Watari blinked.

Why did he feel so odd? Sitting behind his computer, staring a the screen with the big L on it, he felt his world falling to pieces around him. L…oh, L. L was like a son to him; his nephew, L…what was going to happen to him once he died? Once Watari's heart stopped working- stupid, stupid Kira…-what happened to L?

"Watari!" L's voice came through to him on the speaker, but Watari was already on the floor, gasping for air, his heart clenching in his chest. Thump, thump…thump. It vibrated through his ears; it pulsed through his body. His last signs of life were precious to him, and he could feel them better than he had felt anything before.

My son…my…L….

Watari sat with his sister, staring at her impregnated stomach, feeling his heart pound.

This wasn't supposed to happen. It sounded kind of impossible, like she was faking. She had one date with this man, one meeting, and already she was pregnant with his child? But the way she put her hand protectively over the large swell made Watari feel a tad bit better. He knew that she wanted him, that she would not abandon her son.

Son. It was a little baby boy.

"Are you sure you want this responsibility, Coleen?" Coleen blinked at Watari, and he suddenly felt like he was under a microscope for inspection. How could she have eyes like that? Eyes that seemed as if they could see through anything at all. Eyes that caught everything; you could not escape from them if your life depended on it. Especially not then.

"I can handle it, Watari. As for you…well, I want you to be his godfather," she said softly. Her hand rubbed her belly lightly and she closed her eyes. "This is my baby, Watari. Even if it was with a man I don't love, don't even know…he's still mine."

Watari could understand this, on some level. He knew what it was like to care for something that wasn't planned because it was, well, yours.

"So will you be his godfather, Watari? My only brother?"

Watari paused a second before answering. He knew that Coleen wasn't in good health- the doctors told their parents when Coleen was a baby that she would not live long. Thirty years, max. A rare condition. These words- rare condition, thirty years, not far past adulthood, lucky to have kids- passed through his mind as he stared at the silverware on the table in front of him, all shiny in the overhead light of the restaurant. He didn't want that responsibility, knowing that he would have to take care of this kid eventually, but he loved Coleen with all of his soul.

"Of course I will," he answered after a while. "Anything for you."

And now Watari was sitting on his bed, his hands on his knees, waiting to get Coleen's call.

And now he was pacing around his room, listening to the sounds of silence echoing around him, and for a moment he let himself think about how Coleen was going to have her baby right by her side with her, every moment of every day. He was almost jealous. She had someone right there with her, so she would never be lonely. She could sit there and listen to his snores all night long, unlike Watari who had only silence to revel in. And Watari was jealous.

Coleen. She was birthing her kid right now, and where was he? The most precious person in the world to him and where was he right now? Sitting in his room, too nervous to get up and go to the hospital, too afraid to walk through the darkness to his car. It wasn't that he was afraid of darkness in itself; it was that the darkness was just another reminder of how he had no lights in his life.

Coleen would have her new baby as her light, but what would Watari have? He had no girlfriend, he had no love. He had no baby to keep him company. All he had was this house that he inherited from his father who recently passed away, this big empty dark spot in his life. And he had no idea what to do with it.

The silence, the darkness, the loneliness; he could take none of it anymore.

And that's when the idea popped into his head.

He was alone, and he was jealous of Coleen. He had only darkness and no lights. He had silence but not sound. And there was only one thing he knew that would fix all of those at once.

Children.

The idea struck him like an icicle going through his body. Children? He hated kids. He hated the way they were so innocent to the world; the lucky ones were, anyway. The lucky ones didn't know death.

So he laughed it off and threw on his coat. If he couldn't fix the darkness now, he would at least go see Coleen's light.

So he traveled to the hospital and checked in the front desk, asking about his sister. The lady there was short and kind looking; she also looked about thirty or so. She regarded him carefully, noted the bags under his eyes and the tired way he leaned on the desk. She probably even deduced that he was on his own from the way his clothes were all wrinkled. He didn't know how to iron, and he didn't have a wife to do it for him.

Coleen was fine, the lady said now, and she was just relaxing after delivering her baby boy.

So he went up, up, and up through the elevator and followed the maze that was the hospital until he got to Coleen's room. He heard her voice, tired and worn out but excited all in the same, call for him to enter.

So he did. And as he did, he saw Coleen holding her baby.

"Isn't he beautiful?" she asked now. And Watari couldn't believe that he found himself thinking that, yes, this baby in his only sister's arms was the most beautiful think he had ever seen before. "Lawliet," she whispered, running her finger down the baby's stomach. "His name is going to be Lawliet. Though I'm not sure he'd want to be called this, so L will work. My L."

