Eureka - Hmmm . . . yeah, chapter names should go here, shouldn't they?
Chapter Four
I know it's been awhile, but I thought I'd go with a good old fashioned rant this time. There was one review I got (anonymously) that I've been itching to reply to. The review, from nightelf, read as such -
Keep It Simple, Stupid. You've got so many characters from so many different series flying around that it's almost impossible to keep track of what's happening.
Try just a Ranma/Eureka crossover. Ranma in Carter's position, Ryouga visiting. As it is, the story's so confusing and convoluted that there really isn't any point to continuing. By just focusing on Ranma and Eureka itself, I think you would have a far more solid story.
I'm not raking this review over the coals because it's a flame or anything, just that there are two things mentioned here that irk me for reasons unexplainable. The first is, that it demonstrates a marked lack of understanding of the Eureka dynamic. Eureka isn't a show about a sheriff saving the day. It's a story about a normal person being stuck in the midst of extra ordinary people, and trying to make a difference. I didn't write this story as a mega cross because it seemed like a funny idea at the time, I did it because a crossover of this nature demanded it. Think of it, if I wrote this story with Ranma as the Sheriff and Ryouga visiting, and those as the only anime characters that people know (Because heaven forbid I would want to confuse anyone), just think of the alternative. I would have had to have written an entire story that had Ranma and Ryouga surrounded by literally dozens of (shudders) Original Characters. Now you tell me, how would that have possibly been better? As it is, there are a large number of characters in this story that are vaguely, or obviously familiar, that when you, the readers, learn about them can go 'hey, cool, I know them', or, 'Hmm, wonder who that is'. If I had written this story as nightelf wanted, every other paragraph would have consisted of 'Random scientist person that no one cares about shows up for something'. I would have had to introduce, flesh out and characterize dozens of people that not even I would have cared about terribly much. It would have been a waste, pure and simple, to not utilize all of those colorful mad scientists out there already, just waiting for a chance to shine.
Does this make the story confusing? Heck, probably, but I don't see how it's any more confusing than sticking Ryouga and Ranma in amidst a flood of original characters that people didn't know anything about at all. It's just the nature of the beast, I suppose. But hey, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. If even a few people can follow this little thread of plot I've woven through over thirty series at this point, then I think I've done my job. I know mega crosses aren't popular, and the fact that people are actually enjoying this story then it's all been worth it.
The second point, however, is completely different. 'Just have Ranma in Carter's position and Ryouga visiting'? 'Just focusing on Ranma and Eureka'? I don't know if it's just me, but all I can hear here (heehee) is 'I really wish this story centered around Ranma'. Now, I know that more people like Ranma than Ryouga, and that's just the way it is. I suppose if I wanted to write a story purely for reviews and feedback, I could churn out some schlock Ranma/Akane story, but I'm here to write stories that I'd like to read. The fact that other people seem to enjoy them is just a bonus. There are plenty of Ranma centered stories out there (heck, I wrote one), but this ain't one of them.
Well, I suppose I could rant on for some time on this, but that isn't why you're here, so enough is enough.
Enjoy if you will, Tolerate if you won't
OOOoooOOO
Ranma couldn't help but let out a low whistle.
"Okay, now I admit that is way stranger than a giant rat."
The trio of ridiculously powerful warriors stared in disbelief at the sheriff's house before them. Well, not so much the house itself . . . as the massive crystalline tower that had risen up from the earth to encompass the entire structure. The translucent crystal spire rose nearly fifty feet into the air and was easily wide enough to swallow up Hercule's house whole. Oddly, though, they could see the building was completely intact, like an insect stuck in amber.
To his right, Ryouga looked on, equally impressed. "So, you're sure that Hercule is in there?" Ranma didn't bother answering, as the question was obviously directed to Gendo, who was standing to the right of the fanged boy.
The government liaison nodded before leading them around the corner of the house. On this side, the crystal cocoon only extended two feet from the wall, so it gave them the best look of Hercule's dwelling Several yards down, standing before one of the building's windows, was a young woman, looking several years younger than Ranma himself. There was a large stack of scanning equipment piled up next to her and she appeared to be directing it towards the crystal spire.
The pigtailed researcher was pretty sure he recognized the blonde scientist, though the lab coat she was wearing didn't narrow it down in the slightest. Now what was her name again . . . met her at the autumn mixer . . . R- . . . Ak . . .
"Dr. Akagi," Gendo stated dryly.
Ranma snapped his fingers. Ah hah! I thought so!
The blonde researcher started at the sound of Gendo's unexpected greeting and spun to greet him. "Ah, Agent Ikari."
The Saotome Heir waved casually to his fellow researcher. "Hey, Dr. Akagi, how are things going?"
The blonde . . . what was her first name again? He could have sworn he'd spoken her at that get together. He definitely knew about her work – Ritsuko! That was it!
Ritsuko smiled weakly in reply. "Not well at all I'm afraid, Dr. Saotome."
Hey, she remembered who he was, too. Cool.
Ritsuko then looked past him and offered a consoling look to Ryoko. "Deputy Ryoko, I don't know what to tell you." The doctor calmly pointed through the window she was set up in front of. Looking through the window, they could all easily make out the form of Hercule sitting on his bed, entombed helplessly in the crystal. Ritsuko shook her head in consternation. "We simply don't have enough information to even begin theorizing how to free the Sheriff."
Ryoko shrugged absently, before looking around quickly at her companions. "Oh – yeah, yeah, I'm really broken up about this. Please do everything you can to save him . . . really." The deadpan tone of Ryoko's voice did little to convince Ranma of her veracity.
