As the clouds gather

- Hiroki -

XX

Even though it's been days, I keep expecting Nowaki to show up. Because of this I keep walking around the university on tip-toe, poking my head around the corner before proceeding. It must make a strange sight, the students probably think Kamijou the devil has finally lost it.

I'm not mad though. I probably was when Nowaki was around, how else would one explain all the embarrassing things I did? Going to see him in secret at the flower shop, sending him roses, taking baths together, letting him touch me the way he did.

The world of the sane is so boring.

But it's not as if any of that matters anymore. I haven't seen or heard from Nowaki since that day. I suppose that's the extent of how much he cares. He couldn't have been all that interested in me after all if he's not railing at the university walls to speak to me again. The thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Maybe it's just the coffee.

"Kamijou! Joining me again tonight?" Miyagi smiles as I enter the office with all the material he requested.

Nowadays, I've been spending a lot of time around Miyagi's place so I have an overnight bag there all the time. We don't always drink, but three out of five times our evenings usually include alcohol so we always stay around his place. With those stacks of books, my apartment is a health hazard when drunk.

"Maybe," I shrug and place the heavy pile by his desk. "I don't really feel like having alcohol though."

"I'll cook something then," he offers. It's always the same staple meal of fish, rice and vegetables with miso soup. Well, I suppose that's all a single guy needs to survive.

Single? Should I be considering Miyagi single anymore? I don't know if you could call us 'together.' I don't really know what we are. We're definitely not just co-workers anymore but I wouldn't call us lovers either. We're just…something.

"Ah, this is no good!" Miyagi suddenly cries. I peer over his shoulder to see him marking some student papers with big red crosses.

"I wish students would proof read what they write before submitting it!" I agree. I can think of at least five students off the top of my head who seem to fail at basic spelling and grammar. Although I admit, in my days of reckless youth, I have been guilty of not proofreading my work too.

Miyagi spins around on his chair, beaming. "Oh, I do love your passion for literature!"

I feel his arms around me and reflexively freeze for a moment before relaxing and leaning into his touch. It's strange that what would have once been harmless teasing suddenly feels very serious to me.

"Professor Miyagi! You do realise we're at work here, right?" I manage to grumble. My heart is racing.

"Doesn't that turn you on?" he grins.

I blush because he has hit the mark on its head. Am I turning into some sort of…pervert?

Maybe I am since I turn around to face him and inch my face closer to his. Our lips brush for a brief moment. It makes my stomach tingle. Then our lips are crushed against the other and my stomach is not tingling anymore but I feel light-headed instead. I must have a fixation on hands because all I can think about are Miyagi's strong hands holding on to me. If they weren't so rough, his hands would be just like Nowaki's. What would he say if I told him that?

I know I would never seriously ask him such embarrassing things, but I don't have a chance even if I wanted to as the phone rings, breaking us apart.

"Hello?" Miyagi picks it up. I go back to my desk, listening curiously. "Oh really? Yes, okay. Alright, we'll be there right away."

The use of the word 'we' catches my attention. I think that's what we are. Since we're not just co-workers, or just friends, or lovers, or sex-buddies, or acquaintances, we're a 'We.' Casually together…but not really.

Miyagi puts down the phone and turns to me, frowning. "Sorry Kamijou but could you accompany me? That shipment came in and I'll need some help carrying it to the car."

Suddenly, we're back in work mode. But I don't mind. I like it like this. This is what being in an adult relationship is all about; being able to switch from personal to public without blurring the two, keeping your head above all the messy emotional stuff.

So, once again, I'm in Miyagi's car. I should probably add notches for the amount of times I've ridden in it now but I doubt he would appreciate me scratching up his car. In twenty minutes, we're already at the bookstore. I stand back a little whilst Miyagi deals with signing the papers and all the other little details that only the head of department needs to fret about.

"Is this all of it?" Miyagi asks as the shop clerk struggles with several boxes of books. They're new textbooks for our classes, maybe with them the students will actually get a little smarter.

The clerk pants as he almost drops another box on the floor. "Ah, there's just a few more boxes. The new guy's fetching them from the storage room," he sighs and wipes his brow, pushing back his thinning hair.

The new employee finally arrives from the storage room. Even though he's insanely tall, the stack of three boxes piled in his hands block his face. I'm sure that's dangerous.

"Kobayashi-san!" he speaks breathlessly as he carefully bends down to deposit the boxes on the floor. "Sorry it took so long. Is this every…thing…"

I'm not sure who is more shocked at the moment.

"N - Nowaki!" I manage to get my voice out first.

"Hiro-san!" Nowaki follows suit. That voice makes me flinch, it cuts through me like a knife. He's looking at me imploringly and I fidget nervously but we're both at work so he can't do anything.

Ah, this is familiar. I've lived through days like this before, days where the atmosphere is restless and the air so thick you can't breathe.

Just as I think the tension is going to strangle me, Miyagi suddenly comes to my rescue by stepping between us. Nowaki glowers at him so intensely that even I am surprised. He's usually so mellow that I forget that, combined with his height and build, that look can be really intimidating.