Watari took a step forward. Two steps. With every step, the baby seemed to grow brighter, stronger. Another step and the baby's eyes opened, sleepily gazing at him. Another step and the baby blinked at him. One more step and the baby's hand reached out lazily toward him. Another step and his fist closed.

The baby in Coleen's arms glowed with light.

"Our L," Watari said now, and Coleen closed her eyes and grinned.

It was the grand opening of Wammy's House.

Coleen stood next to him, grinning ear-to-ear as they faced their house. It was both of theirs, really, but Coleen did not want to live here; she wanted L to grow up in a suburb, in a nice good community, and not a house with a bunch of kids. But, nevertheless, she helped with the process of making his dream a reality.

Ever since I saw that boy, I wanted this house.

Ever since he gazed at L from the cradle of Coleen's arms, he knew he wanted a place where kids like him could belong.

You're too smart to be a part of this school.

Nobody likes you here.

You're too different.

Watari had hated his childhood.

"It's beautiful, Watari," Coleen's voice came to him now, like a spear through mist. It drew him gratefully away from the troubled memories. "The kids here are going to love it. You're so good for doing this."

He was doing it more for himself than the kids, but he didn't say this to her. She didn't need to know this. Watari was good with her thinking that he was a saint for building this house for children who didn't belong, children who were special. Children who were too smart to belong in a normal school.

"Everyone needs somewhere to belong," he answered her praise, and then rolled up his sleeves and walked back into his new home.

Coleen was only thirty two.

Two years longer than they expected her to live, fifty million years before Watari was ready for her to leave.

But she had lived this long, right? She'd had scares like this before. She even went into the hospital before, leaving L with a nanny. But it was nothing like this. But if she had already gotten over the expectation the doctors had of her never being able to have kids…maybe she would live longer, too.

She was in the hospital. The same hospital she gave life in was the hospital she was going to die in.

Watari felt like he was leaving, too.

L clung to his leg, shaking. He felt himself shaking, too, but he tried to at least look strong for little L's sake. But his façade was breaking, like a mask made out of clay. He was breaking.

Thirty two years.

He had waited, heartbroken, for her death for thirty two years.

And now that it was finally coming, he was not ready.

Mommy…how is Mommy…she's going to be okay, right…?

L's voice was tired and drowsy, but he could hear the utter heartbreak in it. He would never be the same after this. After his mother died, nothing for L or his life would stay normal.

Watari thought about the garden they were creating together, the garden L bragged to him about every time they saw each other, but stopped because the thought was too heart wrenching.

"Watari…where's…Mommy…?" L was gripping too tightly. His leg was starting to lose its blood flow.

"She's getting treated, honey," Watari answered, because L was too smart to be lied to.

Downstairs, kids ran around in the kitchen, eating their breakfast up while the helpers that Watari hired watched over them. Upstairs, Watari sat on his bed with L clinging to his leg. It was much like the day he waited L's birth, but there was no darkness. Only the darkness surrounding his heart.

The phone rang. It broke through L's soundless sobs.

"Hello?" Watari's voice sounded weak, tired. He was scared. He didn't want his sister, his only sister, his best friend since before he could remember, he didn't want her gone. Not now, not ever. He wanted to die first. He was selfish like that.

"Put L on the phone."

It was Coleen's voice, but it wasn't. It was her voice with all the love, the happiness, the everything taken out. It was empty and it sounded like a voice of someone who was about to jump off a bridge. Of someone who knew they were about to die.

Watari handed the phone to L without another word, and watched L's little index finger and thumb grip the top part of the phone and put it up to his ear.

"Mommy?"

The phone was loud enough so Watari could hear what Coleen said to her son next.

"I love you baby," the voice through the phone said. "Mommy loves you so much."

"I love you too Mommy," L said, crying now. "Mommy, don't leave me. Please, don't-"

"Mommy will see you later," she said. "Goodbye, my Lawliet."

The next words came out as a tiny whisper, barely audible. "Goodbye, Mommy."

And then L gave Watari the phone back and stared at the wall in front of him. A long time after that- or it seemed like a long time, but time currently had no meaning for the two of them- Watari pulled L up to his lap, and he sat there like a stone, doing and saying nothing but shaking. And then, after a couple minutes, he started sobbing big waves of hateful and devastating sobs, and Watari hugged him, unknowing of what else to do.

Watari stared at L as he put on his blue robe that signified he was now a graduate. He couldn't believe that his little L was already done with college, already done with all the schooling he would ever need in his life. He couldn't believe he was doing this well for himself.