That was hardly his problem though. Fascinated by the frozen form of the Sheriff trapped in the crystal, Ranma walked up to join Dr. Akagi. One he reached the young woman's side, he began to study the structure appraisingly.
"Any idea what this is?"
She simply shook her head. "It looks like simple crystal, but it doesn't react like it at all. The tensile strength is greater than quartz and none of our scans are able to determine its composition."
Ranma rubbed his chin in contemplation. "Extraterrestrial material, ya think?"
Ritsuko shrugged. "Possibly. It's not that our equipment can't interpret the data, we just aren't receiving any."
His fellow researcher gestured to the numerous monitors that dotted the pile of technological scrap to her side. None of the monitors were showing any information at all.
"Hmm, that is pretty weird," he admitted. "Here, let me see if I can see what this thing is."
Behind him, Ryouga snorted derisively. "What? Did you learn the Byakugan as well?"
Ranma shot a glare over his shoulder. "Don't be stupid, Ryouga." He then turned back to the crystal. "That's a bloodline trait."
That foolishness out of the way, he held up his hand and gingerly pressed it up against the surface of the crystal.
Ritsuko looked at him oddly. "What exactly is it that you're doing?"
The pigtailed researcher sneered at Ryouga out of the corner of his eye. "I'm tryin' to see if it's a psionic construct. Think of it like a passive scan. If I can change the frequency of my aura to match the power of the crystal, it will create a resonance that I'll be able to detect."
He noticed his rival's eyes widen. "You can't possibly have that kind of control over your aura!"
Ranma smirked proudly. "Maybe you can't, but I do." He then set back to work. "Course, it'll probably take a few minutes."
Concentrating on his hand, he began to alter the frequency of his aura. Of course, it wasn't nearly as simple as just twisting a dial. It was more like trying to sing up a scale, modulating your voice as you went. He started with a baritone, so to speak . . .
He wasn't so busy concentrating, though, that he didn't notice Dr. Akagi sidle up next to him.
"So, Dr. Saotome, I've been keeping up on your research. I must say, some of your theories are quite fascinating."
Ranma turned to face her, enjoying the praise quite a bit. "Hey, thanks, Dr. Akagi! I know I got a lot of pots to watch, as it were, but I really think I'm making some good progress in a few areas."
Ritsuko nodded, smiling evenly. "Indeed. I was particularly impressed with your work on the use of psionics to alter and augment the human body. If your work keeps progressing as it has, I'm considering requesting to have you reassigned to the Human Implementation Project."
Ranma's eyes widened.
"Ummm . . . Ranma?" Ryouga muttered from behind him.
Ranma quickly shushed his rival before turning back to his fellow researcher. "Really? That would be amazing! That's, like, one of the most highly funded projects in the entire facility!"
"Ranma?" This time it was Ryoko distracting them. Both Ritsuko and Ranma just ignored the young deputy.
Dr. Akagi smiled widely. "It would also mean a substantial raise in your security clearance. And you'd be working closely with myself."
The pigtailed martial artist felt his smile grow to match hers. "Sounds like the perks just keep getting better, eh?"
"Ranma!"
"Lady Fingers!"
"What?" Ranma spun to shout at his moronic companions-
Only to be stopped painfully short by his arm's desire to remain attached to his shoulder. He quickly spun back in confusion, only to see that a thin layer of the crystal had actually grown out from the surface of the spire to encompass his hand all the way up to the wrist.
His rival wandered up to point at the imprisoned hand. The smile on the fanged boy's lips was purely vindictive.
"That."
Ryoko's sinister chuckling didn't help either.
Ranma pulled forcefully on his hand, but it was held fast. "Oh crap!"
He tried to pull again, harder, but his trapped hand didn't budge a millimeter. It was about then, that he noticed the translucent material wasn't satisfied with just his hand, and was slowly crawling up his forearm. There was only one recourse left.
"It's eatingmyhand!" Ranma chose to panic as spectacularly as possible.
Ryoko flew forward excitedly, a sphere of orange energy already forming in her hand.
"I'll blast it off!"
"What, my hand?"
To Ranma's eternal relief, his rival stepped in at the last second to stop the power-mad deputy.
"No, it's too dangerous—"
"Thank you!"
"- I'll do it!"
"You son of a –"
"Bakusai Tenketsu!"
Ryouga's hand flashed out, quickly tapping the crystal as gently as could be. Ranma knew what was coming, so he was prepared when small cracks began to run through the crystal, before it shattered apart completely. What he wasn't prepared for was Ryouga then grabbing his arm and forcefully dragging him a full yard from the site of the explosion.
Then, before he had the chance to yell at Ryouga for doing so, Ranma noticed just why his rival had done it. Even as the section of crystal exploded, he could actually see the chunks glimmer with absorbed power before they began growing and fusing back together faster than they were flying apart. When all was said and done, the small crystal outgrowth that had flowed out over Ranma's hand now completely encompassed the entire sensor suite that Ritsuko had been using to scan the spire.
Everyone present simply stared at the outhouse-sized addition to the side of the spire.
"I-it absorbed the energy of your attack . . ." Ranma mumbled silently.
"And converted it directly into mass . . ." added Ritsuko.
A low growl rumbled in Ryouga's throat. "Just like the rat."
At which point, Agent Ikari walked up to rejoin them.
"A most unexpected development." He then turned to Ranma. "Were you able to determine anything?"
The pigtailed researcher shook his head. "No. It ain't psionic in nature, at least. My bet is still on it bein some alien gizmo."
Gendo turned to the blonde doctor to his side. She simply shrugged in reply. "I don't have anything to prove or disprove that theory."