Miyagi, however, is completely unfazed. He takes it all in his stride, turning to address me as if Nowaki does not even exist. I notice him growling at this. Is he jealous? I don't have time to entertain such stupid fantasies.

"Here, I'll take these," Miyagi lifts a pile of boxes. He's about as strong as Nowaki. "Kamijou, help me with the last couple, will you?"

"S - sure," I reach for a box. Any will do, I just want to get away from this place.

"Hiro-san!" Nowaki follows me to Miyagi's car, ignoring his superior who asks him what he's doing. I hope he doesn't get fired over this. Then again, what do I care what happens to him? He should not even be in my life anymore.

"I'm working right now, Nowaki," I try to speak patiently but I'm sure my voice is shaking. I wasn't prepared for this. I don't know what to say. I don't meet his eyes. If I look at him my defences might crumble, he might see too much in me, he might realise that I still miss him. That's wrong, isn't it? I shouldn't be feeling like this anymore.

I don't want him to look at me. If he does, I don't think my pride could handle a blow like that.

I want him to go away. Please, go away. It hurts. Please, just go away.

It hurts.

I deposit the box in the back of the trunk and fetch the last one. Nowaki follows me back and forth like a lost puppy, working up the courage to speak. I pray that he doesn't. I pray that my heart will stop pounding but it's no good. He finally speaks and my heart begins racing. There are butterflies in my stomach, flitting about so restlessly, I think I might be sick.

"Wait, Hiro-san! Give me a chance to explain everything!" he pleads.

That's not fair, Nowaki. That's hitting below the belt. How does he expect me to say anything when he looks at me with those I eyes? How can I keep my pride when he speaks with such an imploring tone? He's not leaving me a place to stand. I can't take it. I feel like I'll crumble into dust just standing here. I want to get away.

"I'm working right now!" I work up the energy to snap, seeing Nowaki has drained most of it away. Still, I admirably put up a front of annoyance and glare at him. "Listen! Don't get in the way of my work!" I yell at him and he flinches. My own chest stings in response but at least I have created the best time to run away. Turning to Miyagi, I get into his car and tell him to drive.

Silently, he turns on the engine and pulls out. I don't look back. I can see his figure in the rear view mirror, staring at me with those eyes.

I'm so damn weak. All it takes is a glimpse of his face for my whole world to come undone.

"Kamijou - "

Miyagi places a hand on my shoulder.

"It's nothing," I murmur but I don't look at him. I feel his eyes on me and his hand burning through my shirt and into my skin. Why do they both burn? When we slept together, Nowaki's touch sometimes felt as if it was burning too. They say people with very warm hands are dreamers and people with cold hands are actually kind. My hands are always only a little warm. Never one or the other.

I know Miyagi's frowning. I know he's looking at me but I keep my head bowed and stare at his car radio, waiting for him to say something. If it was Nowaki, he would rail at me until I finally confessed all my worries.

Yet he doesn't speak. He knows that I don't want to answer any questions, knows that I want to be alone so that's what he does. He respects my wishes and leaves me be. I feel his hand sliding off of my shoulder and, even though there is so little space between myself and Miyagi, it feels unbearably lonely.

XX

"Oh, Professor Miyagi, the director wanted to see you," one of the other teachers say as we pull in to the university. I get out of the car feeling like crap.

"I'll be there right away," Miyagi nods promptly. He looks at me but doesn't say a word. I really feel like crap.

Since I have to give some forms to the director anyway I accompany him to the office. It's always so much larger and luxurious compared to our tiny literature office. Well, the literature office isn't that small but all the book and papers make it seem so, and it's always a mess. We can never find the things we need.

As we both enter the director's office, I'm surprised to see a student there. No, correction, he's wearing the uniform of some private school so he can't be a university student just yet. The kid frowns at me. Brats are so unfriendly these days.

His eyes are odd for a Japanese kid; they're a little blue, and his hair is really light but it doesn't look as though he dyed it. He looks grumpy as he stands against the director's bookshelf, arms crossed stubbornly over his chest, cutting himself off from any others. He brightens a little when he sees Miyagi though. My final verdict - Weird kid.

"Oh, Miyagi. Kamijou too," the director looks a little shocked to see me. Jeez, no one really wants to see me today, do they?

"You called me, sir?" Miyagi gets straight to business.

"Yes…err," the director coughs, his eyes flicker towards me. I get the impression.

"Please don't mind me, I have a class in a minute. I just have some forms for you," I quickly hand them to the director, who nods gratefully, and I make my dignified exit.

As I pass, I hear Miyagi hiss; "Give 'em hell!" I just roll my eyes.

Yet before I leave, I hear the director speaking to Miyagi. He seems nervous when he says; "This is…an odd request I know. First of all, I want to reintroduce my son You remember him, right? This is Shinobu."

Then I shut the door.

Poor Hiroki doesn't know what he's getting himself into. Oh well, in the next chapter we'll be seeing what Misaki has been getting up to all this time.