Despite everything, L had grown up amazingly well. He was brilliant, good-looking; all the things anyone could ever ask for in a human being. Despite his mother's death at a very young age- Watari could not remember when it was (he ignore the question Couldn't or wouldn't? that popped into his mind)- L was okay now. Despite Watari being a bad role-model, L was fine.

He didn't know where L was headed off to, and he was slightly sad to see him leave. But he was going to live his detective dream, and Watari was proud of him.

Of course, he would be right here in Wammy's House, behind the computer he got just to help L with his cases. He would be just a click away.

"Watari," he heard L's strong and crisp voice say. "Will you help me with my tie?"

L had a peculiar way of doing things. Picking up a phone, for instance; he used his thumb and his index finger just like the night of Coleen's death. And holding a fork; he used the same two fingers then, too. It was like was working on a different circuit than the rest of the world. And Watari almost admired him for that. No. Watari did admire him for that.

As Watari moved his fingers over L's tie, fixing it and knotting it perfectly, making sure it was straight, he stared into his eyes. Eyes, bottomless black. Eyes that caught everything. Eyes exactly like Coleen's, it was almost as if she was living through him.

Watari choked back a sob. He couldn't think about her now. Today was L's day.

"Now I put the robe over it. I hate that color."

"I think it looks good on you."

"It looks all right. But someone puked on it."

Watari grimaced. "No they didn't. How could you possibly know that?"

"See the dark stain on the hem? That discoloration is because they washed it, bleached it, etc. so many times because of the puke." L threw the robe over his head. "Ugh. Here it is."

Two eyes roamed over L's figure with the robe draped over it. You could hardly see his slenderness from beneath it, since the robe was drowning him. But he looked handsome and tired all the same.

"You ready for this?"

L took a while to respond, looking at himself up and down before saying anything. Then he sighed and pinched a piece of his robe, pulling it out.

"No. Let's go."

And so Watari walked with L to the car, starting what he thought would be one of the biggest days of L's life.

And now Watari was watching the news.

Kira. Kira. Kira. The news was riddled with this person who was killing criminals like flies. And then Watari got a call from L, who was going to take the case- the biggest case ever, he said. He was going to enjoy this.

Was Watari mistaken when he thought he heard the tremor of fright in L's voice?

And was he mistaken when he felt like this was a horrible idea?

And now Watari was emailing the person he left charge of Wammy's House while he was away, locking this room he put himself in shortly after L took up the Kira case. He was doing all he could for his nephew. He was doing all he could for his son.

You shall be alerted if anything bad is to happen to either Lawliet or me. If this occurs, you must tell Near and Mello, and they shall react at once. If we do not solve this case but demise first, Near and Mello have to take over. Tell them lightly and go easy on them; no matter how smart they are, they're still just kids.

Watari tried his best to keep the email short, simple, and formal. But he couldn't help the note of care that crept into the last sentence. He loved Near and Mello (two kids that L named himself, and Watari let him because he knew L was reminded of himself through these two boys: orphaned and alone). He wanted the best for them.

He just hoped he wasn't doing something wrong in making them take their place.

Watari wished he could see L one more time.

But he knew he couldn't. All he had was L's voice coming through to him ("Watari!") and the mental picture of L clutching to his leg when he was just a boy. This picture came to him as clear as if he was seeing it in front of him. After. That's what he thought of. After he knew his mother was gone. Before would be watching him playing with the other kids in Wammy's House, challenging their intellect. Smiling. Jumping around and clinging to his mother when he did something she was proud of. Watching her beam at him, pat his head. This was all before.

And now…what was this?

What label went with Watari, curled up in a ball on the floor, his chair knocked over next to him, his glasses on the floor next to his head, cracked, his eyes closed and his hand clutching at the fabric of his shirt that rested over his heart? The sounds of moans echoing around him, the darkness closing in, his heart pounding once more, twice more, in his useless chest?

This, well, this must be Death.

Watari let his body slump on the ground, his breathing turning even before eventually stopping all together. He could almost be sleeping for how peaceful he looked.

With all the strength and courage he could muster up, with his final thought and his final breath, he whispered, "I'll see you soon, Coleen."

WHO HAD THE MOST FUN MAKING THIS CHAPTER!?

I DID!!

Well, it was fun. Watari…well, Watari had basically no back story what-so-ever, so I got wide birth in fan fiction. It was great. And I know that, even though this story is about Watari, it's centered more around L. I wanted to explore their relationship together. At first, Watari didn't want L because he didn't like children, then he sees L and realizes he does want them. L is his whole reason for Wammy's House being created. My reason, anyways. I'm not sure of the real reason.

I wish I knew more about Watari so this chapter could have been better, but I hope you enjoyed it all the same. :D