Apparently satisfied with the answers, the government agent nodded. "Very well. Deputy Ryoko, I want you and Mr. Hibiki to cordon off the area. Dr. Saotome, if you would go with Dr. Akagi, I would like the two of you to see if you can locate any other such structures appearing within the GeoFront."
They all nodded agreeably. Even by Ranma's standards, this wasn't the time for attitude.
Gendo then turned to leave, a serious expression on his face.
"It appears that I have something to discuss with Washu."
OOOoooOOO
Gendo glared at Washu over his folded hands.
"No, I am not over reacting. We need to appoint a new Sheriff immediately."
The pair of females that stood on the far side of his desk stared at him. Yui, at the very least looked supportive, however, Washu dismissed his concern with a careless wave of her hand. "Why bother? Ryoko has been doing fine on her own so far. Why get so worked up just because we found Hercule frozen in a block of crystal?"
The Liaison frowned. "Because, up to this point, Hercule was simply MIA. However, now that we have confirmed that he is incapacitated, we need to find a replacement." His eyes narrowed as he stared pointedly at the redheaded scientist. "You of all people know why it is necessary."
The self-proclaimed genius grumbled darkly, but surprisingly kept her peace.
To her side, Yui nodded in agreement, only to begin tapping her chin in thought. "What about Sergeant Sagura, or that nice Kim Possible girl? Both of them are highly qualified."
Gendo shook his head slowly. "Unfortunately, Sergeant Sagura is only on loan to us from Mithril. That, and while I appreciate his discipline, I strongly believe that his personality would make him . . . unsuitable for the role. And while Miss Possible would be an excellent candidate, the fact is that she is currently half way across the Pacific at the moment."
Yui made a small 'Ahhhh' sound.
Washu grunted derisively. "Then it's obvious. Just promote Ryoko to Sheriff and get it over with. She was doing all the heavy lifting for Hercule as it was."
Both Gendo and Yui could only stare at the irate genius.
"Absolutely out of the question," Gendo stated with finality.
"What? But why? She's easily powerful enough to keep things under wraps here."
Gendo shook his head. "Power is hardly the point. Ryoko's actions and attitude have been increasingly erratic over the past several months."
Washu took a quick step forward. "That's not her fault! Can you imagine how hard it must be for her to watch from the sidelines as Tenchi keeps moving closer to Jurai and further away from her? Can you imagine what you would do if you lost the only person you ever loved?"
Despite his desperate attempt to avoid it, his eyes slid briefly to Yui. He quickly shook his head, dispelling the yawning gulf that had opened in his gut at just the thought. "Her personal problems are irrelevant to the situation, no matter how they may impact on galactic relations. The fact that she is powerful doesn't outstrip the fact that she is totally unsuited for the position. The Sheriff must be someone the people can trust and work with. Why do you think we brought Hercule in? His reputation alone has stopped more problems than Ryoko's raw power could hope to."
Washu smirked wickedly. "That's only because Ryoko isn't operating at full power. You give her access to all of her gems and we'll see what some washed up fighter's reputation amounts to."
The government liaison arched his eyebrow in disbelief. "You can't possibly be serious. The reason we agreed to limit her to a single gem is the same reason we sent Ryo Ohki on that salvage operation. Which is the same reason we convinced Professor Utonium to send his daughters into separate professions outside of the GeoFront. Which is also the same reason we permanently sealed the dragon balls within several secure locations around the planet. This facility is balanced precariously atop a house of cards. We cannot afford to let the power base shift towards any individual or faction, or everything will fall apart."
Yui shot him a suspicious look. "Is this one of those things where you've already made up your mind and just enjoy shooting down our suggestions?"
Again, despite himself, he produced a rather uncharacteristic smirk.
"For a pair of such gifted minds, you really have a problem seeing outside of the box, don't you? There is a perfect candidate wandering aimlessly right before our eyes. He has demonstrated martial abilities approaching those of Hercule's, but has also proved personable enough to gain the trust, or at least assistance from several of our researchers already."
Yui tapped her chin in thought. "Who . . . Oh my! You couldn't possibly mean . . .?"
Washu, on the other hand, scowled darkly. "You'd choose some vagabond that just fell off the turnip truck over Ryoko?"
Gendo continued to smirk. "Given the options, I would choose Kagato to be our Sheriff before Ryoko."
His lovely wife giggled. "Well, Mr. Hibiki is a little handsome. I suppose having him around wouldn't be too bad for office morale."
"Yui . . ." He let out a resigned sigh.
"Wait a second! Won't putting Saotome's friend in such an integral position just shift the power base in his direction?" asked an annoyed Washu.
The Liaison rolled his eyes. "Saotome, even including Dr. Tofu, does not have a power base. And while Hibiki's familiarity with Saotome may influence his decision to assist us, the police files I have read from several years back show that he is anything but beholden to Saotome. Besides, it is only a temporary solution until Hercule is revived, no more and no less."
While the universe's greatest genius did not look happy about the decision, she must have been able to see the small glimmer of logic it possessed. She gave a non-committal grunt of agreement, which was honestly more than he had hoped for.
Yui smiled impishly. "I hope you know what you're doing, dear."
He returned her smile with a strained smile. "Do I ever?"
He then hit the intercom on his desk with deft sureness. "Nuku Nuku, contact the deputy, Mr. Hibiki and Dr. Saotome. Please have them report to my office immediately."
OOOoooOOO
Ryouga took three more steps before casually ramming another metal post a good foot into the earth. A moment later, Ryoko floated over and absently wrapped the bright yellow roll of police tape around the post several times, continuing to form the impenetrable barrier around the crystal spire which had devoured the Sheriff's house. From the look of it, they were almost half done; at the rate they were going, another twenty minutes, tops.
