the carpet.

Ducati's eyes rolled with pleasure at the heavenly taste and shifted his weight slightly, causing the mayonnaise to shoot out as the pressure on the bottle increased. He managed to catch the nectar in his mouth and that the added pressure gave him more mayonnaise in less time, so he leant on the bottle again, unaware of that the condiment was also going on the floor and mixing with the feathers.

Eventually he came to the point where he couldn't get any more of his beloved mayo out, no matter what he tried. The puppy sighed and padded out of the room, making his way to the sofa where he would wait for the two girls to finish their shower, hoping that they wouldn't be too upset.

Back to the Present

"DUCATI!!"

The puppy winced; he was in BIG trouble. He padded over to the bedroom door, his expression sincerely apologetic. Maybe they would go easier on him if they knew how much he regretted it…

Natsuki was kneeling on the floor where it was miraculously free of feathers, cradling the bottle of mayo in her arms, as unshed tears shimmered in her eyes. Shizuru stood behind her, looking around at the room with her impenetrable mask cloaking her features. Ducati shivered as he noticed that the flat's temperature had dropped by ten degrees.

"Natsuki, why do you have a bottle of mayonnaise?" Shizuru asked with a calm curiosity, but her question held a threatening undertone. She had obviously not seen Ducati yet.

Natsuki looked at her lover in disbelief; could Shizuru not see how much pain she was in? That's when she remembered that what she held in her arms was not supposed to be in their home.

"Erm, I must have left it when… um, I mean forgot about it when we had to… get rid of… all… my mayo…" Natsuki explained, her emerald eyes finally spilling the tears that she had desperately tried to hold back as she remembered the day that their home was officially mayonnaise-free.

Shizuru felt a pain in her heart as she watched the blue haired biker cry, which was something that didn't occur often. She knelt down behind her and wrapped her arms around Natsuki, who in turn leaned back into the embrace. Ducati chose this time to sneeze.

Two pairs of eyes fixed on him and before he could get away Natsuki pointed down at the floor before her.

"Get your ass over here and sit down," she growled. Ducati laid his ears down and skulked over to where his master was. He tilted his head up so they could make eye contact, reinserting his regretful expression onto his face and he looked absolutely adorable. Natsuki turned away from the icy blue orbs and gripped her lover's hand. Natsuki was already a sucker for dogs, but when it came to a certain husky she was a door mat and she knew that she couldn't tell him off

"Shizuru." Shizuru nodded, knowing what she had to do.

"Ducati, because you've been such a bad boy you're not going to be having any treats for a month."

Ducati looked at them in horror. That means no more cookies, or cheese, or ham, or… TEA AND MAYONNAISE! At the realisation he started to howl mournfully, causing Natsuki and Shizuru to grip each other harder. They hated to see their baby in such a state.

"Okay, two weeks!" Natsuki yelled, causing the howls to turn into soft whimpers, which stopped altogether when Shizuru gave the puppy a look that told him that the length of his punishment wasn't going to get any shorter. Shizuru gave Natsuki a peck on the cheek and stood up.

"Ara, after you get dressed Natsuki, can you clean this place up? I'm going to make some tea." Ducati's ears quivered as fear took hold of him. Kaichou hadn't seen the kitchen yet and that was her favourite place in the house, after the bed room that is. He darted underneath the bed as Natsuki scowled at the tawny haired girl.

"How come I have to do it?"

"Because he's your dog and I'll let you have mayonnaise again if you do it quickly," the ex-Kaichou replied as she walked out of the room. Natsuki rolled her eyes.

"Sure, he's my dog when he's done something wrong, but he's our dog when he's being good," she muttered but had quickly scrambled up to her feet, as Shizuru's promise of mayo was a great motivation. Natsuki was about to dry herself when a blood-curdling scream from the kitchen stopped her in her tracks.

"DUCATI!"