Not wanting to spend that much time in silence, he turned to his companion and conversationally asked, "So, what do you think happened to Hercule?"
Oddly, his lovely companion groaned in annoyance. "Oh, don't even get me started. I've seen this one before. It's the old 'Freeze myself in a giant crystal to dodge out on my responsibilities' trick."
Ryouga's eyes widened at her statement. "You've seen this before?"
She waved nonchalantly. "Oh, yeah. My mom got herself stuck in a crystal for, like, two thousand years just to avoid raising me. And yet she still has the gall to complain just cuz I happened to destroy a few planets."
The fanged martial artist eyed his companion warily. "I . . . guess a positive role model might have helped there . . . Wait a second! You're two thousand years old?"
Ryoko gave him a glare that promised heated death. "Yeah, what of it?"
"Uh, heh, nothing, just that you . . . don't look a day over twenty is all . . ."
"Ahh, that's so sweet of you."
Which was precisely the moment that the deputy's phone decided to ring. Ryouga let out a small sigh of relief. Saved by the bell and all that junk. Ryoko quickly pulled out the small phone and flipped it up to her ear. Immediately, a small stream of chatter spilled out from the phone, but it was far too quiet for the martial artist to make out.
"Hey, Nuku . . ." Ryoko replied a moment later, the marked lack of enthusiasm in her voice was enough that even Ryouga picked up on it.
The tiny voice chattered on for another minute.
"Sure thing, Nuku . . . be right there . . ." The deputy then snapped the phone closed and stuffed it back into her pocket with a huff before turning his way with a look of annoyance on her face.
"Ugh, why do all of these sentient androids think 'all us girls gotta stick together'? It's such bull! I swear, between Nuku, Chi and X-J9, I'm getting sick of it. I mean, sure, I was created, but I'm still a living there, here!"
Ryouga smirked. "Touchy subject?"
She frowned cutely. "You have no idea. Anyway, forget that. We gotta head back to GD. C'mon, I'll teleport us."
"You can do that?"
"Sh'yeah. Takes a little more effort, but it's no problem."
He was totally unprepared for what happened next, as Ryoko smirked wickedly and moved forward to wrap her arms around his neck. She quickly pulled him tightly against her, crushing her . . . assets to his chest.
"Ready for the wildest ride of your life, Stud?"
Ryouga could already feel his internal blood pressure sky rocketing to dangerous levels, even as the edges of his vision began to fade to black from the sudden, and very intimate, contact - He was unexpectedly saved from complete humiliation at the last second as a thought flashed through his mind. Pinching his nose tightly, he glared balefully at his partner.
"Wait a second! If you could do this all along, why did you make Ranma drag me to the facility? Or for that matter, why did you let Ranma drive us to the park, or ignore Washu when she asked you for help? You could have teleported me anywhere you needed instantly!"
Ryoko rolled her eyes at his inquisition. "Pffft. You've known me for this long and you haven't figured it out? I've just been using you as an excuse to get out of doing any real work."
He considered that for a moment. "Hmm . . . now that you mention it . . ."
"Now shaddup. I have to synch up with you."
With that, Ryoko suddenly reached up, placing a hand on each of his cheeks, and proceeded to pull his face down towards her own.
"W-wait, what?"
However, just before he could begin to really freak out, Ryoko tilted her head down at the last second, touching their foreheads together gently. At the point of contact he felt a light tingle which sobered his panic instantly.
"Oh . . ."
The demoness snickered evilly.
"Sucker."
And then the world just seemed to shift around them. It was actually extremely mundane. The scenery of the great outdoors just dissolved away, quickly revealing the familiar interior of Agent Ikari's office. In the blink of an eye, they were where they needed to be with nothing more than a pleasant tingling that suffused his body.
". . . whoa . . ."
Their foreheads still touching, Ryoko smirked in a disturbingly non-evil fashion. "Yeah, I have that effect on guys."
The moment was quickly interrupted by a loud cough coming from the general direction of Gendo's large desk. Instantly, Ryouga leapt back from the deputy; he could already feel his face flaring red. It was quite obvious that the two of them were not alone in the office, judging by the amused trio of people currently watching them. Dr. Ikari, Agent Ikari and Washu all wore strange little smiles on their faces.
"I hope weren't interrupting anything," offered Gendo.
Ryouga was about to protest, loudly and vehemently, that they had not, when Washu suddenly strode forward, a serious expression on her face. "Tell me, Mr. Hibiki, what exactly are your intentions towards my daughter?"
At that, the redheaded genius began to examine him like he was a prize entrant at a dog show. The combination of embarrassment and discomfort had the fanged fighter stuttering helplessly. "I-intentions? I-I-I don't have any intentions!"
Washu pouted adorably in reply. "Awww, that's too bad. You look like you could keep Ryoko up all night with that toned little body of yours."
The Lost Boy desired, more than anything at that moment, then to live up to his namesake. Instantly, his face began to burn red and he quickly pinched his nose before it could explode into a crimson fountain.
"Mo-om! You damn well know I was just synching with him for the teleport!"
The pint sized genius giggled mischievously. "I know! But he didn't know that I knew that."
"Wait, what?" asked the confused martial artist.
She giggled again. "Oh, don't look so serious. You're much cuter when you're all flustered."
Ryouga glared daggers at the young looking woman before turned to Ryoko.
"I think I'm starting to see why you got that restraining order in your contract."
The cyan haired deputy laughed in amusement. "Tell me about it!"
Washu pouted sadly. "Oh! You two are meanies!"
Thankfully, they were again saved from further embarrassment as the office door swung open. A moment later, Ranma strolled into the room, greeting everyone present with a jaunty wave.
"Yo."
Behind his desk, Agent Ikari offered a small smile. "Dr. Saotome, excellent. We can finally begin."
Ryoko turned to face the desk bound man. "So, what's going on then, Agent Ikari?"
In response, Gendo folded his hands before his mouth. "A piece of official business to begin with. I hate to be so abrupt, but time is not on our side. We need to appoint a new Sheriff before we can continue."
Immediately, Ryouga and Ranma both turned to Ryoko. The former smiled widely. "Congratulations, Ryoko!"
Ranma, for his part, wore an extremely dubious look on his face. Ryoko, for her part, suddenly began hemming and hawing reluctantly. "Um . . . ah . . . about that . . ."
"Mr. Hibiki, we would appreciate it if you would take up the position."
Needless to say, that had not been where Ryouga had seen the conversation going. Even as he felt his own jaw drop in shock, he heard the cyan haired deputy to his side let out a sigh of relief. There was only one thing he could think to do at the moment.
Pointing pointedly to himself – "What? Me? What about Ryoko? Why not her?"
Ryoko shot him a sidelong glance which spoke volumes. The look also prompted him to think the situation over for a second.
"Ohhh, riiiight, the general disdain for humanity you flaunt on a daily basis."
The ruthless space pirate nodded in reply, a giddy smile on her lips.
"Exactly," Gendo agreed, "Now, this would only be until Hercule is restored, and we only ask this of you due to the severity of the situation."
Rubbing his chin in consideration, Ranma nodded as well. "Meh, you could do worse. S'not like ya got a lot of options, considering none of us researchers are allowed to interfere in these cases directly."
At that, Ryouga put his hands up before him to shut everyone up. "Whoa whoa, whoa; hold on just a minute. People keep saying that. What the heck does it mean? Why can't researchers get involved in these kinds of situations? Who else is supposed to fix this mess? And what the heck does me being Sheriff have to do with anything?"
Gendo met his hectic glare with an impassive stare. "All very good questions, Mr. Hibiki, and all related, actually."
Ranma scratched his head, looking a little confused too. "Y'know, now that you mention it, I'm not really sure why that rule is there, either . . ."
Off to the side of the room, a certain red haired, intergalactic genius began to chuckle in a very nervous sounding manner. "Heh . . . heh, well, the why isn't really important. We should really be focusing on solving the problem at hand-"
"Oh, no!" Ryoko's outburst cut off her mother's words with excited aplomb. "This is way too rich to pass up. If you won't tell 'em, then I sure as hell will."
Washu looked very much like she wanted to say something, or, more to the point, stop her daughter from saying something, but with great reluctance, remained silent. Taking the silence as consent, Ryoko turned back to the pair of martial artist's, a truly delighted smile on her face.
"Oh, man, you guys are gonna love this. Y'see, just a little over a year before Lady Fingers here joined up-"
"Hey!"
"-One of our egg heads, some Von Doom joker, gets it into his head to make an army of unstoppable killing machines to take over the world."
On the far side of the desk, Agent Ikari slowly lowered his face into his hands. "You have no idea how difficult it is to keep track of projects when everyone is a genius fully capable of hacking and rewriting our systems on a whim," moaned the government liaison.
Ryoko smirked. "Heh, poor baby. Anyway, as soon as this army starts tearing up the GeoFront to get to the surface, Dr. Stingray decided to play the hero and unleashed a pack of his experimental cybernetic creatures . . . what did he call them again?"
"Boomers, I believe," supplied a resigned Washu.
"That's it! Heh, well, in like, five second, the boomers go berserk and start making an even worse mess than the robots," Ryoko continued excitedly.
Ryouga shared an uncertain look with his long time rival. "Sheesh," they agreed unanimously.
Only to be shushed by an ominously cheerful Ryoko. "Oh, no, this is where things start getting good. Y'see, Dr. Gero, apparently under the impression that there were two people trying to take over the world before him, unleashes a small squad of androids-"
"Numbers Two through Six, if I recall," added a defeated Gendo.
"And with their firepower, the fight actually breached the GeoFront and spilled out onto the surface. Of course, by this point, half the scientists in this loony bin decide the fate of the world rested squarely on their brilliant scientific minds, so in bids to save, enslave, or just plain try out their latest toys, these geniuses all unleashed their own ill conceived armies."
Washu smiled fondly at some distant memory. "Professor Membrane's bio-engineered army of killer mutant piggies were my favorites; so playful."
Ryouga shuddered violently - the horror . . . the horror!
Before his imagination could run wild, unleashing his darkest P-Chan centered nightmares, Ryoko was kind enough to cackle malevolently. Obviously her story wasn't done yet. "Ah, but I saved the best for last. You see, then, in her absolute wisdom, Mom over there, decides to set loose this swarm of robots she found out in space centuries ago, just to see what they would do. What did you call them again, Mom?"
Washu let out a defeated sigh. ". . . Replicators . . ."
Ryoko nodded ecstatically. "Yeah, and that was when things got really bad."
Ryouga gawked. "And things were okay up to that point?"
By that point of the conversation, Gendo's head was buried beneath his hands, and Washu already had one foot into a conveniently conjured portal to another dimension.