Omake

Shizuru: My tea…

Ducati: My treats…

Natsuki: My mayo and my reputation… (Glares at author.) Do you think I spent all that time being tough just so you can blow it all by making me cry twice in the same story?

Author: Relax, I'm going to let you be all bad-ass in the AU I write after I've finished this story. Besides, everyone thinks you're a big softie anyway.

Natsuki: WHAT? (Jumps on Author intending to kill her, or beat the shit out of her at least.)

Author: OW!

Shizuru: (Pulls Natsuki off of Author.) Natsuki, let the Author finish the story, even if she should be punished for what she did to my tea… (Shizuru looks at Author with a threatening glimmer in her eyes.)

Author: (Gulps.) Sorry Shizuru, but I couldn't let Natsuki have all of the bad stuff happen to her. After all, the title of this story is 'You Can't Win Against Ducati', not 'The Day Natsuki Gets Pwned Repeatedly'.

Shizuru: I'm still not happy Author.

Author: I'll make it up to you in the next chapter, okay?

Natsuki: Hey, what about me?

Author: What about you?

Natsuki: You've made me look like a sap!

Ducati: (Giggles.) I did say master got sappy over mayo.

Natsuki: SHUT UP!

Author: (Rubs temples.) Yes, I'll make it up to you too.

Natsuki: (Pumps the air.) Yes!

Shizuru: Ara, I think Natsuki is too excitable. Perhaps she needs to get rid of some tension… (Grabs Natsuki and runs out of room. Ducati is about to follow when Author stops him)

Author: You really don't want to see what they're about to do.

Ducati: What?

Author: (Shakes head with a smile on her face.) Ah, the innocence of youth.

Alternate Omake (I've taken this too far…)

A few hours later Natsuki skips out of the bedroom and Shizuru stumbles after her, both of them wearing a massive grin. The smiles quickly faded into confusion however when they saw what who on their sofa.

Midori was now fully dressed and deeply immersed in a magazine, which occasionally drew chuckles from the older woman. Sitting next to her was Nao, who was also reading a magazine. The two girls stared at the red heads in amazement.

"What on Earth are you guys doing here?" Natsuki yelled as she crossed her arms over the black crop top that she was wearing. The intruders turned around and began to laugh.

"Hey, nice underwear Natsuki," Nao sniggered. Natsuki looked down at the customized boxer-style pants and blushed. They were black and covering them was 'Shizuru's my owner – Woof!' in light blue writing.

"Shut up and tell me why you're here!"

"Ara, I think you've just contradicted yourself, my wolf puppy." Shizuru couldn't help herself; she loved that blush too much.

"Shizuru!" Natsuki yelled before she gritted her teeth and turned back to the red heads that were now dying with laughter. "Tell me what you're doing here. Now!"

"We're just checking out your interesting magazine collection," Midori giggled, pointedly turning a page.

"What? My motorbike magazines?" Natsuki frowned. Since when did Nao and Midori was interested in motorbikes? Thinking about it, since when did they even hang out with each other? Nao snorted.

"No, not them, the dirty ones."

Natsuki could feel Shizuru's heated gaze drill into her.

"Huh? If you're talking about the Victoria's Secret magazines, please remember that I collect lingerie."

"Then what about these?" Midori holds up a bunch of men's magazines, ranging from FHM to Playboy. Natsuki stared at them with wide eyes as Shizuru cast a questioning gaze on her lover, anger plainly flickering across her face.

"They're not mine!" Natsuki managed to choke out. Nao tossed a magazine to Shizuru, who caught it without batting an eyelid.

"Then why do they have mayonnaise handprints all over it?" The smirking red head asked. Shizuru glared at Nao briefly before turning her full attention to the blue haired girl who was now imitating a fish. Wordlessly, Shizuru pulled Natsuki into the bedroom where the silence didn't last as Natsuki yelled out her pleas.

"I'd say that's a job well done." Nao gloated as she gave Midori a high-five, before they both bit into their chicken and mayo sandwiches.