Ryoko just continued to laugh mockingly. "Oh, you had to be there. Japan wasn't even close to big enough to hold in the little baby Armageddon we set off. The fight spilled over into China, Korea, India, Australia and beyond! Hell, when all was said and done, heroes and organizations from all four corners of the planet showed up to clean up the mess. I'm talking: Tenchi, the Avengers, the Power Puff Girls; heck, even those lame ass Power Rangers made the stage. It was such an incredible fubar that GD had to give the MIB access to the lunar mirror array to send up a pulse big enough to neuralize half the planet."
Okay, enough was enough. Ryouga frantically waved his hand in the air to draw their lecturer's attention. "Okay, that's enough, Ryoko. You had me going there for a bit, but I'm pretty sure I would remember the Automaton Apocalypse."
Only the amber eyed deputy rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Doy! You were neuralized."
Ummmm . . . Ryouga tapped a finger to his chin for a moment. "Neuralized . . . is that a word I should know?"
Washu raised a finger . . . only to slowly lower it again. "It isn't, actually . . . Suffice it to say, though, that no one on the surface remembers that event."
Apparently feeling safe enough to leave the safety of his hands, Gendo nodded in agreement. "It is the seventh largest global cover up in human history, I believe."
At that, Ryouga shot his rival another confused glance, but Ranma only replied with a helpless shrug.
"To get to the point." Gendo fired a disapproving frown in the deputy's direction. "It was immediately declared by several governments that no Global Dynamics researchers operating within the Japanese Branch could ever intervene in any kind of emergency without the express permission of a neutral third party."
"Ahhhh," Ranma 'ahhh'd', "So that's where Ryouga comes in."
Gendo nodded. "Precisely." He then turned his attention back to Ryouga. "Though your title would be Sheriff, that position is merely ornamental-"
"Actually, we stole the idea for having a Sheriff from the American Division, we just had to modify it to suit our needs," added a (disturbingly) cheerful Washu.
The Government Liaison leveled a flat glare at the unwelcome assistance before continuing. "Acting as a law enforcement agent is purely a secondary duty. Your primary responsibility would be better described as 'Resource Allocation'. As an individual not officially employed by Global Dynamics, you decide who can assist you in any given situation and to what extent. As such, you act as a . . ."
"A faucet?" suggested an equally disturbingly cheerful Ryoko.
Again, the Gendo directed an annoyed glare in the Space Pirate's direction, only to release a resigned sigh a moment later. "Yes, Ryoko, as a faucet." He then turned his attention back to Ryouga, again. "You will have the full support of Global Dynamics, without being a part of Global Dynamics. All of our researchers and resources can only be brought to bear if you deem it necessary. Thus, without your authorization, no overzealous individuals can overstep their boundaries . . . again."
To say that Ryouga was staring at the Agent in stark raving disbelief would have been a grave case of understatement. "Y-you're joking, right? You mean you want to rest the fate of the world on my decisions? Don't you think that's just a little much responsibility to just thrust on some random guy that happens to wander through town?"
Apparently Gendo wasn't joking, though, despite the complete insanity of what he was saying. Instead, the Agent shook his head. "I think you are overestimating the situation. This facility is not a world saving organization. We are a research facility, through and through. Though there are incredibly powerful individuals in our employ, there are other groups and organizations far more geared towards, and capable of, protecting the planet. The only situations we involve ourselves in are those which directly affect us, or . . . or those which we instigate ourselves."
Washu smirked shamelessly. "Odds have been about ninety to one favoring the latter."
Gendo groaned loudly at the obviously completely factual statement.
Ryouga, on the other hand, let out a sigh of relief. "Well, that doesn't sound nearly as bad, but still, doesn't that mean you're relying on me to solve the current crisis?"
Something he said must have been amusing, as the relatively sour Gendo was smiling once more. "Again you misunderstand the situation. Because of the severity of the current scenario, we are appointing you Sheriff solely to rubber stamp any and all efforts we deign to employ in the solving of this crisis."
Oh . . . "Oh . . . well, I can do that."
"Excellent." Agent Ikari then immediately turned to Washu. "Professor Hakubi-"
Only to stop short as the diminutive scientist shot him a look that even had Ryouga's toes curling in apprehension.
Gendo sighed in defeat. ". . . Lil Washu . . ."
Washu's scowl turned into a beaming smile like magic (so much in that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from it)
"Could you please appraise us of your findings thus far?" Ikari asked coolly.
"I'd be delighted to, Agent Ikari." The pink haired scientist quickly summoned up the strange holographic keyboard that Ryouga had seen her use back in the Sheriff's office, only this time a large, three dimensional cube appeared above the keyboard, floating above the heads of all those present in the room. At the moment, all six sides of the cube were a dull, matte black.
"As you know, there are currently three events occurring that are under investigation: The escaped experiment, the seismic activity, and just recently, the large crystal protrusion which has encapsulated the Sheriff. All seemingly unrelated. However, thanks to my staggeringly brilliant mind, I have been able to determine that all three of these events are, in fact, directly interconnected!"
Ranma rolled his eyes. "Um – duh! We figured that out a half an hour ago-"
It was the pigtailed researcher's turn to stop abruptly as Washu's glare turned his way. A second later, Saotome was safely perched behind Ryouga's back. Ryouga winced a bit, as well, as Washu glared straight through him for a moment before clearing her throat loudly. With several deft touches to the keyboard before her, all six sides of the formerly featureless black cube came to life, each one showing a different view of Hercule's house.
"I will admit that I had been struggling with the unexplained seismic activity for hours now, however, the appearance of this latest aberration provided the last clue I needed to solve the mystery."
Several more touches of her keyboard, and suddenly three of the six sides of the cube went back to flat black. However, in the bottom corner of each of the black sides was a different word. In the one was 'Infrared', in the second was 'Ultraviolet', and the script in the third screen was some bizarre script that Ryouga had never seen before.
"The images you are seeing are the same shots of Hercule's house that were just on the screen, as seen through various spectrums. As you can see, whatever this crystal substance is, it doesn't register on any kind of scan. Not only that, but-"
"It's actually absorbing the energy and converting it to mass," interrupted a very bored sounding Ryoko. "Doy, Mom! We figured that out yesterday!"
The scowl on Washu's face looked like it could have melted steel.
"A pack of smart alecs, eh? Well did you know about this, then?"
The head scientist angrily punched another series of non-existent keys on her interface. Instantly, the holographic cube vanished, replaced by a large sphere which filled up most of the room above their heads. Displayed in the sphere was a (perfectly) accurate schematic of the entire GeoFront, from cavern wall to cavern wall, encompassing the GD facility, the town . . .
And the massive gulf of emptiness which currently resided little more than one hundred meters below the town.
Ryouga's eyes widened at the stomach churning sight. "Ahhh . . . I didn't know that . . ."
Instantly, Washu's dark scowl was gone and she beamed a giddy smile in Ryouga's direction, before sticking her tongue out petulantly at Ryoko and Ranma.
"That's right! At first I thought the seismic activity was being caused due to the instability that a cavern like this would create. However, it is quite the opposite. I theorize that this entire cavern is filled with the same crystal which is encompassing Hercule's house. Not only that, but that the crystal around Hercule's house is actually an off-shoot of the main mass . . . and if that isn't a clear sign that the crystal mass is growing, I don't know what is."
Gendo nodded in agreement. "It not only explains the seismic activity, but also why the entire GeoFront hasn't collapsed into the earth . . . further into the earth. So, what is it, then?"
Washu shrugged. "I have no idea."
Were the world a slightly sillier place, Ryouga was certain he would have performed a perfect face plant at the deadpan delivery of the supposed 'Greatest Genius in the Universe's' declaration. As it was, he handled the news better than some.
"You don't know?" barked an incredulous Ryoko. "But you know everything!"
The Head Researcher rolled her eyes. "Hardly. Sure, I know more than everyone in the universe combined, but that doesn't mean that there aren't things that science can't explain. Heck, your gems fall into that category."
Apparently uninterested in the family squabble, Ranma shrugged as well. "Whatever. So, what do we do about it?"
The disturbingly eager smile that spread across Washu's face was far from heartening. "Weelllll, we could always just shift the entire mass into a different dimension."
Gendo frowned, as if he was actually considering the insane suggestion. "That could cause the entire town to collapse."
Washu shrugged absently. "Meh, then shift the town into a different dimension."
"Is that your answer for everything?" inquired an increasingly irate deputy.
Ryouga had to agree, shaking his head in disbelief. "Do we have any ideas that don't involve shifting significant portions of the earth into a different dimension?"
Everyone looked to Washu, who looked to Gendo, who looked to Ryoko, who looked to Ranma . . . who shrugged helplessly. "What the heck ya all lookin' at me for? This ain't my field of expertise."
Ryouga sighed sadly. The pigtailed researcher had a point; too bad they didn't actually have an expert in the field of weird . . . crystals . . .
Hmmmm . . . a thought.
"You know, according to your odds, there's about a ninety to one chance that this is someone's experiment gone awry, right? So whose is it?"
Ranma 'ahh'd' in understanding. "Not a bad idea. It would definitely help if we actually knew what this stuff was."
The wanderer shrugged. "Well, it couldn't hurt. I mean, it worked with Brain, right? So why not this?"
Agent Ikari nodded. "A good idea. However, I have already gone through the entire audit, already conveniently done due to the mutant incident. It appears that we have yet another unauthorized, and thus untraceable, experiment on our hands."
"Well, that doesn't narrow things down at all," Ryoko grumbled mostly to herself.
Ryouga mulled the idea over a little more. "Hmmm, so, what usually happens when a researcher screws up this bad? Do they usually report it, or make a run for it?"
Gendo donned a serious expression for a moment, before deflating visibly.
"They usually run, or strive to cover up their errors." The man quickly tapped a few buttons on the computer sitting on his desk, only to sigh again. "Another good guess, but I have no reports of any missing persons. Considering the size of the crystal mass, I can only imagine that if the instigator meant to flee, they would have done so some time ago."
Suspiciously, at the back of the room, Washu began whistling innocently, thusly declaring her guilt for the entire room to hear. Everyone turned to stare pointedly at the young appearing scientist.
"Heh . . . ummm, well, that's not quite one hundred percent accurate . . ."
Incrementally deepening lines carved a darkening frown on Gendo's face. Still maintaining an even stare, the Liaison asked quietly, "My timeline?"
Washu began fidgeting even more nervously, digging her toe into the hard floor. "Ahhh, more your statement that there aren't any missing persons . . ."
The darkening frown he had been wearing was approaching dangerous levels as the man continued to level an arctic stare at the Head Researcher.
"Washu . . ."
"You have to understand that this is a unique situation, and that I'm not even sure she is missing. And there's no evidence linking her to this event, so at best, this is all conjecture," blurted Washu in an increasingly rapid pace.
In a very impressive display, Agent Ikari managed to maintain his calm composure. "Washu . . . who is missing, and for how long?"
"But I just said I wasn't even sure she was missing. I just . . . haven't heard from her for a week . . . or two, but – but there are extenuating circumstances that you may not be aware of concerning this partic-"
"Washu." The name was said with such finality, that it even shut up the immensely intimidating genius. Ryouga had to give Agent Ikari credit, the man could be scary when he really needed to.
After a moment of indecision, Washu finally sighed in defeat.
"Dr. Ami Mizuno is missing."
Ryouga gasped. "Wait a second! This lady has been missing for over a week and you didn't think to mention it?"
"Like I said," explained an increasingly flighty Washu, "There are extenuating circumstances. Besides, I did, kind of, sort of mention it . . . to Ryoko and you . . ."
Ryoko snapped her fingers in understanding. "That favor you wanted from Hercule! Mom, if it was that important, why didn't you just tell me?"
The diminutive genius tapped her fingers together in an adorably embarrassed matter. "Well, I thought a small amount of discretion was called for, and Hercule owed me a small favor."
Gendo's even stare took on a suspicious glint. "And why exactly did you feel such discretion was required concerning this unique situation?"
"Well, I thought it would be better for everyone if this was kept quiet. You see, the reason that I didn't report her as missing is because this isn't the first time she's vanished for an extended period of time . . . Dr. Mizuno . . . well, she lives an . . . an alternative life style, if you know what I mean."
Ryouga, Ranma and Ryoko all 'Ahhh'd' in understanding.
Then Ranma suddenly grumbled darkly. "Hey! Wait just a second! Yer sayin' you let this Mizuno chick skip off work just cuz she's gay? That's discrimination!"
Flanking the pigtailed warrior, Ryouga and Ryoko both nodded in agreement, arms crossed over their chests.
"Shameful."
"I always wondered about you, Mom."
"It's not like that!" shrilled the tiny genius. "She's not gay! . . . Well, actually, she could be. I mean, I don't recall ever seeing her bringing any men back to her lab, but that's hardly the point here."
Gendo folded his hands before his mouth in what was becoming a very familiar gesture. "Then what exactly is the point?"
Washu held her breath for a moment . . . only to sigh again.
"She's a super hero . . ."
Wow. That was neat; Ryouga never thought he'd ever see Agent Ikari's face go quite that shade of white. The man seemed incredibly unflappable. Still . . .
"She's a . . ." Recovering his natural pigment just as quickly as he lost it, Gendo's eyes narrowed to razor slits. "Do you have any idea of just how severe a breach of protocol it is to have one of our researchers gallivanting around as an active vigilante? I don't know about you, but I don't relish the idea of surviving the cataclysmic collapse of this GeoFront, just to spend the rest of my natural life in prison for treason."
Washu offered up a pathetically weak smile. "See, that's exactly why I didn't tell you. You always see the negative side of things . . ."
Even though his hands were still folded before his mouth, Ryouga could still feel the man's frown from across the room.
"How. Long."
Everyone in the entire room shifted around nervously at the tone in his voice.
"Ummm . . . about four years?"
Though it seemed impossible, Gendo's eyes narrowed further. "So, she has been moonlighting for the entire duration of the Non Interference Declaration?"
Washu giggled lightly (though it came across as slightly unhinged). "A little longer, actually. Y'see, she first approached me shortly after the . . . Incident, desiring to join. Her only condition was that she could continue to help her friends when they needed her help. It's not my fault! How was I to know a bunch of politicians would pass such a ridiculous rule?"
Agent Ikari let out a tired sigh. "Washu-"
"Ummm, excuse me, Old People, but we kinda have a major emergency here, don't we?" asked Ranma flatly. The question earned him dark glares from the aforementioned 'Old People', as well as some snickering from Ryoko.
As much as he hated to agree with his rival (especially when he was right), Ryouga nodded. "As rude and inconsiderate and insulting and ignorant and-"
"Get to the point!"
"-Ahem, as Ranma may be, he's right. We need to locate Dr. Mizuno as soon as possible."
A loud groan acted as a preamble to Washu's reply. "What do you think I've been doing? I tried calling her cell phone, hacking into the carrier frequency of her communicator network to ask her teammates, running an isometric scan of the entire GeoFront to locate her bioelectrical signature, and even unleashed a swarm of nano-flies triggered to her DNA to locate her."
All around the room, all of the 'Not Greatest Geniuses in the Universe's' shared a quick glance betwixt themselves. In a strange quirk of cooperation, Ranma and Ryoko both prodded Ryouga in the ribs, prompting him to speak up for them. Sighing in defeat, the Lost Boy took a step forward.
"Ummm . . . Did you actually try knocking on her door?"
Washu glared hotly at the impertinent question. "What? I'm the greatest scientific genius in the universe! Do you think I could possibly overlook such an obvious option and just skip ahead to increasingly complicated and intricate plots to discover the location of . . ." A weak sigh. "Okay, you're right, totally didn't think of that."
To his side, Ranma smirked wickedly.
"See, Ryouga is just what we need here. Ya know what they say, 'Simple minds for simple solutions'!"
"Raaannnnnmmmmaaaaa!"
OOOoooOOO
For you people out there, I went easy on the new crosses this time, so hopefully the story didn't get lost in the shuffle here.
Chapter 1
Ranma 1/2
Eureka
The Road To Cydonia
Dragon Ball Z
Chobits
Project A-ko
Tenchi
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Cooking Master Boy
Yu Yu Hakusho
Bleach
Chapter 2
Kim Possible
Venture Brothers
Knight Sabers
Robotech
Naruto
Chapter 3
All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku
Pokemon
Dexter's Lab
Jimmy Newtron
Invader Zim
X-Com
Men in Black
Pinky and the Brain
Full Metal Panic
Chapter 4
Power Puff Girls
My Life As A Teenage Robot
Marvel Comics
Stargate SG-1
Power Rangers
Sailor Moon (Come on, you really didn't see this coming? It's practically obligatory)